My wife just found out everything. She came home early from work and found everything. I know its probably not a big shock to some of you, but I need help ASAP!
I love her so much, what should I do?
My wife just found out everything. She came home early from work and found everything. I know its probably not a big shock to some of you, but I need help ASAP!
I love her so much, what should I do?
xoxoxo
Britney
"It's not the final destination, but journey along the way that counts"
If she is willing to talk about it with you this may be the time for you to open up and let her in.
Love Ya, Tracy
"Like the sky opens after a rainy day we must open to ourselves.... Learn to love yourself for who you are and open so the world can see you shine." ~James Poland
Oh it's out in the open. She's going through that anger stage. She is lableing me with all the stereotypes. I need some professional advice. She's a very conservative girl so this isn't going to be easy. I am in panic mode right now
Last edited by britney1; 10-06-2005 at 05:36 PM.
xoxoxo
Britney
"It's not the final destination, but journey along the way that counts"
I'm not a proffessional. But when I told my wife she asked alot of those questions too. It was about a 4 hour ordeal but she did not get mad at me. I just told her verything I was feeling.
Love Ya, Tracy
"Like the sky opens after a rainy day we must open to ourselves.... Learn to love yourself for who you are and open so the world can see you shine." ~James Poland
Britney,
I am so sorry your going through this. Just listen to her. Don't get too defensive. Let her go off! She'll calm down and then the real communication process shoud begin. Tell her exactly how you feel. Then listen to her feelings. If she truly loves you, she'll be willing to work things out.
Best Wishes,
[SIZE=4]Sophia[/SIZE]
Hmmm you post this then while wife is ranting up a storm you come back 7 minutes later to tell us about it....Shouldn't you be trying to save your marriage or something?
Britney, I havnt gone through the wife finding everything out at once situation like you are now, but I know its gotta be one of the hardest things there can be to deal with ever.
My only advice would be talk as much as possible, answer anything she asks.
and dont push her to hear more than she wants to hear.
One of the best things you could do is get her to read some SO.s posts here because she may be able to relate to a lot.
Good luck and I hope things work out
Cindy
Britney, you're probably not gonna make much headway trying to reason with her while she's angry - when she simmers down, do you think you could persuade her to come to this site and share her concerns with another SO, perhaps Marla? (Sorry Marla, for volunteering you...)
She might think (in the angry stage) that whatever you tell her would be self-serving, so a talk with a third party who can understand where she's coming from - and who understands your predicament - would be the idea...
Sorry, that's all I can suggest right now... good luck!
[SIZE=1]
Marge, you being a cop makes you the Man, which makes me the woman. And I have no interest in that!
...besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which, as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
~ H. Simpson
Silly goose, of course that's not me in my avatar![/size]
Britney,
she needs to let that anger and betrayal (which I guess she feels) out of her system before she'll look at things more dispassionately, but once that initial stage passes - then perhaps you could point her in the direction of some of the ggs on this site, they do seem to be some of the most understanding women on the planet! and I guess some of them have been through exactly what your wife is going through now.
Hang in there love, I hope and pray you both get through this.
looks like Lauren and I were typing the same thing at the same time! thre must be something in that!
Ok smart ass, I don't need your help. She stormed out of the house, and I need help before she gets back. F#@K Off!Originally Posted by AmyTS
xoxoxo
Britney
"It's not the final destination, but journey along the way that counts"
I love you too sweetie.
Does anyone know of some articles about CD that I can share with her? I saw them once on here, but I can't find them now.
xoxoxo
Britney
"It's not the final destination, but journey along the way that counts"
Britney, do you have any mutual friend(s) she might listen to, who would be willing to be 'neutral', who might be able to persuade her to sit down and talk about it and not go off half-cocked?
[SIZE=1]
Marge, you being a cop makes you the Man, which makes me the woman. And I have no interest in that!
...besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which, as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
~ H. Simpson
Silly goose, of course that's not me in my avatar![/size]
Your best bet is to be completely honest with her in every way. That is probably what she is most angry about, you keeping something from her (as well she should be).
You arent going to convince her of anything right away if she already stormed out, so your best bet is to just be ready to answer questions, as I am sure she will be demanding answers.
Also do you have a way to get in contact with her? Do you know where she went?
No matter what, if she truly loves you, you will make it through this day feeling alot better. Your secret is out, and the weight is off your chest.
I don't know where she went. She said she didn't even know. I can call her on her cell phone, but what do I say?
xoxoxo
Britney
"It's not the final destination, but journey along the way that counts"
Britney,
First of all, you have to calm down. Take a deep breath, smoke a cigarette if you indulge, maybe a drink, but please try to relax a bit.
Second, like the other girls said, wait a bit for your wife to calm down. You'll get nowhere fast while she's still hot, so give her some time and space.
Once the dust has settled you'll both have to sit down and discuss this. You have to be totally honest with her, so don't even think of holding anything back. Try to get her to ask you questions about it, and answer them truthfully. Explain to her that there are many like you, and that you're the same person she fell in love with.
When I told my wife about me, she did a lot of research on the internet. She found the book "My Husband Betty" by Helen Boyd and ordered it. After reading it she had lots of questions, but she also had a better understanding about me. I highly recommend this book. Also, there is a gg site here, I'm sure she could find a lot of help and support.
Sorry you're in this mess, but you must have known that this day might come. I hope things work out okay for the two of you.
GypsyKaren
DonnaT
Dear Britney,
I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through right now. It is something I fear each and everyday and to hear that you are facing the reality of your wife suddenly finding out about your femme side is difficult to deal with. You are getting some excellent advice, try and calm down, don't do anything drastic and be patient with your wife. She is reacting in a whole variety of ways, she is scared and uncertain and you have to find your love for each other. We are here for you, but you have to be there for her and above all at this stage be honest, for being caught in even the littelest lie going forward will undermine whatever trust she has left for you.
Our thoughts are with you,
Tiffany
Help
Britney,
There is really not a lot you can do at this point - your best course will be to just say nothing lest you say something wrong - and take the time to let her simmer down. When she is ready to talk - be honest and TOTALLY truthful - hide nothing. If she is willing maybe get her to "talk" with some of the girls on the GG forum. Beyond that there is not much that I or anyone can do to help you at this point - I will forward several pieces to you by PM that may or may not help. Hang in there girl and good luck.
And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
-Anais Nin
Peace,
Alice
My situation is a little different because my sweetie told me but she had some links that were there and ready for me to read. I will ask if she remembers where they were when she gets home.
Remember to really listen to all she has to say and answer whatever questions she has with total honesty. Trust is going to be a big issue now so do not make any promises that you are not willing to keep in the long run.
Good luck to you, my thoughts are with you.
AngGG
Do I just sit here at home and wait for her to return? Should I text message her cell phone, or should I call her? I thought I felt alone before, Now I really feel alone. Each minute she's gone feels like an hour. I feel so mad at myself for jeapordizing my relationship with the greatest woman I have ever known. I just feel so stupid.
xoxoxo
Britney
"It's not the final destination, but journey along the way that counts"
Have you ever fought before, how did it get resolved. Get back into boy clothes and try waiting a little. Then use your best recollection of what has worked before.
Tiff
Hi
I am sorry to hear your having problems
You will have to discuss this at some point be truthful but try to keep the discussion level headed, so you do not end up screaming. Also you may have to be patient. It has obivously been a huge shock to her . Let her know your are willing to talk but ask her if she want to contact any of the gg in the forum I'm sure they would be only to willing to help.
Suggest this forum as a source of information.
The biggest hurdle will be "why did you not tell me earlier".
I hope it all works out for the better.
Best Wishes
Be prepared for at least a few long nights and tearful/angry conversations. My general advice is for you to not be too defensive and let her say what she needs to say without taking it personally. More likely than not you will both make it through this and everything will eventually "smooth" out. It may be a rocky road for awhile, though, so be fully prepared to make plenty of time to discuss everything and address her concerns as they come up. I finally chose to disclose my crossdressing to my wife after a little over a year of marriage. It took a few weeks to a month for my wife to work through her feelings and come to some initial acceptance about my crossdressing even though my wife is generally a pretty open-minded person. I had to listen to her make some pretty angry and, at times, hurtful remarks about me and my crossdressing but after I recommended some books and after I reassured her on a couple major issues, specifically that I am NOT gay and that I had NO desire ever for having a sex change, she began feeling a lot more comfortable about my crossdressing and she is, for the most part, very accepting of it now. Good luck!
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