Can you smell the rosemary in the gravy?

[Frédérique]

[SIZE="2"]Let me tell you, my fine MtF friends, if you CAN’T smell the rosemary in the gravy, you can’t be much of a crossdresser, can you? Do your senses work? Can you smell, hear, taste, see, and above all FEEL the subtle differences that separate those who do from those who don’t? More specifically, do you stop to smell the roses, or the gravy, as an ongoing part of your heightened awareness, a thing that (hopefully) led to your crossdressing in the first place? I dearly hope so...

I guarantee that if you’re in the company of males, and you get your plate of manly meat-and-potatoes glop at the local diner (you know, on the way to your latest bonding ritual), you may not wish to reveal your innate aestheticism by commenting on the herbal aroma of the gravy. No, you can’t do that, because you may draw undue attention to yourself, and show everyone that you really aren’t one of the “boys.” Come to think of it, since you’re a MtF crossdresser, you’re one of the “girls” now – why are you still hanging out with other males? I suppose “hanging out” says it all, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves...

Years ago, I went to the opera with my sister, the second or third of many such occasions. This was back in Boston (the Metropolitan Opera was in town), and we had tickets for opening night, for Rossini’s The Siege of Corinth. For this special occasion, my sister made her own dress out of Marimekko fabric (a striking blue and yellow pattern), and she constructed a tie for me that matched her beautiful creation. I’m sorry to say that I was in drab, but I assure you I was dressed to the nines within those overly constrictive male parameters...

It was a beautiful opera, as operas tend to be, full of sights and sounds that make overly-sensitive males like me cry, causing innate feelings to rise to the surface among other gender-integrated pilgrims. Oh, the bliss! Of course, the next day, when I was among my fellow males, they all thought I was on another plane, and it wasn’t above them. I mean, the very idea! Going to an opera, dressed specifically for the occasion, enjoying vichyssoise with the rich patrons beforehand, and then being subjected to impassioned music and singing that is...European...and, worst of all, WANTING to go in the first place. I was derided for weeks about this. Translation: we’re MEN, so who, or what, do you think you are?

The male world is divided into two polarized camps – those who can smell the rosemary in the gravy, and those who can’t, or don’t care, so long as it’s gravy. The latter can’t understand the former, and I don’t know why. Are our male senses supposed to be deadened, and if so, for what reason? Is it to preclude having any feelings for beauty, or other people, or other ways of looking at things? Is it all too complicated, so sensibilities are pruned away for the purported good of one’s accepted take on things? What is so threatened, anyway? I get the feeling (there’s that word again) that it’s considered bad for males to dwell, or even contemplate, the realm of the senses. There are better things to do, and we don’t need any stinkin’ sensitivity, compadre...

If I blurt out “I can smell the rosemary in the gravy,” male eyes will roll, and I will be targeted with suspicion. I can think of many an occasion where a gesture, or a previously unknown word, has sent my male companion reeling backwards, afraid of what they are standing next to. Honestly, what is there to be afraid of? I know I can imitate typical male behavior to put my accusers at ease, but, the older I get, the less I wish to engage in this obsolete gamesmanship. I now declare my innate talent for sensuality, knowing that it’s all part of the same sensibilities that find their full expression in MtF crossdressing. I enjoy my feelings, and I want to exhibit this fact to all comers, regardless of any senseless male toes I may step on. More gravy, darling?

BTW, I know this is a strange topic, but I heard this comment on a TV show the other night (spoken by a male, at a good diner), and I thought it was a highly evocative thing to say. My thanks to the anonymous (and appreciative) gentleman who uttered it...
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[cdwithplay36b]

Actually, I think the ability and the desire to maximize one's sensations and enjoyments of one's surroundings is something that can transcend a mere level of gender identity. I don't find social constraints on myself or my male friends when interacting with our wives about our relative pursuits of happiness. Quite often these pursuits are differ then our wives and quite often they overlap. Either way, the courage to be free enough to revel in our own comforts is what lead to our prevailing level of happiness.

[juno]

I'm sorry, but I can't smell the Rosemary because I have a very bad sense of smell (hyposmia). I have trouble smelling sour milk! This isn't going to get my CD membership revoked, is it??

[Starla]

When I saw the title of the post, I thought we were all going to be invited to dinner.

[JenniferB]

Let me tell you, my fine MtF friends, if you CAN’T smell the rosemary in the gravy, you can’t be much of a crossdresser, can you?

Sayyyy Whattttt??? Geez, this is out there...

[sandra-leigh]

People would be fairly surprised if I had meat-and-potatoes with gravy, as I've been a vegetarian for just shy of 20 years.

The people at work are accustomed to me showing up with obscure foods (especially juice). They kid me a bit about it, but they know that "being normal" is what would be strange for me

[suchacutie]

Sensitive...empathetic.

My wife asked me how much Tina affected one particular aspect of my professional life, and without allowing me to answer she continue, "well, certainly her empathy is a big part of it".

Being sensitive and empathetic and even emotional is often looked down upon by the "male" clique. It might have been an issue when I was younger, but now I just look at men like this as if they had 3 heads!

How can one have a feminine self and not have that self be a part of everything that happens in life.

tina

[Persephone]

Oh, sigh, Frédérique, hasn't your sister told you that despite their shortcomings*, their lack of ability at smelling the rosemary and appreciating opera, their cute little ways of belching and scratching their "man parts," that you are supposed to love, honor, and obey the little darlings? That your heart is supposed to go pitter-patter over them?

Hugs,
Persephone

*Shortcomings - honestly, it was not intended as a pun on their "slam, bam," er, nevermind.

[Sophie86]

[SIZE="2"]Let me tell you, my fine MtF friends, if you CAN’T smell the rosemary in the gravy, you can’t be much of a crossdresser, can you? Do your senses work? Can you smell, hear, taste, see, and above all FEEL the subtle differences that separate those who do from those who don’t? More specifically, do you stop to smell the roses, or the gravy, as an ongoing part of your heightened awareness, a thing that (hopefully) led to your crossdressing in the first place? I dearly hope so...[/SIZE]

So enjoying our senses--being sensual people, I guess you would say--is what makes us crossdressers. Things like enjoying the taste of food--the savory goodness of a perfectly cooked sirloin or the extra flavorfulness of veggies straight from the garden; being inspired by sights--like the sun coming up over the trees in the morning or the brilliance of the stars on a clear night; appreciating sounds--especially emotionally evocative ones like the lonesome wail of a freight train off in the distance or the baying of the hounds in the woods on a cold morning; cultivating those enjoyments is what turned me into a crossdresser...

My poor father. He had no idea what he was doing.

Or did he...?

[Kathi Lake]

I think I hear you, Freddy. It's not the fact that we have heightened senses, emotions, feelings, etc.. It's the fact that we actually admit to these things out loud - uncaring as to who might hear and what they might think, and that we don't trivialize them. True. I'm sure it's not necessarily a crossdresser trait, but it is a trait of someone comfortable enough in their feelings and their identity that they don't care what others may think. Correct?

Kathi

[ReineD]

Honestly, I think it's a matter of education and perhaps availability of material resources (money), more than gender. There are men as well as women who enjoy fine dining, fine wine, the opera, the ballet, art exhibitions, etc. When I go to such venues, I don't see a predominately female audience.

There are also men AND women who would never go to the opera and whose noses would turn at the prospect of eating a bouillabaise. Do you really think the ability to appreciate anything other than popular culture is gendered?

[Rogina B]

I could be wrong,but I think Freddie is alluding to being comfortable in your own skin..We are all different and those of us with a "wider gender scope" should be comfortable enough to express it.Like wearing pink,or fuscia,or ...

[sissystephanie]

I'm sorry, but I can't smell the Rosemary because I have a very bad sense of smell (hyposmia). I have trouble smelling sour milk! This isn't going to get my CD membership revoked, is it??

I am not sure I have what Juno said she has, but my sense of smell is also very bad. But I do know who and what I am. I am ME, a person unlike anybody else!! There are many similar to me, but nobody is just like me!! That is the way I like it!! If you want to revoke my CD membership, go ahead. I don't have my card anyway, and I will still crossdress if I feel like it!

[busker]

By their very nature, I think that there are many endeavors that require heightened emotions: the arts, music, writing, medicine--and many more occupations, and many pastimes. I think the problem with men is that it is not feeling the emotions, it is owning up to them. Surely even guys to go to football games get their knickers wet when their team wins, but they probably don't express it in quite the same way as we might "smelling the rosemary in the gravy".
Even Le Carre in the Spy Who Came in From the Cold, is sympathetic to his doomed creature. When he is shot, we feel for him and it is through the writing that we do this. He was used, and by extension, so are we, the reader.
There are many works by JS Back that can move me to quiet tears and he too was moved by his religion to write such wonderful works.
I can't seem to correlate the expression of our senses just with being a cd, but I think the lack of expression is a part of our male socialization that we still haven't gotten beyond.
I remember in the 70's or so, when Johnny Carson et alia, started hugging guys and guys were wearing jewelry--there was certainly a lot of phoney "commeraderie" and it could have been alright had it turned into something real, but it didn't stick very well. We've gone back to knuckle-dragging and mouth breathing.
I consider myself lucky to be a "feeling" person, with much of my life spent in and out of music performance, photography, and other areas where sensitivity to creating is part of the endeavor. Was I drawn to those things because I was a "feeling" person or did they turn me into one?
Those who don't or can't feel it are the ones we should have l sympathy for because they won't ever know what we have.We're kind of an exclusive club.

[bridgetta]

Neat post

[Frédérique]

[SIZE="2"]You must admit it’s a catchy title![/SIZE]

Honestly, I think it's a matter of education and perhaps availability of material resources (money), more than gender. There are men as well as women who enjoy fine dining, fine wine, the opera, the ballet, art exhibitions, etc. When I go to such venues, I don't see a predominately female audience.

[SIZE="2"]I disagree with that. I don’t have a certain degree of higher education, nor do I have the material resources you talk about, and the cultural world is largely kept afloat by the effort of females. I’m talking about behind the scenes, not the audience – without feminine appreciation and support for culture (in all its myriad forms), things would be in a sorry state indeed. If you are a sensitive person, male or female, it’s only logical that you would be drawn towards cultural activities, design, care in the preparation of food, and so forth. In OUR case, as MtF crossdressers, I’m wondering about what others think of this connection I’m trying to make. Going in, I know many will disagree, but don’t you at least require a certain appreciation for tactile sensibilities if you’re a male dressing as a female? This inclination or “aptitude” may be deeper than one thinks, extending into other areas of sensory awareness without realizing it...

I think a lot of males don’t care, or cannot bring themselves to care, about something that may require feelings to fully enjoy. The opera is a good example, kind of a “line in the sand” for most men (as I alluded to in the OP). Overwhelming to some (like me), highly avoidable to others (like them), and there is very little middle ground. BTW, the best (gender-unspecific) opera fans sit way up high in the cheap seats, and they are way more knowledgeable than the people who go merely to be seen. Also, I wasn’t referring to fine dining at all – I meant the acknowledgement of the presence of an aromatic herb, a subtle difference in an otherwise unspectacular roux. I insist that this ability to discern subtleties is a feminine trait, latent or pronounced in all people, male or female, or a combination thereof. As such, I know that most masculine types would be uncomfortable with an expression of feminine characteristics in their midst, but it all depends on what their particular level of sensory awareness may be. My artist friends wouldn’t raise an eyebrow, for example, and I would expect MtF crossdressers to do likewise in most cases...[/SIZE]

I could be wrong,but I think Freddie is alluding to being comfortable in your own skin...

[SIZE="2"]Exactly. It’s the freedom of choice to be openly sensitive among less sensitive types of people...[/SIZE]

I consider myself lucky to be a "feeling" person, with much of my life spent in and out of music performance, photography, and other areas where sensitivity to creating is part of the endeavor. Was I drawn to those things because I was a "feeling" person or did they turn me into one?
Those who don't or can't feel it are the ones we should have l sympathy for because they won't ever know what we have.We're kind of an exclusive club.

[SIZE="2"]I think we are an exclusive club, and there is a certain connection between sensibilities and crossdressing in some, but not all, of us. Since I’m a visual artist, I deal with sensuality all the time – it’s part of my innate nature, and it finds an expression in what I create. This came along way before I even thought of crossdressing, but I consider the urge to dress to be an offshoot of the same “tree” of sensibility, a different way to express something I hold near and dear...
[/SIZE]

[Ruth]

I think that your take on such matters as subtle flavours in food and 'higher' arts such as opera may depend a little on where you live. I'm not trying to be a geographical snob, I just have a sense that the socially and culturally acceptable norm for masculine behaviour and interests can vary from place to place (and is also subject to fashion).
An example would be that in the UK there has been a huge explosion interest in cookery and dining in the television and printed media. There are very many (too many?) celebrity chefs out there with their TV series and bestselling books. Some of them look fairly tough and macho (ever hear of Gordon Ramsey?). Every man feels comfortable holding forth on the virtues of intricate dishes - certainly rosemary in gravy would be no big deal. No-one's going to check for a panty line on a guy who is enthusing about herbs.
Maybe in Kansas it's different.

[donnalee]

Not only can I taste it, I'm the one who put it there, gathered from a bush that my SO grew by thrusting a branch into the ground.

[JenniferB]

If you are a sensitive person, male or female, it’s only logical that you would be drawn towards cultural activities, design, care in the preparation of food, and so forth.

When you start expecting any group of people (CD's or not) to act or think a certain way, that's when you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

[Emily Ann Brown]

My girlfriend says I have the eye of a women for fashion and color, the sensory awareness of a woman of class, and the heart of a mother.

A nuff said! let's go back to work.

Em

[Sarah Doepner]

I agree that we benefit when we open up and explore our sensual nature, but it isn't limited to our little sub-set of the male. I have dear old friends who are sensitive to their world, openly and honestly appreciating excellent and subtle tastes in their food, beautiful music, spectacular vistas and the comfort of friendship. But to the best of my knowledge crossdressing is not part of their world, but it may be part of why I have them as friends in the first place. On the other hand I've been with crossdressers who, while dressed to the nines, nearly bellowed in animated argument over the better engine to put in a restored car and were happy with their choice of a cheeseburger rather than a more delicate or demanding/rewarding meal off the same menu. This latter group would never be part of my world except when we happen to be together to share an activity based only on crossdressing.

I'm not sure we are the exclusive holders of sensitivity and cultural appreciation, but given what I've seen it helps me to better appreciate my experience as I cultivate my femininity. It seems that it also may help me in relationships outside crossdressing. I would hope so.

[sandra-leigh]

Opera is not the best example, as it is considered to be an elite passtime as opposed to a "feminine" passtime. People do not see any contradiction in a senior professional having an avid appreciation of classical music. That and the fact that some of the female opera singers these days are considered "babes".

Some of the people I work with get seasons tickets to the opera, which is one of the reasons I do not go myself. (1) I don't want to intrude on "their" passion; and (2) I'd want to Dress, but wouldn't be able to do that unless I was certain I wasn't attending on the same night as some of them that have disrespected me in the past.

[NicoleScott]

I'm not clear on this. What part of Rosemary fell into the gravy?

[Starla]

I'm not clear on this. What part of Rosemary fell into the gravy?

Apparently her nose...she was trying to smell it.

[JenniferB]

I'm not clear on this. What part of Rosemary fell into the gravy?

Rosemary's baby...and it was some nasty azz gravy...