Anyone Upfront with their SO and they are still not Accepting?

[BRANDYJ]

This could be kind of like the guy that sees a very hot looking chick at tew beach in a very skimpy bikini. Boy, he's all over it! He gets up the nerve to introduce himself and they hit it off and start dating. They go to the same beach every chance they get. He is still in lust with her in thise sexy bikini. The next thing ya know, he is in love with her as she is with him. Boom! They get married and the next thing the wife hears is, " You're not going to wear that skimpy bikini to the beach ever again"! Yep, he sure changed.

[BRANDYJ]

This struck a cord with me....If I ever felt my SO was ding anything "just" because she loved me and wants me to be happy, it would turn me off. I never want anyone to p[anticipate in something I do be it in the bedroom or out doing some sport like golf or fishing IF the only reason was to make me happy. My SO does not like golf or fishing, so she simply does not go and I never even asked her to go. What fun is it for her? What fun would it be for me knowing she would rather be doing something else.
Funny, in the past I always knew or thought there were unspoken limits in any thing I did, especially concerning my crossdressing. I never pushed, never whined or pressured my past accepting wives or my present SO. I was once told by another CD that happened to be a psychologist that I was afraid to let my wife at the time see more of my feminine side and that I should expand it, dress more, get her to go out with me etc. Frankly, I know where he was coming from, but that simply was not my style. I cared about her image of me as her man and did not want to change that, so I set my own boundaries and was happy with them... Still am. If she wanted me to take it further and I knew she enjoyed it, I would not have hesitated. but my crossdressing has always taken a back seat to keeping my SO happy, as it should be.
I do believe most turn rounds from acceptance and participation is from the husband's constant pushing, always talking about his fem side and where he wants it to go. I can see where a GG would get burned out and begin to think his crossdressing is more important to him then she is. I saw this with a CD friend of mine years ago. I was there when he asked me to help tell his then fiancee that he was a CD. She was not only accepting, but was very turned on and happy about it. But over the next few years, he changed and pushed the envelope to where it got old to her. He never knew how good he had it. No, she did not do a 180, but confided in me about how it took over most all of his spare time and his lack of showing her how much he appreciated him. Hell, she could not even get him to take out the trash! She was not a happy participant. He was a dear friend, but I witnessed how very selfish he was in more ways then just his growing interest in being TG.

[Gocaps14]

My wife told me recently that had she known she wouldn't have married me, we have been married for 20 years. I came out to her before we were married, and again about 10 years ago. I think she thought I would change, but as we all know, it doesn't work like that. The fact is that I married her because she was accepting and actually participated, somewhat. I think she tried her best to be accepting for awhile, and the we adopted a don't ask, don't tell policy. Not sure what the consequences would be should I "tell".

[Valerie1973]

Although my wife has seen me dressed, and has told me she didn't freak out. She also always makes jokes about me getting into her stuff and has stated several times that if we, meaning us crossdressers, should do it right if we are going to do it, has also said it's gross, why, it's inappropriate. So I wont dress in front of her because if someone is going to make you feel bad for doing something then the fear and hiding plays out. I to live with the don't ask don't tell policy. When ever I shave, my chest anything shaved, she'll tell me, "Oh. you're at it again?" Or if I'm stuck answering phones at work, she'll call me and I'll tell what I'm doing, she'll ask me if I'm wearing something cute. Of course not! Not at work. I need a shrink but not because of crossdressing, but because of her.

[GeorgieMacD]

I was upfront and honest from the beginning. My SO and I shopped together for makeup and clothes, helped each other dress, and generally shared the girly experience. As time passed things changed. She began to comment that she wanted to be the feminine one. I never thought I was trying to be feminine -- just a guy in a dress -- but she must have seen something. Then my makeup and a few other things started to disappear.

These days she's accepting but not participating as much. She'll occasionally borrow something from me but is less comfortable passing her things on to me. We still do shop together for her and she occasionally helps me pick out something nice. She's not un-accepting but she's less accepting.

I know where my dressing came from and she understands that it's part of what makes me who I am. We've both changed during our many happy years together. It's just what happens.