Confused

[BriannaCD]

Hello everyone,

Been a few weeks since I wrote anything however, lately I have been having conflicts within myself.

I honestly do not know if this is the correct forum to be posting this or not so I risk being told to take it elsewhere.

I have been dressing off and on for almost my whole life in one form or another. Lately, my wife has brought "Brianna" back into the bedroom and while my dressing is not nesscessarily an erotic driven thing, it has it's ups and downs.

Dressing for me has never been about sexual pleasure or erotic fantasies. It has always been about being myself in my own comfortable skin. Now back to my wife bring Brianna into the bedroom.

We have been playing "dress up" and role reversal on occassions and I have been having thoughts of....well, being with men, but only as Brianna and never one on one as my male counter-part. That to me is just yuck. My wife knows my bi-sexuality has been put away since we got married nearing 9 years. I fear it may be surfacing at a time when I am weaker than normal.

Have been looking for medications on line and gathering information about which ones to take and what not. I have been in touch with my Therpaist about this very thing. She knows how hard it is for me to deal with this. SHe also knows that I made a choice to live as a male and to stop my Transition when I met my wife.

So emotional right now. I am not sure what more to say than this. I just wanted to vent a little and not at anyone. If anyone else has had anything similar happen in their live's, would you please leave me an email or let me know how you dealt with such strong emotions.

Thank you all very much for this forum.


Bri

[gretchen2]

You stopped your transition? That does not sound healthy or possible. What kind of meds. are you looking for online?

[dawnmarrie1961]

Brianna,
There was nothing wrong with your stopping your transition at whatever point you feel comfortable with.
I did. I don't regret it! I went only as far as I needed to feel "normal". '
There are advantages and disadvantages in both genders. We are in a unique position to decide which ones we want. But society continues to try and nudge us in one direction or another. Either male or female. They want us to either give up or submit to surgical mutilation to achieve their goal, not ours. It has difficulty seeing that somewhere in between can a desirable destination. Stick to your guns and remember who you are!

As for your SO. It would might help to let her know how certain aspects of the sexual game are making you feel that way they can be modified to be more acceptable to your taste and in the long run be a more satisfying and sustainable experience for the both of you.

[sissystephanie]

Gretchen, I will have to disagree with you. Stopping a transition is certainly healthy and easily possible, as long as no surgery has been performed! Brianna is a man, regardless of what he is wearing, and apparently decided that his wife would like him that way!! Although it now appears that she also wants to have Brianna in the picture too. My late wife, who knew I was a CD when we married, did the same with me. I have never wanted to be a woman, at least with a man. But often I was Stephanie for my wife, who performed as a man!! We both enjoyed it very much, and no one else ever knew about it!!

I would not take any meds that I bought online if I were you!! You really have no idea if they are the right thing or not, or even if they are real!! I doubt that your Therapist would approve of taking meds that way.

[Sophie86]

I don't think being bi (or heteroflexible) means that you have to have a partner of each sex on call in order to be sexually satisfied. Does it? Of course, some people aren't satisfied with monogamy period, whether they're straight, bi, or gay. Were I in your heels, I would ask myself whether I was experiencing a biological compulsion to have sex with a man, or whether I was just feeling particularly horny and wanting something new and exciting.

[docrobbysherry]

The posters above have experiences that hopefully will help u, Bri.

All I can add is; taking meds without an experienced medical doctor involved could be a mistake! Never mind the physical effects of unmonitored drugs, I'm even MORE concerned about the psychological/emotional effects they may have on u! It sounds like your going thru a difficult period WITHOUT any of that!
I can't believe you have a qualified therapist if they would go along with illicit drug use!

Please be VERY CAREFUL about what u do next! And, please keep us in the loop. There r SO MANY here that can relate to what you're experiencing. And remember, we CARE and want to help!