Something that really ticks me off

[Pythos]

For the umpteenth time I have read of one of our crew having to deal with a SO of some capacity acting for all intents and purposes like a tyrant.

I want to know why this is still happening. I want to know why members of our group keep folding to tyranical actions by these S.O.s.

I have read of these SOs throwing out a person's belongings, threatening divorce, NOT TALKING (a really stupid move) and so on.

I have also read of them members here for all intents and purposes FOLDING to this behavior. Why? Why do you fold when the person acting like this is supposedly someone that loves you through and through.

In the case of jobs and family members I can understand, though I think bucking that trend is a good idea, sometimes it just won't work. Which majorly sucks.

But when it comes to someone that you love with all your heart, and they should do the same, I don't understand the justification for the SO's irrational behavior.

Why is CDing so damned wrong? How in all reality does it really hurt a person? The only area of hurt is when someone starts insulting, and belittling.

I find it very ironic how there are marriages where the husband can be completely open about his affairs, or can beat the hell out of his wife, or completely control his wife's life, but by god, a person wants to wear styles that our stupid society has "assigned" to one gender, and that is grounds for divorce.

For crying out loud!!!

Women, do you not realize when you put a man down for wearing women's clothing you are in fact putting yourself down? You are reinforcing the notion that women are less than men. How? Because when you put a man down for wearing stuff that makes him look like a woman, you are implying that he is "lowering" himself to the level of a woman. Think about that.

In my opinion this is an outdated, and really messed up way to live life. Start loving the person for who they are, not what they are. Stop falling in love with the "man", and love the person or soul that resides in that "man" (the same go for us guys and "women")

[Karren H]

If they (including me) did not tell their SO before they became an item. Then the SO did not sign up for this and has all the rights in the world to react any way they want to... Imho. I would not blame my wife for kicking me to the curb for not telling her. Even though I did not have the guts to tell her I was a pervert!!!

[Kittykitty]

Pythos, while I agree with your passions regarding this, it is a complex issue from person to person.

Often the CD/TS/TG in question has built their own wall of shame and hiding over a prolonged period of time. Often our attitudes regarding what we expect someone's reaction to be, shape their actual reaction subconsciously. If the TG acted openly and unashamed, this attitude would transfer as well. Being that the discussion is regarding reactions over "reveals," obviously it is a hidden aspect to the TG's personality and life, something they have hidden for SOME reason.

Is it possible that some TG's may subconsciously seek mates who's personalities consist of transphobic aspects? Much like a woman who has been beaten will often seek the next mate who will beat her as well. If someone is so in the closet pre-marriage that they may themselves put down LGBT people to cover for their own deep closeted feelings, perhaps they sought a mate that did the same thing?

The reaction isn't necessarily a surprise because the TG was well aware of the wife's attitudes. It doesn't make it right, but to some extent it may be a subconsciously self-inflicted wound.

[NicoleScott]

Yes, it doesn't make sense for wives to tolerate acts that are truly harmful (physical abuse, financial control, etc.) but are intolerant of a husband crossdressing, even in private.
Even though it's a serious matter, I always have to chuckle a bit when I hear of a woman putting a husband out (packed bags on the front porch). It's MY house, too. What gives you the right? Of course, you are free to leave if you don't like it here.

[Briana90802]

Pythos I totally agree with you. It's as if our SO know that we are vulnerable in this one area and exploit it. What gets me is the whole selfish behavior thing. If a two women are friends and one has a problem you know the othe would be extremely supportive. Why do our SO(who aren't supportive) tend only to think of themselves. It becomes what happens to ME if someone finds out? Or what will people think of ME if they see you? And other selfish crap like that.

Can't we all just get along?

[Katesback]

From a womans perspective when they marry a man that is what they assum a man to be. They want a man that acts like a man all the time. When they find out about the crossdressing as we see in the posts it is not so bad until later. See the problem with many crossdressers is that they walk a tightrope about wanting to be themselves and caving to the expectations of society. As time goes by (after she finds out) the crossdressing in many marriages escalates to the point that the wife is fed up with it. She had no idea that it was going to go from occasional to often, she had no idea that it was going to go to the bed, she had no idea that large sums of money was going to be spent on clothing and stuff that from her eyes is pointless, she had no idea that the crossdressing was going to be an integral aspect of her marriages sexuality, she had no idea she was going to have a new girlfriend, she had no idea that it was going to be thrust upon her, she had no idea that her husband was going to dress up like a girl and have sex with men and other crossdressers (many do this), she had no idea that she was going to be asked over and over again to participate in the activities.

It is no wonder that the wifes gets fed up with it. IT IS NOT WHAT SHE said "I do" for!!!!!!!!! Wether you like it or not thats the facts. How dare you say it is wrong for a woman to be upset when she finds out about her husband's atypical behavior? How dare you diss her for being upset when she comes to realize that she is not married to a man but actually a TS that is not willing to admit it (because we all know that if you did it would be the kiss of death to the marriage). How dare you?

Finally based on the fact that the vast majority of crossdressers hide in the closet their very own behavior exibits shame. If they were proud of what they do they would not hide. Why would a woman or anyone else support and respect the behavior of crossdressers if they themselves hide thier activities? REally!

[RADER]

Karren:
I thought you where an Engineer, Now you say you clanged into a Pervert?
Did you take classes for this new degree?? LOL
Pythos has a point.
I do believe that some SO go overboard on their refusal to accept their Husband/boyfriend
cross dressing desires. They could at least listen to their love ones on the subject; That is IF they still
love them as before they knew. Maybe their are afraid of embarrassment might come their way.
But that is because my wife is accepting, and now I am spoiled.
Rader

[Pythos]

Let me be clear on this.

This thread is not a "bash the GGs" thread.

It is a thread to get to the heart of the matter and that is the irrational behavior. Even in the case of a TG person hiding this aspect of themselves, the irrational behavior of some of these SOs, is still in my book unwarranted. Especially now a days. When someone gets married, there are many many things the person did not "sign up for", and NO it is not within their "rights" to throw the other person out, when it comes to what is really a harmless activity. The person does not have any right to throw the other's stuff out either.

Why is this behavior in any way justifiable? That is my question really.

Katesback. Your response was nice, until the second paragraph. Why are you saying "how dare you". I dare because this is a serious matter. This is also a very sad matter. I am reading of heartbreak here.

Finally based on the fact that the vast majority of crossdressers hide in the closet their very own behavior exhibits shame

WELL YEA!!! But why do you think some act like it is shameful to crossdress? I hide from my family and aviation because a) I don't like dealing with my mother's irrational behavior, and b) right now, being tg is still considered a mental deficiency by the psychiatry profession. Many cds hide because of the fear of irrational behavior on behalf of those they should trust implicitly.

Please don't get mad at me for asking questions. For wanting answers as to why such behavior is justified. Katesback, the answers you gave work, to an extent. I just wish you did not go off on me in the manner you did in the second paragraph.

[Katesback]

Harmless activity? Have you been to Southern Comfort? I have litereally seen people pull up to the four day event with trailers of crap! I am sorry but some spend so much money on the activity that it is not harmless. Why does someone need 30 pairs of heels when they never leave the house wearing them? Or how about all the sex that happens at these conferences. I have literally talked to crossdressers that say it is not cheating because they are a girl at the conference (meaning they are a different person). The tranny chasers at the conferences get as much sex as they want! Many of these people take the idea of being a woman to the greatest extent possible. Really.

Let me be clear on this.

This thread is not a "bash the GGs" thread.

It is a thread to get to the heart of the matter and that is the irrational behavior. Even in the case of a TG person hiding this aspect of themselves, the irrational behavior of some of these SOs, is still in my book unwarranted. Especially now a days. When someone gets married, there are many many things the person did not "sign up for", and NO it is not within their "rights" to throw the other person out, when it comes to what is really a harmless activity. The person does not have any right to throw the other's stuff out either.

Why is this behavior in any way justifiable? That is my question really.

[Karren H]

Karren:
I thought you where an Engineer, Now you say you clanged into a Pervert?
Did you take classes for this new degree?? LOL

PV 101. Theory and Fundamental....
PV 102... What not supposed to wear......

I had enough extra credits to get a second degree!

[Sandra]

What gets me is the whole selfish behavior thing. If a two women are friends and one has a problem you know the othe would be extremely supportive. Why do our SO(who aren't supportive) tend only to think of themselves. It becomes what happens to ME if someone finds out? Or what will people think of ME if they see you? And other selfish crap like that.

Oh and I suppose it doesn't matter that the cder has been selfish and only thinking of themselves, for maybe years but when the SO has difficulty then it's all their fault.

I get so pissed off at comment like this again putting the blame on the SO.

[Gillian Gigs]

If this thread is to "bash" anything, it should be bashing these poor behaviors and then telling people to grow up and be an adult. Most of what I am reading is a result of immature behavior plain and simple. The old, if I don't get it my way I will take my ball and bat and go home, or I will sit in the corner and pout until I get my way, should have been grown out of us a long long time ago. This is childish behavior at best, and we are all supposed to be adults now. Adults talk, reason things out, and compromise, based on our communication. A marrige is a union of two people, both need to grow up and be mature. Most of us were little boys once, and now we want to be little girls. Just look at the threads about what color, or style are your panties as an example. Grow up and be a lady, be someone of distinction, and make the world a better place.

[kendra_gurl]

Why do our SO(who aren't supportive) tend only to think of themselves. It becomes what happens to ME if someone finds out? Or what will people think of ME if they see you? And other selfish crap like that.

selfish or not those questions are real to them and if we seek their acceptance and support we have to give them the same thing.

Some may say crossdressing is victim less and harmless but it does have an effect on everyone who knows

Pythos: I can understand your logic since you are single. Married couples from time to time do some really stupid things to eachother after weeks, months or years of built up tension about what their SO is doing or saying about a lot of issues. Usually after a cooling off period the makeup makes it all worth while

With all the reasons couples use to give up on their relationship creating a hardship for both themselves and their children and families is it really that difficult to understand why asking a wife to accept and tolorate something that most of us still feel the need to hide from everyone else could lead her to view US as the selfish ones?

I really doubt that those stories you hear about where everything was packed up and on the front porch was caused by a CD who cares as much about his wifes feeling than his own

In a relationship there are always limits and boundries for both and when one exceeds those the other is always gonna blow a gasket for a little while. That is just married life.

[wanagione]

Wow, First Karren why did you call yourself a Pervert? Do you really think that? I hope not. Well, I can see both sides of this. I didn't tell my wife until about 6 years ago. She was really angery and I could understand why. Alot of what Kate said is true. My wife, after alot of talking, has excepted my identification as tg, but I have assured her that I will not transition. IT IS ALOT TO HANDLE for her. I think its the individual SO. I don't agree with the violence or the threats that is not a loving relationship and it really should not be tolerated. If a woman was treated that way by a man she would be out of there and have the law on her side. So I guess the question is , is it worth it to stay in that kind of relationship at all?

[Nigella]

How the devil can you judge how anyone should react in any given situation? To the best of my knowledge you are not ominipotent (sp), you only read what any OP wants you to read, that is a biased story, from the view of one person living the situation. Very rarely do we get to hear from the other person in the situation. In 99.99%of cases this is not the start of any troubles in a relationship, it may be the straw to break a camels back.

For any member here, think before you judge others, are you really qualified to judge someone else, based on a biased few sentences, from someone who IMHO is throwing their dummy out the pram because things are not going their way. Only a person who has lived in this exact situation can offer anything close to an opinion.

[Pythos]

I fully agree, when there are "trailers of crap" or just huge amounts of clothing I can understand. But you know what? I also understand a husband being pissed off at his wife when she spends gobs of money on huge amounts of clothing with items whe will probably only wear once.

with that example we are dealing with a general problem and that is the shopoholic syndrome which some CDs and women seem to suffer.

I don't get the whole "by a dress to wear once" kind of thing. Or the having 100 of pair of shoes, and that sort of non sense. That too is an irational behavior, and is harmful. But CDers are not the only guilty party in that aspect.

When I say a harmless activity, I am talking about the act of someone putting on styles and looks that do not pertain to their birth sex. That's it. I am not talking about the extraneous spending, or selfish behavior.

I am not a supporter of a CD acting selfishly. Believe me, I find those types very harmful to the integrity of our community.

Harmless activity? Have you been to Southern Comfort? I have litereally seen people pull up to the four day event with trailers of crap! I am sorry but some spend so much money on the activity that it is not harmless. Why does someone need 30 pairs of heels when they never leave the house wearing them? Or how about all the sex that happens at these conferences. I have literally talked to crossdressers that say it is not cheating because they are a girl at the conference (meaning they are a different person). The tranny chasers at the conferences get as much sex as they want! Many of these people take the idea of being a woman to the greatest extent possible. Really.

All of the above, I would put in the EXTREMELY HARMFUL category by the way. Especially the justification for cheating.

[Briana90802]

Oh and I suppose it doesn't matter that the cder has been selfish and only thinking of themselves, for maybe years but when the SO has difficulty then it's all their fault.

I get so pissed off at comment like this again putting the blame on the SO.

I can't speak for every CDer but is it self to be gay? Gay men and women sometimes hide themselves because they fear thier loved ones reaction, or loosing that loved one. We hide not only for the same reason but also because of ridicule form society. The one person we love the most and we feel we can open up to sometimes becomes part of that society that we fear so much. At a time when we need love, support and understanding and most importantly friendship, we get nothing.

[Katesback]

The big problem is that nearly all CDs hide and so they perpetuate the negative views of thier behaviors. If they were to come out of the closet and live thier lives as they wish with pride and self respect crossdressing in time would be seen less negative. Basically it is the same story with the gay community but they over time rose up and did go out into the world and today they are seen far less unfavorably than in the past. I myself have rarely ever seen a CD out in the real world so I dont see any changes in the forseeable future.

Its really humerous because I see crossdressers lamenting often about how they are treated but they do NOTHING to stand up and improve thier standing in society. Go figure.

[Pythos]

The big problem is that nearly all CDs hide and so they perpetuate the negative views of thier behaviors. If they were to come out of the closet and live thier lives as they wish with pride and self respect crossdressing in time would be seen less negative

OH great maker Katesback!! Did two worlds collide somewhere.

You and I have a common gripe. The hiding!! and the thinking that if we did not hide Cding would not be such an issue. HAZZAH!!! I completely and utterly agree with what you say. Now the question is, how do we go about it?

[docrobbysherry]

Dee ta da, doh dee ta da, doh dee ta da, doh deee! (Elevator music here!)

Harmless activity? Have you been to Southern Comfort? I have litereally seen people pull up to the four day event with trailers of crap! I am sorry but some spend so much money on the activity that it is not harmless. Why does someone need 30 pairs of heels when they never leave the house wearing them? Or how about all the sex that happens at these conferences. I have literally talked to crossdressers that say it is not cheating because they are a girl at the conference (meaning they are a different person). The tranny chasers at the conferences get as much sex as they want! Many of these people take the idea of being a woman to the greatest extent possible. Really.

Maybe I'm naive, Kate. And, I've only been to the last 2 SCC's. While I'm aware that some CD's tell their SO's they're at a " business convention" in Atlanta, I've seen NONE of the hooking up u describe. I can't even remember talking with attendees that were not straight! Of course, maybe you'd say I just haven't been hit on?

I WILL say that some of the girls DO check in with many huge bags of luggage! And, I myself CAN'T EXPLAIN why I need over 50 pairs of heels and boots!

[wanagione]

Kate, I agree with everything you said. If we would bet out and not be afraid, things would change. The Gay and Lesbian cummunity have great PR and a stong voice. That is what we need too.

[pinto]

Although it's a real shame but I think Katesback is right. CD'ers get up and present yourself and be proud of that what you are. I know it's hard and I am also scared about outing myself - but still she is right. If all CD'ers would be selfconscious enough and don't care about what other people think about them the situation would be different. I am quite sure it would lead to that point that many many more would like to join them. CD'ers get up and arise!!!

[Katesback]

When you go to SCC this year sit in the lounge downstairs. Watch all the tranny chasers and the trans people. Sit there for a while and you will see them going to the elevators and comming back later. You said that you many say they are straight. Well sure they are straight when they are a boy but when they are a girl they often do things they otherwise would not. As I said earlier many see themselves as a different person, a woman. I swear it is shocking how many refer to thier ass as thier vagina. And these are straight CDs. LOL. Go figure.

Aren't u the one who CONSTANTLY laments here, about being walked all over by "the GG"? Even to the extent that when her married boyfriend has had enuff of her, all she has to do is crook her finger at u and you'll come running to serve her EVERY REQUEST!?

And now u can't understand why someone who u see everyday, socialize with, sleep with, and share your entire life with can command that kind of respect over their partner?

If u REALLY wish to understand, just read your old posts!



Maybe I'm naive, Kate. And, I've only been to the last 2 SCC's. While I'm aware that some CD's tell their SO's they're at a " business convention" in Atlanta, I've seen NONE of the hooking up u describe. I can't even remember talking with attendees that were not straight! Of course, maybe you'd say I just haven't been hit on?

I WILL say that some of the girls DO check in with many huge bags of luggage! And, I myself CAN'T EXPLAIN why I need over 50 pairs of heels and boots!

[Pythos]

Doc, I tried to PM you this, but your mailbox is full.

Your bringing up the GG and my past actions seems to suffer from a bit of ignorance.

You may not have read, or I may not have posted.

She came to me for more help.

I told her in no uncertain terms to Sod off. She is no longer a part of my life. I have cut her off.

So a mere crook of her finger will not be enough to get me to "run back to her". It will take MUCH more than that, and I certainly will not run back to her.

Recall, I was very open to her about my cding, I hid nothing from her, and she liked my creative side. She did not like my hiding from my mother, which I perfectly understood.

I would appreciate it if you would remove that reference to the GG you put in my thread.

[kendra_gurl]

If I were gay and I came out everyone would think it only natural for me to be seen with another gay male in public. Since I am a str8 CD how is my comming out to anyone other than my wife going to help her with her feelings about what others perceive about us both?

Katesback: what you said in all the "she had no idea" quotes rings very true. While it may not be the marjority of those who actually post on this site it is very true that sexual hook ups are very common with the crossdressing community who do go out in public. My wife knows that is not what I am looking for. We both enjoy researching about other couples with CD husbands and also enjoy reading erotica involving crossdressing to enhance our times when we do go out. It is very difficult to find anything written that does not eventually lead to the CD "servicing" another male to simulate becomming a real woman.

To everyone here just put yourself in your SO's shoes for 10 minutes. She wants to find out more about her CD husband so she gets on Google and types "Crossdressing" or "Crossdressing Husband". Try that and see what she would find. Is it any wonder why she would not be more worried than more accepting?