Confronted my SO

[heatherCD8772]

Well last night I decided to bring up the issue of my CDing. She has always known about it but just a while back she wanted me to stop. Well last night I told her that the urges and desires to dress were not going to stop and it is just a part of me and always has been for as long as I can remember. See, she used to be cool with it and all untill just a while back like I said earlier. Well, she said that is not something she wants our kids raised seeing, well I told her she does not have to worry about that and she was like Ok. I think she is just kinda of threatened by it in a way and that is why she wanted me to stop because she also had said at some point in the conversation "if I can not please you enough that you want to be someone else something is wrong" well, I told her I did not want to be someone else and I think that make her feel better because I asked her if this would change anything between us and she very confidently said NO it would not change anything and gave me a hug! It finally came down to her saying "Well I understand that it will not go away but I dont want to see it, ect" Well I told her that I wanted her to be a part of it like she used to be before, she then said well we will see where it goes. Fair enough. Later that night she just up and said "Just dont flatter yourself in my new skirt because I have not even worn it yet, and if you get any of MY clothes dirty just wash them and put them back where they go" She also told me where she hid MY clothes at!


All in all it went well I think and I believe she just got kind of threatened by it and that is why she had wanted me to stop but now after talking about it I think things are going to get back to the way they used to be with my dressing and that is what I am hoping for!

[Wendy me]

way cool thats good news .....

[Shelly Preston]

Glad everything seems to have worked out ok

[StephanieCD]

Yay! What's that quote... "fortune favors the bold"?

[Trinity_cat]

Glad to hear you kids are doing OK

[parris james]

Congradulations, sounds good for you

[Kimberly]

a little reassurance and a lot of understand go a long way.

xx

[JocelynG]

I'm glad things are being worked out between the two of you. I have been on the same roller coaster where my wife is supportive, then not, and now is more supportive than ever. Good luck in your future together. I wish you nothing but happiness

[Drucilla]

I noticed a common thread in this post that frequently comes up in post about a SO and in many of the fiction stories about cross dressing. That is that the GG's first reaction is that we cross dress because of something they are or are not doing or that they are not satisfying us in some way. Does anyone fully understand this reaction ? It maybe important to understand so that if we choose to tell our SO we could make sure that we do it in a way that they understand that it's about US not them. I believe most of us would agree that our desire to cross dress has nothing to do with how satisfied we are with our SO. It's something that we desire --not something they have driven us to by their actions.

[Trinity_cat]

........... That is that the GG's first reaction is that we cross dress because of something they are or are not doing or that they are not satisfying us in some way. Does anyone fully understand this reaction ?

Hi Drucilla, This is their first reaction, before they find out that most CDs have been dressing way before they found a girl friend , let alone wife.

[Tamara Croft]

Congratulations Heather, that is fantastic news.... and you get your clothes back too w00000t So she is letting you borrow hers.... wow... now you look after them!!!

I'd also like to add my 2p to what Drucilla said...

That is that the GG's first reaction is that we cross dress because of something they are or are not doing or that they are not satisfying us in some way. Does anyone fully understand this reaction ?

That is a valid point and as a GG myself I can't answer the question, but I could make a guess, I have been there a few times myself knowing full well that my SO was a CD before I met her.

Could it be that the wife/partner thinks they can stop their SO from crossdressing because they are now in their life... maybe they think they are now filling that womans place that their SO was portraying by crossdressing. But when their SO doesn't stop the crossdressing, they then blame themselves and possibly believe it is their fault and they aren't fullfilling their SO's needs?

What I mean is, this seems to be the most logical explanation, albeit a flawed one.

[Phoebe Reece]

Glad to hear things are on the right track with you and your wife.
It's nice that you are both the same size and you can wear her clothes. A word of advice about that - always ask her specific permission to wear a particular article of her clothing before wearing it. That will show you respect her. She may even surprise you sometime and ask to wear something that is yours.

[Sigrid]

Wonderful news Heather. I'm glad it went so well for you. Just remember to never pressure her into participating in any of your activities. Hopefully she'll come around in her own time. In the mean time enjoy what progress you've made. Also, remember to show her your appreciation of her understanding and support.

[Tristen Cox]

Bravo! :Power:

[Julie]

Heather,

While it's nice you walked away with good feelings I can also see your wife is still having difficulty accepting. While she seems to be okay with you wearing her clothes there are signs you need to take this very slowly. I was married for 23 years and my wife never really changed how she felt about my dressing. She was okay with it but for the most part really didn't want to see it. There were times when she would be right there, helping me with makeup and dressing but then she would retreat to the safety of not wanting to know.

I don't think she would have ever come around fully to the point some wives have where they are truly comfortable with their husband being dressed. There are things she was taught growing up that were too deeply ingrained in her to change. And I'm no different. I still have insecurities about being TG because of things that were drilled into me growing up. Just like marriage, this takes a lot of work.

Keep at it but be sensitive to the signs she's sending you and back off if she's getting uncomfortable. I'd also look into SPICE, the SO's group in Tri-Ess. I've heard a lot of good things about the group.

[heatherCD8772]

Thanks for the encouragement and words of advice! I do plan to take it slowly and not press anything to make her uncomfortable.

Julie Marie, I think I will tell her that there are groups for SOs out there if she would like to talk to other people in the same posistion, but I will not press it on her.

[DonnaT]

Been there done that Heather. It's been a heck of a rollercoaster ride for the last 30 years. For the most part, its a nice one, with the drops few and far between.

She's at the point now that she doesn't care how I dress at home, now that my son knows. She didn't care too much before then, but worried that he would find out. Turns out, when I told him, he said he already knew, and was ok with it.

So, your wife will probably have another time come up that will be similar to what you two just got over, and if you do, remember that it too shall pass, as long as you're honest with each other and talk about everything.

[kathy gg]

HI Heather,

Well it sound like a start. Just keep her in mind with your actions and continue letting her know that you love her and she is number one.

All of us, regardless of how much participation and acceptance like to hear that we are important and that some of our basic boundaries are met. It sounds like you plan on doing those things and that will keep peace.

Good luck
kathy in canada

[Adrianne]

Hello Heather i hope your so will help you one day like she did before.

Adrianne.