I'm incredibly confused and in need of some advice. Based on what I've read over the last week, this is the best place to find it. I'm sure at least one person will recommend therapy, but sadly that isn't an option quite yet. I'm hoping this at least helps.
When I first started experimenting with CDing, it was because it gave me a sexual thrill. What started with panties became bras and panties and so on. Still, my dressing has always had a sexual connection. Then I came out to my wife. Something has really changed and I'm very confused.
After coming out, I came to this forum. I had created an account long ago, but never used it, and figured now was as good a time as any to start. I've started to delve into the community and have found it both welcoming and supportive. That being said, I'm terrified.
While the sexual thrill is still there, I've found that over the last day or so this new level of shame has taken over. I don't understand why now of all times I suddenly feel like a freak, and have this incredible guilt hanging over me. I felt so free after coming out. Now I wish I could take it all back so this feeling would go away.
What worries me is that I almost feel like a fraud. Apart from trying on an occasional dress for curiosity's sake, I haven't gone beyond a bra and panties for sexual thrill. I see all of you brave people and I am in awe of how far you're able to take things. A part of me wants to, but another part of me remembers that I love the life I live outside of my house. I don't want that to go away, but I keep feeling this urge to try make-up and dresses. I've even wondered about going out in public, albeit to a trans-friendly bar.
I'm worried I'm going to go too deep down the rabbit hole, somewhere that will destroy my marriage. A week ago I was just a bisexual guy that "enjoyed" looking at trans erotica. Someone please help me hit the brakes before I crash. I know my life is changing, but I don't want it to go too far.
Any advice?