Bathroom/Restroom Etiquet/State Laws

[Nigella]

Quite often the topics of:

Which Bathroom/Restroom do you use?
How should I act in the female bathroom/restroom?
Is it legal to use the femal bathroom/restroom?

amongst others of this nature, arise.

Well here is a sticky for those type of responses to help those who are starting on the journey of the big wide world and how to behave in those areas. Feel free to comment, adding your own experiences both good and bad.

[StaceyJane]

a sticky is a greatidea.

When out en femme I use the female bathroom. I couldn't imagine going into the male bathroom dressed as a female.
I have used the ladies room in many public places including Cowboys Stadium and the Texas State Capitol building and I've never had a problem.

[Loni]

as to which bathroom i use: i use the one as per how i am dressed.
how to act: act as you belong there. just going pee,and freshen up the makeup.
is it legal: yes it is at least here in California...but watch out for some girls they can make trouble (not as in the Mc D's thing).

so far no problems but then i have only used the loo, in trans friendly places. of if in a public place a one off locked door loo.
never heard more than one time and it was "the coast is clear" (one woman to another. another group of people.)
so i can say i have had no bad things happen.

Loni

.

[Michelle James]

I use the ladies room 100% of the time when dressed, which is nearly 100% of the time. It's all attitude, if you believe you belong there and act like you do then no problems. I do not think it's legal here but when ya gotta go, and with a 57 year old prostate I gotta go a lot. I have even had other ladies strike up conversations with me in the ladies room and all felt normal. Just girl talk kind of stuff.

[Wendy_Marie]

I use the restroom based upon what Gender I present at the moment. if enfemme, I do not hesitate to use the womens facilities...haven't had a bad expereience yet.

[Tricia Lee]

Which Bathroom/Restroom do you use?

In order of preference;

1) Neither
2) Family/Unisex
3) Women's

How should I act in the female bathroom/restroom?

Unless you are extremely passable and *confident*, act like the invisible woman.

Is it legal to use the femal bathroom/restroom?

Maybe/Maybe not. Check local laws. Even if it is legal, the more important question is whether it's a good idea? It's not always safe.


The best thing you can do is plan ahead, and avoid the need to use the restroom altogether. If that fails, the next best thing to do is plan ahead, and know where all the unisex/family restrooms are located. Use them if at all possible.

I've used the women's restroom often without any trouble. *But*, I do my best to make sure no one else is inside when I do. If someone else comes in while I'm there, I stay in the stall until they either a) enter a stall, or b) leave. I've managed to only encounter other women a few times.

[Anne2345]

Given that I do not go out in public dressed, it is a non-issue for me. However, in the short time I have been a member in the forum, I have read several bathroom threads out of curiousity as they have popped up here and there. I have to admit, I have mixed feelings on the issue. On the one hand, there is a reason why there are seperate bathrooms for males and females in society. Both men and women, in using the bathroom of their true gender, have an expectation of privacy that such bathrooms will be occupied only by people of the same gender. I would imagine that some may be upset, or somehow feel violated if they knew a member of the opposite sex was in the bathroom with them, no matter how innocent the intentions of that person of the opposite sex were. On the other hand, taking a MtF crossdresser, for example, it does not really seem to be a desirable option to use the men's bathroom, as that may present other problems in and of itself. I know that if I did go out dressed in public, I certainly would not want to use a men's bathroom. Obviously, a family or unisex bathroom seems to be an ideal solution, but such bathrooms are not always readily accessible. I am not saying that I am opposed to the idea, but I am not really sold on it, either. For a person transitioning to the oppostite sex, it is clear cut in my mind that it is acceptable. And just because something is legal, or not unlawful, does not necessarily mean it is acceptable. Of the posts I have seen, however, I have not really noticed any members that are in opposition to the proposition that it is acceptable to use such bathrooms when presenting as the opposite sex. There may be those that oppose, and I may simply have missed the posts, or there may be those in the past that have posted their opposition, and I am simply too lazy to research it, but I would be interested in reading more about the moral or ethical argument of should use versus should not use on this issue.

[Diane Smith]

I often feel creeped out and a little threatened in public men's rooms even when I'm dressed fully male. I do not feel more comfortable being around others of my same sex in there, and would be much happier to be able to use the women's room all the time. (Obviously, I don't when it is not appropriate.)

Single-stall, unisex or "family" bathrooms are far and away the best.

- Diane

[LaraCreaft]

As with any of the other 'females', I would much rather use the family restrooms, if accessible. What I try to do, is go scout out the store when I'm dressed fully male, and see what kind of bathrooms there are. That way you should be able to find out what kind of restroom service they have.

[Charise52]

When fully dressed with makeup on I have used the womens'... fortunatuely most of them were one room and I had the place to myself... and they were nice...

[Loni]

ran across this site could be of some help.

a listing of safe bathrooms. and a way to include ones you know about.
and a booklet put out by the transgendered law center. titled, peeing in peace. a couple years out of date but good info.

Loni

.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Well one thing is go to what ever loo you are dressed for. try not to use a male loo if your dressed as a woman tho some times its okay if the sign says men & woman as some do , over seas. we do have some here that are unisex. many of our large malls have male & womans , some shops have just one loo so ether can use them & most just have a toilet & wash hand basen .

For me im just another woman & use the womans & as to etiquet , what do many women do ...talk . so no proplems there,

... noeleena...

[Yolanda_Voils]

When dressed, I ALWAYS use the Ladies room, how would it look for a person wearing high heels, a dress, long hair and makeup to the 9's going into the Men's room ?

The only oddity I've encountered was 2 very Butch Females who glared at me HARD as I left. I'm not sure if they made me, or disliked me for the very "Straight Laced" and "Proper Southern Ladies" outfit that I was wearing, I'd like to think the former.

A note of caution, I never use the rest room where there are lots of children, this is asking for a confrontation with some redneck if I was made as a CD, so I avoid McD's and other fast food joints during Kiddies Play Time.

[Christina Horton]

I will only use the Ladies Restrooms. WHY?!
As stated above...
Plus Like you have read if you use the men's room dressed most likely people Whom have not clocked you just might say "Hey that looks like a guy in drag"! and who knows what would happen then.
I have never had any problems using a ladies room. I have at movie theaters with young people and kids too. Never had anyone say anything to me. I waited in line at the mall to get into a bathroom and talked to the women (and complained about the long lines and the fact that men never have to wait). Now that was a fun conversation LOL.

BUT THE BIGGEST PIECE'S OF ADVICE I can give is this....

1) If you don't have a female or close to or a good sounding voice.... Try not to speak to anyone.
I would guess that that would be something that would not sit well with the women in there. Why? Well I would think that if your dressed to the 9s and look ok (even if you don't pass at all) the women would think that you at least are trying hard to look your best. There are women that looks more like a man then I do when I'm dressed as a man . So there is a very huge range of women out there that you and and will see in the ladies room , I know I don't pass 100% of the time and have been clocked in the ladies room but because I looked like I was not skulking around or sleazing around they accepted me there.

2) If you have any doubt on whether its legal or not check it out on the web or call you local Non-emergency police and ask them about it.

Just act like it's an everyday thing....(Which it is) then most likely you'll not have any prob's.
Does that mean you should not be aware of your surroundings NO , but you should be fine. There is always a chance that you might have a prob but for the mist part you won't.
Just remember Attitude Attitude Attitude!!!!!!!!

Now go out there and be THE BEST DAM WOMEN YOU CAN BE!!!!!!!!!

[Cheryl T]

Always the ladies room when dressed.
I would prefer to deal with a woman being upset than with a couple of testosterone pumped homophobes in the men's room.

[Sophie86]

I did this for the first time last night (not counting being sent to the wrong restroom when I was 10). Yay! The biggest problem I had was being able to relax enough to actually pee. I have a shy bladder, which makes it difficult to go under normal circumstances. It took several minutes of zen-like meditation. Then there was the hassle of getting my layers back on right. Interacting with the young girl who came in as I was leaving was the least trouble I had. I just smiled and said 'hi', and she smiled back. Seeing as how she was only wearing a black corset, panties and a pair of fishnets, I didn't expect she would be very judgmental.

[Janet Bern]

I am in agreement with Wendy
I use the restroom based upon what Gender I present at the moment. if enfemme,
I do not hesitate to use the womens facilities...haven't had a bad expereience yet.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I used to suffer from bashful bladder too. One technique that works for me and some others is to do some math problems in my head or some other analytical thinking, as it seems to "distract" the part of the brain that makes you want to hold it in.

It is not all that uncommon among male bodied persons, and one reason I believe it is considered bad etiquette to have a conversation in a mens' room. Maybe it is some sort of leftover survival instinct men once had, the need to be alert and ready to run or risk be eaten or something, who knows.

[DeeDeeB]

If available, use the bathroom labeled for both, very often labeled as wheelchair friendly. Otherwise, the room labeled for the sex you are expressing. NYC has a statuate protecting this right to gender identity. However, use the room as anyone else of that gender would. Don't stand at the women's toilet, sit as any lady would. Feet front is the rule. Don't hang around, do your business, check your makeup and be gone. If you use discretion and show consideration you should be fine. I have gotten some looks, but I just smile and move on.

Dee

[Fab Karen]

And for those who grew up in a cave, WASH YOUR HANDS.

[DeeDeeB]

And for those who grew up in a cave, WASH YOUR HANDS.

Amen to that!

[qaws123uk]

I know this is probably a stupid question but at this time of night, you think random things!!

When girls go to the toilet and are wearing a dress, do they just pull dress up around neck. Or do they pull it down to ankles (of course depends on dress if you can do this) or take it off completely and hang it up??

[Cherry Lynn]

We pull our dress up to the waist.

[Persephone]

We pull our dress up to the waist.

And make sure it stays out of the toilet!!!

[Cherry Lynn]

And make sure it stays out of the toilet!!!

Thanks, I forgot to add that little note and make sure not to get it caught in your panties when you pull them up.