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Thread: My husband wants to crossdress, and I want to help!

  1. #51
    Junior Member yvonne10's Avatar
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    Post your husband

    if your husband has mentiond this chances are he is trying to tell you something

  2. #52
    Aspiring Member Danni Bear's Avatar
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    sorry folks. in most respects I have to agree with Busker on this.

    The fact that he doesn't want to talk or discuss anything to do with sex or sexuality is indicative of insecurity. Trying to get him to open up now has the probibility of causing him even more stress and confusion. It has to happen when he is comfortable and opens it up.

    Be there for him when it does come up again. show him through your attitude that there are no restraints on your acceptance and love. he will key on those and open up to you. gve him the opportunity to releaise that he is your love.that you are his.

    Good luck and good fortune

    Danni

  3. #53
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    Good questions.

    Indeed.
    Last edited by mklinden2010; 11-23-2010 at 04:57 AM.

  4. #54
    Time Lady JiveTurkeyOnRye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onemorefirst View Post
    I've only mentioned the crossdressing twice since he told me, and both times he said he didn't want to talk about it.

    My question is, do I purchase some stockings in his size and bring them to bed, despite having never had a conversation with him about living out this fantasy? How do I get him to talk about it? Should I just drop it? I'm new to this and any feedback is appreciated.
    I'm curious to know the context of how you brought it up twice those other times. However, in general I think the people on this thread pushing "take it slow" or even "do little or nothing" have it right. If this guy is as repressed as he seems about his ideas, having you suddenly bombard him with all things girly is the last thing he needs.

    Also, what sort of happened here is you came in with a legitimate real life issue and I think people are treating it like a fantasy, namely theirs, namely what they dream would happen to them. The idea of the wife coming home with a new girl wardrobe and letting the woman inside of her husband out is a fairly common occurrence in transgender fiction stories I've read on websites, but that doesn't sound like it could be very healthy in real practice.

    Quote Originally Posted by onemorefirst View Post
    I really, really appreciate all the feedback I'm getting. It looks like I have a lot to learn.

    Something I'm getting from a lot of your posts that surprises me is the assumption that the "stuff" in "stockings and stuff" means things like sexy nightgowns, panties, heels, etc. I guess I didn't automatically assume mentioning one item of clothing meant that he was interested in wearing a LOT of different types of feminine clothing. Do you think this is the case? .
    It could be, but it could also not. I started with stockings, or more to the point tights and pantyhose, when I was a little kid, and now I wear a lot of other stuff too. But there are also lots of men who don't. There's groups and websites specifically dedicated to pantyhose/stockings/tights as a fetish and that's it and those men make a point of insisting that what they do isn't about crossdressing. You're getting the "Buy him a nightie!" type responses here because that's the type of people on this forum, people who embrace crossdressing and are excited by that.

    But there's a reason your husband isn't on this forum, it could be that he's barely admitted this desire to himself, or that he's lacking the confidence to share it with others, or that his reasons aren't the same as people here. I will say that even the most closeted person on this forum still has some degree of openness about themselves, even if they don't admit it, to be willing to come on here and talk about it however anonymously they choose to do it.

    If you do anything, the most you should do is this, in my opinion. Buy him some stockings. Sit him down on the bed and try your best to keep the feeling of an open and safe space and say to him that you know that this is something difficult for him to talk about, and that you aren't going to push it on him, but that you love him and care for him, and want him to be happy, so you bought him these. Then, give them to him and tell him it's his choice to decide if he wants to explore his fantasy or not, and that you're here for him when or if he decides to. Then drop the issue entirely and never mention it again unless he does.
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  5. #55
    Member JenniferB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kate17 View Post
    I keep reading "go slow" - I say why go slow. He told you his deep secret. The very fact that he said that tells me that he very much want to dress up in sexy lingerie. He was just testing the water. It is very sexual at his time in my opinion. He told you in bed, didn't he? If you are going to have a serious talk about being a cross dresser with your mate, you would not do it in bed - or at least you shouldn't.
    Good point. Why go slow? Start sneaking female hormones into his food asap. Start throwing away his male clothing. In six months or so, he won't have a choice whether he wants to wear a bra or not. Yep, that's the way to go...

  6. #56
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    I hope this isn't serious, because where I live sneaking hormones into his food or drink will bring a charge of administration of a noxious substance. If someone did that to me, the marriage would be over as well. Hormones are not to be trifled with.

  7. #57
    Time Lady JiveTurkeyOnRye's Avatar
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    It seems pretty obviously a joke to me, it heightens how unsound the advice being commented on was.
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  8. #58
    Member JenniferB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by giuseppina View Post
    If someone did that to me, the marriage would be over as well. Hormones are not to be trifled with.
    Oh come on...you know you want hormones! All CD's do, don't they?
    Last edited by JenniferB; 11-22-2010 at 08:50 PM.

  9. #59
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    He's done it before, and he knows he likes it. A lot of us start dressing at five or six years old! For many of us, it has nothing to do with our sexuality...but it is a sexual thing. We like pretty things including pretty girls....and the things the are wearing!!

    I could be wrong, but I truley doubt there is a crossdresser on this site who felt the urge to first try it well into adulthood and marriage. We start sneaking off with our sister's or mom's clothes long before we ever meet the wife. Then....when we get married...we try the wife's clothes if there is any chance they may fit.

    He has been thinking about this for a long time. He finally brought it up....he is now embarrassed...and if you two are going to let it happed, he has to have complete trust in you. He is scared to death someone will find out.

    Soooo.....Go buy him something sexy, put it in the dresser drawer. Tomorrow night give him a few beers, a glass of wine or whatever loosens him up, then while you paint your toes...talk him into letting you paint his (promising of course that you will remove it before morning!) If he lets you, Put your sexy nightie on, lead him to the bedroom and introduce him to his. Oh BTW Get the stockings too! Good luck and God bless you for wanting to help!

    Let us all know how it turns out

  10. #60
    Aspiring Member Danni Bear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferB View Post
    Oh come on...you know you want hormones! All CD's do, don't they?
    No Jennifer, all CD's don't want hormones. In all actuality most don't. The ones that do are the TG/TS that are either 24/7 or in transition towards being the woman or man that is their true gender.

    Danni

  11. #61
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    Hoo Boy......This is why I hesitate to bring my crossdressing to another level with my SO who knows, "allows" (that one kills me), but doesn't necessarily go out of her way to "support" or otherwise actively engage in "helping "me in my endeavors. There are some who just go so overboard with their "girly" squeeky rants that hey, might be appropriate if we were 12 years old here, but WOW! I do congratulate those who time and time again offer words of encouragement where encouragement is needed, but sometimes that "Pink Fog" just totally envelopes them to the point I don't dare let my SO see this stuff.......embarrassed? Yup........Anyway.....I guess I know it takes all types, but geeze.........and they let 'em drive and they let 'em vote.......Ok, kevlar on, fire away! love you all! Rachael

  12. #62
    Member JenniferB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danni Bear View Post
    No Jennifer, all CD's don't want hormones. In all actuality most don't. The ones that do are the TG/TS that are either 24/7 or in transition towards being the woman or man that is their true gender.
    Danni
    Wow, are y'all always wound this tight? Lighten up. It's not brain surgery afterall.

  13. #63
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    My point exactly......

  14. #64
    Aspiring Member Danni Bear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferB View Post
    Wow, are y'all always wound this tight? Lighten up. It's not brain surgery afterall.
    Jennifer,

    It is not about being wound tight. most of us take hormones very seriously. Actually brain surgery may be easier than some of what we all face daily. a nice change of pace LOL

  15. #65
    Member bridgetta's Avatar
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    uh,,, if he said it was a turn on.. then just try it very slow... do something like make him put on one thing.. wait a while and see where it goes...

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