I have had a wonderful relationship with my wife of two years. I opened up to her about my dressing about a month ago. She has tossed me things to wear, and even told me she found it "Sexy" and a way to "Spice things up." Well, its been about a week since she has seen me in that way. I decided to ask her last night, if she was still okay with everything. She just BLEW UP!
First, she said she originally thought if she tried to enjoy it, it would go away. Then, was the "I love you for who you are, and what you do is your business. I will still love you." Meaning....I want you to stop. Then, she would say things like "I like that you do it." "It's good you enjoy both sides of yourself." Followed by things like "It freaks me out," and "I just don't see you as the kind of person to do that." It feels like she is saying agree followed by disagree, followed by agree again....I just can't make sense of it.
I explained everything to her again for her understanding. She kinda blew it off, and said she just doesn't understand how another woman would be okay with it. Then, she would say she encourages me to do it. ???? So, after talking for a while, she finally came to the conclusion that she doesn't feel comfortable with it. I told her I understood, but wished she hadn't lied about it. She is disabled, and has a false eye. When she told me, I didn't mind. Her family sometimes sees her different as well as friends. You couldn't tell by looking at her. She popped her eye out at a restaraunt and said "You ok with this?" Thats how she told me. I told her I loved her, and nothing would stop me from loving her just the way she was. I love her to this day, and honestly, forget about her disability from time to time, walking on the wrong side of her where she can't see me. My question is, how can I love her for something most guys ask me "How do you deal with that? I couldn't," then I tell her this, and she is just "I don't want to see it. I'm not okay with it." She would be devastated if I told her I didn't want to see her eye anymore. Crossdressing is part of me I can't fix permanently. I feel devastated because now, its like she gave me a taste of everything that I wanted, and then took that life away.
I wanted a life of her knowing, accepting, and treating me the same because that is what I did for her, and still do to this day. I love her, and I don't want to lose her over this. She says she isn't leaving, but I've heard those words before, and come home to a completely empty home. My ex wife did that to me. I have a son, and right now, I just can't stand the thought of losing him too. I love them both. Why are people so obsessed with something that happens about once a week? It shouldn't be a big deal. I don't choose what she does, so how is it right she choose what I do? I feel like the only person in the world who had a great life for a month...just to have it taken away. She was lying this whole time about it. I'm not upset with that as much as how much I am upset she doesn't love me for who I am. I hope this makes sense.