The joy of the loving and accepting CD community.......not

[Kali]

My fiancee is always trying to find things for us to do with me dressed. Im not passable, and circumstances require that I have facial hair. I keep telling her that it's ok, and that I dont want to make anyone else uncomfortable.

But she got an invitation to a private party for crossdressers, and unbeknownst to me, emailed the the person hosting the party and ask if we would be welcomed, explaining the situation.

Rather than simply telling her that they would not be comfortable with it, or simply ignore them message, the person emailed my fiancee and told her that I belong in a circus or freakshow and not at one of their parties.

I know a lot of crossdressers feel that way about me, but I'm very unhappy they that they had to take it out on her.

My fiancee is one of the most generous and accepting people you will ever meet and has many friends in the TS/TG community from her years in the D/s lifestyle. I think think that she thought that my explanation of how some CDs felt about people like me was akin to the faintly negative feeling that many in the LGBT community have towards BDSM lifestylers. Ater all, there have never been any comments when I've gone dressed to a D/s events.

She was ready to send these people a very nasty email and "out" their behavior to the community at large (her invitation came to her as a dominant female in the D/s world), but I told her that I was unsurprised by their reaction to her request, and convinced her to just send a polite response.

And we wonder why there is a lack of acceptance for CDing in the general population, when we can't accept any variation among our own sub-group.

It just makes me sad.

[Phoebe P.]

Those who live in glass houses... That's too bad. Put it behind you and karma will take care of them! Keep your chin up and make yourself happy! Opinions are like... well you know! You're always welcome here!

[Makayla]

Im sorry to hear that, from what I can tell there not worth hanging out with if they cant accept you for who you are

[Eryn]

I agree with Phoebe and Makayla. I'll add that it would be a bad idea to out them to the community, but it might be a good idea to discuss this issue with other people involved with this party. Perhaps you have one loose cannon who has taken it upon him/herself to speak for everyone.

[CareBearGG]

I'm sorry people can be so cruel. You would think that a person, or group, who strive to have themselves accepted would be able to do a little accepting of their own. I've had a couple discussions lately with people about "accepting" others, be it, homosexuality, CDing, or other choices in their life they decide to make, my conclusion is if you want to be accepted, you have to learn to accept others. I completely agree with what Eryn has said about speaking with others in the group though.

[Pythos]

Wow...I am amazed at this. It is just another example of minorities ripping into minorities. STUPID HUMAN BEHAVIOR!!!!

[LilSissyStevie]

Doesn't surprise me.....

[Nicole Erin]

What a bunch of F'in B's.
See some Tg groups flat suck ass.

We have a good one in Indy here that the policy is - "come as you are". What you wear is not relevant as long as you are "decent" as in, covered. I have gone dressed to the 9's and other times I show up in my tee and jeans, no one minds. THOSE are the types of groups you need.

If that group you sought truely could not deal with facial hair, they could have at LEAST been professional but telling someone they belong in a circus? I would have sent back telling them, "hey, drop your pants and look in the mirror, what is down there? yes you B's that is right..."

Sorry you had to deal with that crap.

[Amelia]

That's awful. If I was having a party, you'd be more than welcome!

[MichelleOBrien]

I'm truly sorry you had that experience, but remember that for every a-hole out there is someone with a heart of gold. Keep your head up, let Karma do her work (man is she a royal B---h sometimes) and don't sweat em. Though I now know to watch out for that group one state over...

[noeleena]

Hi.

Im a bit surprised in one way that they are not open to you both . yet iv been involved with a group who are very much like what youv had .
just they did it better it was face to face & then told my friend to bugger off & dont come back. Now iv known my friend for some time & theres no reason as to why. our grand child loves her & is a neat friend & yes we both stay with her at different times. .

I wont ever go back to the group because if they can not accept people who are like us then different , i dont wont any thing to do with them.

Pity you were shown the door just shut it quiitly & leave them to them selfs, some times its better that way,

...noeleena...

[Maria in heels]

This is a horrible thing that happened....you are better off without those that arranged that function - not worth it for the two of you. Be the bigger and better person and move on, even though I know that it is hard to

[Shari]

Pompous and militant cder's.
That blows me away.
You're far better off without that in your life.

[Kali]

Thank you all for your kind responses.

Though I'm sure that there are people here on this site who agree with the feelings of the person holding this party, at least they had the manners not to jump in.

As I said, I understand being excluded, I simply don't understand the incredibly insulting response. I do realize that many people are insecure in themselves, not just crossdressers, and feel it necessary to lash out at anything that makes them uncomfortable. It's a defense mechanism that has grown in leaps and bounds with the relative anonimity of the Internet.

And Michelle, it's OK to come to PA, this event is going on one state further east

[Cynthia Anne]

I've been biting nails ever since I read your story! Now I have to bite my tounge before I get in trouble!! Who needs them! I hope that if there is any members here that are invited to this have the heart NOT to go! HUGS!

[DAVIDA]

Hi Kali!
Sorry that someone was so crass to you!
You might want to consider copying in, or forwarding, the E-mail from this person to the others in the group. You wouldn't even have to respond.

They really wouldn't have liked me seven years ago, before I shaved off my beard.
Picture me with a beard about three inches above my bellybutton.

[Kate Simmons]

This is one reason I shy away from TG groups and Orgs. Usually a few dominant "high ranking" members set the "standard" for the group. Some of them are even self admitted "control freaks". However, this allows no freedom of expression in the gender spectrum for many of these groups and many people are either afraid to speak up or do not join to begin with.

[audreyinalbany]

just goes to show you that being transgendered doesn't exclude you from being an a**hole

[kimdl93]

I hadn't imagined that people in the D/s lifestyle could be so judgemental. But, I guess there are jerks in every group!

Sometimes its better to just ignore the nasty, venal comments and move on with life. This is one of those times.

[Kali]

I hadn't imagined that people in the D/s lifestyle could be so judgemental. But, I guess there are jerks in every group!

Sometimes its better to just ignore the nasty, venal comments and move on with life. This is one of those times.

This isn't for a D/s lifestyle event, they just advertised it there, explicitly as a party for CD/TG.

[MichelleOBrien]

And Michelle, it's OK to come to PA, this event is going on one state further east

Oh, I'd still come to PA even if that group was there, but I'd be a bit more cautious as to which groups I hung out with is all. but I guess it gives me yet another reason to stay out of Jersey... lol

[joannemarie barker]

you understand why you were excluded??? I don't!!! that really piffed me off :/

[TGMarla]

Several years ago I wore a moustache. I'd had it for some twenty years, and my wife really liked it. So getting rid of it wasn't easy. However, at that time, I'd inquired as to the local TG group here where I live, and I was told that the moustache might be a problem. Geez, I mean, most of us couldn't pass if it were a slow-moving truck on the freeway. Why should a moustache make it any worse? I was a bit incensed by it, as I remember, so I can relate to how you feel here. It's just kinda dumb, really. Everyone there would be cross-gendered in some way. Why should it surprise or even irritate any of them to see a person with facial hair wearing a dress? Hypocritical, in my opinion. Or more likely....hyper-critical.

[Kali]

you understand why you were excluded??? I don't!!! that really piffed me off :/

Joanne -

Start a discussion about crossdressing with facial hair sometime. You'll see why I understand.

This response was in a discussion here; overall it's one of the milder responses you'll get from people who have an issue with it...

To me, they are not crossdressers in the sense of the word most of us use. The old term transvestite is more like it. And I don't like that term anymore then a hairy faced guy in a dress. Again, to each there own, but it's not to my liking and don't want to see it.

On other, less heavily moderated sites, I've seen this discussion start out nasty and go downhill from there.

Personally, I dress almost 24/7, it's the only way I'm really comfortable, but my circumstances being what they are, I can't shave my facial hair off at the moment. I'm more nastily judged by many in the CD/TG community than by the religous right. It's unfortunate, but people are what they are.

That's why I was unsurprised by nature of the response to my fiancee, though why the person bothered to be so nasty I have no idea.

[msginaadoll]

Kali, It just goes to show there are jerks everywhere as well as nice folks. It reminds me of talking to a lovely looking cd at a bar, and her telling me she doesnt go to a club I like because the cds there are plain. I know she has the right to express her opinion, of course I also have to right to think she was a putz! I know people can be insecure but it doesnt excuse them from treating others with respect.