I was the prettiest girl in the world until...

[Stephenie S]

I too got the canned response as follows:

"Dear Stephanie:

Thank you for your email.

At Ross Dress for Less, we take all of our customers’ shopping experiences very seriously.

We have an inclusive policy and value and respect all of our customers. We are investigating the incident you referred to and following up with the staff member.

We will also be sending a reminder to all of our stores reiterating this policy.

If you have additional questions or concerns, we encourage you to contact a Ross Customer Service representative at 1-800-335-1115.

Kind Regards,

Valorie Wilkinson

Customer Service
1 800 335 1115"

Notice that they did not even read my original complaint letter closely enough to see that my name is not "Stephanie", but "Stephenie".

Perhaps we should be actually calling that number.

S

[JulieC]

Far better would be for CDers to visit their stores in great numbers on busy shopping days and make a point of trying on clothes. Going in pairs or groups would make a statement. We don't have to buy, just try them on. OK buy something small just to stay legit.

Each of us responds to conflict in different ways. My natural inclination is to form a flash mob of CDers to show up at that store. I think I'd wear a pretty skirt, nice heels, etc., and a shirt that said "I'm a crossdresser. I shop. Get over it."

[Sarah Doepner]

I think it is important to make sure Ross understands that it's not only Crossdressers who are offended by this, but their families and friends as well. Many of us have come out to at least one other person and that expands the impact of their actions considerably. Don't let up on the pressure, don't let this go away.

[Leelou]

Christy,

I've read through all the responses to your post, and we've got a pretty amazing group of ladies here. I'm so sorry this happened. Just know we're all behind you. A couple of replies referred to the manager in this case as a bigot and I couldn't agree more. Be strong.

Leelou

[SherriePall]

A couple of days ago I shot off an email to their customer service department as directed on their web page. As of now I have received no reply. So, this morning I went to their facebook page and told them I was upset that after several days I had received not even a form-type response over my concern about the way Christy was treated. I just checked and, three hours later, there is a message on the facebook page that they apologize that I have received no answer and that they would forward my message on to customer service. DUH.
Rhianna -- Love your messages!

Forgot to tell you that when I wrote the comment, I told them that I had planned to go to their Wilkes-Barre store today, but I cancelled the trip -- perhaps permanently!

[Presh GG]

I really hope Ross is watching this [ I'm sure they are ]. Do they realize how many wifes, children and supportive family members are also not spending any more money in Ross?

In fact, I have several articles I bought the day before this hit, They are going back. And when they ask why I'm returning them, they will get an ear full from this GG.

Presh GG
READ Wife, Ross!

[SherylynJade]

If you've went to their facebook page, you've probably seen my post to them, for those who haven't, here is the reply they gave me:
We appreciate the feedback of our Ross Stores Facebook audience. Ross Stores takes our customers’ shopping experience very seriously. We have an inclusive policy and value and respect all of our customers. We are investigating this incident and following up with the staff member. We will also be sending a reminder to all of our stores reiterating this policy. We encourage customers who have questions or concerns to contact Ross Customer Service at 1-800-335-1115.

[Noemi]

You Poor dear. I am so sorry that happened to you(hug hug hug). And the advise that it is the managers problem and not yours is entirely true. I always wonder if you made Miss Narrow minded confront some part of herself with your/our blurring the gender lines, and it made her uncomfortable.
Conflict brings resolution. And all those tears and emotion you produced will open you up to a new experience, embrace the positive, gain more perspective(turn the other cheek). We are as we are created, what she or some one else thinks about us will not change what we are. And what we are are ladies, who are sensitive and caring and loving. People who have their eyes shut do not see this, but many people do see us and welcome us.
It will take a few days for the emotional hang over to subsist, but it will pass. Good for you for going shopping. I would like to do some shopping soon myself.

[Cassandra Lynn]

I don't think a boycott by CDers is going to have an effect on the company. In fact, it will solve their "problem" of having CDers trying on clothes in their dressing rooms.

Far better would be for CDers to visit their stores in great numbers on busy shopping days and make a point of trying on clothes. Going in pairs or groups would make a statement. We don't have to buy, just try them on. OK buy something small just to stay legit.

I think this idea has some merit to it, and should be given due thought. We could always suddenly change our minds at the register, women's prerogative and all that. Certainly is making a large statement, might not be directly seen by the corporate big dogs, but would be more likely to get general publics attention (which needs to happen).

mj (Cassie)

[carolinoakland]

Don't let this get you down. I don't know what the gender presentation laws are where you are, but still, I would complain to corporate and ask why you where asked to leave. If you are not out this might not work as they will want contact info, I would have been reacting diferently of course. Carol

[katrinakat]

I know the feeling and your pain. But it will pass! People have the ability to affect others in the most hateful ways. For some reason crossdressing has polar effects on me. I love it and feel so
great. But when i return back to my male ego, i get depressed. Just be the best you can be; and rise above. Little people like her should not have such a powerful impact on your tempermeant. Stay
stron, stay femme, and be yourself to the best that you can be. xo KatT

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I am so sorry for the pain you experienced. Your post makes me want to go to this store and see how they treat me, I am not one to back down from controversy and would have held my ground until a satisfactory reason for the expulsion was given. Of course the only good reason was a bomb threat or something of that nature in which case everyone would be leaving the store. As the others have stated, you did nothing wrong and you handled yourself very well in spite of the circumstances. At the very least you should document this in writing and send it off to the store upper management, possibly written on a lawyers letterhead. This is all BS and should never happen to anyone.

[Rhonda Jean]

Keep in mind this was one manager at one store. Let's face it, some people REALLY don't like us, and there's not telling what goes through their mind when they see a man trying on women't clothes. We don't further our cause by making spectacles of ourselves to retaliate, as some have suggested. Besides, I don't want anyone to let me try on clothes or just shop in their stores because they have to. I want to be welcomed! Let our behaviour and our appearance be such that we'll be viewed as valued customers. They sell women's clothes, I buy women's clothes. As many as any female customer they have. I'm pleasant to deal with, and I understand that some SA's and some customers my be uncomfortable around me. That's OK. I'm uncomfortable around some of them. Let's not shove it down anyone's throat. If we feel unwelcome there, let's simply go where we're welcome. There are plenty of places where we are. Ya know, there are some women who wouldn't want to buy an article of clothing that has even been tried on by a man. There are some who think you go into that dressing room to try on women's clothes to get your jollies, not just to see if it fits. That's kind of a uncomfortable thought, and I understand that. Let's just try to behave in a way that will make them happy to see us, not dread it.

Crissy handled herself in a classy way. It was a bad situation that any of us would hate to be in, yet she handled it in a non-confrontational, classy way. Let's not make a bad situation worse.

[JulieC]

Any updates from anyone (Christy or otherwise)?

[JohnH]

I think I would simply go to the store in drab, and ask to try on the dresses and other clothing in a man's dressing room. If Crissy did that maybe the whole ugly incident might not have taken place. After some thought and reading Rhonda Jean's posting I have determined that we have to work with people the way they are, not the way we want them to be.

At this stage I'm sure the manager now feels as if she stepped on a land mine, and wishes she never came to work that day. I'm not defending her actions but she probably is in a world of hurt.

[Rianna Humble]

Any updates from anyone (Christy or otherwise)?

None here

I think I would simply go to the store in drab, and ask to try on the dresses and other clothing in a man's dressing room. If Crissy did that maybe the whole ugly incident might not have taken place.

That's fine for you, John, because that is the way that you like to present. If Christy goes down that route, then she will be letting the bigots dictate which parts of the law apply to her.

After some thought and reading Rhonda Jean's posting I have determined that we have to work with people the way they are, not the way we want them to be.

There is a limit to that attitude, the kind of discrimination that Christy suffered is unlawful in that location. We don't have to work with people "the way they are" when they are intent on breaking the law. We have every right to demand that they stop behaving in that way.

At this stage I'm sure the manager now feels as if she stepped on a land mine, and wishes she never came to work that day. I'm not defending her actions but she probably is in a world of hurt.

If, as you suggest, she feels that she stepped on a land mine, perhaps it will help her to remember her duty of care to all her customers who are going about their lawful business and not just the bigots with whom she agrees (as demonstrated by her actions).

I am not one of those baying for her to be fired, but she does need to be disciplined for what she did and to be put on warning that this kind of behaviour will not be tolerated. She also needs to be made aware of the harm that she did to her customer (Christy).

In my book, discrimination on the basis of gender (especially where unlawful as in the state of Washington) is at the very least professional misconduct and definitely borders on Gross Professional Misconduct.

[SherriePall]

Rianna -- I, too, have not received a response to my initial email I sent off to Ross. I then followed it up with a comment on Ross' facebook page early Friday morning, noting that I hadn't received a reply to my email concerning Christy's treatment. They did answer my facebook comment by saying they were forwarding it to the customer service department (which is where my original email went).

To me it seems as though Ross believes the storm has passed and no further measures need to be taken.

[Stephenie S]

I did receive a response. See a copy above.

But I sent my complaint DIRECTLY to corporate headquarters. Notice that they say (IN RED) that they are "following up with the staff member ".

How much of a brush off this is is anyone's guess, but we can only hope.

S

[Christy_M]

there is no real news. I reached out to both the ACLU of Washington and the Seattle tg group. I also reached out to an attorney that specializes in LGBT rights. Of course all this is electronically since I am not ready to sit in front of someone (besides my shrink) and tell this story.

As for me, I think I am OK. I can't imagine shopping en femme again but I can't change who I am or what I get out of being Christy. I really think most people have the upbringing to not say anything and the inbred idiots who find diversity troubling won't ever have enough power to dissolve my spirit. The current dent is getting worked out and will be good as new soon.

I really want to say again how much the support and kindness shown in this string means to me. I really hope I can live up to the examples of compassion I have witnessed here. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You mean the world to me.

Hugs to all,
Christy

[Rianna Humble]

I think I am OK. I can't imagine shopping en femme again but I can't change who I am or what I get out of being Christy.

PLEASE don't let the bigots win by preventing you from shopping as Christy!

[Danni Bear]

I spoke again with my friend who is a store manager at one of the local Ross's after church yesterday. The emphasis that ross is putting forth with its SA's and asst.mgrs is ongoing. He also said that the person in Washington was not a store manager but was an asst. mgr. The store mgr has recieved a warning from their Hqtrs. over the incident and the asst. mgr. was reprimanded and warned that any further complaints would result in immediate termination. This policy was further extended to any and all employees that any complaints of a biased or"bigoted" (his words) nature would result in time off leading to possible termination of employment.

now it is a wait and see if this really happens or not

Danni

As a result of this occuring I did some checking with some other retailers on their dressing room regulations and rules concerning the use of them by transgendered customers.

Walmart Single person enclosed-per gender presented
K-mart similar to walmart
J.C.Penny open format gender presented as appropiate(user level at time) possible ask to use Mens
Kohls no stated rules

Danni

[eluuzion]

hhehehe...anytime I see that boiler-plated letter that begins with "At so-n-so, we take the (privacy of our customers) (the shopping experiences of our customers) ( >_____________) fill in appropriate customer concern, lol), I know what the rest of the letter is going to state...

Read any "Privacy Policy" if you want to see Used Car Salemen psychobabbling doubletalk in action. First paragraph states how important your "customer data confidentiality" is to them.
The rest of the letter explains in detail how they will exploit and share your personal data with every entity on the planet...

Life is now a process of carrying a calculator to check every overcharge on every receipt, using expert listening skills to ferret through the quadmire of "restrictions" attached to every sale offer. (Just went to KFC, asked the gal at the window why my order was always $5 more than the "sale" price. Answer was "that is why I asked you if you wanted Breasts...the sale price is always all dark meat. It is $5 more for white meat.") Go figure...

I waste an exorbitant amount of nonsense time fighting mini-legal battles that are required to get what I paid for, was promised, or correcting overcharges from merchants.

Those helpful HR and PR folks that appear so concerned about addressing your injustice at one of their stores...are not exactly what they appear to be. They are concerned alright...but not about you...about covering their a**! You watch how fast that rubber band that seems to be wound so tight now...unravels into a worn out band of rubber lost in the smoke and mirrors of the ("promise everything, do nothing") department.

I might be wrong though. Maybe we will track down Bin Ladin tomorrow, continue that witch hunt to bring those lying CEO's of companies cheating us to justice (that mysteriously faded away), and return to that mission of monitoring and spanking those naughty bankers, and hold the drug cartels responsible for their actions, and beef up that FDA to inspect our food, and go after those oil polluting BP companies poisoning our oceans, and clean up New Orleans and Katrina aftermath, and rescue thost Haitians, and all that other stuff we promised ya''...we have not forgotten about it...really...we are right on top of this stuff...

"and the wheels on the bus go round-n-round, round-n-round, round-n-round...
oh, the wheels on the bus go round-n-round...all day long..."

[ChristiesGurl]

My first thought was to call the manager at the store personally and tell her what I think of her. How dare she? What right does she have to be so hurtful in such a mean spirited way. A situation? She made it a situation!

My guy has been through so much in his life even without the DQ aspect. Every time he talks about his family, etc... I feel his pain and hurt and it makes me upset and angry on his behalf.

People like the manager at this store are the ones that should be 'outed' for their horrible, unkind behavior!

I'm sorry, hon. I hope you will be able to let this incident pass and feel comfortable being who you are at another, more accepting, place.

*hugs*

[Angie G]

That really sucks I think they have several stores You should get in contact with them And let them know they will be losing you and some friend from here as costumers. In fact I just may.
Angie

[DonnaT]

I spoke again with my friend who is a store manager at one of the local Ross's after church yesterday. The emphasis that ross is putting forth with its SA's and asst.mgrs is ongoing. He also said that the person in Washington was not a store manager but was an asst. mgr. The store mgr has recieved a warning from their Hqtrs. over the incident and the asst. mgr. was reprimanded and warned that any further complaints would result in immediate termination.

Result!