My SO accepts that i am a crossdresser but doesn't come forward with dressing help or participation she does buy me lingerie on occasion but that is all i wish she would say put that pretty such and such on, is there any suggestions on how to get her more involved without being pushy of course.
Gayle, I got married when I when was 23 years old and had been a CD since age 6! She knew that I crossdressed because I told her before we married and she accepted me "as is." I never really asked her to get involved, she did it on her own. She always did my wig and makeup if I was going out as Stephanie, which I did often. Lots of times with her!!
I don't know how long you two have been together or even if you are married, but I will say under no circumstances do you want to be pushy!! Married or not, you are very good friends because you are a man and she is a lady!! That must always come first!! My late wife always knew that I was her man, no matter what kind of clothing I was wearing. That is one of the main reasons why she accepted me as her husband. You might try asking about feminine things, like putting on makeup or how certain clothes might look on you and see how her responses are. If she still doesn't seem to want to participate, then back off! Otherwise you will probably lose her for good! Best of luck!
Stephanie
Lady on the outside, but man underneath!
I am TS for the sake of this discussion. I would be very cautious about dating a CD. Why? Because I know that many CDs are actually TS and hey I began dating a guy because I wanted a guy. Also I would be cautious because I dont want anything to do with the CD stuff. If I did date a CD I would be hands off. That means that he could dress in his time and go out with his cd friends but I would not be part of it.
Does that seem fair? I suppose thats up for debate but as I said I am dating a guy because I wanted a guy. NOT a girl!
Katie
n here is a major issue I have with many cross dressers, They want someone else to do the work to "make them" look like something. Help me dress, put on my make up. Have sex with me dressed. See the one two letter word that appears in each of those? Me me me. Then they wonder why their SO doesn't want to play.
.gif "Big Roll Eyes")
Maybe some would get farther when they want their SO to be a part of it if the are just happy when their SO buys them things, or agrees to let them be them at home, or even just go out as friends...instead of begging and pleading to be the doll in someone's play tea party.
Your SO seems very accommodating in the fact she buys things for you. So many here don't even get that. You want more? Flowers, a nice dinner prepared by you (and cleaned up afterward) a hot bath, candy, clothes (not lingerie or hootchie outfits) for her. You might be surprised when you make this less about your "needs" and more about your relationship.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
I have to agree, to some extent, with Lorileah. Be happy that your SO accepts your crossdressing, and think about her feelings. And as Stephanie said, don't push.
I would also, listen to your SO. She may have reasons that she dows not want to participate. Or perhaps she thinks that occaisionally buying you something is participating. Talk to you SO, but more importantly, listen to her.
Grace,
Bobbi
"Talking is sharing. Listening is caring."
Have you asked her why she doesn't make these suggestions? Sit down and talk to her about it and go from there.
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
R.I.P Rianna
I understand how you want your SO to be more active in your dressing, but it's probably just not her thing.
Learn to accept her level of acceptance, if you want to stay happily in the relationship.
Let her know that you are OK with her level of acceptance and never push her for more. You can and should talk to her about your needs and desires of what you would like, but let her know you are understanding of her feelings about it. You will always make more headway when she knows and feels secure that you will stay within the boundries and groundrules you have worked out together.
Joni
"Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan
Hmmmm, I am not so sure about that. I like to Crossdress, but I am still very much attracted to women.Originally Posted by Katesback
To be honest, why should she? Would she help her friends get ready for a night out by doing their makeup? Have you asked her?
hi . the girls are right . just take it slow she will do as much as she wonts or as little as she wonts. it may take years or weeks only she knows. take your time to make her fill good about her self.then she may return the favour.love deanna
Totally agree.
Maybe some would get farther when they want their SO to be a part of it if the are just happy when their SO buys them things, or agrees to let them be them at home, or even just go out as friends...instead of begging and pleading to be the doll in someone's play tea party.
Your SO seems very accommodating in the fact she buys things for you. So many here don't even get that. You want more? Flowers, a nice dinner prepared by you (and cleaned up afterward) a hot bath, candy, clothes (not lingerie or hootchie outfits) for her. You might be surprised when you make this less about your "needs" and more about your relationship.
You'd be surprised how much more accomodating people can be when you do something for them first.
Buy her some lingerie, to encourage her sexy female side! I think we as CDs are so focused on our own girl sides that we often forget about our partners. It's difficult to imagine, because to us it's like, well, if you're biologically female, you get to do all this stuff all the time. But, that's not true, especially as women get older: they become so (necessarily) entrenched in roles like businesswoman or mother that they forget about that sensual side of themselves and become unfulfilled. It might not just be you that has a feminine side to let out. Even if it's not true, I can't imagine that it wouldn't be a pleasant idea to think that your partner is replacing you with some clothes.
I think that's true--part of the allure of crossdressers, for me, is that it is a direct encouragement for me to focus on my appearance, to look as sexy and feminine as I can. Being with a crossdresser is a celebration of those things for me.
My point of view is that I'm happy to be with a crossdresser dressed--whether in the bedroom, the living room, or out and about. I think that's enough participation--if I were to buy lingerie as a gift that would be a definite bonus! I've given criticism of looks when directly asked, but part of being a woman is developing your own style. Especially in a relationship--it's a less loaded situation to get advice from friends rather than an SO.
Gayle, Since when does a SO have to help or participate in what their SO does ? Not all couples Golf togeather, watch football togeather, knit,read,go to the ballet. How many husbands do their wives makeup ? or how many wives give their husbands a shave evry morning ? It sounds like she just thinks of it as YOUR hobby, not hers. If you want advice, ask her for it. What do you think of these shoes ? Does this color look good. Be NORMAL in you conversation, don't load every conversation clothing and makeup questions.My SO accepts that i am a crossdresser but doesn't come forward with dressing help or participation she does buy me lingerie on occasion but that is all i wish she would say put that pretty such and such on, is there any suggestions on how to get her more involved without being pushy of course.
You need to pickup some books on makeup, watch videos and practice, it's your life not your SO's life.
I'm with you Lori.
Maybe some would get farther when they want their SO to be a part of it if the are just happy when their SO buys them things, or agrees to let them be them at home, or even just go out as friends...instead of begging and pleading to be the doll in someone's play tea party.
Your SO seems very accommodating in the fact she buys things for you. So many here don't even get that. You want more? Flowers, a nice dinner prepared by you (and cleaned up afterward) a hot bath, candy, clothes (not lingerie or hootchie outfits) for her. You might be surprised when you make this less about your "needs" and more about your relationship.
Do things for you SO and keep the relationship going, thats more imortants that waht you wear.
My wife tolerates my crossdressing. It would be difficult for her to participate with me since she does not wear dresses, skirts, hose, or heels. So even if she approved of it she would have to change her taste in clothes.
Johanna
John (Legal name)
Preferred pronouns: he, his, him
I have to agree gayle you are lucky that your wife goes as far as she does,to push it may be a step too far and would lead to issues between you both is it really worth it.You have it much better than many
One thing I know is I am so lucky my Wife is so supportive and I would never do anything to push her away,not every CDer is a control freak who pushes their SOs to the edge,I think theres a tendancy for ppl,whether they mean it or not to assume that we are all selfish Individuals only concerned with our next dress up also Crossdressing is a stepping stone to TS but only in a few incidences most of us are happy with our life as it is
We look to Scotland,for all our Ideas of Civilisation-Voltaire
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A woman who loves to wear beautiful clothes is like a flower.
A man who loves to emulate these women is a special flower-a roseFacebook:Sophie Johnson
I dated a girl in high school who made me feel bad for the feelings i had of being bi and wanting to dress up. So after her I dated a friend and came out and told her that i was bi and like to dress up. So i was up front about it right off. But I know that if you bring it up with your gf/wife as a kinda joke or game some times they go for it.
Gayle, You are alot better off than a lot of us on this forum.
Don't rock the boat or the captian may make you walk the plank.
Orchid
Sometimes I wonder if people on tis forum ever talk with heir wives and not to them. I think far too much friction is started because of the secrecy of it all. If you can't trust your spouse, why are you there?
I also side with KAte about being leary about dating a crossdresser. I want a man all the time and if I wanted a crossdresser, I would date one.
Gayle, you are incredibly lucky. I do not think we cross dressers can ask for more than "understanding."
Of course you don't want to be pushy but maybe you could occasionally take the initiative to ask her if you could dress for her, and then evaluate her reactions. She may surprise you and be receptive to the idea of participating.
But you never know until you try.
For most of us it is a life of don't ask/don't tell. Early on my wife went shopping with me for negligees. She bought me a garter belt and black seamed stockings. That was her comfort level. When I went further by myself, she probably realized there was more to cross-dressing that she was comfortable with. I realized there was more to cross-dressing for me than just negligees. So, now it's DADT. Wives and girlfriends do not need to be involved in every activity all the time. Maybe I can get my wife to dig half of the fence posts I need to put in, and, hang a hundred feet of rails and boards! Naw!
I'm really beginning to think my SO knows about my "other side" as seems to be fine with it. This is of course as long as I keep it quiet and out of the public eye. I'm pretty private about it so it is satisfying enough for me to simply know she knows about it and isn't angry disgusted.
I'm not sure I want to be her girlfriend, nor do I think she would want me to be. If she initiated it maybe I'll give it a go, but there would have to be serious rules in place. I will NEVER force it on her or ask her to participate. I don't want to change the dynamics of our marriage. I'm happy with who I am. She married a man. That's how I want it because I happy as a man and that's how it will stay!
Not all crossdressers want to transition. I see it as harmless fun I keep tucked away, not a lifestyle. I want to be able to switch back and forth at will and I don't need an audience or participant. To say I am in denial and really want to transition is total BS. If that is what people believe, then they don't know me at all.
I have so much to offer in a relationship. Won't date me because I sometimes like to dress as a woman? Too bad for you! Throw this big fish back. Your loss, not mine.
Ginger
Your SO might be assuming that you do not want any help with makeup and things so the easiest way to find out would be to ask for some help or advice then if it is given i am sure it will be appreciated by both of you but if she feels uncomfortable doing it then you will know to just leave it for now .
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
My advice is go S-L-O-W. For me, her participation started when she got me women’s pull-on pants several years ago. Then, after initially saying “no”, she now buys me pantyhose and panties. The secret, when going out, is unisex or androgynous garments, or ones that are not obviously feminine if they are not “hidden”. I also wear short slips as undershirts, and wear slips and pantyhose uncovered at home. The farther I go, the farther I want to go. My goal is to appear in public en femme with her and both of us use the ladies restroom. My immediate challenge is that I want to wear a bra but I need a raison d’etre
Stephanie
We have been married 21 years she new i liked lingerie and was okay with that but it is only recently i told her about crossdressing so you are right i need to be patient.
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