21, and back home after taking a break from school...figures I couldn't hide all the cross-dressing stuff from Tampa for much too longer no? The wigs, the reason I keep getting my face shaved completely clean instead of keeping the beard, what that package from Ebay REALLY was?
Well, on my trip back to Tampa (where my plan to secretly buy some clothing for my other side completely bombed) a quip about Payless shoes made me "come out" a lot earlier than I wanted to.
My mom (whom actually is my grandma..but she raised me) hit me with the, "I already knew..." answer, and was anything but happy. What followed was the most awkward, angry conversation I've ever had with her in my life (this family doesn't talk much nor has ever been known for it..ever since 2011 is when we've been FINALLY having one on one conversation)
She went on to state her HATE for crossdressers, men who want to be women, and of course..the root of all evil (to her):homosexuality.
This is what the stem of it was, she HATES any man who'd dare be with another and thinks CD, TV, TG, etc. are all in the same. A very uncomfortable argument ensued in which I asked her what the root of her hate was, to which she mentioned the bible was "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Adam."
She hates gays to death and now thinks I'm one in the same (no matter how many times I've told her I'm straight, even though I still hid my attraction to SOME men I've had..but I still lean towards women anyway)..to her that's what all crossdressers are: people, and excuse my graphic quotes, "Who want to get a man's to make love to them."
She says I need to stop it all, I need to focus on, "Being a man, getting married, meeting a woman, having kids, and being rich." She told it's a phase and that my birth mother went through a period of liking women when she was younger (again I can't stress enough that she hates my CD because she thinks it makes me gay).
Pretty tough, all in all I'm happy with myself, and happy with my dressing, and know this place understands more than ever that this is a community of all affiliation, and I'm not the only straight guy who loves doing this.
But on the family side of things I'm the odd one out, whom has a whole family ready to beat the shit out of me and come at me like fire for even thinking of wearing my favorite heels.
It ended on the harsh note of her, "not wanting to hear anymore.." she then warned/dared me to let her husband find out because he'd "Straighten you out."
So there you have it, seems that night she picked me up in drag for New Years was a feint (I was able to hide that excuse behind being a costume). I feel incredibly awkward, hurt, regretful, and disappointed (all I wanted today was a black shoulder-less mini-dress)
This by means will stop my CDing..I'll still have my wig on tonight-it's just I had no idea it coming to surface would cause such a turmoil that has the potential of the whole family considering me an "outcast" (which, to be perfectly honest, doesn't seem half bad as I'm wondering at what age will I FINALLY be able to worry only about what makes me happy.) That and this was NOT the day I wanted to tell anyone close to me about it or the way I wanted it to happen. (At least I still have two friends who are comfortable with it)
Thoughts? Help? Assistance anyone?