Scared and Nervous, with a question mostly for gg's and ts's

[Violetgray]

I apologize if I rambled a bit, it was past 2 am in the morning, and the night had been.. eventful

Anyway, skip to 2mins. 30 seconds to get to the point... There is a question, but I think I just needed to rant...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMcro...&feature=feedu

[LitaKelley]

WOW.. your voice.. sexy and feminine.. I wish I had a girl voice like that. As for answering your question, I don't know what to say...

But, about your comedy.. have you thought about posting more comedy videos for youtube and building up a following that way and getting into their partner program for revenue sharing?

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Violet,

I watched question 1 and question 2 videos. I'm pretty sure he thought you were genetic. I'm not a GG, but I think that it is "normal" for guys to try to hit on attractive girls like you are, especially if you are on your own and it's late at night. Men who are like this guy seems to be, don't have a reputation for being called "sexual predators" for nothing. My wife tells me all the time, "its no picnic being a woman in this world". That's the whole point of the Gwen Steffani song.

Hugs
Rachel

[PortiaHoney]

Hi Violet

What you have experienced is perfectly normal for any woman walking the streets at 2am in the morning by herself. Being hassled by scumbag men who don't know what "no" means happens every day. If you try to be polite - they just think they need to use more "persuasion". It can get messy. A very firm, clear "NO THANKS" will mostly get through but not always. You could follow it up with "F**K OFF D**K HEAD", but that too can get nasty.

The answer. Don't be walking the streets, alone, at 2am. Most women learn this lesson at an early age.

I would consider the fact that you got home in one piece, especially after guy no.2, to be a wake up call and you were VERY lucky you got home before he decided to take matters into his own hands. It could have been so much worse. It's not that I want to scare you. He could have been a very nice single gentleman who holds a very responsible position in a high profile company looking for some long term commitment with a beautiful woman because he discovered all those women he could meet through normal channels are just too boring. Not some bum, driving a white van, searching for a victim to have his dastardly way with, because he has no home, no job, bored, having watched too many porn videos and too many drugs in his system..

You enjoy doing the show? That is great. Another thing you may find yourself experiencing is the unwanted fan who won't go away. I don't want to scare you, but these things are a reality for all women.

Confidence goes a long way to protecting yourself from these unwanted attentions. The clothes you choose to wear will either scream - don't mess with me - or - oh look, I'm easy. A short skirt at 2am is an open invitation to idiots who have been drinking or worse. They immediately think "hooker" or at the very least, an easy target.

A taxi, if it's possible, is the only option I can think of to get from A to B in one piece. Unless you have a male friend who can join you for the walk home.

Keep safe darling.

Portia

[Niya W]

Simple answer is . If you go out enough you will run into a guy like that. I've had guys make rude comments, others that would not take no for and answer. I've had guys whistle at me while I'm in my car I tell them I don't like men and they think they can change that. The thing that got to me is a guy tried to get into my car. This was in front of bar with people in it . I started the car and backed up. I told him if he does not get out I'd drag him for the next 50 miles and break ever god damn bone in his body. Do to the fact that I was working on my car I had a heavy socket wrench in my car which I grabbed . That convinced to get out . I'm not saying things like that will happen but you have some stupid men out there . If they are drinking it makes it worse . If y are going to leave at 2am I suggest driving . As you found out walking the street at 2 am is different as women than guy . If you are going to walk home invest in pepper spray or a stun gun or both.

[PortiaHoney]

. The thing that got to me is a guy tried to get into my car. This was in front of bar with people in it . I started the car and backed up. I told him if he does not get out I'd drag him for the next 50 miles and break ever god damn bone in his body.

Lesson number 2. Always lock your doors when you get into your car.

[JOJO44]

Let's see:
You are dressed and look like a female.
You sound like a female.
It is two in the morning.

What am I missing here?

I know it is not right, but it is what it is.

You are a woman out walking the streets at two in the morning. Sorry.

[Shelly Preston]

Violet I am sorry this happened to you

Always use the safest option you can when getting home, be it taxi or a friend taking you home

I hope you took a note of the licence plate of the van especially since the guy knows where you live

I think you should report this the police because he might be doing this with other women too

Who knows what could happen then

[Roberta Marie]

Violet,

I have to agree with the others. Avoid situations that may be dangerous, be aware of your surroundings, and have a plan of action for when things go bad. Mace or a stun gun may be an option. There have been situations where I had my cellphone out, had dialed our local police, and had my finger on the "TALK" button, ready to dial if needed (911 calls often take longer to get through as they often go through a regional dispatch center and have to be transfered to a local dispatch center).

That said, I watched one of your other videos, and I thought you were great. A true inspiration, being willing to get up on stage, to those that want to and are struggling to get out of the closet.

Stay safe.

[carolinoakland]

Yep, happnes all the time. And walk home with someone or take a cab. It's not worth the risk. There are places I'd never go that I used to because it IS diferent for girls. Be Careful! Carol

[donnalee]

Hi Violet
I'm so sorry that you had to experience this kind of crass behavior; I know how traumatic that can be. I've always looked forward to your posts for their well-expressed intelligence.
As I, and my SO, spent a number of years working nights in a VERY tough town, here are a few suggestions. If you don't drive, take a cab (watch the driver; I've heard of a case where the main suspect in a girl's disappearance was the cabbie; he later confessed), or a bus. If at all possible, go with other people; while 2 is good, 3 is much better. Stay in well-lit areas with as many people around as possible.
I'm not sure if Maryland has a concealed carry "must issue" law; if not, find out what weapons are legal to carry (remember that these will do no good without instruction from someone knowledgeable and periodic practice) and decide if they would be practical for you (after consulting with the above knowledgeable person).
The most desirable thing is to avoid conflict; this can best be done by ignoring any attempts to elicit a direct response, then, if neccesary, lead them to believe that the benefit to danger ratio of the conflict will be against them. One I like is to mutter (but loud enough to be heard) "Damn, another tough guy." Stand your ground; pretty soon he will find an excuse to leave. The MOST important is to leave there standing; do not have ANY compunctions about doing what you need to do to survive. Remember, in the end result, it is better to be tried by 12 than buried by 6.
Please take this from the heart.
Donna

[Persephone]

I am so sorry for what happened to you, Violet. I can relate to how scary those things are when they happen. You feel violated and, as one poster described it, probably like you were being hit by ice water.

Your post is about your pain, something I can completely relate to, and not just a search for techniques and tactics to help in the future. That is very understandable. If you are still feeling that it is too painful to read such hints right now, then please stop reading my post here. And consider my post a hug from a friend.

If you want the technique comments, then continue to read down.

Cordgrass' post was, in my opinion, excellent.

Anyone, male or female, has to take precautions when out at night.

If you don't mind, here are a few I would think of.

Like so many others have posted, if at all possible avoid the situation by driving, or taking a taxi, or having friends walk you home. It is unwise for anyone to be out alone at that hour, particularly an attractive woman like yourself.

If you must walk and if you were wearing heels, change to flats, or, even better, running shoes, before you leave the club.

Carry a cellphone. If you don't have one on a monthly plan, look into getting one of the pay-as-you-use types and carry it in your hand, ready to call 911 as you walk.

A company called Kimber makes an excellent pepper blaster that is small and easy to carry [click here]. It is small, light, and awesome, but if it is not legal where you live, carry a can of pepper spray or wasp spray. Wasp spray can be purchased in nearly any large grocery store, sends a stream of stinging spray about 25 feet and is not likely to cause permanent damage. Again, have it handy, not down in your purse.

If someone does start to annoy you, or if you feel you are being followed, do NOT head for your own home, rather, head to the local police station or even the 24 hour eatery. Call the police from there.

As others have said, it is possible that the guy is a known problem and your call may help some other person avoid a similar situation or may even help to solve a crime that he may have already committed.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Chickhe]

According to my wife, you get some jerks like that once in a while and the way to deal with it is to ignore them. Don't talk to them at all. I experienced this a couple times while out in broad daylight and I can see from your video, as it was to me, pretty scary to say the least. And it is quite the eye-opener to realize there are actually guys who behave like that (the minority I would like to think). You feel like a hunk a beef in front of wolves. I hope you get some good material from this experience. And, you present perfectly as a woman in your video. I wonder, if the audience sees too much of a woman that the jokes are not so funny... And from teaching a few classes in different busineses, I find if you feel the audience out for experience first, then you know how much to adlib or not. oh...and here's a funny thought, you could say wait here...go inside and change, come out and yell at the guy for following your woman!!! Its hard to remember it, but note the date and time and take the guys license number down in case he shows up agian.