Hello Amie!
At least you are coming here, asking questions and trying to see if you can get your head around this. There is a part of this forum...the FAB female at birth part that is wives and girlfriends of crossdressers that can answer your direct questions best. My wife has not left me either. I am a crossdresser, but only view my dressing as some strange part of my dichotomy. I'm not gay, love my wife and family and do not want to be a woman. I think I'm like most of the posters here on the forum. Sign up to the FAB and get the opinions from other women who have had your same thoughts and worries.