My issue with LGBT clubs

[Debb]

Meh, I think going to a club, TG, LGBT, whatever .. is what it is.

Getting together with a bunch of folks who have this one thing .. CDing .. in common leads to, well, talking about crossdressing. Being the new person in a group, if you wanna talk, you gotta have the temerity to talk. It might be considered rude, but it's not hard to politely move the subject around to something that interests you.

But yeah, clubs are for clubbing, forums are for foruming, small groups of friends are for talking about common interests.

[Kayla Shadows]

Im still unsure of what you mean by club,support group type thing or a actual club but, I enjoy being out. A lot of girls love the interaction with others and its a great opportunity to speak about the life.For some girls this is their hobby so they are gonna want to talk about it. There is going to be many that are more focused on all of this than anything else. For me,this isnt everything Im about so I like to talk about different things. I have met some great girls and we talk about anything and everything. Some of my absolute best times out were with my local and not so local friends hanging out at clubs. It was like being in high school again.Wild,fun,out of control times. Good stuff.

There are some things I dont go for though.Help is always good.Ya know,walk like this,work on your voice like this,hold this like this..its all fine.Just dont tell me how to dress.One person was like,"you should get away from the goth thing and be more femme".Others dont think you should wear jeans..Barbie has her mold and so do I.Im here to be the woman I am. What other girls do is great but,Im not them.Nor do I think anybody should be anything else other than the person they are.

In my short time around I have learned :

Just because somebody dresses it doesnt mean they arent going to judge you.

Just because somebody dresses it doesnt mean they are going to be nice.

There is a lot of bs out there that I dont buy into.Girls have their opinions but,not for sale!

[Cari]

Its always hard for the new girl to fit in, even in a support group, give it some time.

Until folks get to know you a bit, conversation will stay on the obvious topic of dressing.
Its sort of the CD equivalant to "how do like the weather" or "how about that sports team".

In time people open up and you find some common ground, expect it to happen a bit slower especially if you are close to home.
Your first time out they are checking you out, once they see you a few times they will open up.
In a way you just created the ultimate stranger and dropped in from nowhere. It really is your first nite out.

If you can find a sponsored nite out it is much easier, many clubs will assign you a big sister if you ask.
Their job is to kinda check you out and introduce you around.
The price is usually that some day down the road; you get asked to be a big sister.

[AKAMichelle]

I understand your issue with LGBT clubs. I don't seem to fit in those situations either. But I will tell you that it takes some times before you are comfortable enough to do everything in mainstream places. I am at that point in my life that I would prefer to do everything in mainstream places.

[NathalieX66]

I belong to two support groups, and I've made good friendships. The thing is that, in a few cases, some of these girls think that an lgbt club is safe haven for them, and I think it's unfortunate that they don't attempt to go out into the mainstream. I think self-acceptance is still a big issue for them, and it's easy to live life on the "down low" in a crossdresser-type way, in a secret environment where they won't be ridiculed or spotted in public. Gay bars? You're not gay?...what's the point in going to these establishments anyway if you're not gay? I've gone to a number of lgbt & gay establishments, and asked myself "why am I here if I'm not looking for a hookup?"

There is nothing more that I enjoy than going to the same places I always go , that regular common folk go, but going there en femme. I may be slightly different than the average Joe or Jane, but I have not had one single bad incident yet. Sometimes, I've been clocked, sometimes not. Either way, I'm doing what I always wanted to do. I can only wish I can do it more often, and I can't wait until the next time I go out.
The fear & humiliation factor has now left me since I have been out in public for almost one year, just about once, two, three times a month. I'm having too good a time. Yes, I've accepted myself . It happens. ...it happened to me.

[Chickhe]

When I think about this, even when I used to go out to clubs when I was younger, I never did so alone... it was always with one or more friends. I think it works better if you make friends first, then hit the clubs later.

[carolinewalker_2000]

I have had similar experiences. Many CD'ers you meet when out only seem to want to talk about dressing and their main objective seems to be to appear as "girly" as possible. Whilst I can understand this - (indeed have behaved in a similar way myself on occasion!) - it can be frustrating if you are trying to genuinely get to know new people.

I can only encourage you to persist in trying to carry on a regular conversation about broader views and interests. I have found that, eventually, you can draw all but the most self absorbed out of their shell. Good luck!!

[Sally24]

Between the need for secrecy and the difficulty in hearing anything in the loud environment (at least for us older girls) a club is not an instant place of sharing. If you become a regular than things can change.