Emergency Help Needed. NOW! Please help

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

For the moment, just let her know that you love her and when she's ready, you want to talk with her about it.

In the meantime, it's worth looking at Dixie's site and http://www.geocities.com/FashionAvenue/1258/ which also has good info for SOs, to help you figure out what some of her concerns are likely to be, and how you might address them.

There's the usual ones: are you gay? do you want to become a woman? etc. as well as whatever issues she may have about what she thinks a man "ought" to be.

Be prepared for her to feel like you've betrayed her trust. It can be crushing to find out your partner kept a huge part of themselves secret from you -- with the implication that they didn't trust you to see it.

I know you've also been going through some rapid changes yourself (with shaving, etc.), which she's probably noticed. So it's likely she feels things are out of control. You may know what your end goal is, but she doesn't -- all she can see is you're actions and no matter what you say, she may be afraid that you're planning to transition out of the blue.

So being honest with her is critical. So is helping reassure her that you're committed to the relationship and will take steps to preserve it -- just don't make promises you know you won't be able to keep (like stopping entirely).

Good luck!

[Lauren_T]

Do I just sit here at home and wait for her to return? Should I text message her cell phone, or should I call her? I thought I felt alone before, Now I really feel alone. Each minute she's gone feels like an hour. I feel so mad at myself for jeapordizing my relationship with the greatest woman I have ever known. I just feel so stupid.

You must let her cool off some, but only you, none of us, know how long it takes for her to calm down...

Try to resist the urge to call her unitl you're reasonably sure she's cooled...

Don't get mad at yourself!

Don't blame yourself!

'Fault' and 'blame' ain't got a thing to do with this situation -

Communication is what you gotta concentrate on now... deep breaths, get a stiff drink or two -no more!

She may have run off to confide in her best girlfriend - do you know who that is? Maybe you could try calling her, see if your wife's with her...

[robyn1114]

Hi sweetie I hope every thing works out

[Star]

Britney....your photo is sooo beautiful and femme don't you think she has suspected this for some time? It is going to be hard for you now and I am sorry. At least you can figure out where you want to go with this now. I feel for you sis....

[Lauren_T]

Something else occurred to me -
As I recall, a similar thing happenned to someone else here not long ago...

Is it possible she thought those were another woman's clothes??

[Gale R]

Sorry to hear this happened this way Britney, i had a similar experience but was not dressed at the time.
I can echo most of the advice given to you by the other girls but would add don't lose your cool and be patient like you've never been patient before.
It may take a few days for your wife to speak to you but when she does you really have to assure her of your love.
I really hope it works out ok for you and your wife and don't forget you have the
thoughts and prayers of all on the forum.

Best wishes, Gale.

[Kayla Smith]

Britney,
I am so sorry to hear that you are going though this right now, when I told my wife about Kayla, I just began by letting her know that I loved her very much and that she was the only one for me. And then I told her about how I felt. Oh you had asked for a link that may help try www.jenellrose.com/help.htm
There are alot of information that may be of use to you.
I would also suggest maybe conntacting your local TRI-ESS chapter in your area, they to maybe able to help you, along with the girls on this fourm.
Hope this helps you, the best of luck to you
Hugs and Take care

[Sarahgurl371]

I'm sorry that she had to find out this way. I guess that's what drives some of us to finally just tell our SO. My wife was extremley upset, angry, hurt, lost trust in me and compared my not telling her to me having an affair. She was overwhelmed. Just remind yourself that you've had your whole life to deal with your feelings about CDing. Shes had what, an hour now?

Don't push her and if and when she's ready to talk, be totally 100% truthful and honest with her. In my experience it didn't help her to sugar coat it or try to tell it all to her in phases. Make sure to listen to her, and not to loose your temper. You might want to reassure her that you don't do this because of her, like shes not giving you something you need. If we want to dress like ladies, the least we can do is act like one.

Best of luck to you both, I'm sure many of us can relate.

[Kayla Smith]

Its me again, Britney, I mispelled the link in my last post, sorry about that
it should have been.
www.jenellerose.com/help.html

Hugs and Take care

[Sophia Rearen]

Britney,
Just yesterday you posted this, "I am right with ya on that one. It doesn't make sense. I had somewhat of a conversation with my wife about this last night. She asked if I had ever worn womens clothes, and rather than sayin, "yea, I wear them all the time when you aren't home", I said, "i'd be lying to you if I said that I didn't before" And her response sums it up. "That's just wierd". So I asked her to define wierd, and she said "Well, not normal", so naturally I asked her to define normal. We never actually got anywhere with it other than I cracked the closet door for the first time. But I think her views are shared with others. We are "not normal" and "wierd" to those who don't understand what its like to show both sides of your gender personality."
I think she knew something was up. Didn't you just shave your legs as well? I don't think womans intuition is needed here. It's a no-brainer, she knew. She's probably pissed that you may have mislead her or that you danced around the subject or perhaps you haven't been completely honest with her ever. She may be feeling she doesn't know who you are and that she cannot trust you. It's more than the dressing, it's about your relationship. Hang tough, be gentle and kind.
Love,

[jasmine]

Britney,
You're in a rough spot. I hope it all works out for you. I went through something similar a long time ago and me and my SO were able to work thru it. I'll tell you that the #1 thing my SO felt was betral. LIke I was hiding something from here, and in truth, I guess I was. But, as I'm sure you know, it's not like you can tell your lady freinds on the first date! Keep that in mind. Her feelings are much more hurt then you can probably imagine, for many more reasons then you've even thought of.

Don't over react; she'll most likely attack you and she'll most likely question your sexual preference. Don't let that get to you. Assure that most CDers are straight. Assure her that you love her. Assure her that you'll be honest from here on out. Have your wife contact almost anyone of us here on the forums; my SO really felt a lot better after talking to other CDs.

But don't kid yourself, and *don't* assure her that you're thru with it. We all know that's not going to happen. Self control and compromise are one thing, that's to be expected in any relationship. Taking it slow and not pushing is another, but flat out telling her you'll quit most likely won't work for you or her. You probably won't quit, and she probably wouldn't believe you if you did.

Good luck Britney, let us know how it works for you.
Jasmine

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Britney,

Here's a copy and paste from my wife Marla's "How to tell your partner" thread. Best wishes - Angel

Suggested educational materials for partners

http://www.ren.org/rbp01.html Myths and Misconceptions about Crossdressers from The Renaissance Transgender Association

http://www.ren.org/rbp02.html Reasons for Male to Female Crossdressing from The Renaissance Transgender Association

http://www.geocities.com/KarenSpecial/faq001.html FAQ--Crossdressing and Crossdressers from Tri-Ess

http://gendertree.com/Helping%20Wive...%20Dresers.htm Helping Wives of Crossdressers to Understand and Cope from the Phi Epsilon Mu chapter of Tri Ess

http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/forwives.htm
An article for wives by Dixie Darling (the rest of Dixie's site is also highly recommended)

[britney1]

Something else occurred to me -
As I recall, a similar thing happenned to someone else here not long ago...

Is it possible she thought those were another woman's clothes??

at first she did, then she found some stray wig hairs, pink panties on the couch, my makeup bag in the bathroom, not to mention I was fully en femme when she came home. I was running aruond stipping like you would not believe. I finally told her. end of the road for secrets. I hope it all works out

[Sweet Jeanette]

You say your lady rushed out of the house when she found out; - Then you ask for articles and info from others on the subject. ---Is she BACK yet, so you can show her them? --- I say, let your woman go out & cool down. She may, or may not, -- be back. --- Hey! - Thats life! -- You sound like you will do or say, anything, to keep her! --- Take Command of the situation! You are a crossdresser, but you are still a man! ---You say that you would do anything to keep her, --- Well, Im sure all of us that are married, or with girlfriend, ---and love them, but, - do we let them (own us?) -- Some may. --- I dont! --- This is a time of "testing", to learn the real values, if they are there. ---Once you let a woman know that she can, with a simple word, or hint, or throwing a "hissy", make you do what she wants, and you "suck up", thats IT buddy! ----You have lost it!!! -----------Give her time, - see what happens. --- Remember, theres "other fish" in the sea! -----Im sure you wont like my advice, but, --"Oh Well!"

[Laurie Ann]

I have nothing to add other than to say I hope everything works out for the best for you two and I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Carlacd]

I went shopping Today, posted in the picture gallery.

This is a quote by Brittney.

"I know you are all probably getting sick of seeing my pictures, but its so much fun so share. I went shopping today and got this new skirt and top (B.Moss was having a sale) and then I got the new hose (first time with those) and sandles. I hope you like"

Sorry something smells fishy with this story

[Sweet Jeanette]

Sorry something smells fishy with this story

Yeah! ----Slowly coming to the surface, bloated, and "belly up" !

[Lauren_T]

at first she did, then she found some stray wig hairs, pink panties on the couch, my makeup bag in the bathroom, not to mention I was fully en femme when she came home. I was running aruond stipping like you would not believe. I finally told her. end of the road for secrets. I hope it all works out

So do we, believe it.

[Carlacd]

So do we, believe it.

Got to go with Amy on Britney's story

Sorry i don't mean to be rude , mean, or flaming any one. But nothing makes since with the story and with her other posts of today, and the times of her posts.

Britney, i am sorry

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Okay kidz, settle down, let's just all assume for the sake of argument (and of potentially hurting someone when they are in dire need!!) that the whole story is true. We lose nothing if it isn't, so assume it is. Britany big hugz, many a wise word has already been spoken. I especially liked Angel Darling and Lauren T's advise and input. I simply offer a hug and to speak to your wife hear or on the phone if it would help her. I'm Sherlyn's partner. All the best!

[Dixie Darling]

Britney,

I know it's too late (in your case) to say this now, but this the PRIME reason to have material pre-prepared to give to a wife when they suddenly walk in on you while you're dressed or when they find your things.

Be prepared to be called every name under the sun that she can come up with to belittle you and try to make you feel bad. YOU know that a lot of the names she's going to call you aren't applicable, and the inuendos she will invariably throw your way aren't true, but keep in mind that right now she's ANGRY!!!

There are five steps in the 'grieving process' - Denial, Anger, Barganing, Depression, and finally Acceptance. The first two don't necessarily come in the order listed and sometimes the third and fourth are reversed. Right now she's in the angry stage and it appears that this is her first step. There is little you can do at the moment until she settles down and gets to a point where the two of you can talk RATIONALLY without the conversation erupting into a fuss fight. Give her some time to cool off before you try to talk to her.

If, after she has cooled down enough to listen to you and actually HEAR what you're telling her, send her to some of the reputable sites on the internet where she can get some serious answers to the serious questions she is going to have. This forum is a good place to start, but try to avoid anything that's too 'extreme'. You are also welcome to view the material on my web site. I've had numerous emails that have told me that the information there has been of value to couples who find themselves in JUST the situation you're in right now. Also, look at the material on Shirley Ann Sometimes' site ( http://www.geocities.com/FashionAvenue/1258/ ) for some good down to earth information.

Of primary importance is that she relaizes that this is something that you've had to contend with all of your life. She's JUST learned about it and will not have the wealth of information you already have about it, so it's important to take it SLOW when explaining things to her. Even the most common acronymns and phrases we, as CDs, use on a daily basis will be foreign to her so keep that in mind. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO AT THIS POINT IS TO KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN AND FREE FLOWING. So whatever it takes to keep talking about it is a goal for you at this point in time.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Take Command of the situation! You are a crossdresser, but you are still a man!

Oh my, what all is wrong with this statement; I don't know where to begin.

do we let them (own us?)....Once you let a woman know that she can, with a simple word, or hint, or throwing a "hissy", make you do what she wants

Can you say "S-E-X-I-S-T!"?

And "Bitch on a Broom" (your words not mine) why should she take your advice, it's quite prickly indeed!

[Carlacd]

If i am wrong , i deeply aplogize to Britney and to the rest of the group. I also agree with Kew, some great advice from everyone.
I also hope that everything works out for Britney and with her wife.

[TGMarla]

My wife found out, too. And she's very conservative. She's not down with it, but she surprised me first by stating that she could understand why I hid it from her. Now it's pretty much blown over and we don't talk about it. Neither do I flaunt it in front of her in any way, either. So it's not a perfect situation, but it isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, either.

Let her cool off. When you talk, let her know that you will answer any question she has honestly and without anger. Let her do most of the talking. Let her know you love her. Bu don't be a dish rag. Don't let her run all over you. Be kind and calm, honest and loving, but hold your own, too. Good luck!

[Lauren_T]

In my own so-called "life" I myself have gotten caught up in my enthusiasm for something and was hence blind to the fact that I was making myself obvious to those around me - so if someone else gets into what appears to be a similar situation, I can really empathise...