Why the difference?

[Monica73]

Started a new job this week and one of the guys is openly gay. He is talking about his boyfriend etc all the time. I on the other hand have been underdressing and keep finding myself pulling my shirt down so no one will see my bright pink string bikinis. (new goal wear panties every day on this job...forever

I'm sure this has been discussed before, but why is it different? I really can't come out either as my wife completely objects (would hate for someone to tell her) but why should I obsessively hide it and why should it even matter? Or maybe it's me being overly cautious??

[sissystephanie]

I think you are being openly cautious! That said, you might want to think about wearing panties that are not quite so sexy and showy. I wear silk or satin panties every day, all day, but they are not string bikinis or such things. They are definitely feminine, and many are colored, but they are always hidden!! Most people don't care what you are wearing, unless you are trying to attract attention for some reason!

[Gina X]

This is one of those great unanserable questions, I guess it is a condition which society has forced upon us (think of the victorians covering the legs of tables!!) I think it will gradually break down over time but will be a long slow process as we are the newest at coming out it will take time gay people have been around as long as we have but have a head start in being accepted by society in general, I know our time will come probably not in my lifetime but almost certainly in the lifetime of some of our younger sisters, we just have to keep doing our own little bit gently pushing the boundaries further away although it looks an impossible task from our point of view but think how many out CD girls there were 25 years ago...................

[Michelle 51]

I'm probaly going to get flak for this statement but here goes anyway.Let me state first that i speaking in general.You can be gay and if you don't come out and if people don't know you they can't tell but a crossdresser unless you pass really well people can tell your a man in a dress.You probaly meet gays everyday and just see a guy but you do notice a crossdresser.Another point is if you hetro you are afraid people will think your gay because you like to wear womens clothing or weird and most people us included just want to fit in the norm.I think society is more acceptting of gays then men who dress as women.No offense to anybody.

[Monica73]

...Another point is if you hetro you are afraid people will think your gay because you like to wear womens clothing or weird and most people us included just want to fit in the norm...

You know I never thought of it like that. Maybe that is my problem. I don't know. Maybe subconsciously I am thinking that. Something for sure for me to think about. Maybe knowing someone who is gay and accepting them is different for me than being considered gay myself. Hmmmm...thanks for the input.

[suzy1]

I agree with Michelle. I am not expecting our lifestyle to be accepted by society in the near future if ever. This is just the way I see it. I am trying to be realistic about it. I don’t expect everyone here to agree.

[Joanne f]

I often wonder if it is partly to do with the way a lot of cross dressing is done , if you are openly gay then that is all there is to know about you (you are gay) but if you cross dress and wear a wig and makeup then people are not sure of why you are doing it so there is a certain amount of miss trust , in the sense that if you are hiding who you are then you must be doing something you shouldn`t be doing .

[Karren H]

Simply.... they are no longer perverts.... we still are!! lol

[juno]

I think it is because transgender illustrates that gender is not a simple "black and white" issue, but a continuum. To accept transgender, people have to accept that they may also not be 100% straight male or female, because there really is no such thing.

I suspect that FTM is more acceptable than MTF because men are instinctively vulnerable to peer pressure to be tough/brave, so that they are more willing to risk their life for the group, even when they are afraid. In primitive times, men would have to go out and hunt for food, even when they saw their companion get eaten on the last hunt. I'm just guessing, but it makes sense. We should reject that primitive instinct, because it is not needed in modern humans. Our intelligence is supposed to supersede our instinct.

[Prissy Linda]

I'll probably get some flack over this but It could be that Gay people are just braver than we are in general... Of course there are many gay people who can not or will not out themselves because of family, jobs,etc, but many have been willing to come out of the closet. Gays don't seem to feel as much shame about being with someone of their own gender as we feel about expressing our hidden gender or clothing preference.

[Joanne f]

I suspect that FTM is more acceptable than MTF.

I would disagree with this as i feel that FtM would have a much harder time with family than a MtF would , don`t be fooled by the lack of harassment posts on the FtM forum as they can have a very hard time .

[Veronica 1]

All it takes is for us to just decide to not care. Gays are accepted because they have been in the public eye now for a long time. We just need more time for society to accept our lifestyle. That can only work though if we start to push the boundries of our desires and dress the way we want as much as we can. In public.

[ninapuella]

I think it is because the trans-world have a very bad reputation. And that is because very many "fake"-tgirls out there just dress in lingerie and masturbate. Thats the picture that then is showed to everyone about the t-world. Before I started dressing i saw a transvestite like a discusting word. But now i have since a long time ago realized that there are t-girls that really are like women both in the head and in the way they behave and dress. It takes a lot to be a real t-girl but to many just go half-way and that is not sexy. I think the t-girls that really go all the way is not noticed in the same way, they just become a part of the people.

[Christinedreamer]

Another negative aspect is the almost universal way TGs are presented by the media . "Crossdressing" bank robbers, murderers, pedophiles, ******* hookers or for Milton Berle style parodies etc. Rarely do you see positive or at least neutral portrayals on TV or the movies.

Watch "Just Like a Woman" or "A Girl Like Me". Even the show Ally McBeal had a TG who was trying to get off the street and was gainfully employed as a legal apprentice.

As long as there is supposed comedy relief, sensationalistic news stories or a cheap way to make a crime show kinky, we will continue to be the brunt of suspicion and open hostility.

[donnalee]

(think of the victorians covering the legs of tables!!) ......

Even weirder, think of someone getting their rocks off by looking at a table leg! Talk about fetishes!

[Jorja]

Started a new job this week and one of the guys is openly gay. He is talking about his boyfriend etc all the time. I on the other hand have been underdressing and keep finding myself pulling my shirt down so no one will see my bright pink string bikinis. (new goal wear panties every day on this job...forever

I'm sure this has been discussed before, but why is it different? I really can't come out either as my wife completely objects (would hate for someone to tell her) but why should I obsessively hide it and why should it even matter? Or maybe it's me being overly cautious??

It is not different. The difference you refer to is you. If you want to be able to openly talk about your dressing in the office or anywhere for that matter, all you have to do is come out to thoes around you. Then you can talk and/or dress in the manner you desire without anything being said.

[sometimes_miss]

For me, it's simply a matter of insecurity, based on nowhere to find the support I need. Gay folks have a network of sorts, gay bars and clubs, gay dating sites online, where they optimistically meet other people who will be interested in them. There is no such place for crossdressers; there are no straight girl crossdresser bars, no straight girl crossdressers clubs or legitimate dating sites online (the only one is a sham, there are a few 'ringers', females who exist on the site for purposes of getting people to pay for the ability to answer emails, but those emails of interest dry up once you've paid your fee). I think that if there were a better way to find the few women who are o.k. with crossdressing, I might be more willing to be 'out'. But as it stands, I'll stay in the closet.

[Wendy W]

In Boston, it's just better accepted to be Gay or Lesbian. Being the first state to allow same sex marriage, there is plenty anti descrimination statutes and protection. I wish I could say the same for the rest of us CD and people with other gender interests.

I'm guessing with being Gay or Lesbian, they're talking about a SO just like when we talk about our Heterosexual SO. So its an accepted norm to talk about a loved one. But to come out about being a CD, it like coming out and telling the world, we have a fetish (it may not be the case).

Just go slow and feel out your work crowd, since your still new. Then just as mentioned above, come out slowly with slight hints in your dressing.

WW

[Monica73]

Thanks all for your input...I certainly don't feel alone in my feelings now! I knew you'd all help me out

[VS Fan]

Additional two cents here... I think there'd be a big difference between "wearing panties" to work and actually coming in fully dressed. If people can accept a gay co-worker, and if they see you wearing panties and think you're gay, the transitive property (loosely applied I'll admit) would seem to argue that they could accept you wearing panties. You simply tell them you're not gay, but just like to have a little fun, tell them they should try it (if they are guys) and that's it. Who cares what they think beyond that, as long as they are willing to still interact with you at work. As I said, there's a huge difference between that and showing up with a wig, full makeup / forms etc. And for full disclosure, I could never openly admit to underdressing at work, since my co-workers are *not* a tolerant bunch, so this two cents of mine is definitely from "safe cover."

VS Fan

[Jennifer Soames]

I think CD'ing makes people very insecure and they therefore dont want to accept it. Being Gay is now so common it is no longer a problem.

[audreyinalbany]

everyone here seems to take the attitude that gays just suddenly gained acceptance by some miracle. Don't forget that the current tolerance towards gays is, first of all, far from universal, and secondly very hard won. There were many years of struggling and strife for gays to gain even the modicum of acceptance they currently enjoy. We, on the other hand, generally seem to prefer to stay under the radar.

[karren G]

well i told my wife as soon as i new i realy liked to crossdress and wanted to ware knikers full time( and she lets me under my male clothes 24/7 and a bra so long as they don't show) We have a open and fully honest relationship and it has worked out well for us, as i know am alowed to dress in front of her when i want. if your relationship is good tell her then give her some time.As for work we have more job protection today i dont think they could stop you showing anthing so long as your not adfensive to anyone buy looking convincing or just middle half way gayish , thats my two peneth worth hope it helps

Started a new job this week and one of the guys is openly gay. He is talking about his boyfriend etc all the time. I on the other hand have been underdressing and keep finding myself pulling my shirt down so no one will see my bright pink string bikinis. (new goal wear panties every day on this job...forever

I'm sure this has been discussed before, but why is it different? I really can't come out either as my wife completely objects (would hate for someone to tell her) but why should I obsessively hide it and why should it even matter? Or maybe it's me being overly cautious??

[Oilpainter35]

I beleive that the gay community is the way it is and the CD community is like it is, because the gay community is not dependant on the straight community. The straight world can do as they wish, because it is not making their existance any less valid or invalid. They stand up for their rights to be. That is supported by the straight community, which includes most crossdressers. The gay crossdressers have the advantage of having the gay community support and backing of the straight community (because they are gay). The gay crossdresser has a social nitch or community that they live in and they need not extend themselves further out than that. But by law, gays cannot be discriminated against in several ways. Oh they are, as you all know in some way or another, but nothing sanctioned by the community. Now,lets look at the straight cross dresser. The straight crossdresser is not part of the gay community, nor part of the straight community, because what they are doing is not considered straight. Taboo's are hard to wrstle to the ground, and dressing is several taboo's wrapped in one package. First the apearance. ahhh, woman...Not even wanting to be considered male usually. They are not female ...Deception, not really liked by the community, except on Halloween. Then how far is the perception going? Is this person gay? No, not usually wanting to be considered gay. So the problem is that the deception is the downfall of the situation. It causes the confusion of the straight community and they are just dealing with deception as all normal people do. Chastise it or ignor it. When you ignor it you are not acknowledging it, which isn't aiding its acceptance. It ain't there. Chastising it, you label it as bad and want to get rid of it, as there were individuals back a few years that wanted to beat and kill gay people because that is what they were, and are.That has been dealt with legal rights. The legality of it changed its acceptance. Not that it would be more accepted, but rather you would not be beaten because you were gay. Do you think there will be legal support for cross dressing? Not in the near future. The only thing you can do is go out with slight differences and challenge the straight community as to what is normal. I think the children are doing that now, and it will advance as they age. Every kid in school knows someone (boy) that wears nail polish, eye shadow....Would that been okay in 1960's ? Hell no. Some are wearing skirts, but as more find it okay to do that, and by more I mean more towards the middle of the schools social group comes out with alternative fashions, and styles the faster the crossdressing ball will roll. Sorry about the rant..........Drew

[Jilmac]

I think it's society's double standard coming through. Gays and their partners have been accepted by most so there is no more stigma attached. Crossdressers on the other hand are still perceived by many to be closeted gay or bi males.