Are you Gay?

[darla_g]

interesting thread. i never heard that term girlfags before. it was a good day .... I learned something today

[SweetIonis]

Really? Are we allowed to answer this question "no, I'm not gay" without being accused of homophobia?

I honestly think the number of threads centered on this notion points to a strong current of underlying explicit and implicit homophobia.

[Rianna Humble]

If you present yourself as a woman then I think that most normal thinking people would assume that your sexual preference is the same as a woman;

Mine is the same as the other women I was out with a few nights ago, but it sure ain't men.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Because even in this day and age, most of the public believes in the simplistic notion that 1) men who wear dresses are weak 2) gay men are weak, and therefore men who wear dresses are gay. It is ridiculous but it is the way it is; how many folks in society know a TV (or TS) person, or ever done any serious research on the subject?

[Leanne2]

I have always considered myself to be straight. After all, I have been married to a woman for 36 years and have four adult children. But two years ago with much research and three months of gender councilling I realized that I am a transgender woman. I also learned that sexual preference is a separate condition. I would like to transition so that would make me a female that loves another female. So yes, I guess that makes me gay. Leanne

[valerie_vanesse]

I have slowly realized that I am bi-sexual, and have been my entire life. My first M/M encounter did not occur until I was in my mid fortys. I take some umbrage with Karens alluding to the fact that because she is not gay, she is less perverted. How I hate that word unless it is used to describe child molesters. I am an adult genetic male who is a crossdresser and I enjoy consensual sex with both men AND women, and that is not perverted, just my preference.

[Nigella]

Do you know, this thread is not about who is gay, bi, straight or any other connotation of sexuality, I don't give two hoots where you fit in this, it is no concern of mine and should not be the concern of anyone except the individual.

This thread is about public perception, it is about us as a community who perpetuates a sterotypical view of the TG community.

How many members just browse the M2F forum without logging on? What threads get the most reads? Joe/Jane public does not care about how you spent the day in your house doing the housework, it is not titivating (sp) enough for them. They don't care about the everyday activities that we do either dressed or not dressed, they do them just the same. Joe/Jane public reads what they think will give them a view that ordinary people don't do.

I agree that within our own community, there will be a percentage of members who are not neurotypical, just as there is in the community at large, what makes us an enigma to Joe or Jane is that not only are we not neurotypical in that we like to dress in female clothing, but we are also not neurotypical in our sexuality.

There have been many threads asking if you are gay, please don't respond to that as a question, please respond to the point on how as a community, we perpetuate a typical myth.

[Karinsamatha]

Put me in the Bi category. I have made the admission to my self that I find both men, and women attractive - Only took forty years to do it.
The unfortunate thing with the population and the general view and understanding of us, is that it comes from the most over the top segment - the drag queen. Most of us are so far into our closets that we never see the light of day or night.
The drag queen seems to be portrayed by a gay man, so that would set the tone for the general perception of the rest of us. This is the point where the confusion comes from. If he dresses as a women he must be into men. The general population does not know about all the diversity that we embody. Just as most men and women have different likes and dislikes regarding the people they date so do we.
But they will never know about that because most of us are into "passing" and not in anybodies face. So we can't blame any one for the sterio type that has been going around But ourselves. For not saying that the drag queen is not a true representation of the whole spectrum of the Trans Gender buffet.

[Raychel]

I don't know why the world thinks that the clothing a person like to wear automatically changes their sexual preference.

From what I have seen, the clothing really had no indication at all. I know gay men that appear to be very hapy dressed as men. Happy together and very open about the fact taht they are gay. So I can't see that they would be hiding if they also like to dress in womens clothes.

And I know of plenty of purely hetro men that like to dress in womens clothes.

So im my opinion it really doesn't relate.
No I am not gay, So what,
If I was, again, So what,

[cindyxxx]

What a complex topic this has proven to be!!!!!!!!!!!!
So to add my little bit.
When in male garb. 100% hetero........when seeing others dressed 100% hetero.
When dressed in my finest and feeling fem..........100% I fancy men in fantasy, or rather I like the idea they fancy me, but never in reality.
I split my gender in my mind but could not actually carry it out, but the idea, well that is another thing!
Guess I am just mixed up but after all the years I've dressed I can put up with my own confusion!

[JulieK1980]

I don't think the average person has the critical thinking skills to understand the difference between homosexuality and transgenderism. It would require a desire to know about a topic that they don't desire to, or have a reason to contemplate. For us who live with it, we develop a unique perspective that allows us to see the difference. But, a person that is not gay, or is not transgendered doesn't have a lot of incentive to take the time to learn about either. Even some of us here have trouble understanding the differences. Unfortunately the general public could care less if we are actually gay or straight. Society has placed that label on us regardless.

When asked, I usually ask them if they think it's polite to ask someone who they sleep with. I don't feel it is.

[AllieSF]

Actually, as a group of adults why should we care about what others think? It is threads like this one that make the statements of strangers more important than they should be, or maybe this thread is meant to question how important those statements should be. In my 4+ yrs. here I would say that the forum members cover the whole spectrum of our societies, including all the wonderful people just trying to live their lives and enjoy it, those that are bigots, narrow minded and opinionated, pro and anti gun, hunters and tree huggers, gay and not, ad infinitum. I think that we continually have threads like this because a lot of members do not want to be asked if they are gay. I am not saying that you, Nigella feel that way. I understand that not all people are ready to be asked that question, meaning that they will not let it bother them. I look at this site as the perfect place for all of us to learn more about each other, be more tolerant of everyone, no matter their persuasion, ethnicity, and nationality. It sometimes saddens me to see the lack of acceptance here in some of our more contentious threads.

I have no problem that visitors and lurkers here see threads like this and the others. This is who we are. Why should we cater to what they think. If we are concerned about that, then the owner's (assuming that they may also be concerned about that perception) should just make the site a members only site with no visitor privileges. However, that approach may not fit their business model and the core purpose of the site. Also, how would new members be able to see if this site may work for them without some free viewing? What I would not want to see here, is a continuing tighter censoring of threads and topics. We are a very diverse group of people here and we need to be able to let everyone have there opportunity to start a topic of interest to them, including panty threads and all the rest.

[SweetIonis]

While it's natural to want to avoid a inaccurate image that may be imposed by others, one cannot help but wonder about the motivation behind the constant questioning, declarations, and denunciations centered on this particular aspect. In another thread someone purposed a definition of homophobia which included an irrational fear of homosexuality. Dwelling on the subject excessively could be an indication some underlying irrational fear.

As far as I can tell, at the end of the day, what is gay and what is not tends to be in the eye of the beholder. For a given situation, one who wants to find homosexuality, will find it, and one who doesn't want to find it will not. As Julius Caesar said, men freely believe that which they desire.

[Kate Lynn]

No I'm not,are you?...................................

[ReineD]

That was my original prejudice but my observation is that while the majority is hetero, the percentage that would identify as bi is much higher than the general population, also the % that would identify as asexual is probably higher, too. The % that identifies as exclusively gay is probably lower. It's hard to say, though, because most forums like this tend to discourage sex talk and many people don't participate in these discussions because they don't want to be put into a box.

Also, people who are bi or gay are more likely to respond to questions like, "Who's bi or gay, or who likes men?", whereas most people who aren't and don't might just skip over it because it doesn't fit?

[Princess Chantal]

And the beat goes on.
People, the original post author - Nigella does not give two hoots about your sexuality cause this thread is not about who is gay, bi, straight or any other connotation of sexuality

She noted that this thread is about public perception, it is about us as a community who perpetuates a sterotypical view of the TG community.

There's more to threads than what is stated in the subject line

[Cait]

And the beat goes on.
People, the original post author - Nigella does not give two hoots about your sexuality cause this thread is not about who is gay, bi, straight or any other connotation of sexuality

She noted that this thread is about public perception, it is about us as a community who perpetuates a sterotypical view of the TG community.

There's more to threads than what is stated in the subject line

But surely you can understand that some people may have seen the title, clicked the thread and answered the question the title poses. Its hardly unreasonable to expect such replies to such a question. I'd imagine that not everybody reads the opening post before posting, especially when the title of this thread appears to be asking a straightforward question.

As for my view on the subject, I agree with what SweetIonis says really. The constant fear of being percieved as gay that some members of this forum have borders (and often crosses into) homophobia. I understand that people may not wish to be identified as something they do not see themselves as but the constant denunciations and declerations from certain posters seem completely unnecessary and potentially offensive to members who do identify themselves as gay. Everyone just needs to chill and be far more relaxed about the subject imho.

[Janice Lester]

If John and Jane Q. Public wander around the board they are going to find a majority of people who are not gay or bi. So I don't see how you could hypothesize that we are the ones queering societies view of what a crossdresser is.

For me I think Reine is right, I know I always read the "gay, bi, into men" threads because I am.

[Adrienne Heels]

I have to admit that I am attracted to other CDs and to men......as i am sure are a LOT of other people in the world.

[Rianna Humble]

No, this is not a re-hash of a perennial question. It is an attempt to understand the perennial question (lol) that is asked of the TG community when we come out to everyone, not just SOs, but family, friends and colleagues.

Invariably we are asked “Are you gay?”, if not the first question, certainly within the first 5.

This is stereotypical of the public perception of the TG community, where this idea comes from originally is a matter of debate, however, as a community it is one that we perpetuate.

This is an interesting question. I was talking to a cis friend on the weekend who knows a few trans folk, but she could not understand how sexual orientation and gender could be different. In her way of thinking, if you want the MtF operation, you must want to have sex with men. She even had a problem with my suggestion that I might be a lesbian because to her if I want women, why don't I want to keep my twiddly bits? This is not an ignorant person, but she could not get her head round the concept that my sexuality and my gender are separate.

[ReineD]

This is not an ignorant person, but she could not get her head round the concept that my sexuality and my gender are separate.

I saw an ABC special that featured Chloe Prince's transition and how it affected her and her family. Chloe's wife had the same reaction. At one point Chloe went back to her doc to have scar tissue removed from her vagina, and her wife could not understand why she would do this if she didn't fundamentally want to have sex with men.

EDIT - Correction: I went to Chloe's blog and see that she is no longer with her wife. Her new partner is Lana Moore, who transitioned in 2008.

[Maria Blackwood]

The straight CD'rs who comment on how they would like to date some of the prettier CD's.

Few things are more fascinating than denial and situational justification.

OK, but is it denial, really? I've done my experimentation in the past. For a while in my 30s I subbed for a dominatrix in Los Angeles. After a while she asked if I'd like to top a couple of her other subs who saw me at one of the parties, and to my own surprise I found that, yeah, I'd like to try that. I enjoyed it a few times, but ultimately found I am attracted mainly to women. I'm not emotionally attracted to men, nor would I want a relationship with another man, but can get intimate should the opportunity present itself because I like variety and believe one point of life is to experience things.

The problem with the question is the same one as trying to pin down what a crossdresser is- there is an entire spectrum of sexuality. Some folks come to it with a handful of labels, stick pins in the map, and declare the pins are all that there is. If you want to refer to me as just "gay", well, as I said in the other thread, I really don't care because I'm not the one hung up on labels.

[Samantha43]

I'm straight and married.

[Maria Blackwood]

interesting thread. i never heard that term girlfags before. it was a good day .... I learned something today

I still recall when I ordered my first "boyshorts" in order to explore dressing as a female.

[eluuzion]

I have often wondered how that assumption seems to just automatically engage for no apparent reason. For example...

One night we had a big storm with damaging winds. The next morning when I gayzed out the gayble window I discovered the wind gayles had bashed in my front gaytes, my gayzebo had a big gayping hole in it, and my dog Gaylord was grazing around the yard eating the gayzillion grapes off the ground from my ruined grape vines. Great, what a mess! So I put on my LBD, my gayloshes and gayberdine sweater and headed outside to repair the gayte bashing.

My next door neighbor Gayle stopped by to see if I was OK, and to ask me to come over and watch Gay’s Anatomy with her and her new friend Gay at her house that night. I told her that during the storm I had to hide in my closet but I survived and how good I felt to finally come out of that closet. Then I said “Sure, I love Gay’s Anatomy, so I’m gayme for that!

She just smiled and said “My friend Gay and I both thought you might be gay, since you always dress like a girl and walk with the gayt of a girl. I am glad you finally decided to come out”. She had obviously misunderstood what I said.

I was speechless, and disappointed, but not surprised. She was just like everybody else. Just because I was a CD, everything I said seemed to sound like it had the word “gay” in it when she heard it. So she automatically assumed I was talking about being gay when I told her about coming out of my closet. Go figure...

So yes, I did accept the invitation and I was anxious to meet Gayle’s new friend. Guess what I said that night the minute I walked into her house and saw Gayle’s new friend...?

You guessed it...I gayzed right into her friends eyes and said...

“Hello, I just knew the minute I saw you that you must be Gay. Are you Gay?”

Just another day in paradox...

...and they all lived happily ever after...

~The End~