Grinding gears

[Maria 60]

Last Sunday morning i was reading a thread and started replying to it, my son woke up and i had shut the page down and turn the laptop away from him. At that point for some reason i got a pit in my stomach. We are always telling the kids that they should be honest with us no matter how bad it is.( Well i guess i am not much of a role model) My first question to him was, what time are you working today? He tells me and know i am wondering if my daughter is working. Busting my brain to to figure if Maria could come out. I find out that i have 2 hours between one going and the other coming home. Not enough time for me, i want more. My wife tells me your brain must be tired, always asking the kids what there doing, always trying to find a way for Maria to come out. She goes on saying, always looking over your shoulder, every time the kids get close to Maria's things you panic, the fear that they will find something or when your finished, leaving something out. The disappointment when you find out one of the kids changed there shift and know Maria can,t come out. The patients waiting for them to go out, and not being able to dress whenever you want. Wow she said, it must be really worth it. It's like your mind is always working it's like your GRINDING GEARS. Well it's Sunday morning again, one week later just asked my son what time he's working, turned to my wife and i just said "yes it's worth it"

[Jay Cee]

How old are your kids? How have you raised them? And by the latter question, I mean: have you raised them to be accepting of individuals who are different? If yes, then what's the big deal? If they are old enough and mature enough to deal with it, then let them know. Sure, they will be shocked - or maybe they already know, and just haven't let on that they know.

[janelle]

Morning hunny, I believe you are putting yourself thru a hell. I take it your SO is behind you all the way, right??? If this is true I then would ask how old your children are & if they are the age i believe they are, I think its time you set them down & have a talk. Tell them the truth, its once in a while, part time or that you want to go full time but be open & honest. Listen to what they say & how they feel & come to an understanding & I believe you ALL will be happy. These are just my thoughts but you know your family the best, look long & hard b4 you do anything. I believe it will work out for you. Good luck sweetie.

HUGS ------------{----@

[sherri]

Maybe you could take a new approach to your dressing. Instead of trying to sandwich brief, anxiety-ridden sessions around your family's schedules, which probably aren't all that fulfilling anyway, why not plan occasional Maria outings away from home and prying eyes? They would be less frequent but much more satisfying. Maybe you could even make them special date occasions with your wife. And don't think your kids don't pick up on your tension and surreptitiousness -- they may seem like they're in their own little worlds, but they notice more than you realize.

[Sara Jessica]

I totally understand what you are saying. What you describe is brutal and could very well be my (near?) future. I was out all day last Friday and my son was beside himself in trying to figure out what I was up to (more out of worry than anything else).

What's worse with the kids being young is having any sort of longing for alone time with the family away. It feels like stealing "girl time" at the expense of the family. It only gets more difficult as they get older.

I often wonder what it would be like if I were "out" to the kids, if I had the luxury of being me at home with them around. Yet such thoughts feel like part of that slippery slope that I'm not trying nearly hard enough to stay off of. Sigh.