CROSS-examination

[Frédérique]

[SIZE="2"]I went down to the crossroad... fell down on my knees
I went down to the crossroad... fell down on my knees
Asked the Lord above “Have mercy, now save poor Bob, if you please”
(Robert Johnson)

The word “cross” features prominently in CROSSdressing, so I thought I would look into it and explore the different meanings that this word either implies or contains. If you’re impatiently seeking a punch line at the end of all this, I’m not sure you’ll find one. Humor me...

I often describe crossdressing as a journey where we “go across” to the other side, in this case gender, via the female clothing we choose to wear. We carry our masculinity across to femininity, via the passage we have found, and the two genders meet in passing, much like you and I meet in passing on this site. Our personal journey from male to female, accomplished through a highly personal choice of clothing, may or may not be indicative of something more profound going on. We feel the urge to construct a bridge between the genders, or merely cross over to the other path we are curious about. What happens then?

I’ll use the analogy of a crossroad, or an intersection. In our crossdressing “careers,” we have allowed ourselves to arrive at the junction between two directional routes. My father always implored me to slow down when entering an intersection, since we do not know what we’ll find there – better to err on the side of caution, he thought, but curiosity is a very strong force that negates prudence. We have willingly crossed over, and here we are, in the middle of the intersection, where the genders meet and nervously co-exist. Is the clothing all there is, or is the crosstalk from feminine channels making you dizzy? You have a choice – stay at the crossroads, go in a new direction, or resume your journey along a pre-determined MALE path, parallel to the other gender, but never meeting this way, or in this genteel manner, again...

What if you get to the crossroads after a long, torturous journey, and you aren’t comfortable BEING there? Maybe you find out this ordeal is not for you, and you take steps to leave the intersection, trying to put the entire episode out of your mind. The male overshadows the female again, and he can be peevishly irritable about his brief, perceived “weakness” at the crossroads. I’m trying really hard to NOT say he is cross about his crossdressing adventure, but maybe the female shoe didn’t fit properly, causing our hero to label the episode a transitory, yet painful, “learning experience.” Memories remain, however, and this casual electrical contact between the genders was truly shocking, to say the least! Crossdressing is not for everyone, to be sure, but the intrepid welcome the unfamiliar sensations and surroundings, recognizing them as evidence of incorporation between the genders. After all, you don’t have far to go to reach the crossroads, you just need the desire to GO there and stay a while...

Being a MtF crossdresser, I cross over, meet the other gender (by bringing HER to the forefront), and spend time at the crossroads as often as I can. I transmigrate and undergo a transmutation via transvestism, leading me to become transgendered. “Trans” means on the other side of, or to the other side of, and it also means to “go beyond the limits of.” I think it’s safe to say that many of us MtF crossdressers wish to go beyond the limits of our gender by thoroughly changing our appearance, in essence transforming before our eyes. That may be difficult for outsiders to fully understand, but I believe our motives for crossdressing are transparent, meaning clear...

As far as I’m concerned, crossing from one thing, one idea, or one gender to another leads to strength – not physical strength per se, but strength of character and strength of conviction. Think about cross-ties, used for support and strength, and you may understand what I’m talking about. If you intertwine, or braid things together, they obviously become stronger, but also more intricate and beautiful at the same time. This may be going on when we crossdress, since we are lacing the genders together in a strong bond of mutual appreciation. Our masculine personalities, thus modified, become better by association and stronger in ways of compassion – this may not be your goal when you wear women’s clothing, but the process is going on, much like osmosis, whether you want it to or not...

There is one more aspect to the word “cross” that needs to be examined. Did you know that cross means anything that thwarts, obstructs, or perplexes? Crossing is a trial or affliction that tries one’s patience or virtue – no one likes to be crossed! Is it any wonder that crossdressing is not understood by the champions of societal correctness? I’m sure our CD’ing perplexes them no end, thwarting and obstructing the straight and narrow line we are told to follow. Also, if you’re married, with children, or if you enjoy the company of a SO, your crossdressing “affliction” may try the patience of your loved ones, and virtue flies out the window, never to return. You’re back at the crossroads, wondering what direction to take – the two roads branch off to infinity, and the bleakness of one-gendered existence is disheartening. Stay right where you are, my dear...

I’m not implying that a male dressing as a woman is some kind of cross to bear, since that notion would be blasphemous – pain, along with pleasure, is what we encounter along our journey into the interior, but we must carry on against all odds. Our existence as alternative human beings is contrary to what we are expected to be. Even though we seek happiness, our very presence is in direct opposition to accepted male behavior – since we are contrary, or altogether different, we are dismissed out of hand as purveyors of perversion. We have crossed the line, my interesting friends, and, if I may say so, it takes immense courage to do that – our only reward is the knowledge that we were brave enough to take that first step, eventually leading us to the crossroads where one gender meets the other, not in passing, but in genuine affection. You’re a male at the point of no return, if you’re lucky...

I don’t see crossdressing as an affliction, nor does it ever try my patience – to me it’s a necessary journey for the sake of transit, an end in itself, as essential as breathing. I digress, rather than transgress, but there is a technique in art called cross-hatching, where you draw a series of parallel lines, and then draw another series of lines either perpendicular or at an angle, over the first set of strokes. Each “crossing” builds density and value, strengthening whatever visual impression you are concerned with. Richness comes along as a side effect, and beauty is produced efficiently simply by crossing lines. All my life I’ve been crossing, either with a drawing implement, or by way of transition via clothing. Needless to say, it crosses my mind from time to time that crossing is a fantastic activity – cross my heart and hope to dress...

BTW, I don’t cross over because I WANT something – I have no agenda, other than the desire to get back in touch with those feminine qualities that were pushed out of the way, against my will, for male expediency. Boys are expected to do this, a painful rite of passage away from gender embodiment. Getting back to the crossroads, or square one, is a difficult journey, so if you see me down at the crossing please wave in greeting – I’ll be sure to wave back! I’m not there to make a deal with the Devil, but, if I’m patient, I just might be blessed by the presence of an angel, meaning an angel of my own making. Please wave to Mr. Johnson, too, even though he’s at the crossroads for a different reason altogether – I’m pretty sure he’s BLUE, not PINK...

Thanks for reading. See - no punch line! Have you been to the crossroads, darling?

End of transmission, or is it an ongoing TRANS mission? My fingers are crossed...[/SIZE]

[SusanMarie]

Your skills as wordsmith never cease to amaze....

[Anne2345]

For me, crossdressing does indeed lead to a crossroads between the genders. I believe crossdressing allows the self to transcend one’s masculine limitations, and transform into a crossbreed of gender, however transient the crossover may be. The crosstalk of society may serve to confuse this otherwise transpicuous notion, and attempt to dampen the crosswinds of imagination and transition of the self. In this, we exist within the crosshairs of society, under cross-examination by those who do not understand. However, with little in the way of cross-indexed subject matter authority to cross-reference, it is difficult to adequately translate and transcribe our path through this crosscurrent of mainstream society, and to explain to those that are ignorantly transfixed by our apparent, yet wholly unintended and undesired, cross-purpose. Although ridiculous that a simple transaction involving the purchase of feminine attire may cause some to view us cross-eyed, the transeunt nature of dressing is more than the mere transposition of a feminine appearance over a masculine persona. It is the transgendered cross-pollination of the mind and body between the feminine and the masculine, as the two join in glorious, harmonic transfiguration. But do we stop within the intersection of the crossroads, or do we forage further down the path, beyond the instersection, only to return when circumstances require?

Ok. I tried. You gotta give me that . . . .

[cd_in_de]

For me, crossdressing is a merging of genders. Ideally, I would like to keep my male body but dress and live as a woman. That would be a merger.

[Jamie Burton]

For me, crossdressing is a merging of genders. Ideally, I would like to keep my male body but dress and live as a woman. That would be a merger.

It could also be seen as a form of transcendence - as in transcending the gender roles/rules. I've come to prefer the term transgender to crossdresser for that reason. We don't just cross from masculine to feminine, we transcend the very concept and are becoming something beyond such a simple duality.

[cd_in_de]

It could also be seen as a form of transcendence - as in transcending the gender roles/rules. I've come to prefer the term transgender to crossdresser for that reason. We don't just cross from masculine to feminine, we transcend the very concept and are becoming something beyond such a simple duality.

That is a very good way of describing it.

[NicoleScott]

My father always implored me to slow down when entering an intersection.

These words stood out for me. Good advice for new crossdressers being bombarded with all sorts of confusing, even conflicting feelings. Slow down...then proceed with caution.

[Frédérique]

Ok. I tried. You gotta give me that . . .

[SIZE="2"]Jeez, Freddy, why don’t you just hit us over the head with the dictionary? It’ll be FASTER...

I see a subtle difference between “cross” and “trans,” which may or may not resolve this endless debate over one’s preference of the term crossdresser over transvestite. Actually, it reinforces my belief that crossdressers CAN be more casual in approach to their female approximations, while the tranny often goes the whole nine yards, and nothing less will do...

A person who crosses over, and then crosses back, choosing dressing as a mode of transportation, is a crossdresser – a day trip over to the other side, perhaps, to enjoy the sights and sensations. Of course, a transvestite goes over to the other side, much like a crossdresser does, but I think it’s a more purposeful trip, seemingly one-way, existing also in the mind, bonded to the physical representation. The “old school” thinkers on this site will probably say that the “purpose” of the transvestite’s lonely journey is aligned along sexual lines, but I beg to differ with that obsolete notion – an elaborate female presentation can be an end in itself, and, even though the transvestite may remove his beloved feminine attire and return to the masculine world he abhors, the female is still there in some capacity, kept alive inside but hidden from harm...

The fact that many MtF crossdressers retain their male characteristics, even though their outward appearance is feminine, only verifies this little theory of mine. To each his own, quite literally, but all this going back and forth is at cross-purposes to what is required. Where is it all going? Well, YOU tell me, my fine feathered friends. I can tell you that I seek to be less male, and that means crossing over to the other side as often as I can. I cannot change thoroughly, though – this is my lot in life, a series of half-measures or half-transformations that help me to push HIM out of the way. The crossing can be arduous, but everything is more colorful on the “other” side, or so it seems – I think it’s funny that we have to cross over to something we already have inside of us, but that’s what you’re inevitably dealing with in this transphobic, 21st century world...
[/SIZE]

[JustWendy]

[SIZE="2"] If you intertwine, or braid things together, they obviously become stronger, but also more intricate and beautiful at the same time. [/SIZE]

This is my favorite line. I may make it my mantra.

[cd_in_de]

[SIZE="2"]Jeez, Freddy, why don’t you just hit us over the head with the dictionary? It’ll be FASTER...

I see a subtle difference between “cross” and “trans,” which may or may not resolve this endless debate over one’s preference of the term crossdresser over transvestite. Actually, it reinforces my belief that crossdressers CAN be more casual in approach to their female approximations, while the tranny often goes the whole nine yards, and nothing less will do...

A person who crosses over, and then crosses back, choosing dressing as a mode of transportation, is a crossdresser – a day trip over to the other side, perhaps, to enjoy the sights and sensations. Of course, a transvestite goes over to the other side, much like a crossdresser does, but I think it’s a more purposeful trip, seemingly one-way, existing also in the mind, bonded to the physical representation. The “old school” thinkers on this site will probably say that the “purpose” of the transvestite’s lonely journey is aligned along sexual lines, but I beg to differ with that obsolete notion – an elaborate female presentation can be an end in itself, and, even though the transvestite may remove his beloved feminine attire and return to the masculine world he abhors, the female is still there in some capacity, kept alive inside but hidden from harm...

The fact that many MtF crossdressers retain their male characteristics, even though their outward appearance is feminine, only verifies this little theory of mine. To each his own, quite literally, but all this going back and forth is at cross-purposes to what is required. Where is it all going? Well, YOU tell me, my fine feathered friends. I can tell you that I seek to be less male, and that means crossing over to the other side as often as I can. I cannot change thoroughly, though – this is my lot in life, a series of half-measures or half-transformations that help me to push HIM out of the way. The crossing can be arduous, but everything is more colorful on the “other” side, or so it seems – I think it’s funny that we have to cross over to something we already have inside of us, but that’s what you’re inevitably dealing with in this transphobic, 21st century world...
[/SIZE]

I agree with your different definitions for crossdresser and transvestite. I have had the same opinion. As such, I view myself as a crossdresser using those definitions.

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Any one who knows about Robert Johnson and the deal he made with the devil at the crossroads is a-okay in my book. Great thread.

[Tara D. Rose]

Any one who knows about Robert Johnson and the deal he made with the devil at the crossroads is a-okay in my book. Great thread.

Loved Robert Johnson songs. I play and sing a lot of his and I have the whole boxed collection of his 1943 recordings that took place on just one day. Aslo love Jimmie Rodgers from 10 to 14 years earlier.

[DianeDeBris]

Freddy wrote, in her introduction to this excellent thread: "No one likes to be crossed."

There is nothing wrong in what we do. Period. *We* are not the ones who are "crossed." We, in fact, have found the courage to do a relatively simple thing (putting on one's clothes) in the face of really quite inexplicable hostility, opposition, mockery, hatred. We are the ones with whom others are "cross," simply by our doing something unremarkable and finding it hugely remarked-upon. We are, in fact, simply "dressers."