married 18 yrs and she knows but not accepting. Progree a little the past 3 months. E[ilate my legs and she let me wear a nightgown to bed. Of course it was not a strappy one that I would rather wear. Very small steps.
married 18 yrs and she knows but not accepting. Progree a little the past 3 months. E[ilate my legs and she let me wear a nightgown to bed. Of course it was not a strappy one that I would rather wear. Very small steps.
she knows she hates it but at the same time im allowed to were night gowns and panties.
but if i put on a bra in front of her i might as well just set myself on fire to avoid the yelling and screeming
(((confused me to))) but im happy for what i got right now .
Originally Posted by BRANDYJ
Hey everyone,
I'm a new member and wife of a cd (I guess I'm a GG?--not sure what it means). I found out about my husband through his cousin (also my friend) who opened up a browser on the computer and my husbands sexylittlecrossdresser myspace popped up. This was four years ago. We had been together for 3 years, almost to the day, were 19 at the time and had been living together for a few months. I remember being so shocked and upset. I didn't know what to think or do. I also remember blurting out a few minutes after I saw the pictures that, "It's wierd, but I can't think of anything that Jeff could do that would make me not love him." Don't get me wrong, it was very awkward that night when I confronted him about it. He has always been very emotional and this was no exception. He said he never wanted to do it(he had been doing it for 6 yrs then) and always felt guilty afterward. He promised he would never do it again-I didn't ask him to..it was his idea-not that I, honestly was opposed to it then. Anyway, we spoke very little about it, yet continued with our life together.
We had a beautiful baby boy a couple years ago and finally got married this last year. Every once in a while the fact that he was a crossdresser would get to me and I would pick a fight about it. Well, actually, I have to say it was mostly because of all the lying--I mean, he had a completely separate life from me that he was hiding since the beginning of our relationship! How was I supposed to trust him? Trust became a huge issue all the time. I started to notice how he wasn't as happy as he used to be (neither was I, but I suspected there was something else going on). Of course, my first reaction was that he was cheating on me.
Moving on, a few days ago I was looking through the pictures on his phone, deleting any ugly ones of myself and cooing over the adorable pictures of our son, when I came across about 50 pictures of him from back in the beginning to our house now! My heart was pounding as I walked in to talk to him and almost passed out. He was, of course, in denial-even when i had the pictures right in front of me! We talked a lot about what was going on and why he was still wanting to do it. I kept trying to tell him that just like in the case of a homosexual- you are born that way and theres nothing you can do but learn to accept it. He said he never wanted to do it again. I told him that if we were to move forward with our relationship we would have to create some sort of a compromise and it would have to include his crossdressing--even if I never seen it(for example..Tuesdays are his girlie days). He asked if I would be around still if that were our compromise. I told him, honestly, that I didn't know. Now, we have made up, but still havent set our rules completely. I am trying to be as accepting as possible because I love him more than life itself and I KNOW he feels the same. I would never want him to hide his true self. How aweful would that be to go through life (I know many of you know what I'm talking about) and have to hide the real you? IT disgusts me to think that that is what I've been having him do the last four years! I hate myself for it.
Well, thanks for listening--it felt good to get that out. I would love to hear any of your responses- cders, GGs, TGs, and anyone else. THanks!
My wife and I have known each other since we were 14 and have been married 15 years in November. She knows and is accepting, but it was pretty ugly at first. I didn't come out in a very tactful way. I cooked her dinner for her birthday and when I served it I was Phoebe. Talk about a shock! Phoebe slept alone that night and screwed up her birthday to boot! Very insensitive. She now makes my makeup and underwear purchases for me. I love her SO much!
My wife knows, but is not accepting. As long as I don't dress in her view she tolerates it. She knows that I have a closet full of feminine clothes and at least two dozen pairs of shoes and boots, but she simply ignores them. I believe that her unacceptance is related to her strict religious
upbringing.
Hello Trina, Welcome to the best site on the Internet to learn, share and make friends. We are like family here. I must say, you expressed yourself very well and I'm sure made many think about there own situation. I thought I'd edit down your post and comment on a few things that struck me. I hope you don't mind and more importantly...I hope it helps.
Oh by the way, "GG"means GENETIC GIRL
I would suggest you making the required 10 posts and then join FAB ( Females At Birth) I'm sure one of the Mods will invite you once you make 20 posts on any topic in the open forums. In FAB's, only GG's can read or post. Males, can't read or post there.
QUOTE=trina;2426021]Hey everyone,
I'm a new member and wife of a cd (I guess I'm a GG?--not sure what it means). up. This was four years ago. We had been together for 3 years, almost to the day, were 19 at the time and had been living together for a few months.
I remember being so shocked and upset. I didn't know what to think or do. I also remember blurting out a few minutes after I saw the pictures that, "It's wierd, but I can't think of anything that Jeff could do that would make me not love him."
I bet you were! I can only imagine. I bet it's not so much that he liked to wear feminine clothes as much as your finding out he hid something this important to him from you. And all this time you thought you knew him. It has to hurt.
He has always been very emotional and this was no exception.
He said he never wanted to do it(he had been doing it for 6 yrs then) and always felt guilty afterward. He promised he would never do it again-
He was not lying. It is a compulsion or drive that many of us get at such an early age or at least by the time going through puberty starts. Many of us felt the shame, the guilt and even scared that we were somehow not normal.
His promise to never do it again was out of fear that he'd lose you. But maybe he doesn't know that he can't keep that promise. But if he could, he would just to prove to you that he loves you and is the same man you fell in love with. It sounds like he has not yet accepted himself. For some of us, that takes time. Maybe you can help him learn to accept himself by showing him you understand and accept this part of who he is. But yes, you do need to set some boundaries. It's not all about him, your comfort level is important and should not be pushed.
Anyway, we spoke very little about it, yet continued with our life together.
We had a beautiful baby boy a couple years ago and finally got married this last year. Every once in a while the fact that he was a crossdresser would get to me and I would pick a fight about it. Well, actually, I have to say it was mostly because of all the lying--I mean, he had a completely separate life from me that he was hiding since the beginning of our relationship!
Believe me, he did not want it that way. But out of fear of you seeing him less a man and fear of losing you made him hide it. He felt he had no choice.
How was I supposed to trust him? Trust became a huge issue all the time.
Trust is easy to lose and hard to gain back. But it's not impossible. It comes down to open and honest communication. Not always easy, but with the love you share and patience on both his part and yours, you will find a way to trust again.
I started to notice how he wasn't as happy as he used to be (neither was I, but I suspected there was something else going on). Of course, my first reaction was that he was cheating on me.
The cheating issue is always the first suspicion most wives might have when the husband withdraws and seems unhappy at home. If I'm reading you right, you realized that it's the crossdressing need he has and had to put away in order to keep your love. Very wise of you to see that. ( in his way of thinking)
Moving on, a few days ago I was looking through the pictures on his phone, deleting any ugly ones of myself and cooing over the adorable pictures of our son, when I came across about 50 pictures of him from back in the beginning to our house now! My heart was pounding as I walked in to talk to him and almost passed out.
I feel for you, I really do. That''s the hiding and like living a lie. I'm so sorry y9u had to go through that.
He was, of course, in denial-even when i had the pictures right in front of me! We talked a lot about what was going on and why he was still wanting to do it.
Again, that denial is his way of trying to keep you and at the same time, he is not ready to accept himself for who and what he is. He sees his crossdressing as something evil, bad, or maybe sinful. So yes, the denial is evident.
I kept trying to tell him that just like in the case of a homosexual- you are born that way and theres nothing you can do but learn to accept it.
You are so right. We are born this way. Or maybe socialized into it at an early age. Something triggers it. Continue to help him accept himself. You sound liek you are ready to accept it now even more then he is.
He said he never wanted to do it again. I told him that if we were to move forward with our relationship we would have to create some sort of a compromise and it would have to include his crossdressing--even if I never seen it(for example..Tuesdays are his girlie days).
Have you got any idea how many CD's would love to hear these words from their wives? You my dear lady are a beautiful woman to be so caring and loving.
He asked if I would be around still if that were our compromise. I told him, honestly, that I didn't know.
He asked because he wishes you would be, that is if he can accept himself enough to let you see him dressed. He may tell he does not want you to...That damn denial thing again. But deep down, he wishes he could share this part of himself with you.
Now, we have made up, but still havent set our rules completely.
Well, what are ya waiting for? (wink) You need to take the lead and set those boundaries that are important to you for your own happiness and comfort level.
I am trying to be as accepting as possible because I love him more than life itself and I KNOW he feels the same. I would never want him to hide his true self. How aweful would that be to go through life
(I know many of you know what I'm talking about) and have to hide the real you?
How did you get so wise so young Trina? He is a very lucky man to have you!
IT disgusts me to think that that is what I've been having him do the last four years! I hate myself for it.
Don't hate yourself! You reacted like any normal woman would. The only difference is, you are willing to compromise and make this work for him and for you. It took time for you to come to terms with this. Many women never do. I commend you for being the loving wife you are.
Well, thanks for listening--it felt good to get that out. I would love to hear any of your responses- cders, GGs, TGs, and anyone else. THanks![/QUOTE]
No Trina, Thank You! Thanks for sharing your story. We don't get to hear a GG's side to often, so it's always nice when one of our GG members takes the time to share here feelings and story about how she is learning to accept her partner's gender issues.
Phoebe, I have never heard of good results when coming out to a wife or SO this way! But now you realize it. I bet it was scary as all get out! I know I'd rather go about it in a more subtle way. Like having that talk first. Glad it worked out for you.My wife and I have known each other since we were 14 and have been married 15 years in November. She knows and is accepting, but it was pretty ugly at first. I didn't come out in a very tactful way. I cooked her dinner for her birthday and when I served it I was Phoebe. Talk about a shock! Phoebe slept alone that night and screwed up her birthday to boot! Very insensitive. She now makes my makeup and underwear purchases for me. I love her SO much!
Trina,
Okay...for the first question, it's an easy answer. GG= Genetic Girl. Phew...now that I've got that off my chest!
I've been married for nearly 8 years now. We have two daughters, and another kiddo (I'm hoping for a turtle) due in May. My wife knew of Jessica before we got engaged. I don't know why, but I still felt like she was going to regret having a crossdresser for a husband, so I never really allowed her to get close to Jessica the first few years. She is very accepting, and loves me for me. Me includes my feminine side. Over time, I've come to learn that she and I are one...together forever. She loves me for who I am, and I love her for the same. It sounds like you and your husband have a very similar relationship. although she knew about my crossdressing, I never spoke of it because I thought a wife would never accept that. I've learned over time that she will, as it sounds like you will. You both have a lot to learn, but yes...this includes your husband being honest with you. One of the things my wife finally did was ask to see all my girl clothes...everything. Well, there was a lot! She was kind of shocked at how much I had been able to hide from her, but she started going through stuff and creating outfits, or telling me this didn't work for my type. The next week, we were shopping and she picked out an outift just for me. It was tough for her to do this, sure. But...more importantly, it showed me that she was willing to learn, and be with me as we did so together, with our family.
Now, we share a lot of jokes and happy moments as a part of my feminine side. My 5yo daughter only wants to paint toenails with me...and we do that together! My wife and Jessica have a movie night together quite often. I've learned how to look and put together some great outfits, and I'm the only husband I know of in our circle of friends that got his wife a top, bottoms, shoes, etc from head to toe for Christmas. Just because I though it would be good for her. There are benefits. Even out to dinner as husband and wife, when the waiter comes asking about dessert, we both get a great laugh when I tell him I can't, I have to maintain my girlish figure. It's nice to have that extra connection as a result of me being a crossdresser. It has taken a lot of time, and our share of dissapointments, but in the long run, has turned into a much better relationship and marriage than we ever dreamed. We're both happier with each other now.
I don't know if this helps or not. You may have to follow up with your husband to get him to open up some more. You have obviously started taking steps to know more just by posting here. I applaude you for that! Keep it up. Please, keep us posted here and let us know if there's anything we can do for you. A lot of us have similar experiences, and probably most have better advice than me! Keep it up, because when you come out victorious on the other side...it's so much better! Good luck to you both.
First of all, I have to say thank you to Brandy and Jessica (and all others that read my post, as well). Your words really helped, so thank you! Since this post my husband and I have talked even more. Very openly, I might add. He's spoken more words in the last few days than I've heard all month!(he is very shy and its tough for him to speak his true feelings) I definately think the newfound voice has come from my new acceptance of his true self. I started to pick at what EXACTLY bothered me about his crossdressing.
Number 1: the lies and hiding
Number 2: the fear that he wanted to be a woman
Number 3: the idea that my son and I were just a "cover" from his real life
I am happy to say that all of these issues have been adequately addressed and I no longer feel stressed about them. Yay!
I also noticed that no where on my list was the fact that he dressed up in women's clothing (lingere seems to be his thing). I thought that was wierd so I dug deeper and realized that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with it! I decided to bring this up with him and he seemed to not really believe me at first. I kept saying that there was nothing gross about it or to be ashamed of. He doesn't hurt anyone--except himself afterwords because he feels guilty and disgusted.
After that night, I seen a whole other side of him. He was almost flying! He was so happy, like a weight had been lifted! In fact, he told me that in a poem he wrote for me last night. (he is AMAZINGLY talented in that area) He finally understands that it is okay. Of course, knowing that I am okay with it probably helps too. He is still very uneasy about doing it again. THough he now realizes that he might. THat he doesn't have much control over it. He says that he will talk to me before he does it if he feels the urge (he doesn't want to do it anymore.) I told him that, that was fine, however it would be totally okay if he told me after, just as long as he told me (I'm not sure why I feel the need to know, I just do--any ideas?) I also suggested that if he felt the need and i was around (he said he NEVER wanted to do it around me) he could just say he wanted some alone time and slip into our bedroom and I would get the hint.
I just hope this arrangement works out for us. It really does seem to be going along well, so far. We feel closer than ever without the HUGE barrier between us.
A large part of this new acceptance inside of ME has come from all of YOU. The more I read, the more I understand. THe more I appreciate. THe more I accept.
So, Thank you, Ladies!
Last edited by trina; 03-05-2011 at 06:32 PM. Reason: not finished
[SIZE="2"]I will ALWAYS love him.[/SIZE]
my SO is more than accepting and me coming out to here and letting her be a part has actually brought us closer together on so many levels, in fact, I'd be lost in all this with out her.
xoxo
Renne has been in my life since I was 5 and she got back into comfy clothes 15 years after being married. The SO has never known my true calling and that's just fine with me. We have two biological replacements that are still growing up and I don't want to change their outlook just yet... I'm sure time will come, but I'm also a professional procrastenator.
My wife has known for the past several years and is accepting.
My wonderful and beautiful wife learned about my crossdressing in August of 2010 when I had a calm heart-to-heart discussion with her. She very quickly educated herself on what it really means by reading lots of accurate material. She not only accepted, but has become very, very encouraging! She often buys me a necklace or article of clothing she thinks I'll like, and for my birthday she bought me a beautiful blouse that I adore. We go out for entertainment every week as girlfriends and have a wonderful time. This has added another dimension to our relationship and let me tell you, it is unbelievable!! I have come to understand each other so much more deeply. We have the relationship I've always wanted.
my girlfriend buys me stuff all the time too, oh and we have the same size foot
I guess my situation is a 2.5. I had been deeply closeted all my life. I finally told her about 18 months ago, after 34 years of marriage. I finally got the courage after all the support I got from my sisters on this website, otherwise I could never have come out. She was surprised. She knows about the underdressing, and I told her there were "other clothes", but she has never asked about the extent of my CDing. After many discussions, she tolerates more than accepts. She seems most concerned that one day I will decide I want to transition, which doesn't feel like a possiblity to me. I just long for the day when she is comfortable enough about it to buy me something femme.
Jaydee
Last edited by Jaydee; 03-05-2011 at 08:32 PM. Reason: clarification
My wife and I have been married 42 years she has only known foe the past 5 years and is very Accepting of my dressing. I let her have her husband on the weekends. And that keeps the pink fog down.
Angie
Trina,
You are such a wonderful person for taking time to learn about your husband, and talk to him, and let him know how you feel. You are both such a lucky couple! Your lives will be filled with years of happiness! Keep it up!
Well, today was a red letter day, I told my wife. Now I can answer the questions.
1) She accepts. Really quite astounding for me right now. She's totally positive, love me, says not to worry, and is happy to let me have Jennifer time (away from her for now). God I am lucky.
My wife is #1. she purchased makeup for me and some clothes.
My S/O of 13 yrs is accepting and supportive, told her in the first week of dating about crossdressing.
My wife knows but is not quite accepting.
I think she is starting to thaw a bit though.
She was looking for one of her toe rings last week to give to me.
Keely
One of the Reds
I came clean five years into the marriage, when I realized this was for life. I'm no good at intrigue, and I'm a bad lier, so I told her all about myself, that was almost 35 years ago. She accepts me for who I am. But then I love to play house wife, so it has it's advantages for her. I cook, do the laundry, and clean and vacuum, while she is at work, so that when she gets home, we each have the free time to do the things we like to do. I all so do a lot of the food shopping, and running around paying the bills. I have been told my many shop keepers that I have great taste in the clothes I purchase for her for gifts, I have no fear of shopping in the womens dept, even in drab (boy mode, Trina) I love fresh flowers, so we both buy flowers for each other. But when she does want her husband here, I can be all guy, well mostly all guy, oh, who am I kidding, I can be a little guy like, for a little while.
Tina B.
Knows, accepts, even supports and encourages, but does not participate. She is concerned about others finding out. Pretty much Don't Ask Don't Tell.
Jennifer, I read your word for word "talk" with your wife. I already commented on your beautiful post. I am so happy for you!
I wonder how you would have responded say a month ago. My guess is that you were already planning that talk.
Been with my sweety 11 years as of Feb. 26th and she knows, embraces, and goes out with me sometimes when I dress.
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