Encouraging signs

[Zoe Preston]

Twenty years ago I told my wife that I was a CDer. Little info in those days and we never spoke about it again.

She assumed I then stopped whilst I assumed she now knew but took her lack of further follow up as a sign that she didn't want to know anything about it.

Two months ago I told her again. I was having some health issues and I realised that it would be the cruelest hurt of all if she only found out after something happened to me. She didn't suspect a thing. She was stunned.

I had found this site by chance and the "How to tell" thread was invaluable to me.

Recently she agreed to let me go for a photoshoot (Link to pics in sig) despite being fairly repulsed by the notion

So the the encouraging signs... yesterday I explained that I had two favours to ask. I discussed with her the fact that they (Transpose) have a monthly support group - more a get together really. I explained that I would like to attend (It's 70 miles away so that helps) and she didn't object. I also floated the option of her coming along to verify that it's not 'sleazy' which seems to be a recurring concern of hers.

So far so good so I went for request #2. I explained that in some of my pictures I was wearing a really nice red pencil skirt (I felt darned sexy but I thought best not mention that) and had looked to buy one without success. I did however come across a gorgeous cocktail dress and said that I would like to order it and it would be delivered to our address. She didn't try to disuade me.

This may seem like small beer to those of you with supportive SO's but it's a major step forward for us. She may not want to see the dress but at least we may talk about where I am going to keep it and does the rest of my stash need to remain hidden. (I should add that she knows that I have other clothes but hasn't asked to see them).

And to the GG's, I have stressed to her that I'm sorry for banging on on this topic again and that it is only a small part of me. And Yes. I do tell her daily that she is loved and appreciated.

Zoe

[Alice B]

I think you are going about it in the corect way and that your wife is starting to accept within her limits. This is pretty much the way things went for me and now several years later the acceptance has risen greatly. Good luck.

[Tina B.]

sounds like your doing everything right! good luck.
Tina B.

[DonnaT]

Sounds promising!

But don't get discouraged if she does an about-face. She'll likely turn about again, if you are patient. My wife's turned around and around.

[Deanna B]

hi zoe . all i can say is my thoughts go out to you and your lovely wife and hope all goes well . best wish . love deanna

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Zoe, I think those are very encouraging signs and I'm sure that your wife appreciates you taking the time to ask for her input. It seems to me that you are doing the right thing and listening to her feelings as well as her words.

[Roberta Marie]

Zoe,

It sounds like she is at least thinking about it. You stated that you were sorry to keep "banging on on this subject". Might I suggest that instead of you banging on it, let her bang on it for a while, and you listen. Listening is, in my opinion, more important than talking. You need to come to understand her feelings and fears.

[Zoe Preston]

Zoe,

It sounds like she is at least thinking about it. You stated that you were sorry to keep "banging on on this subject". Might I suggest that instead of you banging on it, let her bang on it for a while, and you listen. Listening is, in my opinion, more important than talking. You need to come to understand her feelings and fears.

A fair point but there's one problem... I could wait another 20 years 'Banging on' might give the wrong impression but I'm the only one the raises the topic. I do apologise to her for broaching a subject that she'd prefer to sweep under the carpet, but I try to encourage her to share her concerns/fears with me. Whilst it goes against all perceived opinions, I actually think that she would have preferred it if I didn't tell her. That way she'd wouldn't have to confront it and deal with it.

I know that she loves me completely (and it's reciprocated) but if I knew the distress and anguish it would cause I might have chickened out of telling her. Thankfully, I think we have crossed the biggest hurdles (I crossdress, I want to go for a makeover/photoshoot, I want to go to a support group, I want to order clothes) and hopefully we can now settle into a period of relative normality.

Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful contributions,

Zoe

[carhill2mn]

In no way is this a "small step"! This is a huge step! You are correct to proceed slowly and be sure that she understands and is able to accept what you are doing. If she feels that you are pushing too hard she will likely stop accepting.
Good luck! have fun!

[Pattie O]

Zoe,I think it is fantastic that you have reached this stage in both of you and your wife's acceptance of your crossdressing. I dream about reaching this stage of acceptance. I believe going slow is my best option and not be confronting but at the same time I need to express myself and it is driving me crazy having to keep my masculine traits eg body and facial hair.

[Polly R]

Hi Zoe

My wife was looking over my shoulder when I was looking at your initial post...

From my point of view, the slowly, slowly gentle approach is right. Just be honest with her.

From my other half, Allsteamedup, she agrees with that, also, she suggests your wife may like to join WOBS - Women of the Beaumont Society. Or even join in the GGs only section of this Forum.

I've just officially joined UniqueTG along the N Wales Coast, it's somewhere safe to go even if the majority are 'old ladies' (Help, I'm 60 in a couple of weeks time! But at least I do try and dress for a slightly less old look - young at heart!). Her ladyship came along with me the first time but insisted I went on my own last month. Maybe she'll come along again soon, she's had quite a bit of support from Jenny-Anne and Elen who run it.

I've heard about Transpose - I believe they have a monthly tea party in Ellesmere Port. Will have to try and get along sometime...

Unique's beauty advisor, Penny (a GG), is in Wrexham and also does makeovers and supplies warpaint and wigs. If you Google Uniquetg.org, Penny has a link from the main website...

Good luck, hope all goes well.

xx Polly R

(PS. The black top and red skirt did it for me, you looked stunning in that.

[Allsteamedup]

Zoe, a few thoughts.

Going to the meeting will be fine if you first ascertain that there will be other SOs there.
When did your wife last wear a cocktail dress? Do you have the sort of lifestyle where she could? How much will this cost?
The only reason I ask is that women view these things differently. A cocktail dress is appropriate for Zoe but your wife never had the chance....this could set up a lot of comparisons in her mind which '..but I love you' won't get you out of? You don't just want to dress like a woman but one who is out to attract others...hmmm, you know your wife better than us.

With the makeover and clothes, is it your cost or does she have to forego a holiday or that bathroom makeover?
When did you last take her out? I don't mean to the pictures. You travelled 70mls for this makeover. Now where was it she wanted to go...?

Be careful with the constantly telling her you love her, particularly if she has just told you something she doesn't like. It's not a quick fix for everything and eventually we stop listening.
Your assertion that she would rather not talk about this seems to be your getout for doing anything you please. There are a lot of SOs out there who would be prepared to talk at length about cding if your constant reply wasn't 'I don't know'.

Give her an opportunity to say where Zoe fits in your relationship. She'll have plenty to say about that.
WOBS is part of Yahoo! groups, but you can google it. We have a 'phone helpline and a lively forum where she can say what she likes!!
Take a look at her comment about sleazy. It didn't just come out the blue. Good luck

[Tanya C]

I would advise that you stay in continuous communication on the subject of your crossdressing and make sure that the subject just doesn't die on the vine again. That what you refer to as "banging on the topic" is actually just a way of keeping the subject alive.
Above all be honest not only to her but to yourself, and don't fall into the trap of playing down the importance of cding in your life. I say this because your actions will eventually tell the real truth, that cding is a big deal and a big part of your life.

But I'd say you're well on the road to acceptance. Good luck.

[Zoe Preston]

Zoe, a few thoughts.

Going to the meeting will be fine if you first ascertain that there will be other SOs there.
When did your wife last wear a cocktail dress? Do you have the sort of lifestyle where she could? How much will this cost?
The only reason I ask is that women view these things differently. A cocktail dress is appropriate for Zoe but your wife never had the chance....this could set up a lot of comparisons in her mind which '..but I love you' won't get you out of? You don't just want to dress like a woman but one who is out to attract others...hmmm, you know your wife better than us.

With the makeover and clothes, is it your cost or does she have to forego a holiday or that bathroom makeover?
When did you last take her out? I don't mean to the pictures. You travelled 70mls for this makeover. Now where was it she wanted to go...?

Be careful with the constantly telling her you love her, particularly if she has just told you something she doesn't like. It's not a quick fix for everything and eventually we stop listening.
Your assertion that she would rather not talk about this seems to be your getout for doing anything you please. There are a lot of SOs out there who would be prepared to talk at length about cding if your constant reply wasn't 'I don't know'.

Give her an opportunity to say where Zoe fits in your relationship. She'll have plenty to say about that.
WOBS is part of Yahoo! groups, but you can google it. We have a 'phone helpline and a lively forum where she can say what she likes!!
Take a look at her comment about sleazy. It didn't just come out the blue. Good luck

Thanks for taking the time to raise some important questions, Allsteamedup.

I particulary raised the option of my wife coming along (I had already checked that SO's do attend) mainly to demonstrate that I have nothing (further?) to hide. I doubt very much that she would want to but I would love it if she did.

We've always put every penny we earned into a joint account but always given ourselves an 'allowance' to spend as we wish or save. So my Ebay bargain (less than £20) and all other CD expenses come out of my savings.

My wife is a wonderful woman but has a media influenced pre-conceived opinion of cross-dressing. She automatically assumed that it is somehow deviant, dirty and sleazy. Hence my efforts to assure her to the contrary. I have previously mentioned WOBS and the GG forum to her without any response. I mentioned that if she came with me that she might have the opportunity to discuss issues with other SO's.

As for telling her I love her? Well, I've been doing that every day for 30 years and I'm not going to stop now More importantly though, she is still telling me that she loves me.

Zoe

[Zoe Preston]

I've heard about Transpose - I believe they have a monthly tea party in Ellesmere Port. Will have to try and get along sometime...

Unique's beauty advisor, Penny (a GG), is in Wrexham and also does makeovers and supplies warpaint and wigs. If you Google Uniquetg.org, Penny has a link from the main website...

Polly, It's the T-Party that I will be going to on the 21st of this month.

Thanks for the link and I'll be sure to check it out.

Thank you also for the kind compliment about the outfit. It was searching the net for a red pencil skirt (I couldn't find a reasonably priced one) that led me to the cocktail dress. Incidentally, the wig in those pictures will be on-sale for £25 at the T-Party. Like to guess what I might be buying

Thanks to Tanya, Pattie & carhill2mn for the advice suggestions and support. It's much appreciated.

Zoe

p.s. How do you do multiple quotes?? I'll have to find out.