Got a HUGE Monkey off my back and told my wife!

[mishmam32]

Hello all,

I just wanted to share some words of encouragement to some of you who may be struggling with telling significant others. I have been married for 5 years to a wonderful woman on so many levels, she's also a terrific mother. My CDing life has been my secret this entire time until last night...I came clean!

Our relationship is strong and we have 2 beautiful kids so I wasn't worried about losing her from this, I was more concerned with her image of me, and the feeling of betrayal she would have. It turns out it was all in my head.

I have been building this up for so long I thought I would have a heart attack. Keeping something from her was driving me nuts I felt like a terrible husband, I finally felt like the secret would destroy me before the truth.

So here's what happened: We were watching tv, and the show Taboo was on, with 2 CDing stories about hetero men Cding. Before that she was watching Ru Pauls Drag Race (hillarious show). When we went to bed she was reading a book and looked at me and knew something was on my mind. She looked at me and I said "Have you ever wanted a car then noticed everybody is driving it", she said "do you want a car" then I said "no...everything we've watched tonight is about Cding, and I gotta tell you that I am one too"....Bam! just like that. Then I told her without details that I had been dressing since childhood. She knew I played around in panty hose as a child but I wasn't sure how she would take the fact that I still do. She laughed, asked if I try on her close (fat chance, she is way smaller than me) then, told me with a smile, after what we just watched, nothing shocks me. I joked that she wasn't going to come home and find me in a skirt cooking dinner, and that my secret could have stayed just that if I wanted it too. She chuckled, then went to bed, I told her I was serious and she said I know you are, smiled, kissed me and went to sleep. Her last words before falling asleep is that we were going to be drag queens for Halloween :-) I love that woman!

I'm sure more will come but what I gathered from last night was this.
- Problems are never as big as they seem
- True love defeats all craziness
- Secrets from loved ones are unhealthy
- Spare her the dressy details until she asks about them

I hope this helps someone down the line and I will keep an open thread on my progress.

Take Care,
Mish

[JamieG]

That's great! I'm glad it worked out for you. Please take it slow with your wife, and don't be surprised is sometimes she gets a little more freaked out than she was when you first told her. Hopefully this will be the first of many conversations where the two of you determine to what extent CDing fits in your lives.

[kimdl93]

what a great woman. While we know there can be bumps in the road ahead, it seems she has taken the first bit of information in stride. I have to say, my first wife and my present wife have proven to be far more accepting of my CDing than I ever was of myself.

[NicoleScott]

Great story and it looks like a positive outcome (long-term) may well result. However, Mish's words of encouragement should be balanced by words of caution: it doesn't always turn out this way.

[JohnH]

Mish,

It's probably a matter of time your wife will come home and you will be wearing a dress.

There was a spell when I normally had a dress on while I was fixing supper (my wife has an evening job). One day I had pants on, and she said, "Where is your dress?" Bear in mind my wife never wears dresses.

Take care,

Johanna

[Leyna]

Don't let go of that woman. Mish. She is a gem.

[Anne2345]

Hi Mish! I am really happy for you! The acceptance of crossdressing by one's SO is truly an amazing achievement and a testament to love. Simply telling your wife and receiving her preliminary approval, however, should not be considered the end of the road. Be prepared to educate her and assure her that Mish is not a threat to her. Cultivate and nurish her further acceptance of Mish slowly and carefully. Be aware of your wife's needs, and do not risk too much Mish too soon with your wife. Although she was receptive to you and your admission, she has had less than one day to think through this and digest it. There is much work yet to be done, but you seem to be off to a fantastic start! Good luck, and I wish you well!

[kendra_gurl]

Yes Yes Yes exatly what Anne just said.

My advice give it at least 2 weeks before YOU bring up the conversation again to see what happens. She may want to talk about and thats fine is she innitiates the conversation.
Second. when the time comes that she wants to see what Mishell looks like, do it right don't go parading around with hairy legs and chest in a bra and way too small pair of panties.
If she does ask to see you it will help if you play it rather shy and ask is she would help you so you will not look like a guy in a dress. Once a wife participates it almost becomes an obscession with them on how to make you passable

[AKAMichelle]

I am glad that it worked out for you. Hopefully it will continue to improve over time.

[Eryn]

I love a pleasant ending! Treat that lady well!

[ReineD]

I'm so glad it went well, for both of you!

In the course of the next few weeks, she may have more questions. Remember that you can always invite her to join here as well, and she can also join FAB if she wants to talk to other GGs about it.

[Jill Devine]

Good for you Mish. Honesty is the best policy in a marriage. But I suppose one does need to understand that some spouses will freak out and have a negative reaction (hence the reason why so many girls stay in the closet).

But good for you. Take small steps from here onward.

[Amy Lynn3]

Great for the both of you.

[Mistybtm]

I am happy for you but watch out for the fall out. hope it all works out for both of you.

[celeste26]

So bring the "special clothes" out of the secret compartment and put them next to your regular clothes and see what her reaction is. Ask her for advice on which looks good on you. These actions might seem rather risky but in the end, it will make real the idea of you're being a CD and afterward you'll have a much better idea just how "willing" she is.

[Tanya C]

You did the right thing by telling your wife about your cding and you should feel good about that. It certainly takes a lot of courage to tell ones spouse about such a thing.
But now comes the hard part. She will likely have a lot of questions and comments about your cding, and you should be prepared to engage in open and candid conversation. She may express some fears and concerns and it'll be up to you to asuage them and put her mind to rest.
It's been suggested that you should encourage her to become a member of this forum, and I think that's a great idea. She sounds like the type of person who would be up for learning about trans lifestyles, and this the place for it.
The more information she has the better things will go, but remember that the most vital information must come from you.

I wish you both all the best.

Tanya

[jenny_geek72]

Thanks so much for sharing your story . . . I hoping to find encouragement from this story. Your story is very much like mine . . . and I'm hoping the end result is the same. I've missed opportunities to tell her and am currently trying to figure a way to have this conversation with her.

Thanks again.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Mishell, sounds like you have an exceptional wife. Other have already cautioned to go slowly with your next moves and let your wife dictate the pace, but have you thought of a novel way to show how much you appreciate her response (preferably not CD related)?

[Mary Morgan]

I only wish to add my congratulations. You are one lucky gal. You have received a lot of good advice here and I say follow it. If you over run first base, you will probably not get to second.

[linda allen]

That's great. Please keep us updated.

[sissyjoe]

We are very happy to have wives who support us, even encourage us! You go Girl!

[celeste26]

Its always better to have this conversation before getting serious with someone. But if that isn't in the books then the way you did it is OK. For all those out there who haven't had this conversation, there is no rewards for those who dont do it.

[tabithavalentine]

Congrats! I just came out to my wife as well, although under very difference circumstances. Although she's accepting, I'm quickly learning that she really doesn't understand things. We've got a long road ahead. Hopefully your experience is less bumpy

[Shanine]

Congratulations. i never told my wife, we are divorced now, i dont know if my dressing worked against me subconciously. She never found out and i did not dress too much before we split. Glad you could find that honesty with your spouse.

[Jess Marie]

Mish, you had a PERFECT scenario. I don't think you could have had a better set up for that. You did a good job capitalizing on that too, because coming out randomly might not have had such a great turn out. I think I will try to lighten my SO up before I tell her with some drag show too, you are right, it is a good tv show hahaha. Congrats!