Salon said NO to doing my Hair Enfemme

[Sarasometimes]

Earlier in the week I stopped by, enmale, a cool looking salon and asked if I could get my wig roller set while I wore it dressed. I explained that I would be dressed in a typical way, nothing outlandish. The young hairdresser first said no problem but then said she would check with the owner. I said that would be fine since I don't wish to make anyone uncomfortable. Well after playing phone tag for two days another hairdresser came to the phone and said that Ana didn't do men's hair and that she thought I was referring to having an SO's hair done.
Oh well, the place seemed neat and cozy but the way I see it they lost out on a regular customer. I do this once every two weeks, sometimes even more often than that. I also tip fairly well. Not letting this get me down I simply called one of my current favorite shops and got booked for next Thursday. I think I'm going super curly!!

[Rianna Humble]

Seems like they passed up the chance to get a good customer - their loss!

When I first started geting manis/pedis, I contacted a few salons around Brighton (where I work) which is known for being a very tolerant city to ask if I could go cross-dressed. Two refused to give me a straight answer, one promised to call me back in a couple of hours - that was 15 months ago and their 2 hours isn't up yet and one at the posher end of the city said, that's fine no problem! Guess which one I frequent! Incidentally, after I began my transition I found out I had been their first cross-dressed client.

[JohnH]

I have gotten my hair styled the same when I was en femme and en homme - it didn't make any difference how I was dressed. The place does both men's and women's hair, and I had a woman's hair style done both times.

[Sarasometimes]

The other cuious thing is that the salon does do men's hair??? Oh well, I know Justine will be happy to see me Thursday and i will be sure to tip her well for the holidays as well!! My feeling was that Ana was OK with it but the owners weren't. Otherwise thye would have offered to have someone else take care of me. hey it is their shop they can make those choices and we can make ones of our own. Go somewhere else and promote the friendly places!

[NathalieX66]

And they will recieve no money or tip. They probably have no heart, or sense of humor either.
Find another salon, I'm sure can't be that hard.

[Sara Jessica]

The easy answer in this whole thing is yeah, the salon in question is intolerant and as a result, their revenue for the coming year will be that much lower because of it.

But I will propose a different viewpoint as to how to approach these things.

Whether male or female, would one approach a salon and ask if it was "ok" to be a customer?

Why is it in our world that many of us feel the need to do advance reconnaissance in order to obtain permission to be a customer?

Whatever the answer, I suggest that the likelihood of rejection goes up immensely when presenting in guy mode and requesting permission for typically feminine services, whether hair, nails, trying on clothing, whatever. Remember, the average person needs time to process this TG thing. I think the odds improve in our favor tremendously when we present as we are. It makes the other side's processing easier (as in "oh, check this out, she is just another normal person" rather than letting their minds run and coming to an inappropriate conclusion).

Based on personal experience, mostly based on circumstance, I have been in a position where I have asked and for the most part, I've been lucky. Rejection only once in clothing land which was the subject of a lively discussion this past summer. Hair? Lucky, found a terrific salon and I first presented in guy mode. Nails? I'd go into any salon in girl mode and if I got a bad vibe, I'd do an about face. Have yet to have that happen.

What's that expression? Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. Seems that sort of fits here.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Let the fingers do the walking. Seek and ye shall find.

[Ericka2]

You are soo right Sara Jessica, I will adjust my attitude as prescribed.

Love Ericka

[JohnH]

The other cuious thing is that the salon does do men's hair???

Yes. The stylist does both. A man's style from her is $15.00. A woman's style is $25.00. Barber shops also cut women's hair, provided the customer wants simply a "man's" hair style - such as my wife. I had a "woman's" style for $25.00 twice. The first time I was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, denim skirt, and wedge heeled sandals - "en femme". The second time I was wearing a plaid flannel shirt, tan pants, and boat shoes - "en homme" [in drab].

The attitude around here in the Dallas, Texas area that seems to be prevalent is any service that is legal will be performed on a paying customer, regardless of gender.

My stylist and her associate suggested that I get French tips put on my fingernails while I was in drab the second time I visited the salon. I declined the offer.

Maybe it's time to get away from "men's" and "women's" nomenclature and simply use "short" and "long"

Yes, we both have our sense of styles and grooming backwards. I am the one who wears dresses, skirts, heels, and hose as described in signature area above while my wife is a pants, socks, and flat shoes kind of gal.

John

[NathalieX66]

Sara,
I just PM'ed you.

[Cari]

Wigs are expensive - I wouldnt want anyone touching mine who isnt 100% comfortable with the situation. Id say its the salons loss.

[Karren H]

Cross them off your Christmas Card list!!

[Nicole Erin]

Let the fingers do the walking. Seek and ye shall find.

But to that salon that refused service, let the MIDDLE finger do the talking.

NOW, I will say I am glad some salons refuse service to TG's. Why? Because I will soon be a stylist myself, and salons that send away paying customers, well those same customers may very well show up in MY chair.
How can I help you today?

Hey also for the record, it is not typical of salons to refuse service. So long as your money is green.
That is unless you seek a service that they just don't provide, but that is technical, not personal.

[Stephenie S]

Sarah Jessica is completely correct here.

DON'T "call ahead" and ask. Customers just don't do this. And when you do it makes many salon operators REALLY uncomfortable. It's like, "why is this person asking?", "what's going on?". It sounds very weird to the person answering the phone. If you call, just make an appointment.

Read Sarah's post again. She says it better than I.

S

[sissystephanie]

I have been going to same hairstylist (a lady) for over 20 years at 4 different salons. She doesn't care in the slightest what I wear, as long as I show up on time!! Some years ago I did call a nail salon and asked if they would do a mani/pedi on a man wearing a dress! The responce was; 'Honey, all we care about is that you show up with hands and feet and some clothes!!" That salon closed and I have now been on my second one for about 5 years. Sometimes I am enfemme and sometimes in drab. The salon ladies prefer me to be enfemme!!

[Tanya83]

I just don't get these business owners and their decision to refuse money simply because we dress differently.

[christine55]

Gotta just face the facts. There will always be people who don't like us. The more of us who go out, dressed tastefully and not cringing around as if we are commiting a crime, but being personable and polite, the more people will become accepting. The other night I thanked a Marine for his efforts, I don't know and don't care if he read me or not.

Hugs, Christine

[Chickhe]

Sometimes it is worth calling in advance to save your gas money and avoid a potentially uncomfortable situation in person. But, in the call I would not ask permission (because it is your right to get it done), instead I would ask if they have experience with transgender customers so you get a feeling for their knowledge level and acceptance.

[Sarasometimes]

The easy answer in this whole thing is yeah, the salon in question is intolerant and as a result, their revenue for the coming year will be that much lower because of it.

But I will propose a different viewpoint as to how to approach these things.

Whether male or female, would one approach a salon and ask if it was "ok" to be a customer?



Why is it in our world that many of us feel the need to do advance reconnaissance in order to obtain permission to be a customer?

Whatever the answer, I suggest that the likelihood of rejection goes up immensely when presenting in guy mode and requesting permission for typically feminine services, whether hair, nails, trying on clothing, whatever. Remember, the average person needs time to process this TG thing. I think the odds improve in our favor tremendously when we present as we are. It makes the other side's processing easier (as in "oh, check this out, she is just another normal person" rather than letting their minds run and coming to an inappropriate conclusion).

Based on personal experience, mostly based on circumstance, I have been in a position where I have asked and for the most part, I've been lucky. Rejection only once in clothing land which was the subject of a lively discussion this past summer. Hair? Lucky, found a terrific salon and I first presented in guy mode. Nails? I'd go into any salon in girl mode and if I got a bad vibe, I'd do an about face. Have yet to have that happen.

What's that expression? Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. Seems that sort of fits here.

Well the way I see it is I saved the time and money I would have spent to see that they aren't very welcoming to my kind. I can handle the rejection bettter than enduring the stares and looks when they don't want my business but i'm there already. It is clear to me that this place is pretty uptight about me being there so I kept my $$ to spend where I am made to feel very welcommed. At Justine's salon all of the staff are nice. they ask if my dryer is too hot? Do you want your coffee refreshed and then all the cute compliments and girlie comments just make it a fun RELAXED time for Sara!! Sara Jessica you do have another approach that has merit and one that i do try but I like the sertainty of doing reconn, Sara S

[Sarasometimes]

Sarah Jessica is completely correct here.

DON'T "call ahead" and ask. Customers just don't do this. And when you do it makes many salon operators REALLY uncomfortable. It's like, "why is this person asking?", "what's going on?". It sounds very weird to the person answering the phone. If you call, just make an appointment.

Read Sarah's post again. She says it better than I.

S

I have used the call ahead/stop by method and currently have many welcomming salons. I want the owner to have the choice. if they are leary or uncomfortable fine i will do as I have done with this place simply go elsewhere with my $$. If i showed up they could have done the same thing with me standing there ready to go or worse yet simply gone through the motions and made me feel unwelcomed. i spare them and myself that tortue. Sure they may have had extra time to overthink this but most salons have said sure when given a fair chance to say no as well. These are the places I wish to spend my CD $$. My opinion.

[LeannL]

You don't quite say where you are from so I don't know if this is applicable. However, I just ran across a reference to the fact that in New Jersey you have to have a special license to style a wig while it is on someone. I suspect that this is not the case as it would have been an easier answer that the one they gave you but I thought that I would put it out there.

BTW, I recently went to a Regis Salon en femme and had my male hair cut without a problem. I posted the experience here a while back.

Leann

[morgan51]

If I can find an accepting salon in wyoming you can find one on the east coast. Be picky its your money and thier loss.

[t-girlxsophie]

So this Salon doesn't cater for men,so they are saying if a guy popped in on a whim and wanted a short back and sides,they would refuse him,short sighted business practise comes to mind here,NO?

[Jean Marie]

You all mjight check into beauty colleges or beauty schools, far less expensive, I have been using a beauty college, never had any problem, I go in enfemme or in drab. They care for my wigs, I get weekly mani and pedicure and they keep my brows looking fem.

[Tranny Tee]

It must be nice to live in an area where the economy is good enough for businesses to turn away customers. Jean Marie is right, beauty colleges are a great place to go. I go to the establishment en homme and make an appointment explaining carefully that I shall be enfemme, my money is good, I have never been turned away.