I call myself a CD because I have chosen not to transition because I don't feel I could handle the stress it would bring to my life. I have from my earliest memories wanted to be a girl. When I was young there was no SRS and if you had a male body that was what you were. I worked a long time to gain acceptance as a male and to be more masculine, now I am older and have decided to enjoy who I am more. Am I TS? Yes, but I just rather leave that part of me in the closet for now.
God I hope so.
I can't talk for the rest of the community only myself, but I am a "streight" man 32 not maried (the divorce paper is framed and hanging on the wall of my flat)
I have always been a crossdresser as long as I can rightly remember, it has been the cause of a lot of heartbreak in my life and I am still sitting here infront of my computer in good everyday fashionable ladies clothing complete with bra, forms and the rest, hell I even sleep with my breast forms on. If I was sure my boss would take it well I would work dressed as well!
I remember when I was around 10 (give or take a few) watching a docco type program about some transexual women. The comments coming out of my beloved mothers mouth made my heart sink and I knew it would never be a good time to tell her that I thought I was supposed to be one of those ladys myself. At that moment I felt their pain. Sadly mother would never let me hear the end of it so growing up all dreams of being that woman were dashed, and I got on with the life of a male... crossdressing all the way!
I filled out my last censor form by crossing out both male and female boxes and writing underneith "Transgender" but still class myself as a crossdresser. maybe one day I will win lotto and then I can afford to go further but untill that day comes I will still be a crossdresser in my mind (untill it starts to wonder again)
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I can't speak for everyone else, nor should I. But as for me," Would I transition if it were possible?", YES! I'm getting older, but I've felt this way for most of my life. So my age has nothing to do with it. The cost & my family are the main reason's I haven't done more,yet.
I'm also not into label's. So whether I'm a cd/tg/ts really doesn't matter. I'm just me. The correct way that I'd like to fill out any form's with Male or Female boxes, would be the third box. None of the above.
The straight, bi, or gay question has alway's puzzled me, too. I've only been with women. So, to most that would qualify me as straight. But, in IMO, I wouldn't be wearing dress's if I were really straight. Again. that's my opinion, of me. No one else but me. I don't judge other's, only myself.
Nicole
I dunno Hon. I let lawyers worry about the details. I just worry about being myself.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
I'm a lifelong CDer who has no desire to undergo SRS. I've been crossdressing for so long that when I'm en femme, properly 'tucked', etc., I don't even feel as if I have male equipment anymore. And with an accepting SO, who encourages and supports my CDing, I've discovered that I now feel more feminine than ever, and I love it.
[SIZE="3"][/SIZE]Life is what happens while you're making other plans
Some do, some don't. Those that do, will naturally hope that their choice is the best, correct one, and will feel better believing that it is the best choice, so they project that feeling onto others.Originally Posted by BreenaDion
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Again, we get hung up on words. And it's because we use the definitions we like instead of the generally accepted (dictionary) ones. For example, the dfference between crossdressing and transvestism. Some say there's no difference, and some think there is. But let's not re-open that can of worms.
The same with what transgendered means. Some believe that because they identify as female they are not crossdressing, but are transgendered and are wearing clothes appropriate to their identity. But, the dictionary defines TG much more broadly, as Reine said in post#22. Crossdressers, among others, fall into the TG umbrella because they exhibit some behavior (dressing) that crosses traditional gender lines.
But Dee, in post #24, says that being TG is not about the clothes, but about the self-identification. And many others have adopted that use of the word. So if it's about the clothes, it's crossdressing, but if it's about your identity, it's TG. This is an attempt to re-define TG for use only by identity dressers. Sounds like identity dressers want to separate themselves from those who wear dresses but don't identity as female, so they've hijacked a word for themselves. Not that I'm totally against that, but picking a new term would work better.
I agree with the labels argument. Some folks can't fit nicely into one box. But maybe in this case we need a new term for people who are male sex but female gender. Wait. We have one. TS. You don't have to have SRS or take hormones to be TS. You can be no-op or pre-op. But TS is misleading, because unless you have had SRS you haven't changed your sex, but have a gender that doesn't match the sex. So it looks like TG is more descriptive. The problem is the TG word already has a definition, and it's proper use is broad and includes CD's.
I see no solution is sight.
We need well-defined labels in order to carry on conversations on given subjects in a manner that ensures we all are talking about the same thing. If someone calls a piece of fruit an apple and you call it an orange, you're going to have trouble discussing the qualities of apples or oranges in any kind of effective manner. So to have an effective conversation, there has to be an agreement on what various words and terms mean.
Labels are not inherently judgmental, they are just words. Some people do attach value judgements to some labels, but that's a human fault and isn't an indicator that labels are bad.
The "transgender" term, when used as an umbrella, inclusive term is far from being rigid. It encompasses a huge range of people and behaviors and has rather blurry boundaries, quite nebulous, and hetero CD's are definitely included under the TG umbrella, as it's currently defined.
I feel that many CD's (not all) who deny being included in the transgender category do so because it involves their political and possibly religious beliefs involving laws ensuring equal right for LGBT people, but it's pretty much impossible to discuss that here without having the discussion turn into a political scrum.
Carol
Last edited by Julogden; 03-23-2011 at 01:45 PM.
My name is Carol.
I would think that it may have a connection as to why you cross dress in the first place , if you are someone who cross dress`s because you feel that you are transgendered then you already have a fair amount of feminine feelings within you , now there must be some that are on a higher scale and some on a lower scale of their feminine side that pulls at them and for many reasons this can also be affected by your lifestyle , maybe pushed into the background a bit until later on in life you start to let or accept those feelings emerge a lot more and seeing that you have spent most of your life as one half of you dual gender your other half starts to say " hey now its time for the experience of life as my other half.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
But then you're not a CDer to begin with, you're transsexual! There are TSs who, for a variety of reasons, have not started HRT. There are also TSs who choose to not have SRS, again for a variety of reasons. This doesn't take away from their feelings of being a woman in a man's body.
The so called CDers who end up transitioning later in life are not CDers to begin with!
The other thing the study indicates to me is, there are relatively few TSs who do call themselves CDers for extended lengths of time. I conclude this from the relatively small proportion of overall TSs to the comparatively large number of true CDers.
Last edited by ReineD; 03-23-2011 at 04:23 PM.
Reine
I think various people have said this in so many ways over and over again, but I'm convinced no one actually reads.But then you're not a CDer to begin with, you're transsexual! There are TSs who, for a variety of reasons, have not started HRT. There are also TSs who choose to not have SRS, again for a variety of reasons. This doesn't take away from their feelings of being a woman in a man's body.
The so called CDers who end up transitioning later in life are not CDers to begin with!
The other thing the study indicates to me is, there are relatively few TSs who do call themselves CDers for extended lengths of time. I conclude this from the relatively small proportion of overall TSs to the comparatively large number of true CDers.
On a side note, if a TS doesn't call himself/herself a CD for an extended period of time, then why do we see it so much on this forum? People that I would classify as TS call themselves CDs...and, then there are the TS who are transitioning who still say they are a CDs. AHHHHHH!!!!!! Confusion!
Labels are weird...necessary...but, a source of major confusion.
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
I've been crossdressing for about 5 years nearly and have thought about wanting to become a woman in the past but my family who know about my dressing would never agree with it and where i live, word gets around pretty quick unfortunately as there are a lot of gossips.
When i dress, i like to look as feminine as possible and i feel that the choice of clothes that women have are much more varied than men's clothes and feel a lot nicer to wear.
I know that i'm old enough to make the desicion for myself but i don't want to do anything that will hurt or upset my family.
I didn't express myself correctly. I meant there are fewer TSs who call themselves CD (IMO) than there are CDers (who also call themselves CD).
Yes, they are necessary, especially in a forum where our only form of expression is the written word. lol
I've often wondered if the general distaste forlabelsdefinitions stems from a reluctance to just face things head on.
Last edited by ReineD; 03-23-2011 at 10:44 PM.
Reine
I really don't understand it. People half-ass read a thread and then say, "Oh my GOD you are using labels! That's so ridiculous! We are all individuals....why can't this just be the 1960s where we were all individuals and loved each other and never had labels."
Pretty positive there were labels in the 60s. Also pretty positive that every sane person uses labels in their every day life without realizing it. I'd love to see how quickly human language and modern communication goes to hell without labels.
So, the real problem may be that they don't like what people are labeling themselves as... And, okay, fair enough. However, I think it should be addressed by said person WHY they detest the label... Is it because the label is spot on and they don't want to admit it to themselves? Or, is it because it's completely wrong...and wrong because they can't really explain what's going on in their heads because they are so lost in their own identity? There is ALWAYS a reason why someone labels you as something and you have to figure out why that is for one reason or another and not just throw your hands up and say, "I'm a flower child and I've never labeled anything a day in my life! I don't label coffee as 'coffee' I call it the black substance of life, but my mom thought I was referring to my ex boyfriend!"
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
labels are for cans!
If labels are for cans and you have transitioned, do you want to be called a woman? Are using female pronouns important to you? Would you be offended if someone said HE is a CD and HE transitioned.labels are for cans!
Idk about you, but I'd sh*t bricks. And, that's all about labeling.
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
I'll second that!!!!!
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I assume you meant census form. Did the form ask for your sex or your gender?
You and anyone else can call me what you want. I cant change your thinking and really don't care too. My point was not to label people and I guess you missed my point.
I saw your point. My point is that most people are fine and dandy with saying screw all labels; however, when people are labeled inappropriately it matters.You and anyone else can call me what you want. I cant change your thinking and really don't care too. My point was not to label people and I guess you missed my point.
If I spent thousands of dollars to get my sex to match my gender, I better be f*cking called by the sex that matches my gender. And, I bet a nickel that if it came to what it says on your driver's license, you wouldn't want it to say male.
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
I think one of the most difficult things for any of us is to decide where we fall on the specturm of behaviors as they relate to gender identification. I used the term gender identification to avoid TG, TS, CD, etc, but it doesn't fully express what I mean. Each person's sexuality, gender identification, preferences in clothing - all combined - probably in a unique way for each of us. And that point - probably somewhere in a universe of multiple dimensions makes answering the OP question difficult enough.
Then we add to the complexity by changing as we go through life. For example, I was pretty sure I was a bisexual perve at 19 because I wore panty hose and had a m/m experience. In my first marriage, I explained away my bi-experience as a youthful indiscretion and considered my CDing as a harmesll fetish. Now, after a marriage, a decade and a lot of counseling during the interval I view myself as a transgendered person, predominantly heterosexual and entirely monogamous, with a stong preference for living and presenting as female. So, was the initial label wrong or did experience, changing hormones, and therapy make me a different person?
Kim, if you had had more information when you were 19, and had we all grown up in an environment where alternative (to the binary) gender and sexuality were wholeheartedly accepted as being a part of a sliding scale norm, would your views of yourself have changed over time, do you think? Or would you have come to the conclusion that you are who you are much earlier?
Reine
The problem with labels is that they tend to be identified with distinct stereotypes. It is better to use these terms as adjectives rather than labels, to describe some general attributes. They are meaningful but should be considered very general.
Consider the word "tall". It is useful and meaningful, but imprecise not used as a label. A short basketball player may still be tall versus the average person. Likewise, most gender terms are non-precise. There is no cutoff for being tall or TG. A genetic male might consider him/herself TG in the company of masculine men, but CD in the company of trans-women.
As for CDs transitioning towards TG, I think that is generally true for many people. Most of us start out trying to be "normal" males, and gradually accept and enjoy our feminine nature. Over time, we lose some of our learned behavior in trying to conform to a perceived "normal" male, and become ourselves. Some people transition a little towards female, some transition a lot. Often, people cycle in a struggle between conformance and self-acceptance. The point is that most of us start out as a "learned" male and transition towards our true self, which may be anywhere in the male/female spectrum. Also, male versus female is not a global attribute, so people can be male in some ways and female in other ways, making each of us unique.
Juno Michelle Krahn
Normal people are weird. Stealth is another word for "in the closet".
Reine, I don't consider myself as transitioning, because I'm not seeking SRS or HRT, but I suppose to some extent I've shifted more in that direction. I do suspect that my attitude about myself would have been quite different, then and now, with the benefit of more information, a more accepting environment, and perhaps earlier counseling. The underlying force - something I've felt since my earliest awareness - is apart of me that identifies as female. So, perhaps coming to grips with that earlier, in a more hospitable environment would have lead me towards transitioning.
Hi Breena, I seem to have missed this sweeping generalisation when it was posted in the TS forum.
As others, including Reine and Shananigans have said, those who transition were most probably TS all along but possibly could not bring themselves to accept that aspect of themselves. There are a small number of non-TS Cd's who choose to go down the Hormone Therapy path for reasons best understood by themselves, but I believe them to be in the minority both in the CD population and on the TS forum.
Some of us (myself included) at one point had an irrational fear of accepting that we are TS. WHen I first admitted to myself that I was not a cisgendered male, I was determined just to be a "bloke in a dress" despite the fact that I have known since my earliest childhood memories that I am not truly male. At that specific point in time, I rationalised that I could accept myself as a cross-dresser whilst denying the truth of my trannsexuality. Guess what? It didn't work!
So if you look back at my earliest postings here, I did identify as CD rather than TS, but I was lying to myself. Althouh I may be counted by whoever made the sweeping generalisation as proof of their hypothesis, it would be fundamentally wrong to do so.
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