Out at a Gay Bar? Not me!

[flatlander_48]

I went out to a gay bar last weekend and had a great time. The lady working the door, collecting a cover charge, greeted me as usual and told me to have a good time. While I was there a big guy, very gay, sat next to me and was talking up a storm. I was friendly, but made it known that I was NOT interested. Then a beautiful lesbian couple sat down on the other side of me. We struck up conservation which was quite nice. The big guy kept nosing in and bothering the three of us. The bouncer came over and asked if he was bothering me. I just mentioned that he doesn't keep quiet. He pulled him aside and I over heard the bouncer say to leave the "lady" alone. One more complaint and he was out! I later talked with another man who watched the whole scene and he mentioned that this big guy can be a real pain. So my point is that the management looks out for us ladies and enjoy the color of our money.

When you think about it, who would be more attuned to harassment?

[latinacdtx26]

i have been to several gay bars and never had a problem....u may get hit on sure....but its not so bad....its kind of complimenting actually well thats the way i take it....one of the factors that make it bad is the overall identity of crossdressers, tvs...etc.....there is a large percentage that actually do go to these places to meet men to hook up with or whatever....so unfortunately for the few there are that arent looking for that.....it makes it a pain to deal with. but even still a slight no thanks usually doesnt bother...and i usually make sure im with atleast one other person....

even still sometimes drama cant be avoided....6 months ago i went to a drag show....they were all very pretty well there was a obviously straight drunk girl....running around being obnoxious...made it clear yelling to everyone shes not gay....well for some reason she ends up rushing the girl performing...tackling her....taking off her wig......felt really bad for her...they broke it up.....kicked the girl out.....but just goes to show you sometimes..

[Alice Torn]

I dont' think the poster was putting down gays. She seemes to me, to just be honest, that shew is supershy. I can relate. I am scared to go to any type of bar, gay, or straight. I have an aversion to alcoholism, and drunkenness, as I come from an alcoholic family. There is only one gay bar in this region, and I walked past it in drab, during the daytime, and even called it up and asked if cd's were welcome. It is in a bad part of town, but, I hope to go dressed some time, in a modest , but attractive outfit. Being six foot eint and a half in low heels, makes me awfully self conscious, and I had a tramatic childhood, and young manhood. We just have to turn our fear, into guts, like in so many other things in life.

[girl_in_pantyhose]

I wish I had the guts to go to a straight bar. Then again, I do not like bars at all. If I go, I go for my friends and sometimes the entertainment.

[ReineD]

I think for a woman to sit alone at a straight bar makes it appear likely that she's open to the possibility of being picked up.

I'm so happy to read this! I agree with you! I also think that most men would see even two women sitting in a bar (if they are dressed to impress) as looking to meet guys, especially if they are there on traditional date nights, which are Friday and Saturday evenings. My SO and I have had disagreements about this. But I digress.

I think that for a male dressed as a female (that's already upped the sexual ante) to go into a gay bar alone is multiplying that appearance.

I think it depends. Regulars at gay bars are well familiar with the newbie CDs who use the place just as an outlet for an outing. My SO went to our local gay bar alone for a long time, before she felt comfortable enough going out in the mainstream. She's even gone a few times in the last year alone. I always thought she was safe there, since most people would have understood her purpose? But maybe not. lol. Maybe she was hit on more than she cared to tell me.

At any rate, our local gay bar is filled mostly with 20 somethings, and honestly I'd enjoy it a lot more if it had more age diversity.

[DianeDeBris]

So the tally on this thread so far is roughly this: some of us feel comfortable being out and about in the wide world, which terrifies others of us; and some of us feel comfortable being in a gay bar, while that idea strikes fear into the hearts of others of us. Some of us strike a balance somewhere in the middle. Very rarely, one of us has seen another person behave impolitely, and at least one drunk GG acted out and hassled someone else. Sounds about the right proportions to me! De gustibus non est disputandum. Isn't it wonderful that this world is large enough and varied enough that each of us, with a bit of effort, can find places and ways to enjoy ourselves?! LBNL, I sincerely feel it's also wonderful that the tone of this thread has remained one of sharing and of doing our best to understand one another's viewpoint -- well done, my lovely sisters!

[Byanca]

I'm curious. Assuming your life situation would allow it, what is keeping you from responding to this potential relationship/friendship?

I dunno. I'm shy. And she asked if I lived alone, several times, and found that to be weird, and very straight forward. So a bit unsure about her motives. I presume a lesbian, when she was at a gay bar and asked this way. I'm not sure how into this I am. I go there only to hang out. Not really to make connections.

If it's sexually motivated it's imo not ideal basis for friendship.

I like being approached, so it was all good, very nice.

Two weeks ago, I fooled around with a guy in there, just for fun. Then he put his hands under my dress. And said ...Wtf-you are a dude, you are lucky it's me, Or I would have beaten you up". I was very shocked, and told the guards I was being threatened with violence. They told me to tell them if it happened again and they would deal with it. That's why I didn't go for a few weeks. I find this strange, as I don't consider myself all that passable, and a gay pub to boot. So there should not be an issue either way imo. I hate being threatened with 'beating up when I just want to have fun.

But that was the only time it was bad, mostly it's fine. Like this lesbian. That was cool. Real pretty, feminine, long hair, curvaceous. Much more then me. I'm kinda curios, what she wants. It would be awesome if it was only to hang out. But kinda doubt it. I don't know any lesbians, so not quite sure how that works out.

[Shananigans]

I guess I did not realize gay bars were sooo scary dungeons.

INMHO there are shady places and there are nice places. This is true for stores, alleys, restaurants, and yes bars. I have never been to a gay bar, but I know a lot of gay PEOPLE, and I cannot imagine a gay bar is any more dangeorous for a CD than any other place. In fact it if has a bouncer at the door and nice open minded bar staff, I bet you a gay bar is a lot safer than the grocery store parking lot.

It depends on where you live. Birmingham tends to be a pretty rough city...but, I love it so much.

Gay people aren't sketchy. But, people at BARS can be sketchy. It's just when alcohol is involved...people are sometimes a bit weirder than normal.

[flatlander_48]

even still sometimes drama cant be avoided....6 months ago i went to a drag show....they were all very pretty well there was a obviously straight drunk girl....running around being obnoxious...made it clear yelling to everyone shes not gay....well for some reason she ends up rushing the girl performing...tackling her....taking off her wig......felt really bad for her...they broke it up.....kicked the girl out.....but just goes to show you sometimes..

Methinks she doth protesteth too much...

[flatlander_48]

But that was the only time it was bad, mostly it's fine. Like this lesbian. That was cool. Real pretty, feminine, long hair, curvaceous. Much more then me. I'm kinda curios, what she wants. It would be awesome if it was only to hang out. But kinda doubt it. I don't know any lesbians, so not quite sure how that works out.

There is always the possibility that she is bisexual to some degree. You know, if she is so direct, it's OK for you to be direct also. And it may just clear the air...

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]For those that have a little homophobia, I suppose going to a gay bar doesn't feel right. For me, it is considered a safe place and I generally find some great people to talk with. who knows, you might find someone you know..[/SIZE]

[Sejd]

I go to a gay bar sometimes. Actually, that's the only bar I ever go to and I love chatting with the guys who are just the sweetest. I sometime go with a gay friend of mine ( to feel safe of course). I like that they are there because they are different, and so am I :0)

[Olivia2]

Just like straight bars, there are many different gay bars. I've been to a few and the dynamics from one to another can be completely different, including the acceptance level toward those who are "outsiders" whether women, men, TG's, etc. Some are more open to different demographics on different theme nights of the week. Some I wouldn't ever be comfortable going into again, and others would be no problem. Best to get some feedback from others who've been out about which bars are TG friendly.

[flatlander_48]

[SIZE=4]For those that have a little homophobia, I suppose going to a gay bar doesn't feel right. For me, it is considered a safe place and I generally find some great people to talk with. who knows, [/SIZE][SIZE=4]you might find someone you know[/SIZE][SIZE=4]..[/SIZE]

Amen to that!

[Sherry Ann Evans]

a big guy, very gay, sat next to me and was talking up a storm. I was friendly, but made it known that I was NOT interested.

If he was only being friendly, then why did YOU go out of your way to say you're not interested in anything sexual?

[Sherry Ann Evans]

[SIZE=4]For those that have a little homophobia, I suppose going to a gay bar doesn't feel right.[/SIZE]

Maybe I'm taking this thread too far off-topic, but I just don't understand how any CD can possess homophobia. Even if they do, it's such blatant hypocricy .... "I like to wear makeup and frilly clothes and pretty shoes, but I won't be caught dead around GAY people!"

[Rhonda Jean]

Maybe I'm taking this thread too far off-topic, but I just don't understand how any CD can possess homophobia. Even if they do, it's such blatant hypocricy .... "I like to wear makeup and frilly clothes and pretty shoes, but I won't be caught dead around GAY people!"

That's not the way I meant it, although in hindsight I see how the title made it sound that way. I appologize, and I agree with what you said. What I was pointing out was that many choose a gay bar for their first outings, and I just couldn't go there, even now. It's not gay people I'm afraid of, it's the venue, and setting myself up as (what I percieve to be) a target. I could have said the same thing about a straight bar, but not as many first timers choose straight bars for their first outings.

I agree that given the way I dress, anyone who knows I'm not a girl would probably think I'm the gayest of the gay. I completely understand that, and for anyone who just sees me out and about I doesn't bother me in the least. I'm not at all offended by being thought of as gay. It doesn't matter. My aprehention is about the venue, not about the sexual orientation. I'm sorry I made it sound that way.

[Sherry Ann Evans]

Hmmm .... okay I forgive you.

[flatlander_48]

Maybe I'm taking this thread too far off-topic, but I just don't understand how any CD can possess homophobia. Even if they do, it's such blatant hypocricy .... "I like to wear makeup and frilly clothes and pretty shoes, but I won't be caught dead around GAY people!"

Sadly, that is the reality for some people. Remember some years back there was a rash of outing some political figures? The people who outed them said that they would have left them alone (ie, left them in the closet) if they had not been very vocal about espousing anti-gay views. Prejudice is just not rational...

[Miss Misery]

I haven't gone out anywhere en femme (yet) but I did do the straight bar scene enough to know that those places can be dangerous in that you have alcohol (and other substances) clouding peoples judgement. I've seen plenty of conflicts and fights over what amounts to nothing but the alcohol cuts the inhibition and some feel free to act on a perceived injustice - could be a look they think they've gotten or a quarter for a pool game they think they've been cheated out of. I truly would worry about being en femme someplace like that. You just don't know who happens to be there that particular night and how my appearance might trigger some negative attention. While I think I can hold my own in this situation, I don't want to be involved in a bar fight and the law because of my dressing. That's why I think a gay bar might be more preferable, for me at least.