Thanks everyone for all of you words of wisdon it really is going to help me thru this
Thanks everyone for all of you words of wisdon it really is going to help me thru this
Well you're actually doing pretty well, Jessica, and significantly living out your crossdressing despite the wife/family restrictions.Originally Posted by laceyjessica
There was an interesting post by Juno Michelle today at
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ossdress/page1
which has had me thinking about my own kids.
I always marvel at their (only feminine?) dressing-up energy - they can turn themselves into shop-assistants or Egyptian Goddesses seemingly at will and with the simplest of means. And I like to think that their fantasy worlds stem a little from me!
They are getting older and I'm sure they'll put their "tools" to good use!
Maybe the time will come when I'll have settled into a new and convincing "normality" incorporating crossdressing. And maybe then I can exchange my experiences with them openly. I'm a patient guy and always hope for the best.
Maybe society is changing more quickly than I think. Perhaps their level of acceptance among peers is better than that of the generation my Ex and I belong to. After all, we're trying our best not to pass on prejudices. We were and still are totally out of our depth!
And by the way, your thread has been allowing me to view my Ex with more compassion and understanding.
Just a few thoughts, Gaby
Last edited by Gaby2; 01-10-2011 at 03:16 PM. Reason: link
[SIZE="1"]When Irish Eyes Are Smiling... In the lilt of Irish laughter... When Irish hearts are happy... And When Irish Eyes Are Smiling... [/SIZE]
I love that thought!!!!! peple do not think things thru at all anymore it seems. my mom got re married at 47 and had a kid. well anyways they FIGHT like worse than cats and dogs... the poor child (my half brother) is going to be pretty messed up I think in his later years from them two bickering so damn much... I think in america you should be limited to ONE divorce!!!!! after that then no more getting married at ALL!!!! you can live with eachother and all that but don't waste everyones time with your DIVORCE and ruin childrens lives because you choose "easy come easy go" KAZ you seem to see clearly. I didnt mean anything to the OP though with this... just between my dad and mom There has been 5 divorces with their relationships...OH NOT TO MENTION MY STEP PARENTS SIDE!!!!!!!! so in all there are 8 divorces in my so called family! VERY SCARY!!!! but my mom is a socialpath. so I guess its expected. xo. I hope Jessica figures this out!!!!!!! I stay single because I am Julianna and not even close to John anymore for some reason. It seems like he is just dying away.
Last edited by juligirl1984; 01-08-2011 at 05:06 PM. Reason: added more divorces! so LAME!
If you don't mind me asking a rather personal question...
... for how many of those 14 years has your wife used the tactic of withholding sex as a weapon to get her way?
I promise this is relevant, and I will explain, if you answer.
YIkes..... we haven had sex in over 9 years....the last time i wore lingerie and that was the straw that broke the camels back with her. We have approached the subject over the years and fo some reason i am not interested and dont know why. maybe the depression anxiety meds maybe a little bi curious about ********.maybe its a painful reminder that everytime we had it which wasnt much to begin with it always had to be the perfect storm with her..take a shower brush your teeth groom youself and so on...it would take me 20 minutes to get ready to have sex really became not interested so it may be more me that is witholding or not wanting sex. i feel horrible because we always fight about everthing and no sex as my wife says were just roommates
Last edited by laceyjessica; 01-14-2011 at 04:32 AM. Reason: add sentence
So... you wore lingerie, and she said, "that's it, you're never getting any ever again."
Is that how it went down?
no....i cant say either one of us need or wanted sex 24/7 so with that being said the last time i couldnt complete the job untili had lingerie on and she said she was not interested in having sex if i was wearing lingerie....years went by and within the past year or so she has approached having sex and i am just not that crazy about the idea.... so that lead he to ask if i would be happier living on my own away from her and the kids because i am not a happy person and maybe i am hiding behind the marraige but what kind of marraige is it we dont have sex no cuddling etc so she kept on me abou if i would be happier on my own...so i finally had to ask if she was seeing someone to which her reply was that she isnt actively looking...
That's a common side effect of mind-numbing psychotropic drugs, yes. Most of them absolutely wreck sex drive. Way to cure depression, right?
9 years of celibacy, and anything with a pulse looks inviting. And some without.
A prude. Why didn't you say so? I know a woman just like this... she isn't mine, thank goodness.
I'm not going to pretend to be a marriage counselor here. I've never been married, and with any luck, it'll stay that way. (Not that I don't want a steady gal and kids, I'm just talking about the legal stuff andmonotonymonogamy.)
But let's take the all-too-common scenario of husband with sex drive, and wife with none. If she cares even a tiny bit for her man, she'll either put out, or let him get it somewhere else -- with her blessing. Period. If you care for your spouse, then possessiveness needs to go out the window in favor of making the spouse happy.
By the same token, if your wife wants a boyfriend, let her have one. If that makes her happy, she'll be more pleasant to live with, at least until you boot the kids out. She's already aiming that direction, anyway, but in my opinion, arrangements can be made to everyone's satisfaction. The whole "1 man 1 woman 1 house" thing is not chiseled in stone, nor does it work for everyone. Bottom line here -- if you've kept it together for 9 years for the benefit of your offspring, it can work for a few more years... a prospect made easier by your willingness (and hers) to examine options other than monogamy.
how old is too old to persue wanting to try to be jessica and go out...i will be honest i want to be a hot tranny in public not sure thats will happen but say in another 10 yrs we separate because that is the only way i will be able to be jessica and go out i will be 54 i see some hot 50 somethings on here and i see some not so femme. i am scared i think it would be a blast to experience life as a woman in public but the reality is i aam 6' 205lbs how hot can i really look and being tall with heels already gives me away. i go back and forth on wife having a bf i think to myself she deserves one because she is not about my dressing at all and i get that so i often thin to myself i would be sad but more happy if she found her real man persay...my other greatest fear is that i throw it all away and then boom no real desire to dress as jessica and go out. i dont know its crazy
Sorry to hear how hard it is for you. Wish it could be easy for everyone. I'm afraid to say that the relationship may never be completely happy for either of you, though it possibly could over quite a period of time. Not knowing how much your wife new of your CD desires before you married, it's hard to know just how unreasonable her views are. To me, they are very unreasonable and would never have even pursued a relationship with her. But I do know also that some things that we find uncomfortable to share with others become easy to share when you feel secure. You obviously felt secure enough with your wife to share your CD side. She was not. I bet that she asked if you wish to be wish to be with a man because it is easier in todays culture for a typical female to accept gay men than it is to accept a man wanting to be a woman. She is trying to understand and accept, give her credit for that, but it could take a long while. For now she is trying to endure. Unfortunately so are you. Some hard decisions need to be made, by both of you. Sounds like that you love to be dressed. Do you need to go out as such? Can your wife accept to be dressed at home? Can she see the two of you making love/having sex while you are en femme? Are you bi/gay? Just because you crossdress doesn't make it so, something she has to come to understand. These things the two of you have to honestly confront. Nothing has to happen overnight. But needs versus relationship have to be openly and honestly discussed. Either which way you are making a serious decision on your futures and both will lead to great challenges. I wish you so much luck and hope all goes well.
Monica
OMG! Reading along further in your posts, your situation sounds so unahppy. I so agree with Shelly Preston. You two desperately need a counselor, and one that will truly deal with the situation. By everything you have said, sounds to me like your wife is putting you in the situation of having to make a decision and demonizing you no matter what decision you make. And I am shocked, 9 years. The relationship is not dysfunctional, it is broken. Get help! And your wife needs to honestly approach the therapy too. And it does need to be a counselor that deals with TG issues. Good luck, wish we all could be happy.
Monica
hi monica to answer some of your questions.....i absolutely love love love to dress it was a turn around for me last november when i went for the first time to amanda richard to get a full makeover and photoshoot. OMG i was so excited with the whole thing never thought i would look like anymore than a guy in a dress and she proved me wrong i loved every minute of it. i definitely need to go out i want to get all glammed up and go out and have fun as a woman, i do not get to dress much at home maybe an hour here or there when wife takes the kids out shopping or something...i can never do the hair makeup outfit thing at home..also when we origionally went totherapy in stead of separating as my wife was contemplating she said all she could handle was bra and panty an no more ....she didnt find out until after we were married and had one child...she didnt sign up for this and i am ok with that...the last time we had sex i coulnt complete the deed unless i was dressed and that just totally grossed her out...
and that was 9 yrs ago..the thing about being bi is i am so attracted to a ******* there gorgeous but i am also interested in the additional which makes me question about being bi. i guess i have to say is that there are two sides to every story and i get that in no way does my wife ever want me to dress and go out i think the bra and pannty thing is that it can be hidden she is basically to the point if i need more than that she would like to separate because i truely beleive she would like to see me happy and i truely think she knows living this lie is so hard on me and i think thats why she keeps asking if i would maybe just be happier on my own to explore this side of me. she just wants nothing to do with it
jessica its sad i know, but your wife didnt sighn up for 9 years of no sex either, its one thing for the feelings to come and go but thats darn near neglect, your wife has need and from your age if your wife is close to your age she would have been wanting to have it alot through the thirtys and early fortys, you should either try to rekindle your love and save your marrage or give up all together. anouther thing is your wife liked you and married u for u, dressing is a part of u that she cant handle , well respect that. i highly doubt you would be happy cause it sounds like u really care for your wife and kids,
i think about this all the time , i finaly found out with my wife what the problem was, she said when i dressed, i really embares her im supposed to be a man, so i went to throw it all away and she stated nooo dont do that i dont mind at home i just dont want to go out with u looking like that,
if your wife cant stand that side of u and would leave u for it why would she tell someone else like family seems she would be to embarresed that she couldnt please u that way to tell anyone.
take a viagra and show her what a man can do again she obviasly wants it she asks you if your happy so u will talk to her and maybe in hopes of getting it on, any how make things right either way , 9 years is neglect in my book
on both parts , even angry sex is good
thanks danielle.... well i happen to agree with you...if my wife ever saw my pics or all of the clothes lingerie and lets not forget the wedding gown i purchased i really think that would push her over the edge. i often wonder when she takes the kids and goes out if she knows i dress..i am afraid to ask or when she asks if i told her all i had on she would flip. i definitely know my wife would not want to see me dressed in public or anywhere.
I'm sorry, that just sounds so selfish to me. Someone is married for several years then springs a situation on his wife that he has had all his life to get used to and SHE should be grateful?
I don't believe that a refusal to consider the question is healthy, but why should we expect her to make all of the accommodations. She has been lied to for years, she probably wondered at that point if she had ever really known the father of her children. The past is done and cannot be undone, but please don't expect the wife to feel grateful that she has been lied to.
When you get married, it is no longer just about the husband's basic rights or about the wife's basic rights - it is about the couple (and later the whole family). Each side has to make accommodations to the other, but neither side deserves to be told several years into the marriage "the person you thought you were marrying never existed" and then asked to be grateful that the other partner condescends to show a little consideration for their shattered feelings.
Shouldn't the loyalty and the respect both be two way streets?
Last edited by Rianna Humble; 01-14-2011 at 10:03 AM. Reason: sp
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This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
I think before you can address this issue, you have to first take a very honest deep look at your marriage and the feelings you actually have for your wife. Is she your Soul Mate and you her's? Is she the absolute love of your life or are you, her or both of you just going through the motions?
Your first decision is your wife and your marriage. From the glimpses I have read of your comments, you two may not be the Soul Mates we so desire. If not, perhaps you ought to come to terms with your marriage before you worry if your cross-dressing is a fantasy or something else.
Just call Me: "W - O - M - A - N"
As King said: "I'm free at last, I'm free at last.
Thank God Almighty I'm free at last!"
thanks tracy and when i read your question about soulmates i would say no i do beleive we are going thru the motions and it is mainly my fault. As a crossdresser i am very very selfish, i would be the first to admit that. the one thing my wife always says is where is that nice guy i met and married, i want him back and I have to say that kills me inside, but the desire to dress and longing to go out as jessica usually trumps that, i really hope that if i get a chance to go out in public as jessica i am not disapointed
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