I haven't heard of a CDer yet who doesn't want their SO to be accepting. We'd love for them to share our adventure and perhaps even assist us down the path we have chosen.
This is all well and good, but let's step back for a moment and look at it from our SOs' points of view. They obviously care about us, but we've dropped bombs of large proportion on our relationships. Do they see further life with us as an existence catering to our narcissistic whims? After all, each of our SOs married a man and probably could care less about having yet another girlfriend with whom to go shopping!
If we want a happy, continuing relationship, we as CDers should be asking ourselves a question: What's in it for our SOs? If they are to accept our CDing they should also perceive benefits for themselves.
I recently had a pleasant afternoon conversation with my wife and we discussed this concept as it applies to our relationship. Let me share that with you:
The first thing that we noted is that I'm calmer and more pleasant to be around since we had “the talk.” This change didn't happen overnight and there were some rough spots and regressions, but I was eventually able to better come to grips with myself and my frustration level dropped. This has made things much better for our relationship.
The second item is that our communication has improved. Rather than holding things inside and hoping that my wife would somehow read my mind I realized that it is much better to just discuss whatever is bothering me. Again, this reduces both our frustration levels and makes life calmer.
Third, I've consciously tried to make my SO's life easier. I was more self-centered before we had “the talk” and suffered from a bout of pink fog afterward, but now that I am (mostly) beyond that I try to find things that will make her life more pleasant, such as chores that can be shared.
Now, please don't interpret this post as advocating a “tit for tat” relationship. There should be no adolescent expectation of “if you do this for me I will do that for you.” One should do thoughtful acts out of love and respect for one's spouse without expectation of a specific reward.
Now I'll throw it open to discussion. What do you think of this concept?