Would like some advice .......

[sarac]

For some reason I feel compelled to start with I am new here. Well anyway a few weeks ago was first time I was out at a bar with my wife. While we were there a guy had chatted with us and bought us a drink, actually he bought the drink for me, but just as a nice thing. I of course felt flatered by it, but nothing was meant by it. We both kina laughed about it, but for me I know I felt different.

So then on New Years Eve I actually went out on a date. My wife had an invitation to a party that she wanted to go to and I asked her if I could go out with a friend as Sara, instead of with her and she said it be ok. I called it a date but it wasnt like he called me and asked me out was more like we would just go out together and Id get to be Sara. Welllll as I had said in prior post it was one of the best nights i had being Sara or for that fact anyone.

When I got home I did not play it up with her I just said it was nice and there was no incidents. Since that night I had talked to the guy and he has actually asked me out. I did meet him for coffee and was nice.

I am so very conflicted, There are so many feelings Im having. I dont want to bring this up to my wife until I understand more. I dont want to lie to her and then it becomes worse. We have been rocky before all this was happenjing. Ido think if I was to tell her now, it would for absolute positive make things worse.

Im not sure if Im doing a post here or writing in my diary. So without going into greater detail, has this happened to any of you girls or GG.s.
Thanks Sara

[Holly]

Let's be clear here. What you are talking about is having an affair. It's not hard to understand why things have been "rocky" before. You asked for advice so here it is... you are playing with fire and you are going to get burned. You are cheating on your wife (at the very least on an emotional level). You are lying to her and to yourself. You are conflicted because you know what you are doing strikes a blow and the very core of your marriage. You say that you don't want to lie to your wife but it is okay to decieve her. Does this make any sense to you? If what you are doing is not healthy for you marriage ("it would for absolute positive make things worse") then maybe you shouldn't be doing them. Time to fish or cut bait, Sara. It will not get any easier.

[Michelle 51]

Sarac
I don't think you need advice but need to know what you want.Do you want your marriage or do you want a boyfriend and a wife too.Chances are you can't have your cake and eat it too.So I guess you need to decide what you want most but I will say that the majority on here are going to tell you that your wife deserves to be treated with respect and not to cheat on her.

[Julogden]

You're married, presumably to a woman that you love, so honor that. Cheating is cheating.

Carol

[Kassey]

Sara, that is a hard question to answer. Acceptance of who you are is always flattering, but as you have intimated in your post your wife is accepting of you and it will have been a rocky path for all kinds of reasons. I suppose that if the two of you have an open relationship in that way then for you it would be acceptable.
For me I think it will open a large can of worms that may not want to go back in the tin.
The situation has never arrived for me in girl mode, but on several occasions I have been presented with oppurtunity to stray.
All I can say is that for me, that has never happened, never will, never wanted too. If the stilleto was on the other foot how would you feel?
Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.
Kassey xxx

[Rachel Morley]

We have been rocky before all this was happenjing.

There's your problem right there! It's got nothing to do with your dressing. I agree with what Holly said. Ok this man "made you feel nice" and I know a lot of T-girls see a man on their arm as the "ultimate female accessory" (better than any purse ) but I think the route cause of your problem is not whether you should or shouldn't go out with this guy.

[Soriya]

There's your problem right there! It's got nothing to do with your dressing. I agree with what Holly said. Ok this man "made you feel nice" and I know a lot of T-girls see a man on their arm as the "ultimate female accessory" (better than any purse ) but I think the route cause of your problem is not whether you should or shouldn't go out with this guy.

I ahree with Racheal. The reason most people end up cheatin, atleast the ones who feel guilty is because they are subconciously looking for something that is missing in their current relationship. Without knowing you or your marital situation, the fact you mention things have been rocky before eludes to a fact that there is something missing in your marriage, something you more then likely or your wife are even aware of. We allw ant to feel loved, accepted, connected with a partner and sadly, when that starts to fade as relationships change, most go looking weather willingly or passively for it somewhere else. Most senrios of cheating start out very similar with the though of it not even on the persons mind. If there are issues home, all it takes is a feeling of a connection with someone, like at work, or a simple conversation at a store, it could happen anywhere. The person feels 'good', something they perhaps are missing in their relationship. Lets face it, we all want to feel good and all to often people persue those 'good' feelings in an attempt to cover the bad ones they have.

This is not the answer as it usually ends up making things worse. I would take this as a positive though in realizing there are issues within your marriage that need to be adressed before it gets a whole lot worse and hurtful.

[Jill Devine]

There's nothing on this board to help with such a complex problem. You need to talk to a professional and get marriage counseling and assistance. Asking for professional help is NOT a sign of weakness - in fact it takes a wise and strong person to recognize that they need help.
Someone mentioned you are playing with fire, and you are. Someone is going to get burnt.

[joannemarie barker]

I agree with Jill.you need a proffesionals help.think about the pain you will cause someone you love or at least loved

[Stephanie Miller]

How's this for a couple of easy pointers:
1) Read any book on marriage. ( Hint: It will not include cheating on your spouse, emotionally or sexually )
2) Cheating on your spouse is wrong and should not be done.
3) If you are still confused after reading 1 & 2 - keep reading until there is no confusion.

Stop all extracurricular activities and get help to fix the marriage or end the marriage. It's not fair to any that are involved as it is.

[giuseppina]

Hello Sara

I agree with the others. Your behavior is at best unethical. It's no wonder there are problems in your marriage.

There is something going on inside you that drives you to take these risks. You would be well advised to see a licensed counsellor to help you identify the issue(s). Nobody here can help you with that, and any counsellor wanting to keep their license wouldn't discuss it on a forum like this.

[sarac]

I asked for your advice and all but one seemed to more or less understand. I never said I wanted an affair I never said it was a date. It was a Sara a married woman with a friend to allow her to be Sara. I dont want to make this as I feel I must defend myself to you all, but I had thought you girls if anyone would understand what i feel. My wife went out the same night and she also had a nice time, should I question her to who or what she did. She knew I was going out and with who. I was able to be Sara if i qas with laurie Id dor sure be inhibited. If Laurie and I went out to diner and a movie, its a total diiferent thing. when married guys go to a strip place do you think thyey are the same if wife was there or if girls went to a male dance club for a girls night out you be thye same with wife there. I think you all are all so beautiful and sexy and are lucky your wives are so accepting. My wife is still stressed as we try to learn about Sara, I dont feel the need to make her more stressed to have her see Sara being so much as Sara. I guess you all would if out and allowed a guy to talk to you and or buy you a drink would feel the need to come home and tell her you talked to a guy and had a drink. I would find it difficult to believe that none of you had been hit on being i see how beautiful you all are. I can not believe if it happened to you are insulted by it and not flatterd. I would think married or single any woman would feel flattered, but you feel its inmportant i must share that with Laurie and add to any insecurty she may feel now. Im sorry its not so clear as I wish I could be. I dont want you all to be so mad at me I not a bad person just trying to understand myself. It may end up that my wife may not be able to accept Sara. From your opinions I assume if your wives were not acepting you all would just stop. I just felt bad that if anyone could understand me it be you girls. I tought we all in some way were going through the same. Im sorry if I made you angry with me, I didnt mean to. I just wish I was able to exprees myself better.
Thanks Sara

[Pythos]

Man o man o man.

Reading stuff like this urks. What I would not give for a Good GF or Wife that loved and encouraged my alternative styles, and my CD self. I would hope her love would be all I would need.

I just get so disheartened when I read of someone with something I would give quite a bit for, and read they are squandering on What? and affair.

My Gods in heaven. Think about this!!! Your wife and you were in a bar, and you were dressed as your alter ego!!! and this is the pay.

New years you are not with your wife, but instead some guy. Why could you not be Sara with your wife.

Okay, you asked for advice, here it is.

LOVE AND CHERISH YOUR WIFE. She supports you enough to were you two go out to a bar together with you enfem. Don't lose it over what is, at least in my eyes, a silly game.

As far as married men going to strip bars...I don't condone that...then again I don't condone strip bars. LOL

You felt bad because of your inner self feels what you are doing is wrong.

This is not the same as hiding Cding or something, this is something on a much different plain. CDing for the most part hurts no one or anything. Cheating, or affairs hurt the other side of the party. End of story.

[Chickhe]

All the negativity!! Gee wiz. I know what you feel. You dressed up and went out and had a really enjoyable time being dressed and treated like a lady. That's sure to make anyone feel conflicted on some level. For myself, I realize my CDing is just an escape, so the feeling good comes from that. There is a nice warm and fuzzy feeling in being treated well just for appearing to be female (and a little light flirting with strangers can be fun)... people are generally kind and the opposite happens a lot in male mode. I see no need to tell your wife if it will upset her, you can't be expected to tell every detail, but I would draw the line at going out a second time unless the date is purely for practical reasons, like your wife couldn't go and you have no feelings towards the other person. I was out with my wife at a party and we got chatted up...it was odd, I felt like a woman does, I was flattered someone took interest in me, I was anoyed when they would not leave... I only talked with my wife about what happened, not so much about my feelings and we both thought the situation was funny. I think she appreciates that I can see what she goes through some times and to be honest...I'm the one who is sometimes a bit worried about her based on what I have experienced.