I could use some advise please

[Diane Lynn]

I am living with a Woman I met in 2008. I told her of my cross dressing, and was interested in participateing. She started doing my hair and makeup. We went out a lot over the following 3 years. We ment to museums, movies, concerts, shopping trips. I also wert out alone after she did may hair and makeup. I went to a saloon and had my wig cut. I have gooten pedi's and mani's drfessed in both genders.

The woman I am living with and I are engaged. Last weekend she told me to leave because of my cross dressing. She is letting me stay if I stop cross dressing, after I spend Saturday and Sunday drinking until I passed out. I am normally not a drinker.

I do not want to live without dressing, but I will fight it best as I can. I agreed to sell most of my cloths. I am keeping my favorites that look best on me. I am even selling my black evening dress.

I have thought about trasitioning, but it is cost preventitive. If I had the money, I would do it now.

[Sedona]

Well, hmmmm. It sounds great that your girlfriend has been so accepting in the past, but I wonder what changed? Did you recently let her know your thoughts about transitioning? Clothes are one thing, but like most women, perhaps your desire to transition would be a line she won't cross?

[Joanne f]

I have to agree with Sedona , it is one thing to have your SO cross dress but quite another to have them transition , it sounds like you have been allowed to run with it but you have now run to far and left you partner out of sight . whether you just got carried along with the tide or you really want to transition only you will know but for the mean time i think you have scared your partner quite a lot .
For the wife`s/SOs that do stick around when their partners transition have to have this extra special thing about them and bond that very few have but thankfully they are about just few and far between and you have to admire them .

[Rianna Humble]

I am living with a Woman I met in 2008. I told her of my cross dressing, and was interested in participating.
...
Last weekend she told me to leave because of my cross dressing.
...

I have thought about transitioning, but it is cost preventitive. If I had the money, I would do it now.

Before you give away all of your stuff, please sit down and discuss with your fiancee about what has changed to make her feel this way. People don't change that radically overnight, please listen to her feelings even more than to her words.

It may well turn out be the last line that I have quoted, but please allow her to express it in her own way. As others have said, it is one thing to be with a man who likes to dress but quite another to be with someone who wishes they could transition.

Are you really suffering from acute Gender Dysphoria, or could this be a symptom of the dreaded Pink Fog? If it is the first, then things will only get worse and it would be unfair to put your gf through that.

[Diane Lynn]

I have not told her about transitioning. She see's how happy I am when I dress, and has made her own conclusion.

[Kaz]

Well something happened for her to change so suddenly. You need to identify that trigger. It may not be what you assume it be.

[Cynthia Anne]

I do not want to live without dressing, but I will fight it best as I can. I agreed to sell most of my cloths. I am keeping my favorites that look best on me. I am even selling my black evening dress.

I have thought about trasitioning, but it is cost preventitive. If I had the money, I would do it now.

Befofe you rid yourself of anything including your happiness you need to stop and think! You already proved you can't quit! So having a relationship based on deceit spells T.R.O.U.B.L.E.!

[Sedona]

Sarah,

Couple things: To go from "let's get dolled up together and go out," to "stop CDing, sell your stuff or get out" is certainly suspicious.

The possibility exists that she's using CDing as an excuse to break things off for another reason. If she really has no inkling that you're pondering transitioning, something else in your relationship may have soured. I strongly agree with Rianna that you need to have a good talk with your S.O.

Whether it's CDing or not, get this figured out before you make any more wedding plans, or it may be a short marriage, if it makes it that far. Better to move on with your life now, rather than be miserable for the next 5 or 20 years. Plus, you'll end up buying back your stuff anyway. Why waste all that money? I hope there's an easy fix, and best of luck, ok?

I hope a couple of our resident GGs will chime in with the female perspective.

[Princess Chantal]

It could be that she may be okay with crossdressing, however not as kosher on transitioning. She may see the level of your crossdressing trending more into the transitioning waters in which she is not comfortable with.

[Julogden]

Whatever you do, do NOT marry her. You would be beyond foolish to do so. Your gender issues are NOT going to go away, and ignoring them for the rest of your life is not going to work. Don't even think about getting married and then not dressing by going cold turkey. Don't sell your stuff, you'll only end up regretting it.

It sounds to me like this is a doomed relationship. If I were you, I'd end it 100%, immediately. Don't look back.

I recently posted about a friend who met a younger, accepting woman who immediately turned 180% once they were married. She was totally accepting and encouraging prior to getting married, but shortly after the wedding, she divorced my friend and literally took everything he owned, house, car, money, it all went to her. It had all been part of her plan, and there are more women out there like that, so whatever you do, do not marry her, she may be planning on doing something like that.

Carol

[sometimes_miss]

I have thought about trasitioning, but it is cost preventitive. If I had the money, I would do it now.

Actions speak louder than words; women are experts at the old 'non verbal communication'. She knows, whether you say anything or not. And the very vast majority of women want a man, not a woman as a romantic mate. Disclaimer too; even women that want a woman as a mate don't want a transsexual MTF as a mate, they want a genotype, phenotype FEMALE.

Sadly, unless we're interested in males, with very, very rare exception, we're pretty much on our own out here. I really don't think that's any surprise. You guys who have a loving GG in your lives? Don't ever forget how very lucky you are. I'd rather have that than win the lottery.

[Cristi]

I'm sorry you came so close to a beautiful ending only to have it fall apart, but I agree with the above post. What non-CDs don't understand is that it is NOT something that we can just 'turn off', no matter how much we'd love to be able to do so to make others happy.

It would be like telling somebody "I'd love you forever, if you could just never ever sleep again". Sure, you could TRY to never sleep to make her happy. Heck, I'm wide awake now and don't have any need to nap so how hard could it be? To show you how committed I am, I'll even sell my bed and pillow. But it is doomed to failure eventually... and in this case the failure in the future when you DO realize that it is a part of you that you can't give up will be more painful than just walking away now.

If she ever really understood you, she wouldn't be asking this of you now. The fact that she is is not a good sign for the future of an equal sharing marriage.

Sorry...

[sissystephanie]

Sarah,

You have to look at the situation from her standpoint as well as yours. You say that you haven't talked with her about doing a transition, but you would like to. She is a GG and you are a male!! That is the attraction between the 2 of you, at least from her standpoint. From your happiness in dressing you have made it pretty clear that you really like being a female. She is obviously not attracted to that!! I sincerely doubt that the 2 of you will be together for very long. She wants a normal male to female marriage and you don't!! So you will have to look elsewhere for the right person for you Lexi said it very well in her post!!

[L'eggs n' heels]

Be yourself and kick her to the curb, that's my advice. My ex was cool with my dressing up early in our relationship, even did my make-up a few times. As time went by she was less comfortable with it and said it was OK but didn't want to see it. She said only to do it at home with all the curtains closed because OH MY GOD, what if someone found out? The world might end. She said don't dare go out in public like that, (too late, I already did). She started asking if I was gay, if I had a secret boyfriend and if I wanted to be a woman and I answered NO to all three, because I was telling the truth. Be who you are and get that manipulative b**** out of your life. As far as transitioning goes, think long and hard about it, really meditate on that one.

[Sedona]

Sarah, with all due respect to a couple of the other posters here, I think it's foolish advice to say "ditch her right now!" None of us know you, none of us know your fiancee, and none of us is a professional relationship counsellor (and if one of us claims to be, remember, how do you really know?). We are reading a one-sided report through the few sentences you've written. Be your own best judge. Who knows, this could all be some bizarre misunderstanding between you and your lady. Take most of our advice (including mine) with a grain of salt, but it's never bad advice to talk with your partner and get this figured out for yourselves.

[Melissa Rose]

Sarah, I'm sorry about your relationship coming to this difficult crossroad. Before you throw anything away, clothes or the relationship, you should take a big step back and take a deep, honest look at the situation. More specifically, how have you changed since 2008? Have you gone further into your cross dressing whether it is frequency, duration, cost, your behaviors and mannerisms, or even how much it is a topic of conversation. Have other behaviors of yours changed or stopped? They may be ones your fiancee adored about you, but now sees them as missing or diminished.

Obviously, your fiancee's attitude and feelings have changed, but as others have stated, something has caused this to happen. It may be mainly her, but you should also take a good look at your possible contribution. It may seem subtle and minor to you, but it could be major for her. It is very hard to do and we are often blind to our own changes and faults. This is NOT placing the blame on you. People change within relationships which is natural and expected. Sometimes those changes strengthen the relationship, have little affect or they can weaken it. The only way to find out is to have a honest talk with her. Listen a lot and use more than your ears and brain. Stay away from judgement and blame. The idea is for both of your to develop an understanding and some insight then you can make the best decision, and not a hasty one based on raw emotion and assumption. You owe it to the both of you. Good luck with everything. It will a bumpy ride, but one I sincerely hope smooths out before too long.

[Angiemead12]

lots of great advice here already, I hope you find a solution to your problem. I just found out from my wife that she has issues if people found out her husband was transgendered yet she helps me out as best as she can and when she feels threatened she will be snappy and fight me. Its up and down but better than not having any help at all.

[Briana90802]

The one thing I was upfront with my SO when our relationship started was No Tests! I refuse to tolerate any sort of situation where she tests my loyalty or love or faithfulness or etc just for the sake of testing me. I'm not sure what the exact circumstances are surrounding this sudden change of heart she has(women's opinions are like APRs, subject to change without notice) but you might try standing your ground. I doubt highly that the pink fog will lift forever especially if you are considering transitioning.

[Sandra]

I have a simple question...Have you asked her why she has had this change?

Until you can tell us a bit more then we can't help you. It could be a number of reason, you are dressing to much, going to quick for her, not including her when you dress. But like I said until you tell us why then there's not a lot we can do or say.

[MizT]

Run! Don't walk, do not pass go, but get out as fast as you can. Something is very, very wrong. To be tolerant at first then to change, uh huh. Me thinks tis a bummer. One woman's opinion.

[Sandra]

Run! Don't walk, do not pass go, but get out as fast as you can. Something is very, very wrong. To be tolerant at first then to change, uh huh. Me thinks tis a bummer. One woman's opinion.

How can you say that when we don't know why she has had a change of mind.

I went through a phase when I hated Nigella cding, the reason she started going to quick for my comfort level, we sorted it, I'm just glad she didn't come on here and ask for advise, instead of being told to talk and trying to sort out the problem a lot of people here would have told her to dump me, some support

[patriciatg2]

Just tell her that you can't wait to get fitted for your dress so you can both be brides at the wedding!

[Sedona]

How can you say that when we don't know why she has had a change of mind.

I went through a phase when I hated Nigella cding, the reason she started going to quick for my comfort level, we sorted it, I'm just glad she didn't come on here and ask for advise, instead of being told to talk and trying to sort out the problem a lot of people here would have told her to dump me, some support

Yep, pretty much. Good post

[Nicole Erin]

Women do this, there are countless threads stating the same thing -
She was cool at first but later changed her mind. The reasons vary but the fact is - Women most times do change their mind.

So you told her before marriage, obviously, about your dressing. You did what most here would consider "the right thing". Yet, this was not good enough somehow.

This woman is not your wife is it? If not, then you owe her nothing. You don't have to quit dressing, being happy, or working on transition. Who is she to tell you how to dress? I mean some "girlfriend" is about as important as whatever random lady from wherever.
BTW with transition, yes some of it is a fortune but there are a lot of cheap or free things you can do to work towards it. Beard tweeze (lot of maintenance though), work on your femme voice, work towards trimming your body (if need be), learning to carry yourself, gaining confidence, and even a name change is not THAT expensive.

Plenty of GG's do not approve of our dressing. Wives, girlfriends, teenage girls at the mall, maybe even our sisters or whatever. What are you gonna do, stop being happy for the sake of some girlfriend?
Hell with that.

[t-girlxsophie]

I would never tell you to leave,I have no right,but have you had a heart to heart with her about just what has changed,It may be fixable,I certainly hope it is,and you both can remain together.Its reading these sad story that reinforce my view on how lucky I am to have such an understanding Wife

Sophie