Taking a Break from Cross Dressing?

[SarahMarie42]

As much as I love "becoming Sarah", I think it would be a good idea to hang up the dresses for a while, for my BDD/OCD has made cross dressing quite unpleasant as of late. I don't quite feel right while dressing these days, as I'm usually staring anxiously into a mirror while dressed, feeling merely like a man in a skirt, worrying about the flaws that I have either imagined or exaggerated.

What do you all think?

[prene]

Phase in crossdressing I have never seen.
I mean the more I dress the more I want to be female.
I have even been talking to my therapist about hrt.
Flaws and all.

Who can figure.

[SarahMarie42]

It's difficult for someone without BDD to fully understand. My disorder precludes all possible enjoyment of cross dressing, and my flaws aren't nearly as prominent as I perceive them to be, in fact, some of them may not even exist.

This is from a BDD article in which two female sufferers were asked to alter their photographs to better match their warped perception of themselves.

Here is one

And her perception is probably even moreso warped than what we can gather it may be from the pictures, as one can only do so much with image manipulation.

Crossdressing has merely become another compulsion associated with my disorder now. I rarely dress to satisfy my feminine urges these days, as I'm too preoccupied with my appearance. I shoot about twenty one-minute long videos of my face and analyze them for hours.

[danielletorresani]

I've been taking a break but not for the same reasons you describe. At the end of the day, if you crossdress you should be doing it because it gives you pleasure and it makes you feel good. If you're all worried about how others may perceive you, or if you don't look passable, then that's obviously eclipsing the enjoyment factor. I know it's easier said than done, obviously, but if you can't find a way past that hangup, then there's really no point in dressing up at all. When it ceases to be enjoyable, what is the point?

[SarahMarie42]

I still do enjoy it when I can break free from the obsession, it's just that the blocking of compulsions is essential to a successful OCD therapy regimen. So, if I'm going to defeat this obsession and resume enjoyable dressing, I may have to stop for a while.

I'll give a personal example

This seems to be an alright picture, right? I don't look TOO mannish and I may even be kinda cute. However, I see

- A lantern jaw
- A "Leno chin"
- Prognathousness
- beady eyes
- a double chin
- a thick neck

And occasionally, I wonder whether or not I have a mustache, or if I didn't shave well enough.

Now, with my constantly worrying about such things, I couldn't possibly enjoy it. So, I'll take a break, starve the obsession, and return to cross dressing with the ability to see myself through a clearer lens.

[Allana W]

Sarah, I believe I understand a little of what you are experiencing. I too have often struggled over the years between thinking and feeling about my appearance and my dressing: Dissatisfaction between my inner image of myself and what I see in the mirror. I've spent decades trying to self analyse and micro-manage my TG behaviors. It's like thinking during sex; pleasure flees away from over analyses. Over time I have come to understand that dressing should be an enjoyable and cathartic emotional experience, while I am doing it, and that I should try to leave the self analyzing for the in between times. The pink fog is not conducive to rational thought beyond "do these blue shoes and black stockings really go with this pink dress?" Be kind to yourself. Best of luck!

[Joanne f]

Maybe you have started to fall into the trap that many do once you are on a site like this and that is wanting to look like you feel everyone else thinks you should look like , don`t do it for everyone else do it for yourself , step back and enjoy it to a level that you are comfortable with yourself.

[Jeanna]

Please stop feeling sorry for yourself and get help.

[Shari]

It's like Danielle said.
If it isn't fun for you, then find something else to do.
Stop beating yourself up over something you have no control over.

[noeleena]

Hi. Sarah.


Haveing both B D D & O C D is sure not fun for your own sake do take time out , & latter on see how things go .
As a thought are you takeing any meds, that may help.

Many of the women on our womens forum do have some of these details going on & its not so easy for them so i know what it can do,

On the lighter side im not a patch on how you look so do not keep looking in that morror As you look great ,

Iv been told by a few woman natal , we do not all look the same we come in all shapes & sizes & these woman i know & they know me as a person & as a woman , & if i looked in the mirror all the time picking my flaws id go stir crazzy insane & i dont have those female traits & look like a woman should . you see we are all different ,

so take your time about this
& personaly as a woman, i really do think you are so much in that pic like a woman so take that as a compliment not as a feel good comment . i do mean what i say ...okay...

...noeleena...

[juno]

Focus on having fun, and not trying to pass as female.

I have always enjoyed having a feminine side, but I am a late starter for crossdressing. I always thought my looks weren't feminine enough. One day, I decide to have fun with it even if there is no hope of passing. Eventually, you get better at it and pass more than you thought possible. It will be difficult to get the experience you need if you forget to have fun along the way.

That may be a tough goal for someone with BDD/OCD. Maybe you should start by intentionally not trying to pass? Just do one thing, like lipstick of a pretty women's shirt. When you look in the mirror, it might be easier to accept as just goofing around and not missing an unachievable, idealized goal. I don't anything about BDD/OCD, so this is just a guess.

[Cynthia Anne]

Do you need a break? I wonder what good a 'break' would do you! First you're already depressed and you feel you don't look right! So what good is a 'break' going to do? It's not going to make you look better! It's not going to make you feel better! It WILL deepen your your depression! Perhaps it's time to focus on the good in your life and not so much of whats wrong with it! Give yourself a 'break' from your negative thoughts and start thinking positive! Give your next thread a face lift! Think positive, be happy! Focus on what makes you happy and what ever that is start making it your life's goal! Negative just brings you and those around you down, including your 'distance' friends! Negative makes you old and ugly! Positive makes you young and pretty! Stay PRETTY!!

[insearchofme]

I really think that you need to talk to a therapist who specialzes in gender issues. You are too sweet not to get the help you deserve.

[jazz]

I agree, chillout and enjoy yourself. Not easy for some people though, so I sympathize.

[SarahMarie42]

Some people are a little harsh because they don't quite understand the neurological disorder, or don't think I have one.. If you don't think it's a neurological disorder, I suppose I can assume that my insecurities all ring true -.- Of course, most people don't understand this issue, so I shouldn't really post here. What I see and what you see are two entirely different things. If I'm in the midst of obsessing, I honestly SEE those things that I described to you. I SEE a lantern jaw, I SEE a double chin, but NO ONE ELSE sees it, and I'm not attempting to gain pity. I was just wondering if you thought it would be healthy to take a break until I can perceive myself correctly. Also, I take all of my photos from the perspective of a five foot tall person and from the worst angles possible. That's part of it. I don't "feel sorry" for myself, I want to get better. In cultures where a desire for a cleaner house is classified as OCD behavior, it's difficult to explain.

Actually, I'll take a stab at it.

OCD = obsessive compulsive disorder
BDD = body dysmorphic disorder
BDD is a type of OCD

In obsessive compulsive disorder, one has an obsession that causes anxiety and depression, and the obsession can center on anything from one's sexuality to fearing one is homicidal to fearing one is hopelessly flawed physically. OCD sufferers also perform rituals that help to temporarily alleviate the anxiety and depression (i.e. if one fears contamination, they may shower ten to twenty times a day, wash their hands every ten minutes, etc.), but ultimately serve to worsen the obsession and thus perpetuate the associated suffering, so in order to end the cycle, one must resist the urge to perform the ritualistic behaviors. I occasionally dress up merely as a ritual behavior, as a lot of my body issues are related to my cross dressing, though I didn't begin dressing for this reason. So, I should clarify a bit...I'm only going to take a break from dressing until the compulsive urges go away, so that I can act upon the natural urges, and ultimately be happier.

I don't mean to seem whiny and what not, so I apologize.

[JamieTG]

Hi Sarah. I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time right now. I have Bipolar II and OCD so I know something about these type of disorders. I can't say whether taking a break will help you or not but I can tell you that you need something else to help balance out your life. For me, exercise is my savior. Yes I'm on medication but its the six days a week of vigorous exercise that really helps me feel better. Exercise releases serotonin, which as you know is critical for a happier mood and calming the anxiety. I obsess about my weight and body structure but excercise really helps me feel better about myself.

[SarahMarie42]

Hey! Someone who gets it. Yeah, I've been exercising recently too, but I've been trying to keep that from becoming a compulsion in itself, actually. You are right, though, balance is necessary in the surmounting of OCD.