[SIZE="2"]I stumbled across the title phrase in another member’s post one day, so, intrigued, I stuck it in my pink pocketbook for future reference. “Playing” at being a girl – what a concept!
I’m very much playing at being a girl, thank you, and, if you can understand the idea, you may understand where I’m “coming from,” or going to. The idea is to have fun, or amuse yourself – not exactly like recreation, but more like play-acting. Playfulness is the key – of course, I take my crossdressing very seriously, as a logical means to an end, but I don’t take things too seriously – can you DIG it? BTW, feel free to define “girl” any way you see fit...
No doubt about it, I seek to emulate a certain example of “girl” that has either inspired me or tickled my fancy in some way. I dress like a girl, and all other aspects of my presentation match the clothes I choose to wear. I also behave and comport myself as a girl – I actively pretend to be one of these interesting creatures, even though "she" is purely a figment of my imagination. I take all of my favorite things, fold them together, and the end product is a girl...
I don’t dress my age, and the gap between my “real” appearance and my crossdressed (i.e. girl) appearance keeps widening every year. This may explain why I don’t make a big deal out of “passing,” or the need to pass, nor do I entertain the idea of meeting other CD “ladies” out in the real world. The truth is, I would stick out like a sore thumb, a “girl” among ladies who act (and dress) their age. If all members on this site are transgendered to a certain degree, I suppose I’m transgendered, but I slip in and out of my “girl” persona (and presentation) whenever it’s “play” time. At other times, I am very much an effeminate boy, a girl (but not a lady) in waiting...
Am I deluding myself? Am I not important enough to warrant the attention of other, more serious MtF crossdressers? From my point of view, my crossdressing is the fulfillment of possibilities, essential for the “completeness” I need to achieve. What I do is pretty much impossible, but there is plenty of “play” in the system – I am allowed to move freely within the limits I recognize. I don’t do this half-heartedly, but I feel young, beguiling, and pleasantly amused by trying...
The thing is, I started crossdressing later than most, right at the end of a series of painfully slow awakenings, leading to a new beginning of sorts. As such, I was denied the girlhood I have since yearned for, and crossdressing represents an effort to redress the balance and retrieve the irretrievable. This is my life’s work, even though it’s “play.” Even a short time spent in appropriate female (girl) clothing does a world of good to help me forget how old I am. My skirts are too short, my shorts are too short, and life itself is too short – I choose to spend my remaining time wisely...
I could upgrade my appearance, and dress (and act) like a lady, but I would prefer to be this way and frolic in my imaginary playground. I’m going to “play it out” to the end, no doubt attempting to wear one of my modified schoolgirl outfits on the day I shuffle off this mortal coil. Since all is artifice, and appearances can be deceiving, I welcome this idea of simulation. Acting the “part” of a girl is the role I was born to play, and I’ve spent years honing my performance, even though “showing off” through an elaborate display is not my intention. I’m guessing a psychiatrist would have a field day trying to understand my rationale for dressing like this, but the answer is quite simple...
At the end of the day, I’m playing with my “self,” letting HER come out to play – the “boy” takes a subordinate (but supporting) role, and he needs to be quiet, reverential, and deferential. No male nonsense while I’m playing at being a girl, please! Would you like to “come out” and play with me? I promise you we’ll have a LOT of fun, as long as you don’t act your age!
Are you a girl, a lady, or something in-between? Also, do you feel you’re “playing” at all? [/SIZE]