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  1. #1
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    Just found out my son is a crossdresser too

    Hi All,

    I have just found out recently my 14yo son like to crossdress too. I am scared for him knowing what I went thu at his age.
    I never told my son that I was a CD, never dressed arround him, never talked bout it. So there is no influence on my behalf.
    I have an extremly supportive Fiance(soon to be wife) who has known about me since day one. It was unfortunatly her that discovered my son was too. I think she was more embaressed than him.
    We have talked to him about it and told him not to feel ashamed of it as long as he can "Do It" in his own private time. We have been op-shopping with him so he could buy some clothes of his own.
    He has gone really quiet since we have found out. We dont encourage him as such but are totally are supportive if you know what i mean.

    Has anyone else been thu this?? If anyone else has is in the same stuiation it would be great to hear from you. Good or bad. Or just other peoples thoughts would b great

    Thanks
    Jaych and Hay loves jach

  2. #2
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    Here's a study on kids of crossdressing dads:

    http://krex.k-state.edu/dspace/bitst...eisbig2007.pdf
    Here is a web-visible version: View via google pdf viewer

    On the most part they are pretty normal... results are on page 39. I suggest that you start reading there. You can skip sections like "methodology".

    One of the kids interviewed was shocked, the rest took it easily. It looks like the kids watch their father's reaction to shape their opinions of it. If the father is conflicted, they don't like that this issue causes trouble for their father. If he's fine with it, they are too. There's a lot more to this document, I think you'll want to read it for yourself.

    p55 has advice to fathers. Hmmm they say age 14 is a rough time and it was harder for the kids to hear about their father's crossdressing then... of course your situation is very different. Though, the paper attributes the difficulties to the typical challenges of adolescence, not to the revelations. I guess its a reminder that it's not always about the dressing -- his or yours.

    Cheers.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member TiffanyTgirl's Avatar
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    It has got to be hard. I don't wish to tell my son as I don't want to influence him. It has not been easy for me and I don't wish the kind of stress i have had on him. If he finds it on his own, then I will be supportive.

  4. #4
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    Wow, I can only say that he has two great parents who understand. Just at that age, he has something else to deal with which will make him stronger and hopefully the bond between your family will be strong. Thankfully he was not the son in a family of bigotry like many of us.

  5. #5
    Member Joanna Maguire's Avatar
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    Son a CD

    Why not reveal that you were once a CD Or still are ? Then tell him about all your troubles and problems over the years! He then might tell you about his own fears and problem Its best to be honest. Is he shy ? Maybe you should show him this site ? I think he will continue being a CD He might stop being a CD for a while. But in my experience Once you are a CD ! Always a CD Who's feminine clothing does he wear ? His sisters or your wifes or a friend the ?Even if he does it in secret ? Wearing their clothing They will soon find out because of how the store their clothing. As I said Its best to be honest. Do not ask him to many questions, Just let him gradually tell you. Maybe over a period? Not all at once Be gentle and understanding.

  6. #6
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    Jaych,

    It sounds like the 3 of you have things well in hand and are on the way to working things out. There are two things that I might suggest that you remember, though.

    1. He is probably still trying to figure out all of this himself, something that is difficult enough for an adult. But then you through in those pubescent hormones and the mood swings, and the peer pressure to conform, and then all of the other things that go along with being a teen, like school, and figuring out about sex. Remember when you were that age, everything was about sex, from the neighbor's sports car to your bike, to your best friend's Mom, to the shoes the girl that sat in front of you in English class was wearing, to the girl that sat in fron of you in English class. That does not mea n that any of it will relate to sex in his adult life.

    2. Just as it is important to let him know that you love and support him, it is important to be willing to listen, to try to understand. He may not be willing to open up to your or his step-mom, but it is important that he know that you both are willing to listen and try to understand him.

    Grace,
    Bobbi

  7. #7
    ...don't encourage me Josie M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MsGreen View Post
    Here's a study on kids of crossdressing dads:

    http://krex.k-state.edu/dspace/bitst...eisbig2007.pdf
    Here is a web-visible version: View via google pdf viewer

    On the most part they are pretty normal... results are on page 39. I suggest that you start reading there. You can skip sections like "methodology".

    One of the kids interviewed was shocked, the rest took it easily. It looks like the kids watch their father's reaction to shape their opinions of it. If the father is conflicted, they don't like that this issue causes trouble for their father. If he's fine with it, they are too. There's a lot more to this document, I think you'll want to read it for yourself.

    p55 has advice to fathers. Hmmm they say age 14 is a rough time and it was harder for the kids to hear about their father's crossdressing then... of course your situation is very different. Though, the paper attributes the difficulties to the typical challenges of adolescence, not to the revelations. I guess its a reminder that it's not always about the dressing -- his or yours.

    Cheers.
    Thank you for that pdf link....Don't know if my son will be a CD, and he'd certainly have our support if he is. However, since his father is one, it's nice to have the info to decide how to approach it.

  8. #8
    Miss Art Deco Tallulah Rose's Avatar
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    Being there for him, understanding and supporting is the best way. Even if he has gone quiet for the time being, understanding and love will minimise the bad stuff he goes through. I wish I'd had that when I was 'busted' by my parents.

    Hope all goes well in the end.

  9. #9
    Golden Girl Gina X's Avatar
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    My son is 32 knows and even approves of my CD'ing. I know he buys femminine type underwear he has said cryptic things like "I'm more like you than you think" to me, but hasn't as such come out to me. I know at his age it would have been difficult for me to come out to anybody, so I guess if I leave him some space he will eventually "find himself". As an aside he has a very beautiful oriental GG girlfriend and seems pretty pleased with life in general HTH

    Lots of love Gina x
    [SIZE="3"]Lots of love Gina X[/SIZE]

    If you sit near the river for long enough eventually the bodies of your enemies will float by......Chinese Proverb
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  10. #10
    Silver Member Joanne f's Avatar
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    At 14yrs old it is a bit of an experimental type of dressing and they can go on with a particular type of dressing or suddenly change for no apparent reason , i have found that it is best to just let them dress how they are happy to ,not encouraging or discouraging just quietly supporting them by not making an issue of it , most are happier to dress in their way and left to it rather than the parents making comments and embarrassing them although the odd "that looks nice never gos amiss.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne

  11. #11
    Transman Andy66's Avatar
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    If your son is like many other 14 year olds, then he probably feels like crawling under a rock whenever you want to talk to him about certain things, including anything gender or sex related. Also, many kids think their parents have horrendous fashion sense. In his mind he may not even have been crossdressing as you and I see it - just trying a new style or whatever. No, really. I work in a department store and see that clothes are becoming more and more gender neutral all the time. I say give him space but support him as a parent should do for any 14 year old boy.

  12. #12
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    As long as he is assured he is loved and appreciated for who he is, I don't see any problem Hon.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by jaych View Post
    Hi All,

    I have just found out recently my 14yo son like to crossdress too. I am scared for him knowing what I went thu at his age.
    I never told my son that I was a CD, never dressed arround him, never talked bout it. So there is no influence on my behalf.
    I have an extremly supportive Fiance(soon to be wife) who has known about me since day one. It was unfortunatly her that discovered my son was too. I think she was more embaressed than him.
    We have talked to him about it and told him not to feel ashamed of it as long as he can "Do It" in his own private time. We have been op-shopping with him so he could buy some clothes of his own.
    He has gone really quiet since we have found out. We dont encourage him as such but are totally are supportive if you know what i mean.

    Has anyone else been thu this?? If anyone else has is in the same stuiation it would be great to hear from you. Good or bad. Or just other peoples thoughts would b great

    Thanks
    Jaych and Hay loves jach
    I went through this from the younger partys point of veiw about 8 years ago. I remember my parents acting supportive at first and then declining in that support. It finally turned into a "you're not doing that in my house!" thing. He's probably quiet because he's embarassed and waiting for you to drop what he probably thinks is an act of reverse psycology. I know when my parents first found out they told my entire family as an attempt to shame me into stopping, under the pretense of "we're a close family we share everything." He's probably scared, embaressed, and expecting you to be passivly aggresive with your approach to stoping it. So you probably haven't reached him yet. Just keep doing what you are doing and he should come around

  14. #14
    Truth, Love, Freedom Angiemead12's Avatar
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    What about introducing him to this website to show him he is not alone!

  15. #15
    New Member TianaCross's Avatar
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    i think its important to let him know u support him but that its equally important not to influence him..i dont know what to say from a parents point of view as i dont have children, i can only say what i think would be the....the best thing for him.

    let him find out on his own if hes a 'life long' cd or whatever.. anyway, as i understand it from your post, ure doing a great job & i can only congratulate u on that

    I think u should just let him explore this as he feels he should... but he must know u support him no matter what. The idea with forums is not a bad one, but i dont know if it should be this forum as ure here and kids dont like to share space with their parents at that age

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member karennjcd's Avatar
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    Wow so many different approaches to all of this. In my household it's just myself and my teenage son. He's 18 now, but I brought him up myself the past 10 years. I always wonder if perhaps he knows about my CD'ing but is afraid to bring it up. Teens will be curious, and I just don't know if he's entered my bedroom when I'm not home and observed that it contains a lot more female clothes than male, including a closet full of high heels.

    So perhaps, did Jaych's son know his dad was a CD and was just emulating him secretly (until caught)? I mean it's possible, even if he might not have admitted such.

    Karen

  17. #17
    Silver Member Loni's Avatar
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    let him do his thing at his pace, no pressure to dress or not dress.

    maybe leave this sites address for him to find?
    a kid these days has far and away better access to info then we did as kids. he just needs to find his space, and growing up and learning new and different things is a hard thing to do.
    but do not let on about your self for a number of years yet. after he has himself set say in 5 years maybe then talk about you.
    but till then spoil him and enjoy your and his life.

    life is short...

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