Long story short, my parents found out about my dressing before I could tell them.
My mum has lots of questions and I couldn't really answer them well enough, so I said I would find some reading material for her.
But Id rather not link her to this site because Im on here. And Im rather embarrassed by my crossdressing at the moment.
My mum seemed a bit freaked out, but said she loved me and always would.
But shes told my dad and I have no idea how he will react...
Last edited by Melissa Jill; 02-15-2011 at 05:02 PM.
The ultimate woman is a man - House
I have heard of the book "my husband bety" is good for couples but not sure about your situation
Thats a very difficult question for most of us to answer individually let alone trying to find an general "cause" for all of us. The answer is probably a complex interaction of biology, environment and choice. The mix is different for each one of us and changes over time. IOW, the question cannot be answered with any degree of satisfaction. Just learn to enjoy it.
there are a number of books that try to explane what cross dressing is, but as to the who what when were and why.
that my dear is the 64 billion dollar question.
each of us if different and our own person, best to spend some time with your mom, say a lunch, coffee (O wait you are in England so it would be tea..right) and a day just being with her. take her shopping. go to a park. sit at home just the two of you.
answer her questions and i bet ten more will come of it.
both of you need to learn what is up, it is a learning curve, work to enjoy it.
.
That's a difficult situation you're in, and I hope the best for you.
I've been dressing since I was 11 and I'm still not 100% why I still do it.
My Husband Betty is 'the' book in my humble opinion.
No one really knows why we are trans and like to CD.
However, there have been studies on the brain and on genetics. Nothing truly conclusive, but enough to satisfy my wife
http://www.carolinianonline.com/2.73...oper-1.1027406
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpag...5BC0A962958260
http://web.archive.org/web/200412170...c500/pg06.html
http://web.archive.org/web/200412170...c500/pg01.html
http://web.archive.org/web/200501191...ch_000814.html
http://lds-mormon.com/gender1.shtml
http://www.scientificamerican.com/ar...ate-causes-sex
http://jcem.endojournals.org/cgi/content/full/90/1/106
http://www.the-scientist.com/news/display/25087/
DonnaT
Since we don't know your age, it would be very hard to give any definite answers. As you have already been told, the answer to "all about crossdressing" is very difficult! I think Loni gave you the best answer by telling you to have some sitdown conversations with your Mum regarding your crossdressing desires. I say with your Mum because you have already talked to her about it. You will, of course, also have to talk with your Dad, which may be harder! As Loni said, more questions will come, so be prepared! You know you can always ask questions on this Forum!!
Stephanie
Lady on the outside, but man underneath!
Im 22.
Thanks for your help, Ill check those links out Donna. And Ill have a proper talk with my mum tomorrow.
She has no idea about my makeup lessons though, or that I was originally going to be meeting up with another CDer tomorrow (in drab). I didn't want to unload everything at once and freak her out.
I mean really, how am I supposed to say "oh yea, by the way, in addition to dressing up, Im also using makeup"
This is just...awkward.
The ultimate woman is a man - House
I was in this same situation when I was in my late teens, so I can relate to how you feel. She is probably worried and cinfused by it all, so start off by giving her accurate, factual information about what transvestism is and isn't.
Tri-Ess's site would be a great place to start (www.tri-ess.org)
Although it is your mother and not a wife we are dealing with, I think "My Husband Wears My Clothes" might be helpful, as it is one of the few accurate books out there on heterosexual transvestism. It is also written from a GG's perspective so she might be able to relate to it better.
"My Husband Betty" is more likely to upset her than ally her fears, which is why I don't recommend it as an introduction to wives or others. If you are trying to convince her you are heterosexual and/or not a TS, it is not the best choice.
Last edited by Vickie_CDTV; 02-15-2011 at 05:29 PM.
You can try a number of The Sites that try to deal with The Problems and Questions of People who love and are related in some way to Crossdressers. Take a look at The Tri-Ess Site and several others. I imagine you will find some cogent answers for your Mom's Questions.
To get you started. There are two major questions that they all think about, so try to be prepared to answer them. One will be immediately asked, the other often remains unsaid. They are: 1.) "Are you Gay? 2.) Is your Father or Myself responsible for this? "I like Girls" is The Standard Answer for Number One. Your going to have to think of a way to answer The Unsaid Question, Number Two. And no matter how you answer, they may carry a burden of guilt. For a Parent...if they care, guilt just seems to be part of The Programming. Kind of expect that to happen.
Peace and Love, Joanie
Yea, I sort of had both of those questions asked. Except the second one was in the form of "where did I go wrong in raising you?"Originally Posted by sterling12
The ultimate woman is a man - House
Why don't you just sit down with your mother and talk to her, there are not books or internet links that can explain your situation and feelings but you. Everyone of us is different, a book about someone else is their story, their situation but not yours. Be honest with your mother and be honest with yourself. JMO
Linda
The foremost experts in the world on the subject are on this Forum Hon.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
hiya M,
I sent you a PM with a bunch of links...
If your parents/Dad goes ballistic, just remind them some day they will get old and you will be in charge of selecting their geriatric care center...so they better be nice to you...
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Your lucky you only have to deal with a parent. Just assure your mum that it has nothing to do with her upbringing. At least she told you she will always love you. Wait to you get serious about a girl! My wife thinks my mother had something to do with me becoming a cross-dresser. As the second born child after my brother, I was suppose to be a girl to round out the perfect family (although we did not have a dog)!
I'd recommend your mum read this site. It is great to show the angst cross-dressers go through, even though we are normal in every other facet of life. I haven't seen any one on this site fessing up to robbing people, breaking into houses, fraud, check kiting, etc to feed their interest in feminine clothing.
Nothing beats open and honest communication. Books have their place, but they don't answer some or many of the question that specifically apply to you. Sometimes they make things worse. Before recommending a book or web site, make sure to carefully and thoroughly read it. It may not apply to you or sends a message you are not intending. One size does not fit all.
Things would be so much easier if "it" could be attributed to some chromosomal aberration or incident in our childhood. Life rarely has nice and clean answers. Human are way too complex for that. I stopped worrying and wondering about a reason a while ago and I'm much happier because of it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
I would also suggest the book "Brain Sex" to explain that it is more than just nurture. As a father of 2 boys, one of them adopted, I see that a lot has to do with nature over nurture, ie you were born this way.
Deanna
Hi Melissa
Sorry to hear of your plight. Here in the UK, there's the Beaumont Society - they have some useful reading matter and support groups for family members. Might be worth having a look around on their website or giving them a call to find out what they can suggest.
I'm afraid, like most of us on here, we don't really have the full answer to why we HAVE to do it. There's something hard wired into our brains that just drives us on in this crazy thing we do. Once you have it, there's no getting away from it so just come to terms with it and try and enjoy your alta ego... For the record, I'm still trying to come to terms with IT after 40+ years and am slowly resigned to the fact that I can't get away from Polly so I'd better start liking her..!
Good luck, my prayers are with you.
xx Polly
On a journey from here to there. Mostly here but sometimes there....
I would not talk with my parents in a situation like that. Its private and should remain private until you decide to share it.
You could try the Light in the Closet web site. Here is a good place to start:
http://www.lightinthecloset.org/WhyDoICrossdress.html
Perhaps you can sit down and write a letter to her saying why YOU think you do it. Write different feelings you've had towards cding over the years etc. I'm no expert I just know when I found out about my SOs cding I jumped to many conclusions as I'm sure anyone who dosnt know much on the subject would.
Flickr acct: http://www.flickr.com/photos/59075151@N03/
[SIZE="3"]If you don't stand for nothing I can't really stand behind you[/SIZE]
Keep talking to her as well. Tell her you are the same person now than before she knew about your CD'ing. There really isn't an answer for "why" we do it. There are theories out there about it being bilogical and started in the womb but at the end of the day it doesn't matter why you "do it". The thing is you are the person she knows and you are a CD and that won't change. You have to be honest with yourself and accepting of yourself before you can expect someone as significant as a parent to understand what you have to deal with every day!
Good luck on your journey!
It took me a long time to realize myself what I just said to you above!
Melissa,
When my wife and I separated I hopped a bus and headed for Virginia to stay with my parents. I called them on the phone to let them know I was coming but I forgot to tell them about a few minor things. This turned out to be a major mistake! I hadn’t seen or talked to them in quite a few years. When my mother arrived at the station to pick me up she walked right by me and up to the counter to ask when my bus would arrive. “Mother” I said. She recognized my voice and turned around. The look of shock on her face reminded me of what I should have told them earlier. I spent the car drive home crying and apologizing. My mother was worried about what my father was going to say when he saw me.
She asked me why I had done this to myself. I explained to her about the severe depression that I had suffered from years ago as a result of losing my computer business, my daughter and having my wife try to commit suicide. I told her about my secretly cross dressing when I was a child. Of course, being my mother”, she didn’t believe me. She said she would have known. I told her that being this way made me able to function and overcome the depression. It made me feel “normal” again.
“You want to be a woman?” She asked.
“I don’t know.” I answered honestly. “I’m just trying to be me.”
My mother got on the cell phone and called my big sister to give her the heads up and make sure she was at the house when we got there. My sister did a bit of quick Googling online to educate herself. I warned her not to believe everything she reads about the subject. A lot of the information out there is wrong.
My father actually hugged me when I walked in the door. He was a little taken back by my appearance which I could understand.
“Are you Gay?” he asked me. I was expecting him to say that. “No, Dad.” I said.
What I didn’t know and later found out was that my parents had some experience dealing with mental illness. My older brother had suffered from some kind of episode.
I stayed with my parents for a few months before getting an apartment nearby.
CANCER IS A BITCH SO YOU HAVE TO BE MORE OF A BITCH TO BEAT IT.
This psychologist/gender counselor has some interesting thoughts and opinions about being TG/CD.
http://www.docbushong.com/pubs/what_is_gender.asp
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