My first date en femme

[Stephanie Anne]

Well, I'm sorry the truth offends you but I really can't control that. If you're saying "let you live out your fantasy", yeah I get it, and I say go for it. But saying a straight M2F CD can experience a relationship as a "woman" with another male, is just that - a fantasy.

Not even going to continue this here! You crossed the line IMHO and just insulted a large group of people on this forum. I am now sorry I perpetuated this but I am not going to stand by and let someone who should be more tolerant lash out like this.

The scope of what you say does not offend me as it is true you can't have heterosexual cis vaginal sex as two males but to call me a fantasy and therefore call every trans woman and trans man as living a fantasy, blows my mind. Maybe you just are horrible at tact but I just can't let that one slide.

[JenniferB]

wow I think you missed the whole point. The replies here have been very open mined. Opinionated is a different thing. I don't think you understood what Jennifer was saying. We cannot, ever, experience the whole aspect of being female. To take it further ever between people we can never experience what they may feel no matter how close the situation. I don't understand your comment on the "lady boys". Have you done research on them? They are in essence prostitutes who alter themselves for the purpose of making money. I am not even sure you could classify them as TG although some may actually be.

It's cool. I just try to keep a dose of reality on the table but some around here are really into the fantasy of the whole thing, I get that. But educate myself? and...the "ladyboys" reference? That's a bit out there. I have to agree with Lorileah, nothing more than ******* hookers, most of them. Anyone with the cash can have any surgery they want in Thailand. Ah well, it's all good. I hope Natalie enjoys her date.

[charlie]

Hello Natalie!
Wow, these answers to your post have been all over the board! If I read your original post correctly you are basically straight and just want to see how it feels to go out on a date. I had that same wish and did it. I did not plan for sex, did not expect to end up in bed with another guy and certainly did not lead the guy into thinking that was my intention. I just want to be treated like a girl on a first date. I wanted to dress up, have dinner out, and be a woman on a date. My date was a perfect gentleman and excepted a NO for a NO. The kiss goodnight was the only sex. Altogether a fun and interesting night. I hope your night is the same!

[RachelX]

...that you have a GREAT time!
Rachel Xavier

P.S. Does he have a friend? Or maybe a brother?

[Derp]

Have fun and most importantly be safe!!

[NatalieGirl]

Thanks to all of you for the helpful responses. Yes I will be careful.

I would like to see what it would be like to be a woman on a date. We shall meet at a public bar/restaurant and I do not plan to have any sex the first night.

[ReineD]

This is the sum total of all of Natalie's words in this thread:

I have a date with a man for the first time, three weeks from now. We will meet at a restaurant in a gay hotel/bar complex. He is fully aware I am a CD.

Any advice you girls can give me?

Mostly straight. Perhaps bi-curious.

Thanks to all of you for the helpful responses. Yes I will be careful.

I would like to see what it would be like to be a woman on a date. We shall meet at a public bar/restaurant and I do not plan to have any sex the first night.

That's it! And in response, we have nearly 3 pages of guesses and arguments about what Natalie and her date may or may not want. Doncha love this forum?

To answer Natalie, it's difficult to give you advice without you giving us a little bit more background. Did you meet on a dating site and if so was it mainstream or TG/GLBT focused? Was your pic of you en femme or drab? Did you identify as a girl, a CD, or a guy? Have you & this guy emailed? Talked on the phone? Chatted in chat rooms?

Or, is this someone that you know from work? A neighbor? A blind date engineered by a friend?

I ask this to gage the guy. And based on knowing more details on how you met and what you both know about each other, it will be easier to give you meaningful advice. So, based on the answers to all the questions above, is he

A) an admirer who is looking to meet specifically with a CD (which implies that he is not interested in a person who doesn't have a penis)? Or is he,

B) an open-minded and fluid guy who is interested in you because you've chatted for hours and hours, hit it off on many different levels, and you have a lot in common?

If the answer is (A), then be prepared to have him want to meet you for sex. If he shows up. You will need to decide whether this is what you want or not. He will not be interested in having sex with you as a woman even though you are dressed as one. But as an admirer, he will play along in order to get what he wants. It is up to you as to whether you want to be real with what's going on, or lose yourself in a femme fantasy.

If the answer is (B), then Lorileah's advice is wonderful!

[eluuzion]

Advice?
Order the calamari, I hear it is delicious and always makes a great conversation opener.

Not enough information supplied to make any credible analysis of your situation. Scheduling a “first date” three weeks in advance is an interesting approach. That point suggests there may travel by one or both parties involved? Who suggested the location? What was the logic behind choosing a “gay” hotel/bar complex (as you referred to it)?
Where did you meet this person and how long have you been acquainted? Do you know basic background information such as his employer, where he lives and any people that know him or anything about him? Is the internet or cell phone the only means you have available to contact him? Do you know what he looks like or have you ever physically met/seen him in person? If you only have a photo of him, is it clear, current and are you sure the person in that picture is actually the person you will be meeting?

Nothing above is meant to cast suspicion upon your “date” since you have not supplied enough information to make any assumptions or judgments. I am simply suggesting that in the world we live in today, it is wise to apply some basic measures to protect your person safety. Both parties should possess the basic knowledge above about each other prior to any “intimate” date that involves being alone with each other. It is basic information both parties should be happy to supply each other. It increases the comfort level of both parties. It is simply a matter of common sense, not paranoia.

Just my opinion, as usual…

Maybe you have already covered this area with your prospective “date”. There is not enough information to determine the answer, and certainly not enough information to offer you any “advice”. I have my hands full trying to manage my own life, lol.

Best I can offer is…

HaveFun/BeHappy !

love,
"mom"

[Shelly Preston]

Well speculation is a wonderful thing

Natalie please read the sticky in the meeting place as it has advice on where to meet having a friend know where you are etc.

No one here should be assuming a date / or first meeting will lead to sex. I am sure many genetic women will tell you that a first date can be good or bad.

As for the biology lesson I do think we got the point you were trying to make Jennifer

However there are many TS members here (I dont know Natalie well enough to speculate on her status) who are female but currently have the wrong body parts.

Please remember this is the meeting of two people who may or may not have a great time.

Who knows where it will take them but that will be there decision.

Natalie I hope this date goes the way you want it too and that he is the perfect gentleman.

[linda allen]

Well, I'm sorry the truth offends you but I really can't control that. If you're saying "let you live out your fantasy", yeah I get it, and I say go for it. But saying a straight M2F CD can experience a relationship as a "woman" with another male, is just that - a fantasy.

Isn't crossdressing pretty much a fantasy in the first place?

[NatalieGirl]

Wow...fascinating responses. But....

I noticed in the initial thread that you mention that he knows all about your being CD. I'm wondering why you would say that if you are going out en femme. Does you statement imply that you are NOT going to be en femme?

tina

I will definitely go en femme. What I meant when I said he knows I am a CD is this: I'm not pretending to be a GG. That would be dishonest and I could never fool anyone in any event.

To answer Natalie, it's difficult to give you advice without you giving us a little bit more background. Did you meet on a dating site and if so was it mainstream or TG/GLBT focused? Was your pic of you en femme or drab? Did you identify as a girl, a CD, or a guy? Have you & this guy emailed? Talked on the phone? Chatted in chat rooms?

We met on a BDSM dating site. My pic was of me en femme and I identified as a CD.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

HA! Great! This whole time people have been responding like you're some naive wide eyed innocent and here you found this date on a BDSM site. Love it! Sometimes this site delights me in ways I don't expect.

[suchacutie]

Hi Natalie, and thanks for the response. With that it's pretty clear that you are interested in having a "date" experience in the feminine role. This aspect of of our transgenderism is not something that can be "learned" without on-the-job experience, and I know we all wish you the best with your experience. Given that, my only advice is "be safe".

best,

tina

[JenniferB]

However there are many TS members here (I dont know Natalie well enough to speculate on her status) who are female but currently have the wrong body parts.

That would be a discussion on being intersexed (which Natalie never mentioned), not CD, and a subject for another time.

[Kelly DeWinter]

HA! Great! This whole time people have been responding like you're some naive wide eyed innocent and here you found this date on a BDSM site. Love it! Sometimes this site delights me in ways I don't expect.

Jive,

I've been following this thread too , and knew there had to be a catch somewhere, when I read 'BDSM' I had to chuckle as well. I'm sure the date will go go well. LOL

[kimdl93]

Of course, be cautious and get to know each other. If you are curious, but not certain, all the more reason to take your time. He doesn't appear to be in a great hurry, since your date is several weeks in the future. The really scarry guys often try to hook up right away.

[JenniferB]

HA! Great! This whole time people have been responding like you're some naive wide eyed innocent and here you found this date on a BDSM site. Love it! Sometimes this site delights me in ways I don't expect.

Yep...gotta love it, never a dull moment!

[Lorileah]

We met on a BDSM dating site. My pic was of me en femme and I identified as a CD.

Okay then...well so much for candlelight and roses and girl next door coyness This could be the start of a beautiful...yeah OKAY then (excuse my while I get some air)

Like JToR and Ms Kelly D said this is like a good book, just when you think the butler did it...it was the French Maid in the dungeon with a cat-o-nine tails. See this is why I always lose at "CLUE"

[ReineD]

We met on a BDSM dating site. My pic was of me en femme and I identified as a CD.

Then my advice is to just be yourself, and as mentioned earlier in the thread, be realistic with your situation, know what you want, and communicate it clearly.

One thing that impressed me most about the BDSM community (the people that I met) was the clarity, honesty, and fully consentual nature of their interactions. Because there is some degree of physical danger involved, they are quite serious about not playing games and making su<re that everyone is on the same page. The people I met fully respect where anyone is at and the last thing they want is to force their lifestyle on anyone. Obviously no one can vouch for everyone you meet on a BDSM site and there well may be some creeps with less than transparent motives. So, go into it with your eyes wide open.

But ... it is a fetish community rooted in fantasy and as such, go into your date with the full knowledge that consentual sex is the object and your gender presentation will likely be seen as a fetish. As I mentioned to you earlier, if what you want is to lose yourself in the fantasy of it all, then by all means be safe, be honest, and have fun!

[CharleneT]

WOW, what an interesting thread to read ... definitely one that got off on a tangent or two. I've no advice other than have fun ! Please do come back and tell us about what happened ? !!

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Like JToR and Ms Kelly D said this is like a good book, just when you think the butler did it...it was the French Maid in the dungeon with a cat-o-nine tails. See this is why I always lose at "CLUE"

Well in this case it was actually the butler wearing a french maid outfit.

[Nigella]

OK enough is enough, this thread has gone off topic too many times, if you are not able to contribute to the thread [SIZE="5"]DO NOT POST[/SIZE].

This was the OP just to remind members what they should be responding to:

My first date en femme
I have a date with a man for the first time, three weeks from now. We will meet at a restaurant in a gay hotel/bar complex. He is fully aware I am a CD.

Any advice you girls can give me?

Nigella
Moderator

[NatalieGirl]

What I am really interested in knowing is how do I handle myself on a date? I want to act as ladylike as possible, both for his benefit and mine.

I presume we will be having dinner. How do I walk, talk, sit, eat, etc?

There are a couple of nightclubs at this hotel. I am hopeful he will invite me for drinks & dancing after dinner. I have been to plenty of clubs en femme, both gay and straight. But it was always alone or with GG friends. How do I handle myself while escorted by a gentleman?

[Lorileah]

Most of what a lady does is make the guy feel like the center of attention. You can lean in while he talks and smile slightly. Tilt your head and say things like "wow" and "That is really interesting" Leaning in does two things you look interested and it shows more cleavage. Some women like to dangle a shoe. Cross uncross and recross your legs. Be sweet, be quiet and be demure. Otherwise you can just be nice. Do what you you normally do (ok don't belch or chug a whole beer). Let him lead of course, let him direct you to the table, maybe pull out your chair. If you want to go all out you can either ask him to suggest what to order or order for both of you. Other parts of etiquette apply, napkin in lap, dab corners of mouth so as not to disturb lipstick. Giggle and smile. Let him suggest dancing is you like. Let him get your drink, but order something with a straw or if you really want to look sophisticated a martini glass (Cosmo for all the SITC fans). The main thing is focus on him. If you make him the center of attention, the rest will fall in place. I am sure that you will get a lot of advice about how to wave your hands or touch your cheek or whatever but that will look forced and clumsy if you don't normally do it.

The real thing is as was said before, relax, have fun, be yourself but more quiet and demure. Do NOT over flatter him it comes off as false and silly but do tell him if you like his jacket aftershave eyes whatever. Have fun

[NatalieGirl]

Most of what a lady does is make the guy feel like the center of attention. You can lean in while he talks and smile slightly. Tilt your head and say things like "wow" and "That is really interesting" Leaning in does two things you look interested and it shows more cleavage. Some women like to dangle a shoe. Cross uncross and recross your legs. Be sweet, be quiet and be demure. Otherwise you can just be nice. Do what you you normally do (ok don't belch or chug a whole beer). Let him lead of course, let him direct you to the table, maybe pull out your chair. If you want to go all out you can either ask him to suggest what to order or order for both of you. Other parts of etiquette apply, napkin in lap, dab corners of mouth so as not to disturb lipstick. Giggle and smile. Let him suggest dancing is you like. Let him get your drink, but order something with a straw or if you really want to look sophisticated a martini glass (Cosmo for all the SITC fans). The main thing is focus on him. If you make him the center of attention, the rest will fall in place. I am sure that you will get a lot of advice about how to wave your hands or touch your cheek or whatever but that will look forced and clumsy if you don't normally do it.

The real thing is as was said before, relax, have fun, be yourself but more quiet and demure. Do NOT over flatter him it comes off as false and silly but do tell him if you like his jacket aftershave eyes whatever. Have fun

Thanks Lorileah. These are some good tips. What if we go dancing/clubbing? I am good at dancing to electropop/disco, rock, or hip hop, and I think I can do it well in a femme style because I practice often at home. But if we go CW dancing I will be clueless.

Any thoughts on how I should handle myself when clubbing with a gentleman?