I think I know what my issue is

[Pythos]

BEFORE RESPONDING I ASK THAT YOU READ THIS COMPLETELY THROUGH.

Having been through some turbulent times here I am learning something. What I am learning is for the most part my perspective is much different than many here.

I for one dream of and would like to live in a world where people did not have to conform when it comes to their style. That aside from specific items of clothing, all articles of clothing, hair styles, make up and so on, could be equally shared and used by both sexes.

I mean it when I say that I would most likely never gotten into full fem had there not been these limitations on one's style based on sex. Had I been able to live my life wearing clothing styles I like, without having my life severely limited by closed minds, I just would have worked on a unique style, and perhaps be a trail blazer.

I have fallen into the trap of allowing my wearing of leggings or skirts in Guy mode to fall into the category of crossdressing. This is equivalent to saying a women is a crossdresser because she wears pants. As we have seen here that argument does not apply. So my being in a skirt should not be called crossdressing either.

My Goth Androgynous style is so much more myself than the full on fem. I have now realized this. I don't want to be a woman, and I dislike it when people tell me I do, especially on this forum.

I find I don't need "girl time" I have no such desire. I just want to slip on some hose and a skirt and go out in a nice outfit, and be attractive, while living my life. I experimented with the full fem in order to see if I could pass, and possibly be able to wear those styles I like and avoid the bigotry and hatred one can get for being different. This prospect however is most likely a form of self delusion. I used to be able to go out skirted as a guy with no issues, but I just feel the social atmosphere has changed drastically.

Sexism is one of the things at the very heart of much of the issues we face, this is for sure. And many here also fall into that trap.

I am going to do something. I am going to crop, and caption my final set of fem pics. This last week of arguing really brought home the point I am not a full CD. I am not TS, I am not a man wanting to be what I am not.

I am someone that has a personal style that due to society's limitations I am not able to openly do, and for no good reason other than sexism, bigotry, and ignorance.

I do not think I will do anymore full fem shoots from here on out. I will do as Rye of the dead does and post my gender bending pics. But if people here don't like that, then I will politely leave.

I feel I am not appreciated here and am a thorn in this place's side. Several of the responses to my threads have driven that point home. especially one from someone I thought was a supporter. Instead she turned out to be a supporter of the status quo.

On a different note. I am finding that my thinking of women as fairly equal to men is a thought process that is unappreciated by many here. I had one person state that it was no wonder I was not "beating women off me" with a posting I made. I was a posting dealing with how women are objectified in our culture. This is not my opinion, it is a fact, just look around. Why at nascar are their "grid girls" why in beer commercials are there women used to market what can only be called swill. Why at car shows are there beautiful women draped all over the vehicle? Because in many ways they are objectified. Is this entirely bad. No. But it is something I think it is high time men did as well.

The only areas I personally feel women are overly weak, is when they are pregnant, and following child birth. I am one that firmly believes chivalry in many ways insulted the woman. It stemmed from the idea women could do nothing for themselves. Look it up, you will see what I mean. Yes no a days many aspects are "polite" so why is it that the man must always hold the door open? Why is it always the man that gives up the seat to a woman, even if he is ill or injured? This sort of non sense where the woman is put on a pedestal just because she was born a woman. It is the same on the flip side though. Why were women considered second class citizens for the longest time. Just because they had the "misfortune" of being born women?

I guess I just don't believe in humans imposing rules on people that are not applied to other people just because that person got born as something they had no choice in being, for all we know.

Pythos

Oh, and a jumping point for those curious about clothing prohibitions and why a guy in a skirt is no more crossdressing than a woman in pants.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_wearing_pants

Granted it is Wiki, so take with a spoon of salt.

[Lexi X]

It'd be a shame if you left. Your comments are always quite thought provoking. It is ironic that you come to a place for acceptance and find others who are looking for the same thing but do not accept you.

[Chari]

We cannot please everyone - so we have to please our self! IMO, each of is entitled to live the way we choose, without harm to others, but in a fashion that is comfortable for us. Not all respect these entitlements and choose to destroy that which is not understood or feared! Sometimes taking a detour in life to get to our positive goal is the road to travel. Please do not give in to anothers demand. You are a much stronger individual than you think, not only for stating your feelings here on this forum, but in expressing your "fashion" ideas.

[flatlander_48]

Thanks for sharing your journey. Whether others agree or not is basically irrelevant. What's important is what YOU figure out, what YOU learn about yourself and how YOU use that in your life going forward. When someone throws out an opinion, they are looking at the issue from their own perspective. Doesn't make it right or wrong; it's just their view of the world. And you know, if we are only using 10% of our mental capacity, there is A LOT of room for growth...

Continued Fair Weather on your journey...

[erica12b]

there is no way to control how others will read and receive a post, they bring there predigests to the concept of the thought you posted, the deeper and more complex a issue is the greater the likely hood it will be received in the wrong manner (missread), this is (im sorry to say) one of the reasons cross-dressing is so looked down on, it is a complex issue, easily misunderstood

You have had some great thought provoking posts and comments, the forum will be less with out you,

[Lexi X]

And you know, if we are only using 10% of our mental capacity, there is A LOT of room for growth...

Continued Fair Weather on your journey...

Off subject but if I have a male AND female side, does that mean I'm using 20% of my mental capacity?

[Amy Lynn3]

Pythos: I'm not sure what to say, but under no conditions would I want to see you leave. I have come to respect you and enjoy your take on life and it would be a great loss to me and many others if you left. Please, continue to express yourself and be yourself here. Do not allow others to drag you down with their take on life. Just be yourself and enjoy what life offers. I support you and your way of life, just like I do my own. I'm sure I am not alone when I say that either.

[jessica renee]

I would hate to see you go as well. Your posts are, as Lexi said above, thought provoking. While I will admit that I may not always agree with your opinion, I have a great deal of respect for you for expressing them.

I too find it ironic that as we all look for acceptance some choose to turn on one of our own.

[happy2cd]

Pythos,

You are not as different as you think which is probably the hardest things for individualists to hear. You are not outside of the box on this forum and would suggest that you stick around long enough to see that. Not everyone on this forum wants to be a girl, hence people like me do not pick girl names for themselves. I do not like feeling like I have to go full fem to try to step outside in anything that is not meant for a male to wear. I would like to be able to grab anything I want and walk out the door without having to consider where I am going, if I might run into anyone, have to wear a wig or make up to mask evidence of beard whatever.

I do not feel particulary girly even when dressed fully, so I get where you are coming from.

This forum offer a place to raise issues that you can't raise other places and it can help you work through tings if you are willing to be a little thick skinned and wait for answers that help you along your way.

It is all about being comfortable with who you are, not conforming to what everybody else seems to be doing. Also a huge majority of people coming to this site do not have the courage to join and post so you have already shown that you have more to offer the rest of us who come here.

[docrobbysherry]

A lot of interesting points in your post, Pythos. Some I agree with, some I have issues with!

However, I find it interesting that you've noticed your "growth" or "CD awareness" may be changing! Or, HAS changed? As Flatlander says. One thing u can be SURE OF! There r MORE CHANGES AHEAD! That is the human condition! Those that don't grow/change r either dying a little or readying themselves to!

I myself have changed A LOT since arriving here! I didn't enjoy Ham on Rye's pics or other androgynous looks back then. However, I've learned a new appreciation for their look. I wonder what changes the next few years will bring to US ALL!?

[Amanda22]

My reaction to your well-written post is that you have a really firm handle on who you really are, and I congratulate you for that. It's something so many people never figure out, and I'm not limiting that to this forum. As in any situation, respect for one another is vital. I don't always see that in this forum, which simply means it's like any family. There are jerks in every group and a virtual, anonymous community makes being rude so much easier. Selfishly, I ask that you continue to post with your natural emotion and frequency. You're a breath of fresh air. Many of your posts cause me to consider my own motivations. That's the goal of a forum, IMO. So please stay...

[happy2cd]

I have a music suggestion for you that may be quaint and tame by today's standards but that I enjoyed all through High School:

Misfits by the Kinks. I believe that one of the songs is titled "Out of the Wardrobe" and another "Live Life For Yourself."

In the former there are such lines as "He's not a faggot as you might suppose, he just feels restricted in conventional clothes." Or for the people who do feel girlie whilst dressed "When he puts on that dress he feels like a princess." Either way it used to help me feel like I wasn't so weird or alien.

It gives alternate takes on things that I found helpful. Good luck

[suzy1]

I hope this is not going to get me into trouble Pythos but how about just not taking life too seriously. I don’t as you may have noticed.
I would love you to stay here.

SUZY

[Abbyru1]

Aw Pythos, Such great trash talk from one so wise. Your style of garments shouldn't be
anyone's problem. Certainly not mine. I commend you for stating your side so wonderfully.
You go about in the world totally unconcerned what the great unwashed understand or see.
You come on here and express an idealism unlike any other. I don't always agree to your
comments but I certainly understand the thought process you use to get where you going.
Indeed, it would be a terrible shame for you to drop into the dark side. I'm not sure I "need" a girl day either. I dress as I want and don't let myself be influenced by those who think I'm weird. Alas, I don't leave my comfort zone which is inside my home, but at least you have the feeling that you can go anywhere dressed in a way that brings you satisfaction. Don't let your actions be affected by the thoughts of a few even if they may be on this forum.

[kym]

Pythos, I encourage you to stay in this forum. Diversity is what makes people think and helps them change their views on the world, and you are a breath of fresh, diverse air here. I have grown with reading all of your posts as they are well thought out and thought provoking. I for one welcome your gender bending pictures, and I do understand about what i call "labels" and the fact that society has this huge misconception about the "weakness" of a female and I agree that females are at least equal to males except for childbirth and just after, I for one love to emulate a woman to bring attention to the fact that they are equals in every way. Unlike yourself I do want to become a woman mainly because its how I feel most comfortable in society and my everyday life, however not every one is like me and just want to gender blend or enjoy softer clothes and that I understand. More of the ladies and gentlemen on this board need to recognize that not all of us want to transition, not all of us want to be able to pass, some of us just want to break down the stereotypical walls that seem to surround society about what clothes men should and should not wear and clothes women should or should not wear, how everyone is supposed to act, what roles we must take on that are determined by our outwardly appearance and what is between our legs. I hate to be so blunt, but it is needed just like Pythos and his views are needed here.

[Shelly Preston]

Pythos

It woud be great if we could all find our own individual style without getting labeled
Unfortunately society likes to label people
This can be a fine line too. Wearing a kilt which some consider looks like a skirt will not get you labeled a crossdresser but wearing a skirt will.
Sometimes society is scared of anything different and what they dont understand.

[DonnaT]

My Goth Androgynous style is so much more myself than the full on fem. I have now realized this. I don't want to be a woman, and I dislike it when people tell me I do, especially on this forum.

I find I don't need "girl time" I have no such desire. I just want to slip on some hose and a skirt and go out in a nice outfit, and be attractive, while living my life.

Nothing wrong with that. Be who you want to be, dress as you like.

I've been out in just a skirt, as well as fully enfemme. I wear the clothes because of how they make me feel, not because I want to be a girl. But I do like the look of makeup and a wig as well, but it's mostly about enjoying the look I choose at the moment.

[Joanne f]

I can see where you are coming from about the guy in a skirt as i had this argument with some many years ago stating that as far as i was concerned a skirt is just a item of clothing and i was not cross dressing by wearing one as it only had the status to me as a skirt , and by most peoples standards on here i am not a proper cross dresser as i do not play to certain dressing rules ,who cares not me, as i dress for me not anyone else and in my opinion that is how it should be, we all have different opinions and styles and that is what makes this an interesting place , you can agree or disagree with others but in the end we are all looking to change things a bit and hope to get some sort of acceptance for difference in are society so even just a guy in a skirt having their say is a step towards getting this acceptance for the future.

[Avana]

I totally agree with a lot of your viewpoints. My day to day style is also similar. I have a wide range of gender expressions depending on my mood, lol.

I think as you pointed out, the battle is a battle against misogyny, and in our case, trans-misogyny. Age old patriarchal values have determined that anything feminine is by default inferior to anything masculine. Not only that, but maculine and feminine have been determined to be absolute opposites. Femininity has been determined to be frivolous, weak, and passive.

So a man who exhibits traits that designated 'feminine' is seen as basically giving up his male privilege and thus hyper-frivolous, hyper-weak, etc. A woman who exhibits traits that are designated 'masculine' is seen as simply wanting the same privilege that men have, which is seen as both natural and understandable. Thus a woman who wears a pants suit without lots of makeup to work to appear professional is respected and seen to operate on the same level as men, while a man who wears a flouncy dress to a club decked out with cosmetics is seen as a veritable freak show.

It's completely a double standard, and ultimately it comes down to a deep seated cultural misogyny. And secondarily, there is of course the idea that male and female are mutually exclusive, a binary system that is perpetuated by many, even perpetuated by the name of this forum as 'male to female crossdressing'. Even the word 'crossdressing' implies that there is a definitely boundary which a person may traverse to go from one side to the other. This also creates a definitive end-goal of 'passing', which means assimilation into a gender stereotype.

You're not alone in your more radical views! Don't be afraid to cause a stir (i know you're not), but by that same token, don't expect that everyone will agree with you. There are so many different people here. On this forum there are the gender rebels like us, and then there are also people who have more conservative views of gender, and it's not for anyone but scientists IMO to say which is more natural, if either is.

(Now as for where we differ, I am a transsexual woman, meaning that my subconscious sex is female, that I feel I should have been born with female sex organs, hormones, etc. However, that said, even as a transsexual woman, my gender is more androgynous and sexual orientation is mostly lesbian!)

[2SpeedTranny]

On a different note. I am finding that my thinking of women as fairly equal to men is a thought process that is unappreciated by many here. I had one person state that it was no wonder I was not "beating women off me" with a posting I made. I was a posting dealing with how women are objectified in our culture. This is not my opinion, it is a fact, just look around.

Well, of course it's a fact.

I wasn't setting out to bash you, but to state what the reality is in the world we live in. You're tilting at windmills a bit. There's nothing wrong with that, and I didn't suggest there was. It was simply to give you something to think about. "Radical feminist" isn't high on the list of many women for qualities they look for in a man. Like I said, food for thought. It wasn't criticism.

And please understand that just because I'm not your Sancho Panza in your quest to right every perceived injustice on the planet that I don't support you somehow. You should always do what you please, wear what you please... and I'll be the very last one to say otherwise. I thought I was pretty clear about that.

You've bent over backwards to please the crowd here. Peer pressure can be strong. But why suppress your own personality for the sake of fitting in? If someone doesn't like your style, the problem is not you; the problem is them and their lack of willingness to accept differences.

I remember, many moons ago, reading your posts on Tom's Cafe. Or I think so... you are that same Pythos? You've always stood out from the crowd. For that, I salute you, and keep on truckin'.

[Debb]

Pythos, I don't comment in your threads very often, but I do read them and enjoy them. You generate a lot of thought-provoking posts, both when you're the OP, and when you're simply commenting.

It'd be a shame if you left the forum. Don't let us get you down, like any community it takes all kinds to make it tick.

[t-girlxsophie]

No two CDers are alike,theres no tidy little box that we fit perfectly into,and of course we don't agree on a multitude of issues,that's only human nature,there's a fair few Issues on here I have found myself at,but I accept everyone's points of view are different,but Ill be respectful in my disagreements if I choose to air them.Like I've said before I find myself agreeing AND disagreeing with Pythos on various Issues,but I'm pretty sure CD.com would be poorer without her Input

[Ericka2]

I been reading almost daily some of your threads and posts, and for the most part your opinions and comments are different and sometimes controversial, but that's what makes you so unique Pythos and intriguing, you didn't have to say that you are not a crossdreser, I could see that from miles away, if you go I would like to extend you my offer of friendship and let's keep in touch, it will be like the sea without salt around here if you leave.

Love, Ericka

[Frédérique]

I think I know what my issue is

[SIZE="2"]I’m sure you do, but I wouldn’t call it an “issue.” You came here because you are a certain type of crossdresser, and you wished to discuss and/or mingle with your fellow crossdressers. I would say you have a different take on things, but you also have a lot in common with more typical transvestites like myself. As far as I’m concerned, all are welcome, and we need to support each other. Also, I get the feeling you are seeking attention, just like we all are – when you express your feelings about some topic, you inevitably set yourself on a collision course with unknown forces, i.e. other members. Add to this your relative youth – I see you as an intelligent individual who is noticing the gender injustice all around and expressing a reaction to it through personal choice. You’re simply asking, “Who is with me?” Well, I like all MtF crossdressers, because we are courageous to a fault, so just relax – you really don’t have to explain yourself, my dear…
[/SIZE]

BEFORE RESPONDING I ASK THAT YOU READ THIS COMPLETELY THROUGH.

[SIZE="2"]I think this should be the disclaimer at the beginning of every long post. I don’t mean to generalize, but most members read a combination of words they don’t like, and then go off on a perpendicular tangent at odds with the original idea that was expressed. I think there is a prejudice towards length around here, which may not be too surprising, and reading and understanding is akin to homework for some individuals…[/SIZE]

What I am learning is for the most part my perspective is much different than many here.

[SIZE="2"]Join the club - difference is a good thing! They lump us all together for better or worse, to spread the “support” evenly. It’s cramped in here, and people step on other’s toes repeatedly, something you just have to get used to…[/SIZE]

[ReineD]

I for one dream of and would like to live in a world where people did not have to conform when it comes to their style.

I have to agree with you there, and even go a little further and say that the world is not the way I like it in many other areas: injustice towards women in some cultures (i.e. the Middle East), or when children are abused ... there is a lack of basic human rights on so many levels and directed against so many groups of people on our planet.

We, all of us, need to come to terms with not living in a perfect world, and do the best we can with the tools we have.

On a different note. I am finding that my thinking of women as fairly equal to men is a thought process that is unappreciated by many here.

I for one, appreciate it. Most GGs that I know wish to be viewed as equals as well. And most that I know also don't like to be sexually objectified in her day-to-day life (although bedroom practices with a lover is an entirely different thing. )

I am one that firmly believes chivalry in many ways insulted the woman. ... why is it that the man must always hold the door open? Why is it always the man that gives up the seat to a woman, even if he is ill or injured?

As to chivalry, it's just common consideration. If a man gets to the door first, why wouldn't he open it for a woman? When I get there first I always hold it open it for the person behind me, whether it is a man or a woman. And I would never take a seat on the metro from an injured man. Never. But, if he's stronger than me and he offers his seat and my legs are tired, I'll accept it with gratitude. I've often given up my seat to a pregnant woman, or a young woman struggling with a baby or toddler, or the elderly.

You're not terminally unique, although you do tend to look at things in absolute terms. There are many gray shades to life too.