My trigger and the problem it causes.

[Office Stacy]

Maybe somebody out there deals with this like I do and can help give me some good ideas to get me thru the day. I work in and office and today one of the girls in the office is wearing a cute grey pencil skirt (stops just above the knee), with nude nylons and shiny black hidden heel 4 ½ inch close toe pumps. Because I see how sexy and cute see looks I now want to go home to get dressed like that or go house an “take care of myself” if you know what I mean, so I can get it out of my system. I know I will get upset with myself for wasting time to pleaser myself or get dress. So what did I do?

[JohnH]

I guess you are going to have to get the same outfit and wear it!

[Dana]

I don't see what the "issue" is?

[Office Stacy]

The problem is that i am trying to understand myself and be faithful to my beautiful wife. Also to deal with my desires without having to crossdress. Maybe I am on the wrong web site to talk about it or I am on this web site for the wrong reasons. I really don't know.

[sterling12]

Wow, what part of The World do you live in? Around here, even "professional women" dress like modified "Bag Ladies." Most of their clothing choices seem to reflect "Casual Friday" 24/7, or they would look just perfect pushing a shopping cart down city streets with all of their other "possessions" on board! I can't remember the last time I saw any GG wearing Hosiery. I thought The Clothing Styles had drastically changed.

I imagine your co-worker is sending a message. Looks great, but probably on The Prowl. All Single Guys.....beware!

Seems like "A Look" you could emulate. We have had some in My Support Group who like to dress this way at Meetings.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Karren H]

I see women dressed up at work and I want to go pleasure myself too.... by going shopping! lol

[GaleWarning]

C'mon! There is nothing wrong with being impressed or aroused by a gorgeous, well-dressed woman.
a) They dress to impress. Be impressed!
b) No need to feel guilty about the effect a beautiful, well-dressed woman has on you ... as one of my students said to the rest of the class, "My mum says that if a man does not react like that, he isn't much of a man."

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Sit back and soak it up,

[Cari]

I have the same trigger; and dont feel guilty about it unless it sets off a shopping spree.
For me seeing a girl in the office isnt that different from seeing an outfit on TV or in a catalog; same affect.
Ive actually had Weather channel send me off in serach of an outfit :-)
Just reading your post I was mentally inventorying my closet to see if I could put it together.

This is kinda short however if the only reason I'm mentally undressing a young lady is to try on her clothes; I dont consider it being unfaithfull :-)

Whats really strange is if Im a relationship or am interested in someone; I wont notice details about their outfits ect.

Has anyone else here been checking out an outifit on a woman your not really into and the attention sent the wrong message ? Thats awkward.

[ReineD]

The problem is that i am trying to understand myself and be faithful to my beautiful wife. Also to deal with my desires without having to crossdress. Maybe I am on the wrong web site to talk about it or I am on this web site for the wrong reasons. I really don't know.

No, you're in the right place. Sometimes members here forget what it was like when they went through the same thing, or they don't understand the quandarry of trying to get work done and not being able to concentrate, or not wanting to betray a wife, and their answers can be tongue-in-cheek. I guess.

So, to back up the OP, does anyone else out there (thank you, Cari ) have any meaningful advice for Office Stacy?

[KellyCD]

Wow, what part of The World do you live in? Around here, even "professional women" dress like modified "Bag Ladies." Most of their clothing choices seem to reflect "Casual Friday" 24/7, or they would look just perfect pushing a shopping cart down city streets with all of their other "possessions" on board! I can't remember the last time I saw any GG wearing Hosiery. I thought The Clothing Styles had drastically changed.

Quoted for truth. I was wondering the same thing.


I work with a girl who doesn't even know what hosiery is.....

In fact the only GG's I know that even dress nice at all(and I don't mean super sexy/****ty whatever...I mean "nice" as in they put more than the usual 2 seconds most females put into themselves nowadays.) are the girls that work at the local Bank. They look very professional, not revealing and it's DRAMATICALLY SEXY. I'm guilty of lusting after quite a few of them.

[Eva_nine]

society refuses to allow us to admit that we humans are sexual beings. i hate that sex is so taboo, yet 90% of the population does it.

on another note my wife doesnt understand that i dress as an alternative to sexual release. when i am dress i am concentrating on being a sexy passable woman and not thinking about all the tings that bother me. she doesnt and most of the rest of the world doesnt understand it.

[ReineD]

[SIZE="3"]OK .. I'm putting my mod hat on to plead with future posters to this thread, which is NOT about how GGs dress in your areas, or the fact that sex is taboo to some people.

This is the original question. Can anyone here help Stacy?[/SIZE]

I know I will get upset with myself for wasting time to pleaser myself or get dress. So what do I do?

[randumbness]

I think your problem is not the crossdressing, but you feeling unfaithful. Maybe you aren't understanding what you're attracted to, her outfit or her. If it's the outfit, don't feel so guilty about it, it's something you can control and wait for when you either have the money, or when you have the time to "relieve yourself" if I understand your meaning. This is my opinion though, but I think this might be the issue you're facing.

[Danni Bear]

Stacy,

I am making some assumptions here based of your post.

The look of women dressed sexily is a turn on for you, as is dressing in the same manner. Another is ,your wife is not aware of this side of you.

This is something that virtually every one of us has done at one time or another in our lives.
If you haven't talked to your wife, I would. It can be brought into your lives and bring you closer.
To "pleasure" yourself and feel that you are wasting time or not being faithful to your wife needs addressing with a therapist or counselor. These feelings come from what is percieved as guilty pleasures and can tear you and your wife apart if not confronted. There is nothing wrong with being aroused by a woman or by wearing clothes that do the same. It is hard for men or women to see one of the opposite sex that attracts and not be distracted and want relief.It is basic in everyone over a certain age(varies by individual).

I wish that I could tell you that this is only a phase or passing fancy but it isn't. It is something you have to either embrace or fight for the rest of your life. No, you aren't on the wrong forum for answers or help. With this or any other issues you could face. We aren't always the smartest bunch or have all the answers but there is a tremendous amount of experience here and uncounted measures of support .

Danni

[erickka]

IMO, there is nothing wrong with you. You saw a beautiful girl, got turned on, it just means you are a hetro male who likes to wear women's clothes. You'll fit in well on this forum. This is the place where you have a lot of help to sort things out, and a lot of support to go with it.

[StacyCD]

I don't think there is anything wrong with seeing a beautiful woman and recognizing that fact. I only wish more women 'dressed up.'

[Kelly DeWinter]

Stacy

Actually what you are describing is commonly the "Addiction Cycle", Our brains are like a computer in ways, what we think in our minds, and act out in our bodies can actually 'wet wire' and reinfource actions and behaviors. The Acting out portion of the cycles activates pleasure centers in the brain and wires in pathways in the brain that become reinforced over time.

The Cycle starts in our Mind.

1. Fantasy - Trigger Event
2. Ritual - Dressing
3. Acting Out - Masturbation
4. Relief - Feelings (Shame/Satisfaction/Happiness/Anger)

When the cycle ends, there are feeling (good or bad ) until the next trigger event.

You can actually change how you think and feel by either changing the Fantasy, Ritual, or Act in your cycle, to lay down and reinforce new neural pathways in your brain. The process is simple, and takes about 30 days. It is not something you have to fight the rest of your life, a good counselor can help you with this.

The real issue, is wether a person has an addictive personality, and if they replace one addiction with another. The cycle then repeats with another 'addiction'

[Office Stacy]

Sorry about getting mad yesterday. I always had a thing for nylons since I was very young and I would use them to masturbate and I was ok with that. The changed happened when I got into a really bad relationship in 1997 that was on and off for six years and that is when things started to change. After the six years Stacy real started growing in large steps. I think within the first years after the relationship was over. It went from wearing nylons while I masturbated to fully dressed with make-up, wig and going out dressed to my P.O. Box at night.
I think I made Stacy as a way to have fun with my nylon fetish, my attraction to office woman and a way of being in a safe relationship where I did get hurt.

[Kelly DeWinter]

The problem is that i am trying to understand myself and be faithful to my beautiful wife. Also to deal with my desires without having to crossdress. Maybe I am on the wrong web site to talk about it or I am on this web site for the wrong reasons. I really don't know.

Stacy,

It's ok, to be upset, you did an amazing thing, got upset owned upto it, and came back to the forum. It takes a lot of internal fortitude to do that. No one will ever be upset with you. Sometimes the answers you recive here will be flippatent (guilty to me) or clinical, or somewhere in between. It's free advice , use what you want and discard the rest.

Consider going to a therapist, but goto one that understands GID, he/she may be able to guide you better. But only go if you have clear goals in mind like you stated here :
"
1. I am trying to understand myself
2. and be faithful to my beautiful wife
3. also to deal with my desires without having to crossdress"

This way he/she can help you develop a course of work that will help you meet those goals. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. I think of it like taking my car to the mechanic for a tune up. If i take my car in on a regular basis, it runs better and is less likely to break down. I see a counselor 2 times a year for a mental health check up. I'm running a lot better these last few years.

Kelly

[prene]

If that is your problem.
I have it every day and nite.

Tell me if you find a cure . . . not sure if I want it though.

[Melinda G]

I know I will get upset with myself for wasting time to pleaser myself or get dress. So what do I do?

Pleasuring yourself is never time wasted!

[LeannL]

Stacy,
I understand how and why you feel upset. For most of us, we have gone through all of this over and over. First of all, once we realize that we are different that what we believe we should be, we, logically, haven't come to grips with who we are and are far from accepting who we are. You sound like you are at that point in your relationship with your CDing. It is a difficult time and one that often requires help to both hasten the process and lessen the pain (yes it hurts!). As Danni said, the help of a good therapist can be beneficial. I would emphasize that getting one who specializes in gender issues is a must. The self-gratification that you experience appears to be tied to the brain chemistry that drives the desire to crossdress. Taking care of yourself in this way releases the tension that builds up as the desire to crossdress builds. You have found the two different ways to release the tension all that you are doing is relieving the stress that would otherwise tear you apart. It is an act of self-preservation. Please do not feel guilty about any of what you are doing. Seek to understand and then you can get back to enjoying life to its fullest.

Leann