Confused little boi here

[Pythos]

There are times I think I am one confused little boy (boi).

I want to attract women. But I would like to attract women while looking like one, or at least mostly like one.

I want to meet my future SO whilst wearing a skirt, or leggings, some makeup and so on. Just like how women meet their male SOs while in jeans, t shirt, little or minimal makeup, and so on.

I realize this is an absolutely crazy notion.

I most likely will have to meet the girl while looking completely "normal" and then run the shock of revealing my preference.

UGH!!! It is maddening.

I do however think women have to stop thinking of clothing in general as being their perview. I hear women all too often say that fashion is for them, not in so many words mind you, but sometimes in action.

I know, an impossible wish that one.

[JohnH]

The double standards we men have to endure will not end until we as men take it upon ourselves to wear feminine articles of clothing and and expand our grooming options in greater numbers.

I don't want to come across too harshly in this forum, but I have chosen to retain my masculine name and not use a feminine name for the reason to advocate expanding the clothing and grooming options for men.

Maybe, Pythos, just some suggestions -
In the summer wear denim skirts when everybody else is wearing shorts.
Pick a lipstick color that is just slightly darker than your natural lip color and is a believable relatively natural color for lips.
Wear makeup that is subtle.
That way your appearance will not scream out "cross-dresser", but there will be a clue that you do like to go out the outside the straitjacket of acceptable male attire.

Just my two cents worth.

[Lainie]

Pythos--Actions have consequences. If you want to meet your future SO while dressed casually en femme, just meet all women that way. Many will not be interested, but you are looking for a special one, and the rest are just blocking the view. A lot of women seem interested in talking to a man in a dress, a few will one one of their own.

So what's the problem? I guess this is now just an idle fantasy for you, and you aren't willing to go public in your dream persona. That's ok, the future is undiscovered territory.

JohnH--I'd love to hear more of your story!

[Pythos]

Ah, I was unclear. I of course would love for a woman to find me attractive in my made up Goth androg mode. But what I am refering to is finding a female that does not reject me based on the fact I just wear leggings or skirts in place of jeans or slacks.

I will be honest, I have pulled more into my shell as life has gone on, which I don't like. I am sure it is part of moving back in with my mother, but also an irrational fear. I am sure we all face that.

I have been wearing my leggings quite often for my non aviation job, and have loved it. But I also meet few women there. LOL. I wear them for me, though it would be nice to meet a lady that finds it appealing. That is the thing, for the most part it is not appealing, due to common thought. We are challenging common thought.

For some reason, that scares people off.

[JohnH]

Lainie,

Yes, I will tell more of my story.

I have been unemployed for a long time with idle time on my hands. What got me started in wearing skirts is I converted three of my jeans into denim skirts. They did look a little dorky, so I ordered some denim skirts, and wore them instead of shorts the whole summer.

Before discovering skirts that last time I had a full bore hair cut was 2010 February. I went to the barber for hair trims, until my hair grew out to the point where I needed to see a stylist for a woman's hair style - back in July.

Then I discovered nail polish - I used to put nail polish on my fingernails and still put it on my toenails. I cut out the nail polish on the fingernails since I'm too fussy in touching up the chipped nail polish.

I have 3 woman's pairs of sandals - one with 1.5 inch heels, second with 2.75 inch wedge heels, and third with 4 inch stiletto heels.

I also have several dresses - a jersey halter maxi-dress, a black velvet dress as seen on my avatar, and two floral maxi-dresses. The last three dresses were in boxes that were left by my ex-wife, and I made the velvet dress originally for my ex-wife, never dreaming that I would wear it at the time.

I don't do facial makeup yet.

[Jennie1975]

Pythos, I too would like to meet my future SO while dressed to avoid the dreaded "Talk".
I am of the mind set that when it does happen it will whether I am dressed or in boy mode. I can't make it happen exactly how, when, and with who. I look at it like floating down a river all you can do is keep yourself going the right direction. The river decides how fast, slow, over rapids, or almost still.
I will tell you from my own experience that when I am dressed and out in public I get alot more positive attention from females than when in boy mode. I don't know if that helps at all. I wish you the best journey.

[Joanne f]

It is not you who are confused as you know exactly what you want , it is the females that are confused simply because you are a bit different but one day you will meet this female that you are looking for as she will see your difference in a different light to everyone else

[Jorja]

Pythos, where are you lookin for this future So? You must look where this type of person would most likely be. Kind of like fishing you know.

[Babeba]

I want to meet my future SO whilst wearing a skirt, or leggings, some makeup and so on. Just like how women meet their male SOs while in jeans, t shirt, little or minimal makeup, and so on.

I realize this is an absolutely crazy notion.

I most likely will have to meet the girl while looking completely "normal" and then run the shock of revealing my preference.

Um, I met Crystal at a 'fancy dress' party. Well, it was sort of fancy dress; you were supposed to dress like your nationality which left me in a cute white sundress and a red cardigan. I stopped just short of drawing a big maple leaf across my face (though I probably would have if I'd thought about it at the time!) You never know where you'll meet someone, eh? It was definitely not a 'jeans and minimal makeup' event for me.

I think the best thing you can do is dress to reflect yourself. Don't put on anything (or buy anything) that you don't love. If you let yourself shine through, you'll never run into issues like that, right?

You can't change what the whole world does, you can only change yourself and hope you act as inspiration for others to be themselves as well.

[Poltergeist]

Pythos, I hope it's ok that I reply to this - I'm a non-op transguy, but biologically a woman. Because I know that transitioning won't happen, and expected that for a while, I am beginning to see myself as genderqueer, or an "alternative female". I don't really pass as a transguy, because I'm also very androgynous, so I still have a feminine side - but not feminine enough to be attractive to a man who likes woman. But I am not masculine enough either, and don't have the body, to attract a man who likes men. So I feel like I'm doomed to be alone most of the time.

Yes, I'm attracted to men - and more than anything, I am attracted to men with a strong feminine side, which is probably even more impossible than finding a "traditional" man. But it doesn't really make much of a difference - I'm not attracting anyone at all.

So what I'm saying is, first of all I can relate to what you are saying, because I am desperate to meet a man who can accept me the way I am - an effeminate man in a woman's body. BUT I am also saying that even though I am, in a way, female - you are actually exactly the type I would go for. I don't know how much it helps you to know that, when it comes from someone who isn't a "traditional woman" - but it does prove that it must at least be possible for you to find someone in a female body that would be interested in you

[Sara Jessica]

Pythos, while I'm not so much in a position to offer you advice, I do empathize with what you are going through and imagine myself having the same dilemma had I known as much about myself when I was younger as I know now. All I can think of is how exciting the options are for you, choices that come with the luxury of knowledge. I'd guess that one day you will find your princess in the way that you describe.

I don't want to come across too harshly in this forum, but I have chosen to retain my masculine name and not hide behind a feminine name for the reason to advocate expanding the clothing and grooming options for men.

Yes, harsh to suggest less of any of us who present with a female name as "hiding".

[JohnH]

Sara,

I edited my posting to substitute "use" instead of the phrase of "hide behind". My apologies for being insensitive.

[mklinden2010]

I see.

[busker]

Phythos,
I think Cd's will always have a problem because clothing is a gender signal (and a sex signal). It is also competitive. Just walking down the street, a person can guess gender very quickly because we have a storehouse of mental images of what is female and what is male. A woman wearing jeans is still quickly picked out of a group because we register mentally, size, style, gait, body hair or lack of, and many other things in just an instant. We are all "hunting" more or less and clothing is a quick visual on the "oposite" sex. So few women (straight, bi or lesbian) will click on leggings or skirts as being in their zone of interest.
You are at an additional disadvantage in being in the Bay area where Castro street is a major gay area. When I worked in SF many many years ago, it was not uncommon to hear women say "the good one's are all taken" meaning everyone else is gay, I suppose, or married. I don't really believe the world is more tolerant today that it was in the last century--we just talk like we are, but we still have to have laws to ensure everyone is being treated fairly, something already guarenteed in the Constitution. That's why I'm against laws allowing gay marriage--if we are equal then why do we need laws to prove it? People should marry whom they please whatever their natal sex.

Anyway, I think you are better off looking for a woman who IS liberal, and you will be able to see that after just a bit, and then introduce your preference for dressing, rather than presenting as a female or feminine and hoping someone will spot you.
If you are looking for a woman who likes horseracing, don't go to the bingo parlour. Where do the liberal women go in the Bay area? go there and meet the girl of your dreams.

[docrobbysherry]

3 step process!?

1. Dress the way u like.
2. Attract a female while wearing that attire.
3. (Here comes the red herring!) Now, U must be attracted to the female(s) u attract!

I hope u find just what/who u want, Pythos!

[Chrissy be good]

Pythos, I don't know what your situation is, but if your out about your dressing, I'd suggest becoming a regular at a place where you'd like to attract a girl. Aou long time ago in a galaxy far far away I was a heartbroken young man who was just dumped by a longtime girlfriend. I found myself dressing more and more, and was quite comfortable being me and shopping. I would always chat up(flirt) the SAs wherever I would go. One of the girls asked me out for coffee and that lead to a pretty serious relationship where 90% of the time she saw me as a girl. So they are out there. Instead of retreating into your shell I'd get out there as much as much as possible and let your personality shine through. Hit the stores, coffee shops, Goth clubs. Maybe even get a part time job at a coffee shop or store that caters to your interests. Whatever ya do don't give up, there's someone out there for everyone.

[Janice Lester]

Pythos,

I think Chrissy has really good advice. I know in my own life that dating is just like sales you've got to open a lot of doors before you find what you are looking for. I'm naturally quite shy but people are usually pretty surprised if I mention that fact. I can fake being outgoing through long practice. As a guy when I was younger I would often get asked out by women at the check out at the market or by a waitress at a restaurant, even by a nurse at my doctors. And believe me, I'm not particularly attractive, it has to do with my being able to at least pretend that I'm confident and outgoing. After all this time I am considerably more confident and outgoing than when I was young but I still consider myself shy.

I kind of wish this was more of a dating site, there are a few hotties that I'd be asking out in a New York minute.

[Cynthia GG]

I have found you very attractive in all your avatar pics. I would say, dress as you like as often as possible. I think there are ladies out there who will like you dressed in your preferred styles. The more you can project confidence and comfort with who you are, the more people will be drawn to you, including, hopefully, the lady of your dreams.

[Tima]

I of course would love for a woman to find me attractive in my made up Goth androg mode. But what I am referring to is finding a female that does not reject me based on the fact I just wear leggings or skirts in place of jeans or slacks. I will be honest, I have pulled more into my shell as life has gone on, which I don't like.

[SIZE="2"]I would be attracted to a male dressed like you, but I’m not the gender you’re trying to attract. I look for androgyny and reject conformity. The clothes reflect what’s going on inside. If you wear the “wrong” clothes (drab) to conform to someone else’s idea of correctness, you’re only injuring yourself. The world forces us to retreat to our “shell” on occasion, it’s true, but that’s better than being like everyone else, isn’t it? As I get older I expect more and more “closet” time. I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with it.
[/SIZE]

[Alice Torn]

I must be honest. I don't know what "leggings" are? Are they hose? Or tights? I just have never known what leggings are?

[ChristiesGurl]

There are times I think I am one confused little boy (boi).

I want to attract women. But I would like to attract women while looking like one, or at least mostly like one.

I want to meet my future SO whilst wearing a skirt, or leggings, some makeup and so on. Just like how women meet their male SOs while in jeans, t shirt, little or minimal makeup, and so on.

I realize this is an absolutely crazy notion.

I most likely will have to meet the girl while looking completely "normal" and then run the shock of revealing my preference.

UGH!!! It is maddening.

I do however think women have to stop thinking of clothing in general as being their perview. I hear women all too often say that fashion is for them, not in so many words mind you, but sometimes in action.

I know, an impossible wish that one.

Move to Indiana. ;-)

[suchacutie]

In all honesty, if I were suddenly in your situation I'd look at it logically in something like the following: If I wanted a D/s relationship, I'd go where I'd find women with that interest. If I wanted someone of a specific religious denomination, that's where I'd attend. If I wanted...you see where I'm going?

If you were in Boston I'd suggest Manray, for example. Since you're in SF, I can't imagine there aren't a dozen places that other SF residents might suggest that would maximize the likelihood of finding a women with your mindset!

tina

[bridgetta]

just go out and meet girls.. if you have the courage to speak they can talk back to you,, if you talk to a lot of them you will find one you like... same goes for everyone...

[katrinakat]

Always be honest and proud of yourself! People luv to be around positive people. Open your heart, be honest, and you'll get back the unconditional love you seek!