In a conversation with my estranged wife, yesterday, I learned that she recently entered my home without my permission looking for a ring that she may have left behind when she left me almost 24 months ago. I had changed the locks 8 months after she left, but, she apparently found a way to come in while I wasn't there, anyway.
She claims that, when I changed the locks, she "knew I was up to something." Then, she told me that she was looking for the ring (which I don't have, but, would have gladly given to her, if I had it) and discovered my jewelry in the dresser drawer where she was searching. Apparently, that prompted her to explore further and she discovered femme clothing in my closet. She said this in a rather "matter-of-fact" manner and went on to other topics. Because she caught me off-guard, I wasn't prepared to discuss cross-dressing and she didn't dwell on that aspect of her search. She acted like it was no big deal to her. Or, at least, there were other aspects of the conversation that were more important. I didn't respond at all to her revelations and she continued on with her conversation to other topics.
Inside, I was shocked that she had broken into my home. Certainly, I knew that she COULD get in. But, I had believed that she wouldn't do so. I thought she had more honor than that, although my daughter has repeatedly warned me that she doesn't.
I supressed my CDing for decades while we were married because I felt our marriage was more important. Apparently, it was less important to her because she left in 2009, after 40+ years. It was almost a year after she left that I got over it and began to allow myself to CD. I had accepted that my marriage was ended and I was living alone in our former home, so, I decided to explore what I had forced aside for so long.
Now, I've absorbed all of this and find that I have mixed feelings. I'm relieved that she knows a little about my CDing. (I don't know the extent of what she knows, though, because we didn't discuss it.) But, I'm angry that she broke into my home. I'm disappointed that she had no respect for me or my privacy. And, it baffles me that she doesn't even understand that she was breaking the law. (She moved out and changed her residency 2 years ago.)
Ironically, I still love my wife. One can't spend 40+ years together without that. When I see her, I still feel those pangs of desire that will probably never leave. I even allow myself periodically to consider us getting back together. Then, something like this occurs to bring me back to reality.
I don't think there's much point in pursuing legal action. I don't believe she took anything, other than my pride. Our divorce is pending and will be done within the next month. I feel insulted that she would do this and foolish that I had given her more credit than to think she would do this. I guess I can't rant about a lack of honor when I kept my CDing inside of me for all of those years. So, I'll suck it up and go on.
I don't know where else to say this where people will understand. I don't expect anyone here to fix this. But, I felt I needed to say it to someone. Anyone. But, as you can probably understand, not everyone.
Please accept my apologies for the long post.