The Most Cruel Rejection By Family

[Melanie R]

One of the most beautiful persons in the world I have ever had the privilege of knowing is a young, 30 year old transgendered woman by the name of Michelle. She was born with a muscular disease which left her requiring braces on her arms and legs to exist in society. Michelle always wanted to go to her high school prom as Michelle. When she heard about our 15 day transatlantic Dignity cruise in 2009 with three formal nights where she could wear her prom dresses, she signed up for the cruise. In 2010 she was also on our transatlantic cruise again enjoying 3 nights of wearing her beautiful gowns.

During the past two years Michelle began her transition journey to live as Michelle 24/7. She works in a public position in her state of residence and is able to function independently in spite of her disabilities. Her German, Catholic right wing political family have deserted her. Her grandmother died and left her a trust controlled by family members. Since she began living as Michelle 24/7 over the last year with the full support of her employer and fellow workers, her family has refused to communicate with her, will no longer include her in family gatherings and has told her that her trust will not be available to her as long as she continues to live in her sinful lifestyle. She is devastated by this family rejection and needs her trust money especially for medical and dental costs. I have advised her to contact Lambda Legal who I believe will represent her as they do for many TG clients.

Michelle is a member of this board. She needs all of our prayers and support. I have included several photos of Michelle.

Hugs,

Melanie

[Sara Jessica]

Michelle is gorgeous and no one deserves such rejection for being authentic to their being. I sincerely wish her the best, and thanks so much for sharing.

[Eryn]

I am so sorry to hear about this. Although the rhetoric is about her lifestyle, I'll bet her family's real motivation is to get their hands on the money. Sad to say, but it is time for her to lawyer up. I'm hoping for the best, that she be freed of this oppression.

[Cynthia Anne]

I truely feal for Michelle! I think you gave her sound advice! I really feal sorry for the family for there stupidness and losing such a wonderful lady! Thank you! My thoughts and prayers are with you Michelle! Hugs!

[t-girlxsophie]

Instead of the in fighting been going on the last wee while on these pages,we should be uniting to fight for the rights of brave Ladies like Michelle,how the hell can her family be so cruel.The only ones being sinful are the Scumbag Lowlifes in her own family,Looks to me like her Lifestyle is just a smokescreen,Greed is the motive here.Our world needs all it's good people safe and well and I dearly hope and pray that Michelle's courage wins through in the end

Sophie

[giuseppina]

It seems the family is standing in the way of her grandmother's wishes.

Perhaps it is time for the family to be removed from control of this trust fund. The estate's solicitor should be able to handle this, and his or her bill sent to the family, not the trust fund.

[Stephanie47]

Michelle needs to consult an estate attorney. If her grandmother's wishes are not being followed, the family members should be stripped of any control of the assets. As far as the family controlling any interaction with the family members, Michelle should reach out to each and every one of them separately. I'm sure there may be several who may not be aware of what's going on. Each family member should be given the opportunity to either accept Michelle or reject her. Too many people place themselves in the role of God.

[Shelly Preston]

Melanie I am so glad Michelle Managed to enjoy the cruise

Its very sad when family resorts to some sort of bribery, I do hope that Michelle will be granted access to that which she is due

Michelle you look fantastic

[Michelle2008]

Thank you everyone for your support....means so much! This whole thing has been a huge nightmare for me. I don't even know where to start. My Uncle was Trustee first over my money/inheritance and on day #1 when we talked about this he talked about helping me pay off my current auto loan, buying me a new vehicle if I wanted, giving me cash, and helping me purchase a condo using my Trust funds. But then he learned I was TG and everything changed. A few months went by and nothing was happening so I contacted my Uncle and he gave me a bunch of excuses and began telling me he was wrong and couldn't do the things he talked about doing with my money. I at first believed him but then decided to contact my Grandma's lawyer and got the real answers. Telling me my Uncle lied to me and he can do anything with my Trust money as long as it is spent for my benefit. I confronted him and to make a long story short...he agreed to pay my dental and medical not covered by my insurance. I of course was happy with this as being disabled, I have greater medical bills than some. But knowing I had tens of thousands in my Trust fund and having in writing from the lawyer I can get cash, I kept pressing my Uncle for some cash. December of 2010, he finally gave in and gave me $2,000. I was very grateful and made sure he knew how grateful I was. A few months later, I inquired when I would get some more money from my Trust fund....my Uncle responded by saying he was resigning as Trustee and my brother was going to be next Trustee.

Now my brother has told me I never should of received cash from my Trust fund and never should of had dental/medical bills paid from the Trust. That if I have money from my personal income for things like laser hair removal, mani's/pedi's, makeup, clothes, etc., that I have money for my own dental/medical bills. My brother and many in my family view me being TG as if I had issues with gambling, drinking, drugs, etc. Its not fair and I don't know what to do. But luckily, I have awesome friends like Melanie who originally posted this thread and many from my place of employment.

I am looking into legal help and hoping I can resolve this with the right legal counsel. But anyone with comments/suggestions....please let me know them. I tried telling my brother that I only want a third of my Trust money paid to me in cash and the rest to stay in my Trust for my future medical and dental bills but b/c I am TG, he won't listen to me.

Thank you,
Michelle

[Sandygal]

You always hear blood is thicker than water and you hope your family will always be there, but when they turn their backs on you, it must be devastating. I think thats why a lot of us keep it a secret.

[DonniDarkness]

Michelle2008,

Sorry to hear about your families actions. It is sad that they base this judgement on how you live your life, just be confident in the fact that it is not right of them, no matter their reasoning.

I am not a legal buff, but if i could help by saying where i would start, i will.

1. Gather as much information as you can about the trust...what type of trust, What type of beneficiary you are listed as, How the trust is set up, and where you can find more info about the legal documentation of the listed trustees and beneficiaries.

2. Armed with as much info as you can grab your hands on....Contact a Lawyer....Make an appointment and deliver all your info to him/her in person.

3. Keep record of everything said to you from this point on. And keep your distance from these family members for the time being until this is settled. Putting yourself in a situation that could hurt your case is very probable, avoid it at all costs.

4. Dont give up. If you were left this trust by someone you loved and loved you back, then you have every right to live as who you would aspire to be.


Tough times ahead but perseverance will prevail.

Sending my Hope your Way,
-Donni-

PS.
I found this online, it was an answer given by an "expert"
How do I get paid from a trust I'm entitled too?


It’s not clear whether your concern is that your payments are late. But that aside, the situation you describe is a bit peculiar, since the specifics of a trust are usually spelled out in a trust document that is separate from a will—although the two documents may refer to one another in passing.
Usually, trust assets are managed and distributed by the person who is named as trustee. And the person with the same types of responsibilities—managing and distributing a person’s property to named beneficiaries after death—is called an executor. Sometimes, the same person will be named both trustee and executor, but will wear slightly different hats while doing his or her duties.
If the document you have in hand is a will, it is a good place to begin your quest. Simply explain your concerns to the person named as executor, preferably in writing—just as you have done here—and keep a copy of that dated correspondence, which should also include your contact information. The person responsible is supposed to get back to you within a “reasonable time,” which is fairly muzzy as a standard, but a week or two should suffice.
If there is a different person responsible for administering the trust, you may have to repeat the same steps with him or her.
If you get no satisfying response from the trust administer or suspect him or her of mismanaging funds or neglecting legal duties in distributing the trust proceeds, you may need to take the somewhat drastic step of hiring an attorney for help. If it comes to that, look for someone with experience in handling trusts and estates—most likely an estate planning attorney.

[Jeannie]

Michelle,

Donna has given you excellent advice. Good job Donna.

[Dawn cd]

I say get a lawyer and sue their asses!

Dawn

[Nicole Erin]

I have heard it said a few times that when a family member who has money passes on, that is when you find out what your family is really like.

[Michelle2008]

Eryn,

You actually have a good point. There is a clause in the Trust documents that say if I die and money is still in my Trust that the unused money go to my two brothers, two Uncles, and one Aunt. These people along with myself received money from my Grandma. And since my Uncle and younger brother are Trustees, I think its a clear conflict of interest since they benefit if I die and therefore have it in their interest to keep as much money as possible in my Trust.

[Michelle2008]

Michelle2008,

Sorry to hear about your families actions. It is sad that they base this judgement on how you live your life, just be confident in the fact that it is not right of them, no matter their reasoning.

I am not a legal buff, but if i could help by saying where i would start, i will.

1. Gather as much information as you can about the trust...what type of trust, What type of beneficiary you are listed as, How the trust is set up, and where you can find more info about the legal documentation of the listed trustees and beneficiaries.

2. Armed with as much info as you can grab your hands on....Contact a Lawyer....Make an appointment and deliver all your info to him/her in person.

3. Keep record of everything said to you from this point on. And keep your distance from these family members for the time being until this is settled. Putting yourself in a situation that could hurt your case is very probable, avoid it at all costs.

4. Dont give up. If you were left this trust by someone you loved and loved you back, then you have every right to live as who you would aspire to be.


Tough times ahead but perseverance will prevail.

Sending my Hope your Way,
-Donni-

PS.
I found this online, it was an answer given by an "expert"
How do I get paid from a trust I'm entitled too?


It’s not clear whether your concern is that your payments are late. But that aside, the situation you describe is a bit peculiar, since the specifics of a trust are usually spelled out in a trust document that is separate from a will—although the two documents may refer to one another in passing.
Usually, trust assets are managed and distributed by the person who is named as trustee. And the person with the same types of responsibilities—managing and distributing a person’s property to named beneficiaries after death—is called an executor. Sometimes, the same person will be named both trustee and executor, but will wear slightly different hats while doing his or her duties.
If the document you have in hand is a will, it is a good place to begin your quest. Simply explain your concerns to the person named as executor, preferably in writing—just as you have done here—and keep a copy of that dated correspondence, which should also include your contact information. The person responsible is supposed to get back to you within a “reasonable time,” which is fairly muzzy as a standard, but a week or two should suffice.
If there is a different person responsible for administering the trust, you may have to repeat the same steps with him or her.
If you get no satisfying response from the trust administer or suspect him or her of mismanaging funds or neglecting legal duties in distributing the trust proceeds, you may need to take the somewhat drastic step of hiring an attorney for help. If it comes to that, look for someone with experience in handling trusts and estates—most likely an estate planning attorney.

Donni,

Thank you so much for your input and advice. I have actually completed most of what you said. When I realized I was being lied to and deceived, I began doing my own research and talked directly to the law firm that handled my Grandma's final affairs and my Trust. I know exactly what type of Trust I have and I am the only beneficiary to the Trust. The Trust is to provide me support in regards to my welfare, maintenance, and financial assistance. During the first 18 months of the Trust my Uncle was the legal Trustee and it took some pressing but he actually did most of what he was supposed to do. He paid my medical/dental not covered by my insurance and gave me some cash. But it was like pulling teeth to get this. And then my younger brother took over as legal Trustee, he stopped all payments to my dental/medical bills. And made it clear that he disagreed with the cash our uncle gave me and not to ask for any cash. In my opinion, my brother is not honoring the Trust and not taking care of my welfare, maintenance, and financial assistance. One of the main reasons for this is b/c I am TG. I have this in writing from my brother. And actually, my brother has stopped emailing me b/c he realized I was keeping all his written words for future legal purposes. If what he was telling me was legal and fair, he wouldn't mind keeping a record of his emails.

I also tried contacting the executor of my Grandma's estate but this person is my other Uncle and he wants nothing to do with this and won't respond to my emails or letters. A few in my family have secretly expressed support to me but so many are against and hate the idea of our Grandma's money (which is now my money) to be used for to make me the woman I feel I should have born as. My Uncle has even said he would better understand and support me if I was addicted to drugs, alcohol, or gambling. That he views me being TG worse than drinking, gambling, or drug use. I truly feel embarrassed being associated to such close-minded and intolerant family members.

Once I learned the truth about this Trust, I learned I didn't mind it at all and have no problem honoring every aspect of the Trust. The fact that my Grandma left me money for my future medical/dental bills and some money for my own discretion, I feel very fortunate and love my Grandma very much for doing this. I just feel I deserve a Trustee who won't interject their own personal feelings when handling the Trust funds like my family is doing. I have all this in writing to support everything I have said but I feel so alone and isolated b/c very few seem to listen to me and take me seriously.

But thanks for Melanie and friends like her and their support, I am hoping to find the right lawyer to help me. I also feel its important say my two brothers also received tens of thousands dollars from our Grandma but they got their inheritance free and clear and have been going on vacations and buying new vehicles with their inheritance money. And these two brothers are also the ones keeping me from my money. All b/c I am TG.

Thank you again everyone for your support and such nice words. Not sure if I deserve such gracious support.

Michelle

[giuseppina]

I have heard it said a few times that when a family member who has money passes on, that is when you find out what your family is really like.

Weddings are another. My sister broke contact from the family when she got married a few days after a big fight with Mother. The fight was not an isolated incident. This is the primary reason I've stayed away from any kind of romantic relationship. I've pushed everyone away, including someone I thought would have made a good choice based on the few times I saw her for unrelated issues. She made the first move.

Donni,

Thank you so much for your input and advice. I have actually completed most of what you said. When I realized I was being lied to and deceived, I began doing my own research and talked directly to the law firm that handled my Grandma's final affairs and my Trust. I know exactly what type of Trust I have and I am the only beneficiary to the Trust. The Trust is to provide me support in regards to my welfare, maintenance, and financial assistance. During the first 18 months of the Trust my Uncle was the legal Trustee and it took some pressing but he actually did most of what he was supposed to do. He paid my medical/dental not covered by my insurance and gave me some cash. But it was like pulling teeth to get this.

In families with healthy relationships, this usually works very well. In other families, this often causes a lot of grief.

And then my younger brother took over as legal Trustee, he stopped all payments to my dental/medical bills. And made it clear that he disagreed with the cash our uncle gave me and not to ask for any cash. In my opinion, my brother is not honoring the Trust and not taking care of my welfare, maintenance, and financial assistance. One of the main reasons for this is b/c I am TG. I have this in writing from my brother. And actually, my brother has stopped emailing me b/c he realized I was keeping all his written words for future legal purposes. If what he was telling me was legal and fair, he wouldn't mind keeping a record of his emails. ...

Michelle, I see enough here that I think it is worth investigating a paid trustee not connected with the family and sympathetic to your issues. It appears your younger brother is refusing to do his job as trustee, and he realises he may be found culpable if you take legal action. The underlined text is rather telling, in my view. A clever barrister might well tear his credibility apart.

I also think it is worth consulting a solicitor for an opinion on your situation, one who does not work on a contingency basis (paid if s/he wins, nothing if the case is lost). Contingency fees are often rather steep.

I'm afraid this is going to get a lot worse and more expensive before it gets better. You may find that most of your family rejects you if you take legal action, but it sounds to me like they've done it to themselves. My view of spending an inheritance is on non-depreciable assets (eg. real estate), health care, education, or philanthropy, not cars and vacations. Somehow, I suspect your grandmother would not be impressed with your families' behavior.

Good luck.

[DonniDarkness]

Michelle 2008,

Its good to hear that you have been smart in keeping records and doing your own research. The emails that you have are free and clear as evidence towards your case.... print them out time stamped. With direct admission of why he is Not giving you what you have been inherited, and this evidence conflicts with the Will and ..or...i believe its called a testamentary trust, then you have a rock solid case. From what i read most trusts have no stipulations as to what the money is spent on as long as you can provide proof that you are of sound mind. (i.e. not Mentally disabled) Unless they have been specificly set up with limitations as to how the money is spent. However if it is not spelled out directly then it is possible that you may sue for a settlement.
If you win you could recieve the rest of the trust funds minus lawyer fees.

Im not having any luck finding cases that are similar to your online, but ill keep looking. maybe some reference to another discriminated beneficiary going thru this will lend some insight for you

Keep your Chin Up,
-Donni-

[Michelle2008]

Michelle 2008,

Its good to hear that you have been smart in keeping records and doing your own research. The emails that you have are free and clear as evidence towards your case.... print them out time stamped. With direct admission of why he is Not giving you what you have been inherited, and this evidence conflicts with the Will and ..or...i believe its called a testamentary trust, then you have a rock solid case. From what i read most trusts have no stipulations as to what the money is spent on as long as you can provide proof that you are of sound mind. (i.e. not Mentally disabled) Unless they have been specificly set up with limitations as to how the money is spent. However if it is not spelled out directly then it is possible that you may sue for a settlement.
If you win you could recieve the rest of the trust funds minus lawyer fees.

Im not having any luck finding cases that are similar to your online, but ill keep looking. maybe some reference to another discriminated beneficiary going thru this will lend some insight for you

Keep your Chin Up,
-Donni-

Donni,

Thanks for the research you are doing and attempting. I also tried finding cases similar to mine but wasn't able to. You are correct that my Trust was a Testamentary Trust but it is also a SpendThrift Trust. A Spendthrift Trust is used when someone wants to leave someone an inheritance but is concerned the person receiving the inheritance will mis-use the money or can not handle such large sums of money. My Grandma knew I had a "secret" and she apparently thought I had a secret addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. She didn't know I was TG and was spending all my free money on things like laser hair removal, hair waxing, cruises with my TG/CD friends, mani's/pedi's, makeup and clothes. BUT....I always made sure my day-to-day bills and expenses were taken care before I did any of things I just mentioned. All my bills are paid, no one is after me looking for money, and I am very much willing and prepared to show all this to any neutral party or person. I am of sound mind and have no mental or emotion issues. I saw a professional psychologist for about 5 years and he is willing to support me being of sound mind.

But the kicker is since this is a Spendthrift Trust, all control of the Trust funds goes to the current Trustee which is my brother. So even if I prove I am of sound mind, have no harmful issues like with drinking, drugs, gambling...is that really enough to override my brothers power as Trustee? I don't know. I have in writing from my brother that he feels me using my own personal income on things like laser hair removal, hair waxing, cruises, etc., has been a mis-use of my own personal income and is why I can't have my inheritance. But none of these items are illegal or harmful to me or anyone else. Especially when I can prove all my day-to-day bills were taken care before I did any these things. And keep in mind the Trust does say specifically that my welfare, maintenance, and financial assistance are to be met with Trust funds and my not paying anymore of my medical/dental bills...I think he is in violation of this.

Ok, I feel I am talking in circles. All this support and kind words from everyone who posted to this thread has given me a renewed sense to keep fighting on....thank you! I am hoping to talk to a lawyer this week.

hugs,
Michelle

[celeste26]

Believe us when we tell you a lawyer will not talk in circles but get right to the center of the issue and clear away all the brush. He will act as your mouthpiece in all of these issues speaking the words that need to be said to those who need to hear it. If it takes a judge to hear the case then he will speak to the judge on your behalf also. The law is clear and those "so called" relatives hardly have any concept of how they have violated your rights. But they will be getting an education soon. They don't "have" to love you, or even approve of what you might do, but they do have to follow the laws about trusts. The fact is they should be forced to pay your legal expenses instead of taking them out of the trust money, when it is all over, that is the price of their education.

When it is all over you wont have to deal with them again unless you really want to. Good luck with everything we're all on your side.

[Erika_bagels]

poor Michelle. you have my sympathies and prayers.

[Victoria StJohn]

"Thank you again everyone for your support and such nice words. Not sure if I deserve such gracious support.
Michelle"

Michelle, the support you are getting here, from your friends, is very deserving of you. I wish you the best of luck in going forward with this legal matter.