No tolerance

[Rachel nylons]

In a world thats supposed to be more tolerant, being a crossdresser can be double edged sword. As crossdressers/transvestites are not tolerated by the majority of men, women and the homosexaul community as crossdressers are treated by these people as circus freaks. Thats one edge of the sword, the other is that some crossdressers do not accept some of us who only wear women's clothes and don't wear make up or wear a wig as not being a true crossdresser. It's hard enough as it is being a crossdresser with the issues that are against us, as well as the conflict that goes on in our heads from time to time. I've certainly have this conflict go on in my head now and again, the feeling of being caught by ones you love and the guilt of wearing women's clothes thinking what would your family and friends think if you were caught or that you've been seen in them. Then another time you don't care and you look at yourself and think to hell with it, this is a part of me. To those crossdressers that can go all the way I admire you, I only wish I could do the same. As I'm too afraid to do so. To those who can go all the way but have the opinion that unless you have the wig, the make up and the clothes you're a true crossdresser, please back off not all of us has the confidence to go all the way like you have.

Many thanks

[Karren H]

Obviously I missed the announcement where the world was supposed to be more tolerant? Personally I tolerate everyone but morons!!! Which sadly makes up a pretty large portion of the population...

[Debra Russell]

Obviously I missed the announcement where the world was supposed to be more tolerant? Personally I tolerate everyone but morons!!! Which sadly makes up a pretty large portion of the population...

Amen -- what Karren said

[ReineD]

Rachel, I've noticed that the CDs who are happy with their lives have found a niche for themselves with support groups or CD friends they can hang out with. This brings the confidence to work on presentation, which makes it easier to go out, and this in turn makes it easier to ignore those who are misinformed about CDs. All it takes, really, is to bring just one person into your confidence, hopefully your wife, so that at least you can have the freedom to join a support group.

[kimdl93]

Intolerance of all kinds is a characteristic of human societies. Always has been and probably always will be. So, no matter what racial, economic, social, political or gender groups you happen to belong to, be assured that someone will be opposed to it in some way. I'm as guilty of intolerance as anyone else - but I'll spare the gentle reader my list of those I can't tolerate (its embarrassingly long).

So how does one survive surrounded by intolerance? By finding peace and acceptance in yourself. If you accept yourself for what you are then, you can dismiss those other intolerant @)&?#'s and live your life on your own terms.

[Jessinthesprings]

LOL and oddly enought the state of being a moron spares no group. I deal with it everyday!

[Deanna B]

Hi Rachel

Yes, its a tricky world out there with everyone seeming to be against you. As long as you are happy with you that is all that really matters. I work in the building trade which is totally intolerante to CDing so I cant be me there. Also work coleagues can be nice to your face but watch the daggers in your back as everyone is vyeing for position - I just want to turn up and do my job and if poss have a giggle along the way. I also grew up in a household with a very angry father who hated everyone and everything which did rub off.

In real life Ihave no friends except from the Mrs. I give friendship but it tends to be abused. I have joined this forum to try to chat to other like minded people and make friends. But You can tell by the way they write if they are just filling in time or are actually interested in you but on the whole they are a friendly bunch.

[Amanda22]

By finding peace and acceptance in yourself. If you accept yourself for what you are then, you can dismiss those other intolerant @)&?#'s and live your life on your own terms.

That's exactly how I feel. It's a waste of energy to wait for or expect Joe/Jane Q. Public to tolerate anyone. Intolerance is everywhere. I've found that how others perceive me and react to me is largely up to me. Having confidence and not looking for evidence of tolerance/intolerance around me means I almost never see it. And I'm in the Bible Belt of the southern US! An attitude of "I don't give a crap what anyone thinks of me" and "I have every right to wear anything I like wherever I like" works for me.

[Kate Simmons]

The real skill is to learn all about the sword, all edges included and turn it around to make it work for us.

[sissystephanie]

I very much like the answer that Karren gave! But Kimdl also gave a very good answer. We are all individuals, and as such we have our own attitudes!! My attitude is now, and has been for a longtime, this is Me!! If you don't like the way I am, get lost!! I do crossdress without a wig or makeup because my dear wife, who always did those things for me, passed away. But I still like to CD, so I do!! That is Me, and I like Me!!

[DonnaT]

In a world thats supposed to be more tolerant, being a crossdresser can be double edged sword. As crossdressers/transvestites are not tolerated by the majority of men, women and the homosexaul community as crossdressers are treated by these people as circus freaks.

I disagree with the idea of " the majority" not being tolerant. We've no proof that that is the case.

[AllieSF]

I agree with DonnaT. I have been tolerated and sometimes accepted as me by all genders, benders, ages, sizes and shapes, with only a handful of very minor personal negative moments. I think that a lot of people just let their own fears get in the way of realizing that in reality there is only a small percentage of truly non-tolerant people out there. I am not saying that people do not experience intolerance when dressed, just that it is not that common of an experience for those that do get out in the real world and interface with all those other "normal" people out there.

[dawnmarrie1961]

It is not so much intolerance as it is a matter of misinformation and preconceived ideologies that has created this atmosphere of mistrust towards the cross-dressing and transgendered community.
Nobody likes a liar. And this is how the world views us. If we want society to accept, trust and take us seriously us we need to be honest about “whom” and “what” we are.
Not an easy task because our community encompasses many groups, from the occasional cross-dressing for sexual fantasy individual to a transgendered super-model.
Our underlying desire for acceptance causes us to take in so many other groups that the boundaries between them become so blurred it is hard to tell which is which, where one ends and the other begins. It is no wonder that the world looks at us with confusion.
But what can be seen as a flaw in our structure is also our greatest strength.

[Nick2Nikki]

I totally agree with both Karren and DonnaT. I'd say that the majority of the population is tolerant of us. Why would I say that? Because I haven't yet met a person who has been outright intolerant of me, and I go out dressed quite often. And really, if you're comfortable with yourself and present a confident air about you, who cares what others think?

[Kate Lynn]

Life has taught me one thing,those who yell and scream the loudest about tolerance,are the most intolerant.

[TGMarla]

GROUP HUG!!!!!!

[Sophie86]

Nobody likes a liar. And this is how the world views us. If we want society to accept, trust and take us seriously us we need to be honest about “whom” and “what” we are.

That's why we're not liked? Because we're liars?

When I was in my late teens, A friend of mine told me that one of his favorite things to do on a Saturday night was go to the local gay bar on drag night and beat up the drag queens. I asked him why he would do something like that, and he told me because it was fun. Did he hate drag queens because they're liars? Should I have piped up at that point and told him the truth, so he wouldn't hate me? "Oh, btw, I like to wear women's clothing too." Or did he hate them because he thought they were sissified, perverted, freaks of nature? I was sure it was the latter, so I kept my mouth shut.

As far as I knew, society in general shared his attitude. It was what I had always heard growing up. So why would I tell the truth to anyone? What did I have to gain from it? Should I be ashamed now for lying? No, I won't accept even the smallest bit of guilt for it. I did what I had to do in order to have a good life.

[DianeDeBris]

Personally I tolerate everyone but morons!!! Which sadly makes up a pretty large portion of the population...

A few years ago I asked a cab driver what percentage of the population he thought were total jerks. His insightful answer: "Only 15% - but they get around a lot!"

[ThiHi]

Funny Diane! I'll remember that

[Nick2Nikki]

When I was in my late teens, A friend of mine told me that one of his favorite things to do on a Saturday night was go to the local gay bar on drag night and beat up the drag queens.

I believe the appropriate response is to put on your wig & heels, grab your pepper spray, & give him a taste of his own medicine. Remember, stillettos aren't just nice shoes, they're a type of knife.*

*Note: If you chose to follow this advice, you do so of your own free will. I assume no responsibilty for anything bad that results from following this advice. Nick, Nikki, or any of my other alter-egos endorse this advice. This has been a public service announcement from Please Don't Take This the Wrong Way Comedy.

[NathalieX66]

Funny Diane! I'll remember that

I second that. .......this is coming from someone whol lives in the populated northeast US, not far from NY City.
Go & live life, and not give a rats a$$ about the intolerant people. Just build up your defense mechanisms, as in Foghorn Leghorn's "I always keep a spare set of feathers oor just such an emergency"...however the line goes.

[Chickhe]

The way I see it... doesn't metter if you CD or not, if you want to be tollerated you have to appear to be like the average or have some other quality that compensates. So if you CD, then you have less problems if you actually look like an average woman...not required, but if you walk about half and half then you are unusual and people will notice. Try wearing a chicken costume to Walmart and you get the idea... nothing to do with CDing... you can be a happy chicken and fit in or be a grumpy chicken and the police will escort you home.

[Tanya C]

You may confusing intolerance with preferrence when describing how cders regard differences in presentations. Some cders prefer to go all the way when dressing but that doesn't mean we don't accept others who don't. It's a matter of personal choice and there's nothing wrong with that.
Remember this, you don't have to progress according to anyone's schedule except your own. Believe me, we full presenters understand where you're at because we were once there too.

[Danni Bear]

tolerence!!!

what is tolerence? it is the acceptence of something for a short while before you can change it or them. racial tolerence is the same for bigots, they accept until they can eliminate or exclude. the same is true of sexual or gender tolerence.

what is needed is acceptance not tolerence. being human should not be subject to being tolerated. we are no more wrong in being different than being wrong due to any other genetic trait. be that of racial,ethnic,color male or female


Danni

[sterling12]

But first we have to learn how to "tolerate" ourselves, if we expect tolerance from others. If you believe The People in The World look at you as if you were a Circus Freak; is it just possible that you believe that you fit that description? Until you get someone to directly come up to you and scream in your face about how strange you are, I don't see how you can state this as fact. You certainly can't generalize and say that ALL people believe you to be a "Freak!"

As usual, Reine gives you good advise. ( I would have said almost the same thing, but she beat me to it.) Start finding some "like-minded" friends. Join a Support Group, get out there among those "people" you have been describing. Perhaps, as you grow, and learn. Perhaps, as you start to "blossom" and think better things about your femme-self; you might just find that The World is not nearly as threatening (and frightening) as you thought.

Peace and Love, Joanie