Hello all,
This will be my last post. I'm going through some terribly turbulent times right now. My mind is unraveling as I type this. I can no longer convey just how I feel by posting. There are some of you out there that actually care and many that really don't. That's just the way it is I guess. My lot in life.
I am going to seek a therapist. The anxiety attacks are getting bad. I think depression is peering around the corner. I can no longer actively carry on in this forum, it's just another thing I'm hiding from my wife and I end up typing things I can't possible expect help on. I am truly alone. I emotionally writhe in conflict but am unable to tell my wife anything it's all "smooth sailing" outwardly, but probably not for long.
There are those that say "just tell her", well I may want to but I just can't. This advice has caused me part of the conflict I feel. I agonize over this every day. I love my wife, and I hate myself. Everyone seems to know about my other side but my wife. At least she hasn't heard it from me if she does. I suspect she's been lurking here, I'm seeing boogeymen around the corner...paranoid? God I hope not. Like I need something else to worry about.
I'm sorry, I really must go. I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do except seek real professional help. Lurking is about all I'll be able to do. I'll check in from time to time. Maybe when I get my mind straightened out, I'll return.
Ginger