Feel bad after I am done dressing.

[Office Stacy]

I feel bad after I had my fun dressing. When I dress up it usual starts with me wanting to wear some nylons because of a woman I saw. The next step is high heels because nylons don’t feel or look right without a pair of high heels. Then I feel the need to put on a skirt, then an outfit, then a wig and finally make-up. Now that I am fully dressed I want to spend some time as Stacy because I think I look cute and sexy. I want to spend some time outside hearing my heels on the concrete, to feel and hear the nylons and my skirt moving around my legs and feel and see the warm sunshine on my nylon covered legs. I have come to understand that me dressing up is more of sexually thing, because I really like the office look. A lot of the times I get carried away in the moment. I need to learn more self control because afterwards I am not proud or happy with myself. Is there anybody out there that feels the same way?
I have a beautiful wife that works in an a office and from time to time she wears backseam stockings, skirts and high heels and are sex life is great but I think I am real sexually guy. I am trying to kick the Stacy habit because over the past couple years I feel less of a need to dress because I am in a relationship.

[Karren H]

Good luck kicking anything but your heels.... back..... lol Over time the "bad" feeling goes away, especially after you accept that you are who you are and you like what you like. Nothing "wrong" with crossdressing and nothing to be ashamed of.... and it isn't going away.... After you accept that, crossdressing becomes fun... at least it is for me!

[JohnH]

Just roll with the punches. After all a guy wants to go outside the very narrow confines of what a man is expected to wear or how to groom himself. As long as you don't hurt other peoples feelings you aren't doing anything wrong.
I for one am sick and tired of seeing everybody wear pants and it's good to see a little variety. Karren Hutton would second my opinion!

Just make sure that you don't keep your crossdressing activities a secret. Your wife needs to know about your activities. Who knows - the two of you just might want to go out dressed. I keep my dresses, heels, etc. in plain view in the master bedroom closet and I wear feminine clothes around my wife.

[SamanthaS]

You just feel like most of "us" at some point in our crossdressing. I used to have those same feelings. I don't think we choose crossdressing; it chooses us. I think I know how some gay people felt before they came out of the closet. Crossdressing doesn't hurt people like somethings in life; and you could be doing worst things than wearing pantyhose-freak! Dressing is a part of you that you have to accept. If I find a cure for dressing I'll let you know. Until then, Hanes are the best pantyhose in the world, and if you have some unworn pairs, send them my way

[Office Stacy]

But that is the thing "I am uncomforted with cross-dressing”. I really don’t want other people seeing me in public, especially children. I haven’t told my wife because I want to kick the habit. But if I can’t kick the habit then I am going to feel bad because I trust and love my wife. Stacy really grew fast after I got out of a six year bad relationship and I was single during this time.

You just feel like most of "us" at some point in our crossdressing. I used to have those same feelings. I don't think we choose crossdressing; it chooses us. I think I know how some gay people felt before they came out of the closet. Crossdressing doesn't hurt people like somethings in life; and you could be doing worst things than wearing pantyhose-freak! Dressing is a part of you that you have to accept. If I find a cure for dressing I'll let you know. Until then, Hanes are the best pantyhose in the world, and if you have some unworn pairs, send them my way

I am sorry Samanth but the best nylons in the world are on the "Stockingshq" and "Stocking Girl" web site. I am always on those sites get nylons for my wife and she loves telling people how expensive they are and how I go out of my way to buy them for her.[

[NicoleScott]

Those guilt feelings can be expensive. After a few purges it suddenly hits you "why do I keep throwing this stuff away? It doesn't seem to cure me. Oh well I guess I'm a crossdresser. Might as well accept it. Sure wish I had some of that stuff back." Been there, done that.

[Julogden]

But that is the thing "I am uncomforted with cross-dressing”. I really don’t want other people seeing me in public, especially children. I haven’t told my wife because I want to kick the habit. But if I can’t kick the habit then I am going to feel bad because I trust and love my wife.

Hi Stacy,

Over the years, I've heard a number of CD's say they were going to quit dressing, and not one of them succeeded for very long. I suppose that somewhere, one or two have succeeded in quitting, but I'd be willing to bet that they were not happy about it. The desire will never go away for good, it always comes back, and usually with a vengeance. I'd suggest that you would be wiser to work toward integrating it into your life, you'll be much happier.

Carol

[MsGreen]

When I read your story, it sounds like you are "giving in" to crossdressing when you are telling yourself "just this little bit". Maybe you are feeling bad b/c your breaking a small rule inside yourself. Even if its an arbitrary rule, you've compromised on a decision that you made. Suppose you told yourself that you'll set aside time to dress and to do it fully, enjoying it. I think there would be less guilt involved if you set your boundaries a little wider.

[JohnH]

Office Stacy,

Is it any more wrong for a man to wear a skirt or a dress than for a woman to wear pants? Up to around 1940 women were forbidden from wearing pants even by law. Nowadays a man can wear whatever he wants as long as there is no indecent exposure as far as the law is concerned.

Women are free to wear anything but by some quirk men are quite restricted by social convention.

If somehow you don't believe that clothing and grooming conventions for men are too narrow just look at this website. You will notice that the male-to-female crossdressers section is over 20 times the size of the transmasculine [female to male] section in the number of threads and postings.

As far as children are concerned, at least in my area, very few women wear skirts and dresses unless if it is in a formal setting (e.g., a church service). I am probably the only one in the neighborhood that wears a dress for walks. In fact, I just got back from a walk while I was wearing a long sleeve maxi-dress and carrying a purse. So given that very few women wear skirts and dresses, I don't think you are going to corrupt the children - just think of the bilge on television that really corrupts children.

You really need to accept your crossdressing and tell your wife. This idea of concealing it is wrong.

John

[Amanda22]

I don't think you are going to corrupt the children - just think of the bilge on television that really corrupts children.

You can say that again! We crossdressers are so harmless in public; we just want to go about our business. Being spotted by a child is not going to corrupt them. I get so tired of the notion of "corruption!" They said the same thing about other subsets of society before they were generally accepted by the majority.

[JohnH]

You can say that again! We crossdressers are so harmless in public; we just want to go about our business. Being spotted by a child is not going to corrupt them. I get so tired of the notion of "corruption!" They said the same thing about other subsets of society before they were generally accepted by the majority.

I'm sure people said that children would be corrupted if they saw women wearing pants before 1940. They also said that women who wore pants had mental illness. So it helps to read up on history.

I like to think of myself as a freestyler instead of a crossdresser. I really would like it to become acceptable for men in general to be able to wear skirts, dresses, heels, and makeup as it is for women to wear pants. That is why I have chosen to retain my masculine name to be applied at all times.

John

[Sarah Michelle]

I think you need to think through and separate your issues. Dressing is your pastime. It harms no one. it has nothing to do with (or shouldn't have) your sex life with your wife unless the two of you choose to include it there.
Your guilt is completely societal for believing you have crossed boundaries
As Karren says; accept yourself and enjoy the ride.
You can have twice as much fun as a single gender individual...

[JohnH]

What society dictates does not necessarily make it right.

At one time it was considered immoral for a woman to sing publicly. Yet there was the need for adult altos and sopranos. So there was the ingenious surgical solution to produce the castrati - men who were castrated in childhood to keep their voices high.

More than half of the male population in the world wear skirt like garments. Egyptian, Greek, and Roman men wore skirts, and only the women wore pants. Even to this day there are kilts for the Irish and Scots and fustanellas for Greek men.

There is a difference of opinion - I as a minority on this forum believe that I am a single gender individual.

John

[sissystephanie]

To those who say; "You cannot quit being a crossdresser!", I say HOGWASH!! If you have the desire to stop, you can!! But it does take a lot of desire, and the willpower to fight any temptation! Some years ago, after my late wife and I were married and had children, I did stop CD'ing completely. I had decided that it would be best for the whole family if I stopped. My wife did know about my CD activities, and fully supported me in doing them. After I had stopped for 5 years, she decided that she wanted Stephanie back in our life again. She litterally begged me to start dressing again. I totally loved her, so I did. But I proved to myself, and her, that I could stop. If a family member who is close to me, son or daughter, asks me to stop I will, because I know that I can!

As far as other things are concerned; you are definitely not going to corrupt children by appearing dressed in front of them. And there is cetainly no reason to be ashamed of dressing! Unless of course you make yourself look terrible!! I doubt that happens!! But you do need to tell your wife, if she does not already know. Secrets of that type have no place in a marriage. Open and honest communication is the only way to go!

[JohnH]

[QUOTE=sissystephanie;2339561]To those who say; "You cannot quit being a crossdresser!", I say HOGWASH!! If you have the desire to stop, you can!! But it does take a lot of desire, and the willpower to fight any temptation! /QUOTE]

But why stop unless it becomes an overwhelming obsession?

John

[ClaireT]

Stacy, the first thing to understand is that you're not the first or the last person to feel this way. Many of us have been through this.

I'm sure that most of us go through the stage of revulsion or denial that fosters such guilt, I think that the nature of keeping this part of ourselves clandestine helps to feed this guilt. We're not all the same, but experience says that Stacy's part of you and she won't be going anywhere, she'll agree to periods of exile but she'll nearly always come back. Not all of us are able to incorporate our female side into our day to day lives and relationships so we have to settle for some form of balance. For some this may be the odd day or few hours per month, the lucky ones are able to integrate their female selves with more success. One thing I do know is that this side of us needs a release in some shape or form or else we become pressure cookers waiting to blow off.

You're doing nothing wrong and to the extent that you dress at the moment you're harming and affecting nobody, so there's really no need to feel guilty. Perhaps your feelings are more to do with a mis-attribution of the downer we all feel when we feel the obligation to change back. We're going from a feeling of serenity and comfort from being ourselves to a feeling of tension, obligation to conform and an acknowledgment that we're different. Not wrong, but different. There's nothing wrong with being different, look at the distribution of any attribute in society, weight or height for instance, what's "normal"? Most times you'll come up with the explanation of "normal" equating to being average... do you really want to be average? We're a diverse population and there's plenty of room for Trannies amongst a varied population. In the end, the first person who needs to accept this is you.

I don't want to drown the thread with words, I hope this helps.

Claire

[Alice Torn]

John and Steph, Dittos! Men in Fiji wear skirts to church, too.

[JohnH]

John and Steph, Dittos! Men in Fiji wear skirts to church, too.

Not only that, boys are required to wear skirts to school in Fiji.

John

[jaquie]

You feel bad because your conscience is telling you you are doing something wrong and part of your mind and body are telling you how can something be wrong when it feels so right! It is a totally reasonable way to feel for someone who is human. For you crossdressing is obsessive compulsive ( a free diagnoisis by a dime store psycologist who spent the day with a psychologist{not under treatment}) I know that because I feel the same way. It is totally natural for you not to want a child to see you as you are a sane person who understands the innocence, impressionableness (is that a word), and simpleness of a child. You know what you are doing is wrong but cannot stop it. It is the human condition.
So in answer to your question Yes I feel exactly the same way. There is less guilt when someone else is involved. However there is greater joy for you in life not being alone.
I hope you find peace.
Jaquie

[Aleca]

It's a bad, bad feeling alright when done with dressing. It's not because I give up for the moment looking like a woman but I realize too I am taking a part of myself away from myself. Something for sure to work on.

[Michelle 51]

Not any more for me.Use to especialy when it was sexual but now its more a statement of who i am .

[docrobbysherry]

When you're more interested in sex with Stacy than with your SO, you'll have GOOD REASON to feel guilty! And, THAT could become a big problem for all 3 of u!

I'm also concerned that u seem to have a desire to go out dressed. WHY? Who is it that u want to share Tracy with?

Tracy, the thing u need to know is, your CDing desires r in flux! That means, the best, (or worst), is probably yet to come!

[Tricia Lee]

I've found that separating sexual gratification from crossdressing relieves the guilt. For me it turned out to be really easy to exercise self control in that area. Crossdressing is fun and exciting. It can be arousing if I let it, but I choose not to. Life is easier that way!

[Carly D]

Good luck kicking anything but your heels.... back..... lol Over time the "bad" feeling goes away, especially after you accept that you are who you are and you like what you like. Nothing "wrong" with crossdressing and nothing to be ashamed of.... and it isn't going away.... After you accept that, crossdressing becomes fun... at least it is for me!

Trying to quit because you feel bad isn't going to work.. Some of us are just this way..

[sissystephanie]

[QUOTE=JohnH;2339564]

To those who say; "You cannot quit being a crossdresser!", I say HOGWASH!! If you have the desire to stop, you can!! But it does take a lot of desire, and the willpower to fight any temptation! /QUOTE]

But why stop unless it becomes an overwhelming obsession?

John

John, that is a very good point, at least for some. I have never let my dressing become an overwhelming obsession, but I know many have done so!

Trying to quit because you feel bad isn't going to work.. Some of us are just this way..

Carly, you are a CD because you want to be! I doubt that anybody held a gun to your head the first time you put on feminine clothing. And I doubt that anybody is still holding a gun to your head every time you do it. Unless you are totally dominated, you alone are in charge of what you wear! This goes for everyone on this forum!