"Go find a girlfriend" she said

[LitaKelley]

So, my wife isn't into skirts, or dresses, high heels, or lingerie, pantyhose, makeup or anything sexy..

Tonight, I asked her for her opinion on a skirt I put on and she says "Go find a girlfriend". Of course I laughed, but I had to ask.. "what do you mean" and she says "you're a girl... you need other girls as friends.. so you can ask them about this shxx you're always asking me.. I'm not into the fashion and makeup shxx like you are"

So, just to be sure, I said "yeah, and like you wouldn't be bothered by me being with other women" and she said "you're a woman.. why would I be upset about you hanging out with other women" "I'd be more worried if you were hanging out with men while you were dressed up"


OK.. so.. how do I find female friends to do girl stuff with?

[RachelF]

Sorry I cannot help you with your questio, but I wanted to comment as my wife is similar to yours.

She does not use skirts, she uses very few make up, never knows what is the current fashion trend, I boughted her sexy stuff she never uses and so on.

Isn´t it frustrating?.

Initially, I started to surf female clothing and underware websites to buy stuff for her ... after seeing so much sexy things I started again my crossdressing (first time was when I was 12 years old, and never crossdressed since 14).

Rachel

[joanna marie]

She does not use skirts, she uses very few make up, never knows what is the current fashion trend, I boughted her sexy stuff she never uses and so on.

Isn´t it frustrating?.

I think that we're married to the same woman

[Karren H]

Get it in writing!!! That way it will be easier to defend against when she file for divorce for going out on her!! Lol.

[Valerie1973]

How funny, my wife is the same as well. She owns 1 skirt and 3 dressed and never wears them. She hardly ever uses makeup other than for work and If we go out to dinner. Every time we have an argument she has told me to go and get f***** to chill out. I've 8 1/2 years to go with my job and I retire with them and I'm outta here without her. Sorry LitaKelley, I want to find some girls to hang out with too. I too bought many outfits for my wife and they never got worn. I know what that is like Rachel.
Valerie

[juligirl1984]

aw that would be a bummer... I hate how some woman do not appreciate there selves. my ex fiance was like that too. I'd buy her such nice sexy things for her to wear and she dressed like a BUM! i did not get it at all!!!! aw that is messed up, she tells you to go out and get F$^@#$ ???? thats plain rude....

[Amanda22]

Get it in writing!!! That way it will be easier to defend against when she file for divorce for going out on her!! Lol.

I had the same thought, seriously.

[linnea]

It would be great to have girlfriends and I have sought them too, but seriously (as Amanda wrote) if your SO tells you it's okay, I think that you should get it in writing and then go for it. But at that point, I'm at a loss--where to find them. I've got some female friends who accept my crossdressing but I haven't had the opportunity to spend enough time with them to develop "girlfriend" relationships--YET. But I will in the near future.

[suchacutie]

All my sirens went off as well! I would be very careful with this one.

She is basically saying that she is willing to share your emotional time with other people. That really does not bode well, IMHO. If she wants you to have a life of your own, what is she telling you?

It would all but put me into a panic.

Honestly.

Tina

[Sheila11]

If my wife told me to get some girlfriends, all you would see is the screen door swinging.

[Joni T]

Be careful with girlfriends. I had one for the last 5 months and the wife found out about her (texting and Facebook will get you busted every time). We had our 24th anniversary 2 weeks ago, btw. It has not been a pretty sight around our house lately. The bank has foreclosed on our house and now she's talking divorce as well. All I can say is if that happens I'm leaving Kalifornicatia and moving to the United States. Gun-people will understand.
Jon

[Saren]

Be careful with girlfriends. I had one for the last 5 months and the wife found out about her (texting and Facebook will get you busted every time). We had our 24th anniversary 2 weeks ago, btw. It has not been a pretty sight around our house lately. The bank has foreclosed on our house and now she's talking divorce as well. All I can say is if that happens I'm leaving Kalifornicatia and moving to the United States. Gun-people will understand.
Jon

Well, I'm sure the OP's wife didn't mean a girlfriend for a physical relationship, or to cheat with. One that LitaKelly can have girl time with, go shopping, doing makeup, and hair and stuff like that.

[LitaKelley]

All my sirens went off as well! I would be very careful with this one.

She is basically saying that she is willing to share your emotional time with other people. That really does not bode well, IMHO. If she wants you to have a life of your own, what is she telling you?

It would all but put me into a panic.

Honestly.

Tina

Well.. it's like this... a woman needs female friends.. right? My wife has female friends and I'm not worried about her having any sort of affair with them. We're not talking about "girlfriend" as in a relationship sort of thing, but girl FRIEND.. as in a platonic FRIEND that's female.

[juligirl1984]

I'd watch out, you are still a male and I don't care if she is buda, she will start too assume things or get jelious of your "friend" relationship since she won't be in the picture. now if she goes with and its a group thing? maybe that would work better?
remember you wanted her to wear Real girl clothing right? she doesn't care too. or even care about you looks. it just sounds like a bad Idea if you really love her a lot. sorry if I offended you or assumed too much. nothing personal intended.

[ReineD]

Oh dear.

I have to say that Suchacutie and Juligirl are the only ones who get it. lol. Let me give you a bit of insight into a GGs mind (if you're interested).

First, please don't make the mistake of taking your wife literally. I know that it's the sensible thing to do, it's what most husbands do, but in a case like this I really don't think your wife wants you to hang out with other women. I think she's just showing some exasperation over the CDing, since as you say, she dresses for comfort more than fashion and she doesn't get why you're so into the "looks" part of being femme.

Second, Saren suggests finding a gf to shop and do things with just as a friend, but Joni T confirmed the sad truth: wives don't understand the concept of their husbands hanging out with other women very well. Even though you see yourself as a girl when dressed, and activities (shopping, lunch, etc) with another girl wouldn't be sexual for you, you wife still sees you as a male and she may well imagine that as a male, you will have male-like attractions to the other women. Also, the other women you befriend might mistake your friendliness as a come-on. They will certainly be open-minded if they enjoy hanging out with a CD, but there is also the risk that they will also see you primarily as a male and they will enjoy the attention, especially if they are single, or in a bad relationship, or just plain lonely and looking for excitement. They might entirely mistake your intentions as to why you want to hang out with them. And wives understand this, because they are GGs too. I was in that situation with my SO a few years ago. My SO sought GG friends to do things with while dressed, and she thought that a GG she had befriended just wanted to be friends. But, I met this GG (she was gorgeous) and I sensed that she definitely was into collecting men, preferably of the exotic kind. There are vibes that GGs can pick up from one another that go way over men's heads sometimes.

And last, back to the concept of not understanding why the wives don't wear all the dressy clothes and the makeup: Valerie said that her wife dresses for work or when they go out. This is normal for most women who are past the "mate seeking" stage of their lives. The priority is on life now: work, the kids, household chores, relaxing, etc. But most importantly, it's because the wives know they are feminine or female without the dresses or the makeup. They don't need the stuff as an enhancement like CDs do. Just as CDs have a hard time understanding why their wives aren't into looking like fashion plates, many wives have a hard time understanding why their CD husbands are so much into it. Hence the exasperation. I mean, the wife probably thinks that her CD husband can and should express femininity without so much focus (or obsession for some) on all the clothes, makeup, and jewelry. If that makes sense.

[Chickhe]

If my wife said that, it would be kind of like me telling her to stop askinging me stupid questions about something I expect her to learn and something I'm not interested in learning. I don't think she means go out and make friends, but maybe she means get opinions from the woman sales assistants in the shops and other customers... What you could do is take a fashion design course or something.

[siantv2003]

I think Reine has summed it up beautifully. Tread carefully LitaKelley - its sounds like an invitation or an opportunity but i doubt it is. You may want to set some time aside for a quiet chat to reassess the situation. Best wishes

[Vikki Vixen]

Would it not be better to find some CD friends from this site or local meetings, I'm a novice but most seem to give excellent advice on fashion and make up. Especially if these new friends are married hetro CD's your wife might be even more happy with that.
My wife actually has no problem with me being girlie but if I went near another woman she would give me a sex change op using the nearest sharp object she could find.

[t-girlxsophie]

I have CD friends and Have also friendships with GGs,My wife doesnt mind for she knows we just mates.there can be Girls you are just pals with,no more no less,My wife and I socialise with them together,nothing underhand is going on,It can be done you know.

Though I do agree you should tread carefully if your unsure of your partners real views,or hidden meanings

Sophie

[erickka]

Fortunately my wife LOVES dresses and gowns. She is a vocalist and she dresses to the nines when she is on stage, but UNFORTUNATELY, she hasn't had too much work lately. She is EXTRA beautiful when she is all decked out. The rest of the time it's jeans and cute girly tops, with minimal makeup.

[Kathryn Martin]

Reine: thank you for saying it out loud and with complete clarity. In my view the statement by Litakelly's wife is a "survival test", and so it should be.

Lita: If you truly want your marriage to survive (and don't forget that your wife has bent a far way to accepting you and has not left or shut the door on your marriage) then you must understand, that what she meant when she said you needed a girlfriend is for you to make the right judgment and precisely NOT do as she suggests. If you take her up on it and do start seeing other women as "platonic friends" she knows that you have no boundaries in your decision making regarding your CDing, or going further. That is a huge issue because it shows that you are not to be trusted as far as the continuation of your marriage is concerned.

You want to be a girl, and say you are one, you have to think and feel like one too.

[Rogina B]

You need to make some T friends...Sisters of Boston on a Friday pm will bring you lots of new ones.Worth the little drive...AND,there will be NO HARM done at home!

[TxKimberly]

Get it in writing!!! That way it will be easier to defend against when she file for divorce for going out on her!! Lol.

You know, I was thinking something related to that. . .
She says that now, but wait until she sees you hanging out with other women. Wanna bet just how quick her opinion flip-flops? Danger Will Robinson, danger!
After 23 years of marriage, I have learned a few things. Among them is the fact that wives dont always say what they mean, or mean what they say. Not knowing your wife, maybe I shouldn't be jumping to conclusions, but I doubt very much if your wife really wants you to find other women to hang out with. This sounds more like it might be "Don't bother me with that stuff" or "I'm irritated and so I'll be flippant or sarcastic."

[Sally24]

I've got a solution. Find some of the more dressier girls at Club 313 the next time you go out in Manchester. Most of the GGs there are lesbians so you're safe with the wife there. They love shopping and fashion and hanging out with girls, but are not attracted to your equipment so no temptation, right? It might take awhile to develope relationships for shopping and such, but take your time.

[audreyinalbany]

as always, Reine has wonderful insight. Thanks to her for being such a valuable member of this forum...