When I joined this site back in July of 2010, I had no idea of what would come of it. I was searching for support and stumbled onto the site after looking for clothing. I saw Crossdresser Forum. Hmmm, a forum? I think I will try it. Little did I know where it would take me.
The first month I reached out to people and they embraced me with great warmth. Surprising warmth. I received a lot of advice and a lot of comments. It was fun to have the picture albums too back then. I miss them a lot on here. It was a little hard to post that first pic but I did it and got a lot of response. It seemed I was doing pretty well as a girl which I always figured but was not sure really. I had been getting pretty for 20+ years.
In August, I got up the nerve to attend my first TG event. A local group was having a picnic. It was terrifying but exciting. It went very well and really started propelling me to be better and to really embrace my other side. I actually started to feel GOOD about being girlie. It was starting to become a real part of me that was becoming more and more natural. I was tired of the guilt and the hiding. Unfortunately my marriage suffered over the years and CDing was a significant part but not the only reason. After my wife found herself a boyfriend, that is when I felt released in July. But, I felt so great about it. I actually was not as sad about my marriage as some others would be. I always fantasized how it would be if I could be single and be free to be ME. I fantasized for 15 years. Now it was happening. It is bittersweet but leaning to the sweet side.
I continued to find new friends and found some incredible people who I talk to in email, IM, phone and now video streaming. But more on that later. The thing I like is that these relationships are very real and these are real people with real issues. This is not pretending. I am not really pretending to be a girl, rather, I feel like there is a girl in me and I am just satisfying her needs to feel like she should. I have really shared this core feeling with many people and a few very close friends. It has been extremely important and so needed in my life.
When the CDing Christmas came around, (Halloween) I was ready and willing to go out on the town. I met a local girlfriend and she convinced me to hit the town fully girlie. I had done this about 10 years before but not to this extent. It was exhilirating and so important to my new journey. It even further solidified my new found commitment to embrace the girl part in me. I was passing to people who did not hear me talk and freaked out people (mostly in a good way) who did hear me speak. I can speak pretty well as a girl but just was in "costume" for that evening. It really made me feel like Amanda was being embraced and liked.
After a month or so I really was wanting a new level. I felt good and was feeling free, but I needed more...I needed companionship. I am a very loving, affectionate, and sensual person and I really wanted to find someone who I could share that with. Not just anyone for some empty fun, but someone warm, genuine, and liked the same things as me. I was looking for someone with beautiful insides as well as out. I had some frustrations finding that special someone. Everyone seemed to be married or far away or was just not really willing to be that someone for whatever reason. I was beginning to feel like I would just be by myself. Just Amanda and I together. That would be OK. I could do that I guess. My divorce was now in full swing.
In November, my brother came up from Maryland to "rescue" me from my wife and her increasingly disturbing anger. She came at me with a knife one day and I was pulling pills out of her mouth another. It was getting bad. My brother convinced me to get out of the house and into a safe place which turned out to be my aunt and uncle's house about 5 miles away. I was feeling pretty low and decided to post about my divorce on here. Little did I know I would meet the most incredible girl in the world! Just a simple little post about divorce. I got a few responses but none struck me and was so comprehensive as Danielle N. I was so compelled to write back. She shared so much and it was so good and needed for me to see.
I messaged her back and forth a bit and it was getting better and better. Then one day she IMed me and I initially was not sure who she was. Then it dawned on me. DANIELLE!!! Ohhh HI I said. I was so excited. Another level. Then email and quickly then to texting around Thanksgiving. It was incredible to find someone that was so cool. We started to find more and more things in common. Then the phone calls. this felt so great and it was just magical to talk to her. We kept finding more and more and more in common. It has reached a point now where we are trying to find things that we DON'T have in common. We now do video messaging on a popular site and have reached a point in which I HAVE to see her. Our feelings are so deep and we cannot go a day with out talking. I am going to see her very soon. It is a little distance but we feel so connected that our feelings bridge the distance. It is my dream come true and I tell her that all the time. It is almost like we are the some person only not. Imagine having someone that you have everything in common with. Incredible! I have to think this is just way too perfect to be any kind of coincidence. Were meant to meet at this time in both of our lives. The perfect moment. Our conversations are effortless. Its a happy ending to my story here but yet...only the beginning.
I attached some pics of me as she sees me on her screen when we have talked recently. So fun.
Originally Posted by GirlieAmanda
) you have made my day 
