Why does it need to be competition. Why can't it be balance, or strive to be alike. What is all this one upmanship.
I hope that I can meet a girl that would love to be the "pretty and frilly" one, while I am the more severe, exotic if you will. I think the juxtaposition would play really well, and be alot of fun.
But honestly, I would love to inspire my GF or future wife to "dress to the nines" Who cares if you aren't going out. Just have fun. That to me is the most important thing.
"I am not altogether on anyone's side as no one is all together on my side"
Tree beard. Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers.
Thank you, everyone, for your kind words.
Since I had the appointment anyway, and because it was important to my GF that I open up about this to him, I brought up my femme side with my counselor last night.
The funny thing is that I've never felt the desire - or need - to talk about this with him. I've talked about a lot of things in my life that have troubled me. My feminine side doesn't trouble me, and I am comfortable with who I am in that regard. But GF's take was that I could be in denial about that and that my gender issues could have affected me more than I know or care to admit.
The session was quite productive, and pretty much affirming - for both of us, although she wasn't there. He agreed that if this was a source of discomfort for me, I would have a problem, but it sure doesn't seem to be. His opinion is that very few people are *all* of one gender or another, most of us have traits of either gender to varying degrees and it's all very individual and just who we are.
The doc thinks GF is handling this as well as I could realistically want. She's trying and wants to find a way, and that is very important. As I said to him, "well, I've told her and she didn't tell me to get the F out, so I have to give her credit".
I asked "so, am I a pervert?" and his answer... no. You've felt gender ID issues all your life and this is how you've come to deal with it comfortably for you. Discretion should matter because there are areas of your life that could be negatively impacted. I've already come to the conclusion that there are important people in my life who I know couldn't accept this, and there's no reason to force the issue. I'm 55, and there's no way I can realistically consider transition and not upset my entire world, so why demand acceptance where I already know it's going to cause trouble? That said, acceptance matters, and for me, having this one person in my life who accepts me and this "variation" is worth a great deal.
She felt better that I dropped this "bomb" on the counselor. I don't know if she got the answers she expected, but she sounded happier when I told her the results. I'm pretty sure that the GGs here would agree that if I'm asking her to buy into "me", and including my counselor helps her with that buy-in, this is just part of what I have to do to meet her in the middle.
The counselor does think there's a lot of potential for fun as a couple with this, and how that evolves is up to us.
Shelly67, you earlier posted this in your reply...
"So , to lighten the situation I asked my partner to dress up , we sat down shared a pizza , a glass of wine . I just wanted her to feel special , spoil her rotten . We even played board games to ease the new tension."
I mentioned that to the counselor, who thought that was an excellent idea - he laughed, and in a good way. I agree, that's such a great way to put the issue on the table without making it the focus of the time you spent together. Smart ladies, both of you.
Last edited by AlisonRenee; 02-08-2011 at 08:05 AM.
[SIZE="3"]Ali[/SIZE]
[SIZE="2"]"You're as beautiful as you feel"... Carole King[/SIZE]
As you have said, she seems to be trying to be very methodical and fair about learning more. It's pretty common for GGs to feel some sort of challenge/competition/jealousy. My wife has always known everything about me. Even as things changed. When I first started fully dressing, she almost never wore makeup, didn't paint her nails, and wore pretty casual clothes. As I practicing more she started wearing makeup. After we started going "out", she started growing out her nails and learning how to make them look awesome. Just lately she has lost weight and started buying more fitted clothes. I don't think these all were a direct response to my dressing but there is some sort of connection.
She doesn't have to "win", you just need to make sure she doesn't feel she has "lost". When you go out try to match the tone of her outfit. This might even be healthy for her to feel pretty again.
Sally
Alison , isn't it odd how sometimes things can be so easily and innocently put to right ? times playing those old board games - it became fun . We played Tank Battle , Connect 4 and then progressed to the Playstation .
Thats now become a problem . Last Saturday whilst we sat there together playing Virua Tennis on the PS 3 ( I was dressed that evening ) we had a wager . Whoever lost had to do the cleaning and also the washing up for the entire week alone . Although I'm very girly , I bloody hate washing up .
I'll have to leave it there now , as I've a full kitchen sink that needs my attention .
I wonder if my beloveds up for girly arm wrestling this coming weekend ??
Good luck to you both , I'm sure things will continue to gel nicely ...
xx
Some great thoughts above so I only have one thought to add:
What you gf might not conciously realize is that being transgendered means that we have to minimize the male "clues" that we emit by our appearance and actions. She naturally emits "female" since she has no male clues to cover up! Thus, part of the details that might have sent her into a "competition" mode of sorts is just the details that you are needing to use so that your overall set of clues emphasizes "feminine" over "masculine".
That said, you might want to have that discussion with her so she can begin to try to detect those male clues you are not hiding as well as you might, and to note which female clues you are maybe overdoing a bit!
But it does sound like you are in a great position!!
tina
Congratulations on coming out to your SO.
I would never want to compete with a gg in these matters, based on the way women compete with one another. Girl conflict is something I don't fully understand and that I'm afraid of.
I agree with Pythos, I would not recommend giving a copy of "My Husband Betty" to your girlfriend. It is far more likely to scare her than reassure her. Instead, get her a copy of "My Husband Wears My Clothes", it is written by the wife of a heterosexual crossdresser for wives of heterosexual crossdressers. You can get it on Amazon for $11 or so. http://www.amazon.com/Husband-Wears-...dp/096267625X/
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