Scared and Nervous, with a question mostly for gg's and ts's

[Shelly Preston]

Violet I am sorry this happened to you

Always use the safest option you can when getting home, be it taxi or a friend taking you home

I hope you took a note of the licence plate of the van especially since the guy knows where you live

I think you should report this the police because he might be doing this with other women too

Who knows what could happen then

[Roberta Marie]

Violet,

I have to agree with the others. Avoid situations that may be dangerous, be aware of your surroundings, and have a plan of action for when things go bad. Mace or a stun gun may be an option. There have been situations where I had my cellphone out, had dialed our local police, and had my finger on the "TALK" button, ready to dial if needed (911 calls often take longer to get through as they often go through a regional dispatch center and have to be transfered to a local dispatch center).

That said, I watched one of your other videos, and I thought you were great. A true inspiration, being willing to get up on stage, to those that want to and are struggling to get out of the closet.

Stay safe.

[carolinoakland]

Yep, happnes all the time. And walk home with someone or take a cab. It's not worth the risk. There are places I'd never go that I used to because it IS diferent for girls. Be Careful! Carol

[victoriamwilliams1]

Violet,

You know you have crossed into woman hood when men flirt. I have found that we get to a point where we can forget that to the world we look and at times sound like women. I know that many of us thrive to be "passable" and as time goes on many do become "passable" so here are my responses to your video:

Rule #1: Do NOT walk home after dark!
Rule #2: As I have said many times in my writings is that Men see you as a woman and all the safety rules that women use applies to us.
Rule #3: For your safety I suggest either walking with a guy friend or taking a cab if your out at 2am. Even when 2 women are out that late the problem can get complicated.

Answer: No need to worry about the guy he may have been drunk or high. I have had to deal with guys and from the female perspective some guys do not understand NO and I am married does not work I have found! I have been hit on before and the first time it happens you are thrown back! It is like you have been thrown in ice cold water.

And to that crowd: I think you did the right thing by going off script. I have seen many comedian bomb when the refused to go off script.


Now be safe sis!

[Presh GG]

Violet
Reread cordgrass' post , then read it again. Live by it, it may save your life.
Yes, this is the life of a gg.

Consider yourself lucky. My sister didn't make it home from work..I wish we had had cell phones back then.
It was a long time ago.

For God's sake take a cab AND carry protection, even cab drivers have been known to make your night miserable.

Presh GG

[donnalee]

Hi Violet
I'm so sorry that you had to experience this kind of crass behavior; I know how traumatic that can be. I've always looked forward to your posts for their well-expressed intelligence.
As I, and my SO, spent a number of years working nights in a VERY tough town, here are a few suggestions. If you don't drive, take a cab (watch the driver; I've heard of a case where the main suspect in a girl's disappearance was the cabbie; he later confessed), or a bus. If at all possible, go with other people; while 2 is good, 3 is much better. Stay in well-lit areas with as many people around as possible.
I'm not sure if Maryland has a concealed carry "must issue" law; if not, find out what weapons are legal to carry (remember that these will do no good without instruction from someone knowledgeable and periodic practice) and decide if they would be practical for you (after consulting with the above knowledgeable person).
The most desirable thing is to avoid conflict; this can best be done by ignoring any attempts to elicit a direct response, then, if neccesary, lead them to believe that the benefit to danger ratio of the conflict will be against them. One I like is to mutter (but loud enough to be heard) "Damn, another tough guy." Stand your ground; pretty soon he will find an excuse to leave. The MOST important is to leave there standing; do not have ANY compunctions about doing what you need to do to survive. Remember, in the end result, it is better to be tried by 12 than buried by 6.
Please take this from the heart.
Donna

[Persephone]

I am so sorry for what happened to you, Violet. I can relate to how scary those things are when they happen. You feel violated and, as one poster described it, probably like you were being hit by ice water.

Your post is about your pain, something I can completely relate to, and not just a search for techniques and tactics to help in the future. That is very understandable. If you are still feeling that it is too painful to read such hints right now, then please stop reading my post here. And consider my post a hug from a friend.

If you want the technique comments, then continue to read down.

Cordgrass' post was, in my opinion, excellent.

Anyone, male or female, has to take precautions when out at night.

If you don't mind, here are a few I would think of.

Like so many others have posted, if at all possible avoid the situation by driving, or taking a taxi, or having friends walk you home. It is unwise for anyone to be out alone at that hour, particularly an attractive woman like yourself.

If you must walk and if you were wearing heels, change to flats, or, even better, running shoes, before you leave the club.

Carry a cellphone. If you don't have one on a monthly plan, look into getting one of the pay-as-you-use types and carry it in your hand, ready to call 911 as you walk.

A company called Kimber makes an excellent pepper blaster that is small and easy to carry [click here]. It is small, light, and awesome, but if it is not legal where you live, carry a can of pepper spray or wasp spray. Wasp spray can be purchased in nearly any large grocery store, sends a stream of stinging spray about 25 feet and is not likely to cause permanent damage. Again, have it handy, not down in your purse.

If someone does start to annoy you, or if you feel you are being followed, do NOT head for your own home, rather, head to the local police station or even the 24 hour eatery. Call the police from there.

As others have said, it is possible that the guy is a known problem and your call may help some other person avoid a similar situation or may even help to solve a crime that he may have already committed.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Chickhe]

According to my wife, you get some jerks like that once in a while and the way to deal with it is to ignore them. Don't talk to them at all. I experienced this a couple times while out in broad daylight and I can see from your video, as it was to me, pretty scary to say the least. And it is quite the eye-opener to realize there are actually guys who behave like that (the minority I would like to think). You feel like a hunk a beef in front of wolves. I hope you get some good material from this experience. And, you present perfectly as a woman in your video. I wonder, if the audience sees too much of a woman that the jokes are not so funny... And from teaching a few classes in different busineses, I find if you feel the audience out for experience first, then you know how much to adlib or not. oh...and here's a funny thought, you could say wait here...go inside and change, come out and yell at the guy for following your woman!!! Its hard to remember it, but note the date and time and take the guys license number down in case he shows up agian.