Hi my SO has bought both me and her a basque and stockings and i bought stillettos shoes which we wear when making love. I would love to get a wig and mini skirt and blouse but she says no how can i change her mind, as i would be in heaven if i could wear theas clothes
Perhaps getting her info on cross dressing ... there are many books and web sites with information for wives and SOs of cross dressers. If you could get her to understand how you feel, ie, needing to dress and feel more completely fem than just wearing lingerie, then perhaps she'll be more open to it. Make it fun for her and keep her involved and maybe she'll go along. Good luck ...
Seems like you are on the right track. She took a big step in buying you the basque and stockings. (Sounds like great fun!) While you can't change her mind, but you can give her time to process and adjust. And it would be a good idea to talk with her about your desires and her concerns. Have you any interest in expanding your dressing beyond love making?
here's some more thoughts - instead of wear men's clothes mabye you could add some women's items that are casual and fairly androgynous. Its a bit less provocative than a mini. And if you're not losing hair, consider wearing it a bit long (which seems to be back in style anyway) so you don't need a wig.
Another couple on this site just shared with us that they were planning a girls night - jammies, cuddling and chick flicks. That seems like a very pleasant, mutually acceptable way of helping her get comfortable with more dressing.
I was talking to a GW once, who was afraid that if her CD husband would start wearing skirt, it would diminish what they had in the bedroom. Prior to that, as far as she knew, his crossdressing was limited to their sex play. She was afraid that she would lose that secret part of their intimacy if he took dressing any further than that.
I don't know if this would apply in your case, but it's just a thought.
My suggestion is that you talk to her about it, and listen to her response. Why is she saying no?
Grace,
Bobbi
"Talking is sharing. Listening is caring."
She probably thinks it would start you on the path to a sex change!!
Last edited by Nigella; 01-26-2011 at 02:29 PM. Reason: Deleted quote
At this point I wouldn't push things. Go with what she is comfortable with for now, maybe in a few weeks you could suggest taking it up a notch. I suspect though that you might have ruined your chances by pushing things to soon.Originally Posted by Babs
Zoe
Trying to change her mind is almost like trying to change her sexuality and that is not right . she wants to be with you not a woman .
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
I would suggest you dont try to change her mind
Maybe in time she might agree to add more items
Pushing her limits now could prove to be your biggest mistake
I agree with other girls, do not push her, give her time to adapt. I know all cases are different, in my case I started to crossdress when I was a teenager, but after being busted by my mother I gave up for many many years. I have 17 years married now, and 6 years ago I restarted to CD. Initially I used only plain panties, no laces, only black, white and nude (no pinks, no reds). Then I started with pantyhoses (I said I was having problems in my legs, which was true). Thongs followed, still plain and the less girly colors. Like 3 years ago I started to use some fem pijamas (nightshirts and see-thru pants). After that I added panties with laces, and reds and pinks. Bras followed and after that garters. only a couple of months ago I asked her to color my lips and I started to make up. I still do not have a wig, do not shave, and do not use accessories. I do not dress out of our room, and I dress only with my wife. I have gone very slowly, which adds a lot of fun to the dressing as there is always a new thing to do and gives her time to adapt and be sure you are the man she wants. Just my experience and 2 cents.
Kisses, Rachel
Rachelf
Can I explain with any hope of understanding on your part?
Your wife bought the basque and stockings for some bedroom activity.
If you wear the blouse, mini-skirt and wig that is no longer a besroom activity. It is cross-dressing.
You will probably look ridiculous.
Your wife does not want you to look ridiculous.
If she should now feel that you took advantage of her generous offer to enhance your bedroom activity by making it something entirely for yourself she will get emotionally upset and may well suffer a blow to her self esteem. This could take a lot of repairing.
If you would like to tell her that you want to dress in womens' clothes, don't choose the bedroom for the news.
Any notion of extending your wardrobe by default (getting her to believe that it is for something else) could get you in even more trouble.
Why not read the sticky 'How to tell a partner' and do the job properly?
I'm with the others that said, "DON'T PUSH IT" If she is open to and enjoys the bedroom games including the Basque, stockings and shoes, she may later suggest other feminine articles for you both the wear. You have this much going for you...she accepts you wearing what you both have now. In time she may be the one to want to try other articles of clothing. Go slow and enjoy it even with the limits she has set.
If you enjoy the dressed sex then you might want to leave this alone. Many of us have the ability to dress more but not in the bedroom. My wife is not gay at all and see's me as a woman when I'm dressed. Once you start with the wig and the makeup she will probably see you in a different light......and there may be no going back. Is the sex your priority or the dressing?
Sally
Some wives might accept it as just a little bit of fun, but the minute you start to get more serious about feminisation, it becomes a challenge to their own sexuality and the bottom-line is it is their choice if they don't want to go down that road. As a transsexual female I have seen this happen countless times to relationships and found that some people who consider transitioning are very selfish when they expect their partner's to be willing to go through the social & sexual transition as well.
Let's put the shoe on the other foot for a minute... How many of you heterosexual guys out there that like to cross-dress as some type of lesbian type fetish or fantasy would like it if your wife decided she wanted to transition from female to male? Are you willing to enter into a permanent gay relationship as two males & go through all the social transition that goes along with that? How would you feel if your family & friends started seeing you as as a gay male when you are not attracted to other men but are being forced into it by a selfish partner?
If you want to get serious about your femininity, then you best be prepared to risk losing everything you ever loved.
Two thoughts, Babs
1 - I agree with others, take it slow and easy.
2 - You both wear a basque, stockings, and stilettos when making love? You lucky dog!
Melody,
I agree that many in the Transgender community, especially crossdressers that are in a pink fog, do lose perspective and not take their partners' feelings into account.
However, until your post, there was no mention of the original poster wanting to transition or that she might be a transsexual (with the exception of Karen's observation that the wife might be afraid of this). There is a huge stretch from currently dressing in women's underwear during sex and want ing to get a skirt to transitioning. While this might be a fear of Babs' wife that needs to be addressed, I don't, at this point think it's a legitimate concern. Not all crossdressers are transexuals. Quite the contrary, current thinking is that transexuals make up a very small portion of the transgender community.
I also take exception with your inference that you cannot take your femininity seriously without transitioning. Being dual gendered, I take my femininity very seriously, just as I take my masculinity very seriously. And I have no intention of ever transitioning.
Grace,
Bobbi
"Talking is sharing. Listening is caring."
I am fully aware of the fact that there was no mention about transitioning, but that doesn't mean that Karen's
wife is not concerned about how serious this might become and that was the only point I was trying to make.
You can take exception to my 'inference' as you put it all you want. There is no interference here on this forum from me, the only interference is from those like you who think I should have a differing point of view. So I am going to disagree & say that I think only those who go on hormones & start transitioning really take their femininity the most seriously. Don't like what I have to say, then please realise this is a free forum, free to express a differing point of view to the mainstream opinions in this section of the forum If you are cross-dresser with no intention of transitioning and happy as you are, well goody for you. Because seriously D.I.L.I.G.A.F?
Last edited by Melody Moore; 01-27-2011 at 03:52 PM.
Inference - the process of arriving at some conclusion that, though it is not logically derivable from the assumed premises, possesses some degree of probability relative to the premises.
Interference - an act, fact, or instance of interfering
I believe Roberta Marie was stating that she believed Melody Moore reached some incorrect conclusion from an inference, not an interference. Two wholly separate words. Melody's response makes no sense other than that she misunderstood Roberta Marie's response.
Last edited by Noel_GG; 01-27-2011 at 04:02 PM.
Thank you, Noel, for your intervention. Now, if you or someone could tell me what D.I.L.I.G.A.F means, I would appreciate it.
Grace,
Bobbi
"Talking is sharing. Listening is caring."
I guess you could always tell her you're still the same person inside. The clothes or wig or makeup don't change anything about that. Dressing up that way doesn't make you want to be a woman but makes you feel good and if she could see fit to share that it would be very special and forge a new bond between the two of you.
I have had a few GGs tell me that the reason they don't like crossdressing is that they have no attraction to their own sex and don't like being thought of as lesbians. Its only a veneer but some women just don't like that. Well in your case if she has allowed some really intimate items (a basque what is that btw?) I don't see what the problem is as she has allowed some baby steps. Tell her you will buy a cheap wig off ebay or something. and of course as Karren says reassure her you don't secretly want to become a woman.
I will ignore some of the testiness in the rest of this thread.
My wife is the other way around.. No way I can be dressed in anything fem without a wig or she'll make a comment and tell me to go put it on.
As a GG S/O to a CDer who recently was made aware of my SOs CDing I know that so many things cross your mind and you become confused and uncertain, my suggestion is to give her time, if she decides she's ready she will come to you. I personally found this forum to be my most useful tool, reading others stories that are similar to mine made everything far more manageable when I knew I wasn't alone and it helped me to understand a lot of my own feelings about things. Most people are ignorant to the subject as I was which was why it was so terrifying, yet here I am now, happily living life with my family and enjoying this new adventure. She just needs to come at it with an open mind that's all....not always easy.
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Just to add to what my beautiful gurl said above...
I think communication and complete and total honesty is a huge thing.
See I was caught in all of this and yes after all the years her I have been together, I felt ashamed and guilty.
So after time passed and we decided to work things out together and talk about it it was hard for both of us, maybe even a lil more so for me.
We found it easier for us to at first sit in different rooms and text questions and answers and concerns and what not.$
It made it easier to be totally open without fear of reaction. Then it made it easier to. Discuss it face to face.
And now look we totally hang out as girls and make love and. Are planning to start shopping too. I shaved my legs and get fully dressed n wig n make up. But we eased into it.
And I always make sure to ask if she's comfortable with things before I try ssomething. And she knows to tell me anytime if she prefers me not to dress one night and that I won't be offended.
U just have to find what works for u I guess. Hope this helps.
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hi . dont push take your time she might think you are trying to make her into something she is not. explain to her it is your fantasy you and her only . make love with basque, stocking and stilettos on. well you are so lucky. love deanna
Those of us who are lucky enough to have supportive wives, all experience different reactions. My lovely wife is ultra supportive, in and out of the bedroom, but wigs and make up freak her out. So I dress, and keep the rest for the few times we are not together. I consider myself very lucky indeed to be able to dress and have her full support - hair and cosmetics would be nice, but I'm not complaining!
Don't push it. Take your time. Watch the years flow by, as she wears what she likes, while she limits you. Listen to those that say you wanting more choices in clothing mean you want to change your sex, because there can be no other reason you want the freedom of clothing that many women in the western and parts of the eastern world want. You must want to be a woman if you want to wear a skirt. Hell she bought you a basque and stockings, so this must be only a fetish. Didn't you know that the wearing of the other gender's clothing is for the bedroom only? *looks around and sees all the women around him wearing pants*
Yea, that makes complete and total sense to me.
Yes, this is the path to acceptance.
(Honestly, why do we even try, if we keep saying "hide"?)
"I am not altogether on anyone's side as no one is all together on my side"
Tree beard. Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers.
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